new and scared

[helen098 33]

y name is Helen and I have been heavy all my life

A hit puberty (36C over night) at 12 hard stopped breathing (asthma till today hospitalizations, meds, steroids ect for years if not decades now ) lost the weight a few times with pills and will power

I was large but happy…well in 2006 I was diagnosed with state 3 colon cancer after resection, 6 months chemo (had to fight myself to eat) was down to 152

I thought the battle was over I changed my diet, exercised three times a week at the gym (strength and cardio) only eat healthy whole grains but the weight just keep going up And one pound a month no matter what I do I can’t lose the weight

this time it's bothering me a lot i feel fat and don't want to go out at all

Originally went for the non surgical program at nyc but failed that

I am on the liquid diet and have my surgery scheduled for aug 22 but am scared…I have no steady guy my life, parents are dead, and chemo showed me my friends are mostly there for the good times only)

I take care of my retarded brother and feel trapped.

Trapped at work trapped. Trapped at home..trapped on my body…I want to be thinner but am afraid

Don’t know if I will go through with the surgery am kind of scared…any encouragement would be appreciated

[screeden 21]

Wow! You have a lot going on it sounds like. I too was scared when i was told Yes you are covered to have the surgery. I freaked out, started crying and almost backed out. Then I looked at my two boys who are 4 and 5 and thought if I don't do this now, then I might not be here to watch them grow up. I want to have a healthy, long life and I decided that I had to do this for me and for my family. You are the only one who can decide what is best for you. Do this, write down the pros and cons of having the surgery and not having the surgery and go from there. Good luck! What ever you decide will be the right decision for you!

[TKW 501]

I was terrified and feeling some of the things you are feeling (not wanting to go out) . I have always been heavy but very happy, the last few years that happiness has gone away. After 2 - 3 years of contemplating the lap band I finally took the leap and did it. It is very scary but I am so glad I did it. I'd do it agian in a heartbeat.

It is time to start taking care of you, and doing things for you. You sound like a great sister and a very caring person. I don't know your brothers situation but my family has worked with handicapped people for many many years. My mother was the director of a day program for adult mentally handicapped people. She also took in 2 adult women who lived with her for 16 years, she passed away and now they live with my brothers family. They have become part of our family. Sorry, I'm going on, my point is, both these girls have parents, brothers, sisters, grandparents, cousins. Sometimes them best you can do is to set them free. It helps them find their independance. We have a very large handicapped poplulation in the city I live in. There are many, many group homes, foster homes, independent living places, day programs, job opportunities for these individuals.

I'm not suggesting you stop taking care of your brother, I don't know your situation and perhaps that is what you want, but I am suggesting you start taking care of you. You matter too!

Your story really touched me, I wish you luck !!!!

[sworiginal 0]

I don't know what words to say that won't just sound empty. Your story really touched me. I wish there was some way I could really help you. I guess the only thing I can say is that there are people out here in the world who still feel careing for their fellow man is a worthy thing. I care about where you are and what you are going through. I can only imagine. You have so much on your plate. I think the lap band surgery is something you can do for yourself and you need to be good to yourself. You not only deserve it but you need it to be able to continue to care for your brother in a healthy caring way. I hope this is helpful and not just empty words to you.

Email me

y name is Helen and I have been heavy all my life

A hit puberty (36C over night) at 12 hard stopped breathing (asthma till today hospitalizations, meds, steroids ect for years if not decades now ) lost the weight a few times with pills and will power

I was large but happy…well in 2006 I was diagnosed with state 3 colon cancer after resection, 6 months chemo (had to fight myself to eat) was down to 152

I thought the battle was over I changed my diet, exercised three times a week at the gym (strength and cardio) only eat healthy whole grains but the weight just keep going up And one pound a month no matter what I do I can't lose the weight

this time it's bothering me a lot i feel fat and don't want to go out at all

Originally went for the non surgical program at nyc but failed that

I am on the liquid diet and have my surgery scheduled for aug 22 but am scared…I have no steady guy my life, parents are dead, and chemo showed me my friends are mostly there for the good times only)

I take care of my retarded brother and feel trapped.

Trapped at work trapped. Trapped at home..trapped on my body…I want to be thinner but am afraid

Don't know if I will go through with the surgery am kind of scared…any encouragement would be appreciated

[helen098 33]

Still kind of freaking out

I used to be heavy 170-180 and felt real good about myself even at my all time high before this (229 in 1998 I was ok with it) I wore short skirts and low cut tops and people (guys) responded as such

Now I just want to go to work and return home put on my pj’s and eat away from people. I know it’s bad and I need help i want my old life back..before cancer but know that won't happen ever

I thought about this for a long time ( have been going to NYC since last summer)

I am ok with the risks, I know it’s not a magic treatment and I know that I will have to exercise and eat the new way for life and I am ok with it … after cancer I know all about the new normal and while I don’t always like it I understand and can accept it… I am not lazy (no matter what the docs think) I have been working very hard for years and was thrilled when Dr. Stiles (at nyu) told me she believed me and that there was help and hope to lose weight. I have been through 8 surgeries in the last six years

I had 5 surgeries for a anal fistula in addition to the colon resection I had a port (hated it) in my chest and I was never so scared before a surgery. I also have very bad neuropothy in my hands and feet from the chemo and until feb of this year when I found a pain management doc I wouldn’t even have though of doing this as every moment of every day was a nightmare

When I finally decided to have this surgery I felt so calm and happy that I was taking charge of my life

Then once I got the approval paper and went for the pretest I am driving myself nuts

The problem is other than two friends who support my decision to have the surgery no one else knows…I won’t even tell my brother (normal one) and sister in law who live with me as honestly they are not supportive at all of any health issues I have (I could talk for days about what they didn’t do but the best example of how they act is ever day during chemo I worked but left early to come home and have a nape at around 4 pm every night they woke me up at 7:30pm so I could make/serve/clean up dinner for my disabled brother and take care of my dog…when I was craping my brains out (wonder if I can say that here?) and food tasted like I was licking a metal pole I had to get up and cook so they are not going to help when I have this little surgery. I wish my mom was alive so I could talk to her about it.

