Taking care of myself....and not feeling guilty about it

[JinTx 19]

Lately I have been doing some deep thinking about how my life is going to change after I get banded. And while yes, I want to get banded and become healthier for my family, for my children, for my future grandchildren...I want to become healthy for myself.

For years...so many years I have put myself of the back burner. I think a lot mothers tend to do that. My children come first...my family comes first...everyone's needs come first. And I am not saying it as if I am some sort of awesome selfless person or anything, it's just the way I think.

Everything changed when I found out 6 years ago that my oldest son was autistic. Everything. I used his diagnosis as a crutch for years. With the help of therapy I can say that I today I am ok w/ his autism. When we were going thru the process of getting my son's autism diagnosis I was also pregnant with my youngest son....hmmm...any wonder I gained 75 #s with that one. After we got the diagnosis of autism I immediately began to try to "fix" him. I sacrificed everything for it...my sanity, my health, my finances. Everything. I devoted HOURS upon HOURS researching. I spent the initial couple of years after his diagnosis consumed in another world. At the end of the day I was mentally and physically exhausted. I was too tired to plan a meal for myself, too tired to plan my lunch for the next day, too tired to exercise. Yet, here I was, counting every morsel of food that entered my child's mouth...making sure it had no food coloring, no gluten, all organic...meanwhile I would shove complete crap in my mouth.

These past few months, perhaps even a year I have realized that I have to take control of myself. I have to be selfish. I have to let go. I can't control autism, but I can control what I do and how I react to this. I do think (as does my therapist) that I used autism as a crutch and ate as the easy way out. My world was spinning out of control and I had to take control...and I did just that but in an unhealthy way for myself. I couldn't control my child sitting in the floor screaming in a raging fit...but I could control the twinkie entering my mouth....so much comfort in that (at the time). Just as if someone that is anorexic is in need of control I am/was the same way only I would binge and eat unhealthy junk just because I could. It seems that as time passes my eyes and mind become clearer.

I am so happy to be selfish. My life is depending on it.

Thanks for letting me share.

J

[aliciab 8]

I'm glad you're here and that you've decided to take care of you.

[MustangMama 2]

There is SO much of me in this post its not even funny but I won't hijack it to spill my own version. You are right, JinTx... you are right about all of that and its time that you, me, and every other woman who has gone for years with broken glasses so her kid could have a new pair of Miss Me jeans or the latest video game or that new tv on their rooms - stood up and said, "You know what? .... I AM worth it!" I need to do some things for ME! ...and it doesn't make me a bad person, or selfish... its just putting as much value in yourself- as you place in your loved ones. All those who truly LOVE us, want us to be happy and healthy... they want us to be here for them, to always have the BEST version of ourselves to depend on, love, and cherish. IDK about you... but its about time I gave it to them.

Thank you for taking the time to place your thoughts here. You have helped me more than you will ever know. :huggie:

Lately I have been doing some deep thinking about how my life is going to change after I get banded. And while yes, I want to get banded and become healthier for my family, for my children, for my future grandchildren...I want to become healthy for myself.

For years...so many years I have put myself of the back burner. I think a lot mothers tend to do that. My children come first...my family comes first...everyone's needs come first. And I am not saying it as if I am some sort of awesome selfless person or anything, it's just the way I think.

Everything changed when I found out 6 years ago that my oldest son was autistic. Everything. I used his diagnosis as a crutch for years. With the help of therapy I can say that I today I am ok w/ his autism. When we were going thru the process of getting my son's autism diagnosis I was also pregnant with my youngest son....hmmm...any wonder I gained 75 #s with that one. After we got the diagnosis of autism I immediately began to try to "fix" him. I sacrificed everything for it...my sanity, my health, my finances. Everything. I devoted HOURS upon HOURS researching. I spent the initial couple of years after his diagnosis consumed in another world. At the end of the day I was mentally and physically exhausted. I was too tired to plan a meal for myself, too tired to plan my lunch for the next day, too tired to exercise. Yet, here I was, counting every morsel of food that entered my child's mouth...making sure it had no food coloring, no gluten, all organic...meanwhile I would shove complete crap in my mouth.

These past few months, perhaps even a year I have realized that I have to take control of myself. I have to be selfish. I have to let go. I can't control autism, but I can control what I do and how I react to this. I do think (as does my therapist) that I used autism as a crutch and ate as the easy way out. My world was spinning out of control and I had to take control...and I did just that but in an unhealthy way for myself. I couldn't control my child sitting in the floor screaming in a raging fit...but I could control the twinkie entering my mouth....so much comfort in that (at the time). Just as if someone that is anorexic is in need of control I am/was the same way only I would binge and eat unhealthy junk just because I could. It seems that as time passes my eyes and mind become clearer.

I am so happy to be selfish. My life is depending on it.

Thanks for letting me share.

J

[Snoopyloverny 3]

Omg. How I so relate to these posts as the tears flow down my cheeks. For 14 months and 50 lbs more I put off myself so I could give two chdren more, their needed haircuts not my own which was straggly my teens trip to Germany bc she may never get to experience this again, their very expensive Xmas present while i watched in sadness for myself, going without a bed of my own because it is unaffordable, no bf or adult companion to talk to, so much more. And being home for them more gave me the chance to be near the kitchen which was so readily tempting me! Gosh, when do I wake up and pay some attention to my own needs???!! But in my head like you all, I keep saying it's not my time yet, my life is on hold until my children are grown so my own happiness doesn't matter. So when does one choose to spend time money and attention to theirself.... Thank u for posting!

[klariade 7]

Congrats to you on your decision to be selfish! You DO need to take care of yourself! If you don't take care of yourself, then how can you expect to take care of your children and family? I don't have my own children yet, but had I not had the lap band the possibility of even having children would be slim to none, let alone being able to care for them. I teach several children with Autism, and I understand completely how difficult they can be. I can't imagine having to go through it as a parent, and you sound like a very strong person. Your son is very blessed to have you as his mother!