Pride vs. Shame

[MeganA 35]

I've been thinking a lot about this the last few days. I went to my counselor last week and I was recounting an event that happened the weekend before with my brother's friends. They treat me differently and flirt with me while before they were always kind but distant. This makes me feel strange.

My extended family tells me every time they see me how fantastic I look and that I have a glow about me now. Strangers tell me that they love my hair or that I have beautiful eyes. This REALLY makes me feel strange.

All of the attention- from men or women- I receive now is wonderful, but again, it makes me feel strange.

I think I figured out what "strange" really is.

I used to be so ashamed of myself. I was always looking inward and judging myself more than anyone could ever judge me. I felt so much shame.

Now, I feel pride. Pride is a new feeling for me and I am uncomfortable. I have also found that some people are uncomfortable with me feeling prideful. Huh? I know! I have some friends who get squeemish when I tell them about something exciting that happened to me...it's almost like they would rather not hear it. So, I've stopped telling the people that react that way to me things. I thought it was me- was I getting a high and mighty attitude about myself? Was I braging? No- I was just trying to process this new feeling, that's all.

What I have discovered is this. Shame looks inward and sucks the life right out of you. Pride looks outward and fills you up.

Megan

[Kelliebelly 13]

I used to be so ashamed of myself. I was always looking inward and judging myself more than anyone could ever judge me. I felt so much shame.

Now, I feel pride. Pride is a new feeling for me and I am uncomfortable. I have also found that some people are uncomfortable with me feeling prideful. Huh? I know! I have some friends who get squeemish when I tell them about something exciting that happened to me...it's almost like they would rather not hear it. So, I've stopped telling the people that react that way to me things. I thought it was me- was I getting a high and mighty attitude about myself? Was I braging? No- I was just trying to process this new feeling, that's all.

I loved your post, especially the above part. I could have written it myself. Certain "friends"come into mind when I read it. I have actually stopped and thought...do they think I am braging because that is how I feel they feel. I just get so excited, especially when I reach a mini goal or NSV and I want to share it with my friends, but alot of them really dont seem to want to hear it.

Thanks for your post...From me its all DITTO!!! Especially the new feeling of pride, hopefully one day we can embrace it.

[divaliciousdee 0]

AMen Megan Girlfriend AMen!! I feel you. I have been beating myself up for years over my facial deformity and my weight. Now that my weight is finally a non issue because of the band and I am finally embracing my beauty I feel better about myself. I have 'friends' who seem to want the old low self esteem me back. I think I make them uncomfortable now. I see guys that are noticing me now and I know they were not before the band.Or maybe it is because I love the way I look, I look happy and self assured. I have lost 44lbs so far and I am still a bit off from my goal but I know that it is attainable. Embrace you, and love you. You do have a lovely smile, you are a hottie! Now do tha' dang thang!!!

[vinesqueen 2]

Now you are getting it! I'm so proud of all y'all!

The only time I've been really uncomfortable with my weight was walking into a gym class where the room is filled with skinny minnies and all the walls are lined with mirrors. But funny, hmm, dance classes never made me feel this way. Hmmm. Anyway, I suppose because when I was 18, I accepted that I would probably be fat my entire life. My mother was/is MO and she was always desperately dieting but never successful.

Well, except for at my biggest, because that was when I was sickest with my asthma, strangers have always complemented me on my hair, or something about me. Perhaps it is because of the rule of three, what you put out you get back threefold. You see, I try to give three complements to strangers, complents from the heart.

But I have noticed that because I'm not so sick, because I feel like "me" men flirt with me, folks hold the door for me, and women complent my hair.

I really am so proud of you guys! Now you are starting to understand!

[NJChick 3]

Maybe we are noticing these things because we no longer walk with our eyes glued to the sidewalk.

If your 300 lbs or 150 lbs, walk with your head held high, smile at folks and you'll see people smiling back at you.

[mousecrazy 2]

Great thread! I think if we have more discussion on these issues, and less on stuck scales, we would solve both problems! I'm bursting with pride for all of you! Divalicious, special comment to you: your transformation is simply amazing, and I love your "voice." I think "Do tha' dang thing" will be my new motto! When you write, I feel like I'm sitting in a room talking with you.

Everyone! Heads up, eyes front, and a little sashay in the step won't hurt!

