Punishing myself? Sabotaging myself? Testing my band? PLEASE help. :(

[aroundthetown 8]

how are you doing today? Was it a better day? I'd also like to say that your post, and the positive responses you received from all the people on this board made me extremely happy. This is the way I envisioned this board working! As a forum for support, not as a place to snark at other people. I'm proud of you for sharing, and for the people who responded thoughtfully and helpfully! I really hope you are doing okay. I was thinking about you a lot today.

[roziecakes 20]

I love this quote in your signature: If you mess up, your next chance to change is your next meal!

That's awesome!

[aroundthetown 8]

Thanks! That's my motto I'm not perfect, and I occasionally fall back on bad behaviors, but what I'm trying to do is to stop one failure from becoming 3 weeks of bingeing. So far so good!

[bandongal 0]

You are quite "normal" I think. I did not have any restriction much until I had a couple of fills. I was scared for months so did not "Test" my band then slowly as the weight came off I did try more and more new things and now with 7.5 in a 10 cc band can eat most things and may get another fill. I am an emotional eater as I figure most of us here are and it is hard , even though I am much lighter now and within goal. It will always be a struggle I think. BUT I can do it and you can too

[amjcal 5]

I think you are doing a great job... This is a learning experience, for all of us. In order to learn we have to make mistakes. This has been a hard week for me too. I have a friend staying with me, so there are five kids in the house ( which means someone is always hungry). My girls are asking me everyday when can you eat sugar again, as she runs an Oreo cookie in front of my nose. My parents health is going down the drain. Plus I haven't seen my husband since March, so I can't go make a grilled cheese sandwich(my fav comfort food) and actually enjoy something when life seems to throw some curve balls. I can not use food anymore to help me cope. I am trying to find things to do, places to go ways to get over feeling hungry because of emotional pain. And having a slight problem not being super grouchy to everyone I see. I have held my tongue more times in the last 3 weeks then ever before. This is what I do: I write positive affirmations on note cards and put them on my bathroom mirror, read them over and over and it helps me get through the day, night whatever. Then I jump on the once dreaded scale and say okay Lost (x) amount of weight I can do this. Then by this time I have lost the hunger feeling. I move on with my day. I do find it hard to see my family enjoy such a hearty meal, while I eat mine on a saucer (usually fish of some sort) and its a few bites. By the way can you eat too much fish? Girl we are on our way to a healthier life. We can all do this!! Don;t feel guilty, from previous diets when I felt guilty I just ate more.. "nothing tastes as good as thin feels"

Good Luck !!

[RedheadGirl 2]

You guys are amazing. I pretty much have isolated myself this past week with everything going on and haven't even been on the boards. I feel like I don't have a band. I am eating EXACTLY like I used too. Honest, I can down any food I want with no restriction. I'm overeating. I have been eating candy and chips and fast food etc... I don't want too... however I feel like because I "can" I should. I get my first fill on Aug. 9th. I can't wait. I'm hoping it will bring me back to how I was during week one with feeling the band actually in me. The only thing different from before surgery to now is I'm not drinking diet coke . I'm eating large meals and supporting my sorry 430 lb body. I'm guessing I'm back to 430...haven't weighed. Every time I try and eat the small servings that everyone else is eating I am so hungry. It does nothing for me. I'm wondering if I should just do some type of diet ? I am SOO sick of diets though. I'm just so disapointed that I'm one of the few that can eat whatever and however much I want. I just feel like it's not fair. I don't understand. It's still been a bad week and I'm really trying hard to hang in there. I just wish my body would prevent me from eating to much. I did this surgery and paid out of pocket 6200.00 bucks so I could finally lose weight.

Thankyou SOOO much for every single comment on here! I took in every single word. <3

[Jess55 97]

The band is not going to stop you from eating Cookies, candy and sweets. YOU have to control that. I eat them (if they are at work, I don't bring it into my house) but I moderate it and I add it into my daily calories. Even if you can eat what you did pre band, you shouldnt. I know you don't have restriction yet but you need to try. The band is not going to do everything.8. It is ok to be a little hungry. If your hungry drink, that helps me a lot. You can do this!

[Jack 855]

great post Redhead!!!

Our postOp journey takes us through many lands; my own sudden realization of how overeating was related to emotional crisis was quite a surprise.

Yes, having a therapist can help in our journey. Seek one out. LBT for me was an incredibly rich resource for learning what others had encountered.