I know it’s all in my head. I know if I call and cancel the surgery the minute I put the phone down I will regret my actions and will beat myself up for the next year about chickening out , I have a history of making snap decisions and regretting them once I do…

I have spent a lot of time and money on this and I real want to change my life so why as I so scared?

Thanks for listening sorry for the rambling

[MeFirstFinally 2]

"The problem is other than two friends who support my decision to have the surgery no one else knows…I won’t even tell my brother (normal one) and sister in law who live with me as honestly they are not supportive at all of any health issues I have (I could talk for days about what they didn’t do but the best example of how they act is ever day during chemo I worked but left early to come home and have a nape at around 4 pm every night they woke me up at 7:30pm so I could make/serve/clean up dinner for my disabled brother and take care of my dog…when I was craping my brains out (wonder if I can say that here?) and food tasted like I was licking a metal pole I had to get up and cook so they are not going to help when I have this little surgery. I wish my mom was alive so I could talk to her about it.

I know it’s all in my head. I know if I call and cancel the surgery the minute I put the phone down I will regret my actions and will beat myself up for the next year about chickening out , I have a history of making snap decisions and regretting them once I do…"

It is not all in your head. The brother and sil living with you need to do their share or get out. Are they at least helping to pay the bills? Sorry, I have a moochy sister and bil and reading your post made me angry. You need to put yourself first in this instance. Check with your physician's office and see if there is a support group you can join. As a caregiver myself, I know what it is like to feel totally trapped. Please feel free to PM me if you like.

Robbie

[sawana 0]

y name is Helen and I have been heavy all my life

A hit puberty (36C over night) at 12 hard stopped breathing (asthma till today hospitalizations, meds, steroids ect for years if not decades now ) lost the weight a few times with pills and will power

I was large but happy…well in 2006 I was diagnosed with state 3 colon cancer after resection, 6 months chemo (had to fight myself to eat) was down to 152

I thought the battle was over I changed my diet, exercised three times a week at the gym (strength and cardio) only eat healthy whole grains but the weight just keep going up And one pound a month no matter what I do I can't lose the weight

this time it's bothering me a lot i feel fat and don't want to go out at all

Originally went for the non surgical program at nyc but failed that

I am on the liquid diet and have my surgery scheduled for aug 22 but am scared…I have no steady guy my life, parents are dead, and chemo showed me my friends are mostly there for the good times only)

I take care of my retarded brother and feel trapped.

Trapped at work trapped. Trapped at home..trapped on my body…I want to be thinner but am afraid

Don't know if I will go through with the surgery am kind of scared…any encouragement would be appreciated

[Ro-Jae327 4]

Wow! Good luck to you. I was totally freaked out at first, but was super excited about changing my life. I have lots of family and friends that no nothing about the procedure so I too was on my own, so I know how you feel. I also have a 16 month old that I basically take care of on my own. He keeps me going. I think that you have to be a strong person to go through this. It sounds like you already are considering what you have gone through and continue to go through. You will be happy with your decision. I will tell you that it takes time. So please be patient. Remember take it one day at a time. I have to tell myself that everyday.

-Rochelle

[helen098 33]

As we get closed to B DAY I am feeling much better

another birthday i have my first one dec 30, my rebirth day june 6 and now aug 22 ...what should i call it?

I have spent a lot of time reading the posts here and it’s reassuring to know other have felt the same way and are fine now. It’s scary to think you are alone in your feeling and weight lose is a very touchy subject. I absolutely hated when I was told how easy the weight lose was when I was on chemo

…I could kill the dummies…I ended up asking people if they wanted to change places with me so they could by thin and have cancer…but no takers

I am still a little scared (not of the procedure but of what happens next) I am kind of shy and tend to hide behind my weight and also my responsibilities think I should find someone to talk to about this on a long term basis.

One of the things I learned from my cancer journey is that you have to look out for yourself first

If you don’t then you aren’t much help to anyone

I have a lot of issues and am tackling them one by one earlier this year it was finding a solution to the sole crushing pain from the neuropathy now it’s the weight

I know it won’t be easy but most things worth doing aren’t. I have a magnet on my desk this I got after chemo that says never never never give up and I don’t want to give up I want to get more out of life and I think I deserve it…

I was reading one of threads about after you start to lose weight how people treat you differently and some of it’s true but I think mostly is how you feel about yourself and project that to others

When I was younger and heaver I though I looked real good and people responded in kind

When I lost all the weight with chemo and got down to 152 you would have thougt is weight only was the issue that I would have been beating the guys off with a stick but no even though I was thin I was sick and didn’t feel well and that is projected to others and

According to my doc my goal is 158 but I would like to get to 152 again and be healthy this time

I will tell you next week if it’s better or worst then loosing ¼ of your colon.

Sorry for the rambling…..