Keeping Lap Band a Secret

[Cocoabean 430]

If you tell anyone outside of your immediate family, be prepared for word to get around. Tell one person, they tell one person, who tells one person. Next thing you know, everyone knows. People may tell about you to someone because they think they are being helpful. "OH, you are thinking about lapband? So and so has one......Oh, shoot, I wasn't supposed to tell anyone, please don't say anything!"

Word gets around. The only person I did not want knowing was my mother-in-law, and only because she was such a worry wort and fuss budget. So, the whole family knew, but I asked that they not tell her. They understood why. She could barely hear, so we could talk about it at the kitchen table with her sitting there...she'd not be able to follow the conversation.

So, if you want to keep it private, think VERY carefully about the people you share the info with. I am very open about my band. I told someone about it in my office. He travels quite a bit. Next thing I know, I get an email from someone who works in a similar job 90 miles away, "I hear you have a band! Me too!" He'd got to talking to her about her weight-loss. I didn't care, as he was not sworn to secrecy. But word travels, yes, it does!

[rachelmiller1978 3]

I have decided to just keep it to a few people because I have had a few bad experiences with a few close dear friends who I thought would be 100% supportive, when I was researching the procedure. Now it's just my parents, sister, my wonderful husband and a really good friend since we live so far from our families. We are going to need her help with the kiddos.

[cakegirl 12]

I've told some of my friends but not others. I won't keep it secret, but I'm hoping to keep the "pressure" off me for a while. For example, if everyone at my mother's group knew, I could imagine every meetup would become a "Let's ask Rebecca about her weight loss" session... I'd rather just wait until the weight loss is obvious and someone asks me what I did, and then I'll tell them.

I've told my family - DH, mum and dad. My daughter (3yo) knows I'm going to hospital but doesn't know the details. I will tell my in-laws after the operation.

[miamia 1]

Like many of you I am really struggling with this decision to tell people. I have told my brother, my immediate supervisor (had to because of all the pre op tests re time off of work). Other than that I don't know that I really want to tell people. I feel like this is a personal journey, a difficult one. I don't know...I'm weeks away from surgery and still trying to sort this out.

Part of me wants to keep it to myself and part of me wants to share it (not with the world ) but with others who have faced this battle with their weight...to let them know there are options...

[Lilium 2]

I started with telling my siblings and parents. My mom seemed to think that all her relatives should know as it was a surgery, so I let her tell all my aunts and uncles. I wish I would have held her off a bit as some of my uncles seem to think the weight loss will be magic and I will be super skinny the next time they see me.i know it doesn't work that way, but it is exhausting explaining to everyone how it works. In the long run it doesn't matter as they love me no matter what size I am, and I don't see them that often.

I also told the people I'm closest to at work. They have all been very supportive.

When people start noticing the weight loss I plan on telling them that I excercise, eat carefully and about the band. It is likely that many of them know already as word gets around pretty fast. Some will understand that the band is a tool, but I still have to work hard and some will think I took the easy way out. Oh well, I know I am doing this for my health and my mobility and I'm happy with my decision.

[anewchapter 0]

I am a week from surgery and still struggle with this too. Only because I've failed so many times in the past and want to wait and see what happens before I start telling everyone. However there is a part of me that wants to shout it from the roof tops. I haven't even told my room mate yet. She works at a health food store and were not that close, I'll probably tell her cause it will just be easier with recovery, but that's the only reason. Someone posted to be prepared for the word to get around and she is right I think. I told a close friend and also told her I wouldn't be telling everyone and to keep it to herself. She is not someone I thought would have said anything, then the other day she tells me that she was talking to one of my other friends (although we are not close) and told her!!!!! I was really pissed off. It was not her business to tell. So I guess in the long run people will know it's just a matter of when. I think keeping it between a few close friends and family in the start is a good thing. It is a stressful time and we need to make it as stress free as possible.

[PJ384 3]

I told 2 co- workers I was considering having it done and they did not react well to it they insisted I should not do this and that I just needed to try harder to lose weight, if I tried any harder I would weight twice as much as I do now it is all that trying that has gotten me where Iam today all the tries and fails and the endless cycle of brow beating and self recrimination so I never brought it up again and will just let them think I have forgotten about it. I have not told anybody else but my Daughter my Son and my Husband and they are all very supportive of me doing this and that is all I care about let the rest of the world think whatever they like. I really feel with the help of all the wonderful people I have found here and all the good information on this site and with my family behind me I will do just fine.

[Mandy Welch 0]

I know why you wanna hide it. I am only sharing with certain people, because there is a level of discrimination/judgement. People think we chose it as a a "quick fix" or the "easy way out." What about it is EASY?? It is very frusterating. Even me, who is 215 lbs, I have a problem because people don't think I'm "fat enough" for surgery. I hide my weight well, granted, but a healthy weight for me is around 140 to 150 so I am definitely a candidate. Anyway, I understand completely. I am planning on getting my surgery in November and I can't wait!

Hi all! I am having surgery next week and decided to keep it a secret from my friends and family..even my kids..i'm afraid if it doesnt work i'll be embarrassed. Can I hear some success stories and what should I expect ?