I found an interesting conflict in my own binging. The notion of responding to stress/pain/conflict/confusion/anger by overeating, or by just eating without being hungry, was my defense in a hostile world. The odd thing was, while pretending the allure of marvelous food, dragged me unwillingly into overeating, the sense of 'control' while swallowing, justified the act of overeating....although that isn't what I started the binge feeling, that was where I arrived after suffering many episodes. Eventually, that gnawing hunger that never left and was never satisfied regardless of what/how much I crammed down, responded magnificently, to the Band.

With the realization that I could respond to emotional crisis without overeating, and that the 'fear' of becoming hungry was not a catastrophe, my postOp journey become a kind of Paradise Regained.

We all go through many phases in our journey. Just keep moving the the direction you want to go and don't worry about the small stuff. When you get a rock in your boot, take it out; when you come to an obstacle, remind yourself that Water always makes it to the sea regardless. You can do it.

Cheers in your journey

[54Shirley 105]

Have you ever been checked out on Fluoroscope? It's not painful at all.... It's like a x-ray machine for your organs. They use it to see how your band is doing.

Mine was deflated, But was thought to have blown, it was not ! Amen ! ! ! They found that out with the machine. It showed the band to be in good shape, and rite on the table, under the scope, she filled me to my fill line. That was it.... No more Hunger Beast driving me up the wall !

Instead,, About every 5 or 6 hrs. I got this little urge that I had to figure out, that it meant I was Hungry....

No Regrets on having it done this way at all.

Maybe you can talk to your Dr., and see if they can check you out with the Fluoroscope. Once they see what's going on,,, they know what to do for you...

Now Love is a two way street ! So you have to do your part in this too. If and when you do? You will find a wonderful relationship between you and your band.

Good Health to you, Shirley.

[Snoopyloverny 3]

Redhead, though I have never been married, I have lived with an abuser for 3 yrs in my early life. It takes strength to get out. Obviously u think u deserve better than that. Good for you. Don't worry about ur ex with these other girls, at least u know the one secret about him they don't that has saved YOUR life! Believe me, they will find out and even if they never do, they just got " played". He will suffer in the end when he catches an STD for his reckless behavior.

Ask yourself, why did u get the LB? Would you pay that much for a junky car that only works half of the time? It sounds to me that u wanted to start fresh, a new YOU. So first u may need a more restrictive fill?! Second the best revenge you canhave on him is getting thinner and more beautiful and attracting men again. B/c when he sees that he will try to come back as well. Too late buddy! Right now he knows he can get to u by dating these girls and knowing it hurts u. U show him it doesn't hurt by doing the very thing u got the band for, each time you lose more weight you can say, "ha take that" it's the best way to show him he can't hurt u anymore, w/ or w/out u! He still has power over you but u gotta release that power and show him that he can't hurt you anymore. I guarantee as you get thinner, the tables will turn on him when he sees u r turning heads too! Jealousy And regret may be his only lesson to learn. Can on that bandwagon and show him what u got, beauty inside and out!

[saints=love 1]

why dont you go to a support group if he's being a player damn him I dont know your whole marriage story but while your hurting yourself he's out man whoring! you dont need anyone like that why would you let it interrupt what your doing your trying to better yourself for you noone else think about that if your pissed off take it out at the gym there's so many different options rather than self sabotaging yoursel I'll be praying for you<3

[goinforhealthy 0]

Hey there,

I also got divorced from my ex because of abusiveness. After getting my collarbone broken and being punched in the head while holding our 9 month old I decided to leave after seven years. It was hard, still is to be honest. I am remarried with three more kids and very happy with my husband but my ex seems to have that psychological hold, the..."your fat, your never gonna be good enough hold". After becoming a christian I realized that he no longer has that hold on me. I CHOSE NOT TO FEEL THAT WAY. NO ONE CAN "MAKE" YOU FEEL A CERTAIN EMOTION. It is hard, but cry, pray, journal and listen to songs that lift you up.

I too am struggling with eating at 10 days post op. I want nothing more than to go grab a big burger or tj's and eat eat eat. My life has always been about eating. Eating when I am sad, happy, bored. Everything. I have five kids (stepson included) and I am a teacher. I keep thinking to myself, can I really do this? AND THEN, I read all of your success stories and know that I have been through hell and back and I CAN do this. Nothing worth having is ever easy to get!! is it worth it? you bet YOU ARE!!

[goinforhealthy 0]

BTW I am self pay too and I think that puts on some added pressure. I spent over 11,000 and its hard! But just know that strangers are here for you!!