Struggling, trying to get back on track

[ohjuly7878 20]

Hi all,

I feel like a failure. I was banded waaaay back in August of 2008. I was down about 50 lbs at one point (I only had about 75 lbs total to lose), but now I have gained back 25 of those pounds. I think I am eating AROUND the band rather than WITH the band. As everyone says (and as I am aware), the band is a tool and we have to work with it.

Today I am trying to begin "the rest of my life" and work WITH the band. In addition to getting my head in the right place (which is difficult, but at least I have *experience* doing that and I think I will succeed in that, at least for now), I believe I need to start ANEW with working WITH my band. However I realize.... I don't think I have ever TRULY worked with it. It's either felt wide open (most likely because I was eating only the easy, sliding foods) or too tight (even liquids having trouble going down... I've had to have Fluid removed twice in the past few years).

I'm thinking that I have to plan to eat the "difficult" foods... chew them well and let them sit in the pouch and be mindful of the fullness. But I'm scared, I don't know if I will be able to do this... I would love to hear the nuts and bolts of how others do it. Also, at night, even the "difficult" foods go down easy.... so my plan is to stop eating at 8pm..... but again, I'm scared that I won't be able to do it.

I just feel so out of control and almost convinced that I'm going to slide right back to where I was before, and worse......

[Rachel412 116]

take a deep breath! You don't have too very far to go, you can totally do this. I think that the understanding of how the band works has changed in the past couple of years. There's a link in my sig that talks about what the band should be doing for you, and why it's not really supposed to provide the restriction they used to say it did. I think that'll help you get back into the right mindset of how to best use your tool to help you.

Welcome back to the bandwagon

[keamreeves 0]

I am there with you I lost about 60lbs and I have gained back about 30 and I made an appt to go back and see my surgeon and get back on track. I was banded in june 2009 and I feel like such a loser and I am so frustrated with myself. I still work out but my eating is the biggest problem and I have to get it under control before weight loss becomes a complete loss.

Hi all,

I feel like a failure. I was banded waaaay back in August of 2008. I was down about 50 lbs at one point (I only had about 75 lbs total to lose), but now I have gained back 25 of those pounds. I think I am eating AROUND the band rather than WITH the band. As everyone says (and as I am aware), the band is a tool and we have to work with it.

Today I am trying to begin "the rest of my life" and work WITH the band. In addition to getting my head in the right place (which is difficult, but at least I have *experience* doing that and I think I will succeed in that, at least for now), I believe I need to start ANEW with working WITH my band. However I realize.... I don't think I have ever TRULY worked with it. It's either felt wide open (most likely because I was eating only the easy, sliding foods) or too tight (even liquids having trouble going down... I've had to have Fluid removed twice in the past few years).

I'm thinking that I have to plan to eat the "difficult" foods... chew them well and let them sit in the pouch and be mindful of the fullness. But I'm scared, I don't know if I will be able to do this... I would love to hear the nuts and bolts of how others do it. Also, at night, even the "difficult" foods go down easy.... so my plan is to stop eating at 8pm..... but again, I'm scared that I won't be able to do it.

I just feel so out of control and almost convinced that I'm going to slide right back to where I was before, and worse......

[ieducate2 3]

The website you mentioned is very helpful...thanks!

take a deep breath! You don't have too very far to go, you can totally do this. I think that the understanding of how the band works has changed in the past couple of years. There's a link in my sig that talks about what the band should be doing for you, and why it's not really supposed to provide the restriction they used to say it did. I think that'll help you get back into the right mindset of how to best use your tool to help you.

Welcome back to the bandwagon

[luna02525 0]

I'm with you! I lost half my body weight then started eating around the band, stretched it, went for revision and now I'm nearly 3 months post op doing the same thing--eating around the band. I'm also trying to get back on track, too, and get back to losing weight. My doctor has me on a liquid diet now for 2 weeks so hopefully I will really get it together by the time I get a fill on aug 2.

I've been tracking my calories with myfitnesspal! It's a great tool!

[KEMac 0]

Please don't feel like a failure. I was just at my surgeon's TODAY for the same reasons you're struggling and I was banded a year before you, in July 07. I came to the difficult realization that I had stopped being accountable (about a year ago). I was to the point of maladaptive eating, that's what my doc calls it. I have pretty much existed on Soups, mashed potatoes, ice cream and chips for the last many months. I feel like a failure too. I was in tears in the office this morning and felt like a FOOL. At one point about a month ago I was convinced that I wanted the band OUT. I am so tired of being miserable if I see someone (my family) eating something I can't. I dread going out to eat because it's a total chore to find something that will stay down. But I realized that i USED to go out all the time, I would ordered mostly anything, just eat a small portion of it. Recently though, I gained back some weight because I hadn't been as careful to watch my portions. So what did I do....got a fill. Sure I lost the weight, but was miserable. Not eating much solid food....heartburn all the time etc. I came to the awful realization about 2 weeks ago that I hadn't eaten one bite of fresh fruit or veggie in months because it won't stay down! But I have since come to my senses and realized that I just need to get back on track and starting taking responsibility again. Easy to type.....not so easy to do. Anyway, part of my new attack so to speak...is to reach out to other people with bands for support. So here I am.

[keamreeves 0]

Yes the first to change is taking responsibilty for the problem in the first place so I think we are all taking some big steps here today. The first step in a life time journey.