[gentlespirit 1]

"If your 300 lbs or 150 lbs, walk with your head held high, smile at folks and you'll see people smiling back at you."

I think Eileen is right. I read somewhere that people notice the smile more than anything, and I've always felt that no matter what my size, I meet people with a smile and they respond and remember me for that.

I know I've mentioned it before, but if you get a chance to read a book called "Making It Big" by Jean DuCoffe & Sherry Cohen, it's a great book that talks about this very issue...pride in ourselves and the way we look. It's aimed at people over size 16, but the principles are the same no matter what size we are, It really helped me to become proud of myself even before I decided to have this surgery (which was more for health reasons than for appearance issues). I read it over about every six months just to remind myself. I know they have the book on half.com and often on ebay really cheap.

I love it that you are proud of yourself, Megan! You should be! And the "friends" that are uncomfortable with your blossoming self are not REAL friends. Real friends rejoice with you and share your pride!

There is nothing like a man you don't know flirting with you or holding the door for you and smiling--really noticing you--to boost that self esteem. Enjoy every second of it...you've earned it!!!

Emily

[Jessiebear 2]

I'm just beginning to notice some of these same things. Our lives are changing in many ways.

[jqpublic 1]

Weight Isssue, This is only my opinion,people that are on the heaver side tend to be self-conscious or low self-esteem "I know I was! and people tend to treat obease people different. 2nd class "I may have been FAT but deep down I was still good looking at (least in my own mind.)

I was seeing a Doctor about my arm shoulder we were talking, he stopped what he was doing and told me that I was FAT, he was small in size then me but he was over weight FAT too! so I kindly told him to look into the mirror buddy because you are to!

that was the only time I have ever been so hurt and mad at the same time. said some thing.

If you really stop and think about life,think about your weight and how weight holds you back! from your on body's ability to pick your self up sure you would like to go for a walk but your back hurts, knee's hurt and all the many problems that go along with being over weight. sure you like to run next to your kidds playing with them chasing them around the yard but weight holds us back. Im happy you feel great and are picking and holding your heads UP!

Im just learning that, now that Im out of (prison with my weight) I can run freely with my kidds I can join in there fun after losing all my weight I now no that there is nothing that can stop me on any thing! I CAN DO ANY THING!

and my main focus is to stay healthy for my self and my kidds.

I refuse to be fat again to be in bondge! if i have to walk every day swim bike what ever! I will do it.

Im so proud of my self that I have lost weight, and proud of all of you guy's even if you lost ten pounds or hundred more your taking back your LIFE!

keep the fight going for your self and the family that love's you! lose the weight at all cost.

[paula 4]

I think if we have more discussion on these issues, and less on stuck scales, we would solve both problems

AMEN!

Megan, I love this thread.

I can relate too. Funny how we are used to people looking at us then judging if they need to move out of our way. The looks are definately different NOW!

I never realized how much my weight had me in a shell.

[dylansmom 27]

I LOVE this thread because it rings so true for me.

I had a guy come through my line at Walmart the other night and flirt with me - and I honestly didn't know how to respond. I was all flustered and the only thing I could do was shut him down.

I basically said that I have been married for 10 years and have a 2 1/2 year old son and that they are enough for me. I just didn't know what else to say. It was so weird for me.

The joy of being alive - I can deal with. Experiencing new and exciting things in my life - I can deal with. But having guys flirting with me - don't even go there bubba!

[paula 4]

But having guys flirting with me - don't even go there bubba!

Kelly - you make me laugh!

THe other day we had gone to the store. Mike and the kids were a good way behind me. When he caught up to me, he said, "you know, THAT guy turned around and looked at your ass".

So this is a new experience for the other half as well as us.

[cissy 0]

I read somewhere that people notice the smile more than anything, and I've always felt that no matter what my size, I meet people with a smile and they respond and remember me for that.

Emily, I think you are dead on with this sentiment. I have noticed since I have lost some weight, I feel better about myself, and I smile more. People have noticed that and tell me, you seem so happy now. It's because I am!

Megan, don't feel uncomfortable when people pay more attention to you than they did before. They have a right to. You're beautiful! And in the words of Diddy from the Proactiv infomercial, you gotta preserve your sexy!:dance: