Punishing myself? Sabotaging myself? Testing my band? PLEASE help. :(

[RedheadGirl 2]

I'm almost 3 weeks post-op and I've had three seperate times now where I have ate til I am sooo uncomfortably full.. Tonight I hit the fast food and I bought LOTS of food. Basically like I would of prior to surgery for a binge. I ate a lot, I'm surprised at what and how much I can get down. Of course now I sit here so full and feel horrible and regret it. Why am I doing this to myself? I was a self-pay so I'm shocked that my "old" behaviors are already tempting me and I'm acting on them. I've been able to eat very well since week 2. I'm able to take in over 2 cups of food at one time. I'd type in what I ate tonight but honestly I'd be embarassed at the amount. I'm just wondering if for ONE there is something wrong with me that I'm able to eat LARGE amounts right now?? Is anyone else able to do this before their first fill? Any encouragement or beat downs? Advice?

I will say this.... just found out my divorce is final. My car broke down and I need 4,000 bucks for a transmission and my now ex-husband is acting like a player and dating a lot of girls and they all think he is prince charming and it hurts. All this equals wanting to punish or hurt myself with food and instead of doing what I shouldn't do... I'm doing it. Just feel lost, alone and helpless right now.

[aroundthetown 8]

I am so sorry to hear about your divorce. Even if you wanted the divorce it still must be very painful. I can still eat an awful lot of food too. But I'm trying really hard not to. Do you have a good therapist to talk to? I can't stress how important it was for me to get a therapist and talk to her about my binge eating disorder. Don't beat yourself up, just do better tomorrow. That's all we can do. Try to have more good days than bad. Hugs to you!

[RedheadGirl 2]

Thankyou for the sympathy. It is hard. I did want it, BUT only because he wouldn't stop being abusive. I figured I might as well be honest and the other part of all this is it hurts because as he is looking like such a great guy and treating all these other girls so good he was abusive to me. I hate that I had to leave him and he is charming every other girl. So while he is being a social dating butterfly I sit at home alone after surgery and eat. Just a bad night... thanks for listening. I'll try again tomorrow.

I am so sorry to hear about your divorce. Even if you wanted the divorce it still must be very painful. I can still eat an awful lot of food too. But I'm trying really hard not to. Do you have a good therapist to talk to? I can't stress how important it was for me to get a therapist and talk to her about my binge eating disorder. Don't beat yourself up, just do better tomorrow. That's all we can do. Try to have more good days than bad. Hugs to you!

[Kimiky 5]

Hey friend, don't give up! Now is the time to make the next right choice. Take them one at a time. Its so easy to go to the familiar when times get tough, but remember. Insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results! It doesnt hurt the ex back you're hurting yourself. It only hurts you, and your hurting enough from all these outside sources.

You have been such an encouragement to me in previous post. Dont let a night of bad choices tear you down. You can do this! You are an overcomer! Look what you have already made it through in your life! SO what if the ex is out there ho'n himself to any desperate girl that comes along... You know YOU are worth more than that.

I dont know anything about it being too much for your stomach to hold, but I know its too much emotionally for you to hold on to, and pushing it down in your gut and shoving food on top doesnt make the feelings go away. (of course you already know this) So brew you a cup of hot tea, turn on some soft music, cry your eyes out and journal about how valuable YOU are and what YOU are doing right for yourself. Keep your focus, dont give up, forgive yourself, and start over.

I know i dont know you, but these are the things I have to tell myself on a regular basis. YOU are worth doing this for.

Kim

I'm almost 3 weeks post-op and I've had three seperate times now where I have ate til I am sooo uncomfortably full.. Tonight I hit the fast food and I bought LOTS of food. Basically like I would of prior to surgery for a binge. I ate a lot, I'm surprised at what and how much I can get down. Of course now I sit here so full and feel horrible and regret it. Why am I doing this to myself? I was a self-pay so I'm shocked that my "old" behaviors are already tempting me and I'm acting on them. I've been able to eat very well since week 2. I'm able to take in over 2 cups of food at one time. I'd type in what I ate tonight but honestly I'd be embarassed at the amount. I'm just wondering if for ONE there is something wrong with me that I'm able to eat LARGE amounts right now?? Is anyone else able to do this before their first fill? Any encouragement or beat downs? Advice?

I will say this.... just found out my divorce is final. My car broke down and I need 4,000 bucks for a transmission and my now ex-husband is acting like a player and dating a lot of girls and they all think he is prince charming and it hurts. All this equals wanting to punish or hurt myself with food and instead of doing what I shouldn't do... I'm doing it. Just feel lost, alone and helpless right now.

[CheckYes 46]

So you've had the guts and strength to leave an abuser and now you are abusing yourself? Come on! You are worth more than that! You can do this.

Perhaps therapy would help. I'm in therapy and it has helped me a ton. If you can't afford therapy, how about an Overeaters Anonymous or food Addicts Anonymous group (if you identify as such). You should start building a good support system.

Again, you are worth more than you are giving yourself. You deserve the life you want. We all do!

[nurse535 30]

I just wrote you a long reply that got eaten by the computer when I tried to backspace to fix a typo. The short version is, I am very sorry you are feeling the way you are right now. You are not alone in your feelings. My ex left me for a woman he'd known a week when I was 7 months pregnant with our 4th child; it was devastating. It's so hard to see someone we love going on in their lives without us. It sounds like your ex is an abusive, manipulative jerk, and I assure you his true self will be revealed to whatever women he's charming at the moment. Sadly, some of them will probably be so weak they will allow his mistreatment. I am SO proud of you for getting yourself out of that situation.

My suggestion is to make a list of about 10 things that you can do rather than eat when the urge to emotional eat strikes you. Then commit to doing one of those activities for a minimum of 20 minutes before you allow yourself to eat anything. By that time, you'll either be distracted and not want to eat any more, or you'll know you're really hungry and you can make better choices about what you eat. I've been doing this myself since my pre-op diet started, because I was so hungry and hating going without food. It's helped me differentiate between real hunger and head hunger.

Once you have some fill in your band, you will have the negative consequences of overeating to help keep you from doing it, too. But it's still important to learn coping skills to deal with the hurts/stresses in our lives.

[TatT3d_GirRL 2]

Oh Hun!!! First off all- there is nothing wrong with you!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not inside or out. Having this surgery is going to be life changing for you. As for me- right after surgery I was still able to eat a lot of food and actually gained weight (a lot of weight) but I kept going and getting my fills and tried to drink shakes more than food. It takes relearning how to eat. It sounds like you're being an emotional eater right now and there is nothing that is going to change that behavior until recognize and work through it with a professional. Stick with getting your fills and try to add ONE 30 minute workout a week then the following week add two 15 minute workouts... each week just try to eat little, OH AND DRINK A LOT OF A WATER!!!!! If you ever need to talk please reach out to me.

[Beachy_Babs 5]

Aww ReadHead, my deepest sympathy with your divorce. It must be such a hard thing to go through. Instead of comparing how your ex-husband treated you and how he's treating other women now, just remind yourself that everything happens for a very good reason. I know right now everything is looking gloom, but I promise you, a ray of sunshine will come out of all of this. You are a strong woman and never underestimate yourself.

As for eating, before I had my first fill, I was able to eat as well.

I forced myself not to indulge, but if I were to let loose, I know I could eat.

Tomorrow is a new day. Please don't beat yourself up over it. Since you are self paid,

just remind yourself how much money you have invested in making this a success.

I know you will be a success story one day!

Hang in there. The first fill will help alot with eating portions and will give you

a bit of restriction physically and mentally. We're here for you girlly!

[down in the dumps 5]

Congratulations on getting your band. I was banded end of June And I'm finding it hard as well. Hang in there. You are so brave to leave a man that was abusive to you and don't worry he'll show his true colours soon, they always do. Be thankful that you won't be the one he's doing it to ever again. I know it's hard now but it will get easier, especially as you start losing weight after some fills. X

[Jachut 487]

Well.... the best revenge would be success, right?

And no, there's nothing wrong with you with regard to how much you can eat right now. It takes fills to get restriction. But you really do need to hold off on the binging, I wasnt even on solid food at all by week 3, you could do some major damage. Its really important to take it slowly.