[ohjuly7878 20]

These posts are all so helpful to read. Thanks to all of you who are posting! Rachel412, your links were very useful and your words extremely comforting and inspiring.

Katemck, let's decide to not feel like failures together!! What you say is so true.... sometimes I get so frustrated that I just want my doctor to give me a massive fill, and then I fantasize that I will punish myself by only having fluids! (Of course, I would sabotage myself that way as well, by having ice cream.)

I grumble to myself about the band sometimes, saying that the healthy foods are the hard ones to eat, while the "bad" foods are easy. (I'm sure we have ALL said that to ourselves many times.) Also, I am sometimes sorry to have the band, since if I could "take responsibility" for my eating, then I wouldn't have needed the band in the first place! I know those statements above are said over and over again by us all.

I guess the truth is somewhere in between. Let's put it this way: I've had the band for almost 4 years and although I've gained back some of what I've lost, I haven't gained it all back. In addition, none of us knows where we would be if we HADN'T gotten the band. The past 4 years have been very difficult for me (divorce, etc); so if I didn't get the band when I did, I probably would have just gone steadily up in weight over that time.

All I can say is that this forum is an inspiration, and I have huge admiration and respect for all those who are here: posting, helping others, and persevering.

[heather3130 0]

i am REALLY struggling too.....I was banded in mexico on April 15th 2011, I lost 9 pounds before surgery and have only lost as of today since surgery 5 pounds. I was at 279 pre op, and am now at 266. I was down to 258 but gained back when I started eating solids. I feel like sometime I can eat WAY too much...but sometimes I cant eat hardly anything. I havent eaten bread but I can eat pasta...I can get down like 6 bites of mac and cheese. Today I ate 1 and a half hamburger patties 4 chunks of cantalope, 4 tablespoons of orzo salad and 4 chips. I feel like I shouldnt be able to eat that much. I dont know what I am doing wrong. I dont feel full when I am eating. I have had 2 fills and am at 6 cc's in a 11 cc band. Should I get another fill? Is this normal? I am SO confused.

[jane55 0]

I can just soooo relate to your frustration--to make a long kind of sick story short and sweet--please get your band CLEARLY x-rayed...I returned over and over and over again to my surgeon for fills and just never felt ANY restriction. Almost 6 months after the initial surgery and my band at maximum fill, everyone in the dr. office confused and almost as frustrated as I was, my surgeon sent me to his wife, an x-ray tech, who was able to get a CLEAR pix of a totally flat overfilled band floating around inside(My band came "undone"). It was such an oddity that the PA from the office was able to negotiate a complete revision paid for by Allergan. It is rare but does happen--I am a freak incident but would suggest better to find out earlier than later when your motivation has ebbed.

i am REALLY struggling too.....I was banded in Mexico on April 15th 2011, I lost 9 pounds before surgery and have only lost as of today since surgery 5 pounds. I was at 279 pre op, and am now at 266. I was down to 258 but gained back when I started eating solids. I feel like sometime I can eat WAY too much...but sometimes I cant eat hardly anything. I havent eaten bread but I can eat Pasta...I can get down like 6 bites of mac and cheese. Today I ate 1 and a half hamburger patties 4 chunks of cantalope, 4 tablespoons of orzo salad and 4 chips. I feel like I shouldnt be able to eat that much. I dont know what I am doing wrong. I dont feel full when I am eating. I have had 2 fills and am at 6 cc's in a 11 cc band. Should I get another fill? Is this normal? I am SO confused.

[dawnydoright 0]

OhJuly, and everyone else - thanks soooo much for these posts! I have been lost for months now and now have gained almost 20 lbs. I seem almost determined to sabotage this and I don't know why. I'm frustrated and angry with myself and now am fighting against a nagging depression. I just want this to work. It leaves me feeling like such a failure. Although I know I need to go back to my surgeon, I'm ashamed to. He's been very patient with me and has tried everything, but I know the problem is with me, not with the band. I feel like I should be able to do this, and I just can't. After reading your posts, I do feel more motivated to at least TRY! A little at a time. I"m thinking of going back to the very beginning starting with liquids, mushies, etc. just so I can behave like a bander and know that it's still there trying to work with me. But then I worry that I would be going to far doing that, that it would only allow me to "cheat" and give up. I don't know, but I know I have to do something. We're rounding back to the holidays again and that is unnerving to me too. But my 3 year anniversary is in March and I just want to see some progress by then. I want to see myself at least back to where I was way back when. I'm just going to try! Thanks you guys. I want to keep eachother posted on this journey. It means so much to know that I"m not fighting this alone.

I can just soooo relate to your frustration--to make a long kind of sick story short and sweet--please get your band CLEARLY x-rayed...I returned over and over and over again to my surgeon for fills and just never felt ANY restriction. Almost 6 months after the initial surgery and my band at maximum fill, everyone in the dr. office confused and almost as frustrated as I was, my surgeon sent me to his wife, an x-ray tech, who was able to get a CLEAR pix of a totally flat overfilled band floating around inside(My band came "undone"). It was such an oddity that the PA from the office was able to negotiate a complete revision paid for by Allergan. It is rare but does happen--I am a freak incident but would suggest better to find out earlier than later when your motivation has ebbed.