Feeling guilty about giving advice

[Banded14yr 2]

I only told two people (both men) I work with that I had lapband surgery.

A woman I work with emailed me last week saying that I have been such an inspiration to her after losing alot of weight. She said that she is miserable and wants to know how I got started and how I've been able to lose so much weight and keep it off.

*sigh* this has been very difficult for me because I feel like I'm lying to her.

How have some of you helped others that have come to you seeking advice about weight loss and they don't know you've been banded, and you don't want them to know?

[banded_for_life 2]

That's a toughie, but if this woman seems genuine, I would tell her with her promise that she wouldn't reveal that information to anyone. This would have to be your decision. I told everyone I could think of, I was just so happy about it.

[divaliciousdee 0]

Well I would tell her that I made a decision to get the weight off. I would explain to her about the 3-4oz of food at a time. Tell her everything that you are doing without revealing about your band. Getting your Water in, exercising etc. I agree with Keri too if she is genuine tell her but then again I don't know sometimes people change when they realize how you really did it. It is up to you. I would have to feel her out before I own up to anything. In my personal life now I only give out name rank and serial number. LOL I have many people who ask me how I am doing it. I tell them one day at a time.

[NJChick 3]

Oh Tricia, thats rough. You really need to follow your gut on this one (no pun intended). Just tell her your eating healthy and in smaller amounts, include lots of Water and exercise and leave it at that.

I personally don't like telling people I have the band, to me it was and is a very personal decision and I don't need people looking at me thru a magnifying glass.

Good luck.

[TommyO 5]

Tricia, please be honest and tell this person about your solution. The Lap Band is a tool to help in weight loss and weight mantenance, you have taken advantage of this tool and the results have been great. I would suggest that you ask this person to keep your words in confidence, but be honest.

I have told very few people but I am not hiding the surgery. most people who ask about your weight loss are making casual conversation and those people don't need to know the option you have chosen. Some people however may need your help and who would be a better person to inform them of the options then you.

Cheers and good luck

[Zoe 6]

I guess I agree with Keri and Tommy. If most people ask me how I lost weight, I laugh and tell them, "very slowly." My close friends and family all know about my band. When a sincere acquaintance who is seriously overweight asks, I tell. Two people I know are getting bands later this year, at least partly because they saw that I lost weight without giving up my regular life. While I'm not exactly a Lap-Band poster child -- I'd still like to lose another 30 lbs. or so, and I'm terrible about eating sweets -- I think some people figure that if I can succeed, they can too. I never thought I'd be a weight-loss role model for anyone, but I think that so many people see nothing but diet failures that even small victories are to be celebrated.

On the other hand, when someone I don't know well who's not especially heavy asks me, just out of curiosity, I stick with Dee's method -- name, rank, and not even my serial number.

[HarleyNana 10]

Hey, I'd tell her the truth, but then I haven't held back at all to anyone about my surgery. After all, how many people have the "guts" it takes to do what we've done, not to mention pay for it, LOL. Surgery, regardless of what kind is NOT the easy way out.

Congratulations on being a roll model to your coworker.

[vinesqueen 2]

I would be open and honest. I would not tell someone that it was just smaller portions and more Water, etc, without telling them about the band. I wouldn't feel honest. But that's just me.

But what do I know? I've only lost a net of 15 pounds in 10 months. It's not like I'm in any danger of anyone asking me how I lost weight.

[ReneBean 3]

I understand your reluctance to tell - I really do. However, if this woman is MO and she is genuinely seeking assistance, you have to tell her.

Not telling her reinforces the concepts that: WLS is wrong, is the "easy way out", is for the weak.

If you don't offer your real solution, you will be accepting these ideas.

Are you truly ashamed that you had surgery? Do you think it was wrong? I don't. I think you just realistically assessed your ability (and most other people's ability) to maintain a healthy weight without help, and then you got yourself the tool that you need to be successful. You were strong enough to take the risks of surgery for the benefit to your health. Strong enough to change your life dramatically in order to do what is best for you and your family. If your friend is MO - then you really need to tell her.

2/3rds of the population of the US is overweight - and the number of MO people has sky-rocketed. The world we live in does NOT promote healthy eating, the computer society does NOT promote exercise and the media points out to us everday that we are inadequate if we don't have the ability to lose weight "without drugs or surgery". To tell your friend that you are doing it by strength of will alone will only make her more miserable when she fails (as we all have, repeatedly) to lose, or to keep the weight off.

If she is MO, and she is genuinely seeking help - please tell her. If she is just asking from curiosity - then keep your secret.

I'll bet if she is MO and you tell her the truth - she won't spread it around.

[lianna 3]

This is "a woman you work with". A coworker is not the same thing as a friend, you do not have a level of trust as a foundation for revealing something as personal as WLS. Since you say you have only told 2 people you work with about your surgery I assume that you dont feel comfortable having everyone know. That is your choice. That is what felt right for YOU. Some people do want to shout it from the rooftops and share this with everyone that asks, and I dont blame them...it is a wonderful thing, but that is not MY way. This is MY life and some things I just dont think are anyone elses business. This was a very private and personal decision for me. So NO, I dont think you have any kind of obligation to tell her about your band and no reason at all to feel guilty either.

[La_madam 20]

I'm the opposite. I tell anyone and everyone who asks the truth about my band. I want the word out, I want as much publicity out abou the band as possible..it is such a great tool..I want ot help as many as I can and honestly I have sent several to MX for thesurgery and several who have been approved by their insurance. I have changed the lives of so many people with their new bands that I am seriously thinking of starting my own local support group at my restaurant for those who have been banded because of me God knows I need the support now that Iam bandless

[Jachut 487]

Well I told everyone anyway. I dont care if anyone thinks its cheating, I know the work I'm putting into this.

But in that situation, I would tell her and swear her to secrecy. I couldnt ever manage to do this on my own preband and I would have sat round waiting forever for that epiphany that they always talk about in success stories, so I'd think it was highly unfair to lead someone else to believe that it is that easy. And we know that statitically she is NOT likely to lose her weight and keep it off. So share with her this marvellous invention and perhaps help her to make a decision that really will change her life. She's a fellow human being in the same plight as you were yourself, I'm sure she'll be thankful for your honesty and will honour your secret.

[DeLarla 22]

Stick with your instincts. You don't have to tell anyone you're banded, and you don't have to feel guilty.

[pugmum 0]

I've been thinking whether I am going to tell people when I get banded and I think I will. I guess mainly because whenever I have asked people how they are losing weight, I've wondered, "why am I not able to be that successful, what do they have that I do not? Strength? Willpower? What?" So, I don't want other people to feel like other people can do something they cannot. Otherwise, I would want to keep it private also. Having said that, I guess I wouldn't want thin people to know! I would feel judged. Geez, I have no clue!

Kelli

[CCBSTX 0]

Go with your gut! Shawn