[blessedmom2fourkids 0]

I have told my husband, obviously and some of my closest friends. I had mix reactions from others. My husband and sister are very supportive, but my closest friends just don't see me as being big enough for surgery even though my BMI was 40. They aren't anti-surgery, they just would prefer I not have it. I don't share the details. Once my surgery date gets closer I will share with the ones that may notice my absence like my bible study group. I'm not keeping it to myself out of shame, but I too didn't want to hear a lot of others' opinions. I'll tell my dad at the last possible moment to save him the worry. My mom passed after what was supposed to be same day surgery and he still has a bad taste in his mouth from that.

[crash878905 2]

Hi all! I am having surgery next week and decided to keep it a secret from my friends and family..even my kids..i'm afraid if it doesnt work i'll be embarrassed. Can I hear some success stories and what should I expect ?

I tried to keep it from everyone. Eventually it does get out. At one of my jobs, when they found out, they were actually insulted I didn't tell them so they could say a prayer for me! One lady did talk behind my back saying I was young and she was scared for me. And at my other job, I just found out everyone knows but they haven't said anything to me yet, just one person. And he was actually curious about it and asked me questions, which was cool. It turns out, a lot of people think the band is bypass, so it's cool to inform them. If an overweight person asks me about it, I tell them I had the band because I just think, well what if they're thinking about it for themselves? Some of my family doesn't know, and eventually I'll tell them. Before surgery I was dead set on not telling anyone. Some of my friends and family don't like the idea. And you won't be able to change their minds. Just remember, you're doing this for YOU! As long as you know it's right for you, then don't let any other voices in your head.

[BarbaraG 10]

Before the surgery, only my husband and (adult) children knew. After I told only a couple closest friends. I held no-one to secrecy as I am a Pastor's wife and as such live in the proverbial "gold fish bowl". I simply said we are not keeping it a secret but we're also not publicizing it. If someone asks, I tell the truth. So far, I've had total support, at least to my face! LOL!

[sassyfrass 24]

Well, I am divorced so have no dh to tell, but my dear mom knows and she is actually the one who suggested I think about it as she knows how unhappy I am with my roller coaster of weight loss/gains over and over. I get so depressed about it. My sisters and brother know I'm looking into it. My brother's mother in law had it and he is very supportive in me getting it. ..and surely my dad will know eventually. I just know that at first he will be one that's not too supportive of it.... He just doesn't understand how I can't just make up my mind and lose it and keep it off. He just doesn't get that. ..and more than that....I fear he will blab it to others. That's what I don't like about him knowing, but he will have to know before hand. Other than them, just a few of my friends know that I'm planning on it, if all works out with my insurance and they are supportive, except my very best friend has some issues with it, because she has heard negative things, but she KNOWS my weight issues as we've been friends for many years. I think in the end, if I choose to tell her before hand, she will be supportive. There is one gal at my work that had it a few years ago, although she did not have the funds to continue getting fills so she hasn't done much to help herself lose anything more than the first 20 lbs or so. She knows that I'm looking into it because I have asked questions over and over, but she also knows that I'm not putting it out there for the whole office to hear.

I am NOT ashamed of it, but like some others, I just don't want to hear the opinions of those who DO NOT understand the emotional eating/binge eating roller coaster of weight gain all their life. They DO NOT understand what it's like to be a thinner/healthier person inside of a fat and unhealthy body. I do not need them critiquing everything they see me eat.....as they sometimes do now . I don't do well with "food police". I would be under less stress with them not knowing. And I really do not plan on telling the manager/supervisor. I will just tell them I have a dr. appt. for each of the appts. It's none of their business why. And as for the sugery....I have vacation time to take still, so I'll plan it at least 30 days out if all possible. Also, after being banded.....you are not lying when you tell people that you are eating healthier, lesser amounts...etc. That is true. From what I understand, YOU are still the one making the food choices and how much....so even though you have a tool to help you, YOU are the one making the choices that lead to the weight loss, so I won't just automatically tell people I'm banded if my weight loss comes up. Most people I know, also know that I have been a follower of weight watchers for years. I have lost over and over to gain over and over. Now if they flat out ask if I'm banded, I cannot lie, so I will tell them...but also point out that it's all about the food choices I make, just as before. Educate them.

[need2lose2 10]

Hi. My husband, parents, and youngest sibling know about it and i plan to keep it that way. I agree with many here. This journey is mine and some pple can be really judgemental and gossipy. I'm waiting for my surgery date and cannot wait! Good luck to you.

[MsVetRN 41]

I haven't told too many people, either. I just told my 28 yr old daughter today and she was fine with it until I mentioned I was going to Mexico to have it done. Then, she freaked. I assured her it was not going to be out of the surgeon's garage!! Well...now everyone that knows me through her will know...she has a big mouth. Only one co-worker knows and that's only because she, too, had the lap band performed several years ago. I haven't even told my best Friend. She will worry her head off, so I will wait until after the procedure is performed. I have not told any other family members. Its none of their business. I'm actually kind of excited being so "secretive"!

[MsVetRN 41]

I haven't told too many people, either. I just told my 28 yr old daughter today and she was fine with it until I mentioned I was going to Mexico to have it done. Then, she freaked. I assured her it was not going to be out of the surgeon's garage!! Well...now everyone that knows me through her will know...she has a big mouth. Only one co-worker knows and that's only because she, too, had the lap band performed several years ago. I haven't even told my best Friend. She will worry her head off, so I will wait until after the procedure is performed. I have not told any other family members. Its none of their business. I'm actually kind of excited being so "secretive"!