[laurajean1 1]

I'm almost 3 weeks post-op and I've had three seperate times now where I have ate til I am sooo uncomfortably full.. Tonight I hit the fast food and I bought LOTS of food. Basically like I would of prior to surgery for a binge. I ate a lot, I'm surprised at what and how much I can get down. Of course now I sit here so full and feel horrible and regret it. Why am I doing this to myself? I was a self-pay so I'm shocked that my "old" behaviors are already tempting me and I'm acting on them. I've been able to eat very well since week 2. I'm able to take in over 2 cups of food at one time. I'd type in what I ate tonight but honestly I'd be embarassed at the amount. I'm just wondering if for ONE there is something wrong with me that I'm able to eat LARGE amounts right now?? Is anyone else able to do this before their first fill? Any encouragement or beat downs? Advice?

I will say this.... just found out my divorce is final. My car broke down and I need 4,000 bucks for a transmission and my now ex-husband is acting like a player and dating a lot of girls and they all think he is prince charming and it hurts. All this equals wanting to punish or hurt myself with food and instead of doing what I shouldn't do... I'm doing it. Just feel lost, alone and helpless right now.

well if it helps any,i have totally sabataged myself these pat few weeks(emotional eating)due to some issues i am having.i dont eat alot at one sitting,just through out the day and eating things i shouldnt,like cheese cake that i bakede last week.i'm not one to talk right now,but try to have a little more willpower.

goodluck you

[Chela 5]

Please be careful not to hurt yourself with "testing the band". I'm a self pay too and the thought of having to pay for complications scares me even more!

To tell you the truth, I don't really know how much I can actually eat (if I tried) b/c I'm just following my doctor's instructions for now.

Try to have a back up plan for when you think something might trip you up. I usually take naps or go to sleep early if I know that I am too tempted by food.

Maybe calling a friend, going shopping or taking a drive might clear your head.

Hang in there!

[ShannonR 0]

I know all too well what you are going through. I was banded 6/29 and have been eating solids. I have no restriction whatsoever. I was told that through the fills I would feel the restriction but also after having surgery that normally you wouldn't feel hungry because you are healing. Well that went away quickly like a few days after surgery. Even then I tried holding back from trying solids. But then came the taste testing, then after testing would actually be full meals. Now, I am eating as much as I did before. I have been suffering from emotional eating/binges for a good while now, well to be exact...about 10 years. This is the heaviest I have ever been in my life and I just don't feel good about myself and am depressed. All this makes me stay heavy. At first when I started wanting the band I was so excited thinking this is my last resort and that I WILL MAKE IT WORK. Well I had the surgery almost 3 weeks ago and now that I am back to being depressed again because of me not sticking to the plan am not thinking positive like I was 3 weeks before or even 2 months before. I just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know I haven't had my first fill yet, but it's hard for me to stay positive knowing that I have an emotional issue that I have to deal with. If I don't deal with this emotional issue before I get my fill then it will be of no use to get it. I am going to look into getting help to deal with my issues. I really do want the band to work for me and I have to think of it as a tool to get healthy and not some easy way to lose weight. Cause it won't be easy, the band is here to help but I have to do the hard work. I have to keep myself from eating in between meals, I have to be the one to exercise, I have to be the one to say NO when satisfied, and I have to be the one to love myself enough to say ENOUGH to sabotaging myself. This isn't going to be an easy journey for either of us but we have to find a way to look at the positive. Because there are many of bandsters out there that have been successful with losing the weight and have kept it off. We are worth it!!!! There isn't anything wrong with you, we all have our issues with why we are overweight. We just have to learn to deal with those issues and kick the habit. If you need to talk, I am here for you.

[dramastarr 9]

I did not feel restriction until my 3rd fill and it sounds like to me you have just been hungry and craving all of the food you have cut out of your life for a while. Don't beat yourself up because you can still eat more than two cups. I can still eat more than two cups of food sometimes. Remember you had the surgery in one day, but you have been eating a certain way for a while. It is an adjustment just like getting over you ex. I got a dog to help me out with the fast food fix. I don't go get fast food after work because I know when I get home I will have to take the dog out and when I get back my food will be cold and fried cold food is not good. Don't beat yourself up all things take time and you are doing great. You already made a big step. This all takes time. I was a little discouraged in the beginning because some bandsters were losing more than I was, but we have to keep on going. Also pray I would not have made it through all the this if I did not pray.

[roziecakes 20]

Please please don't beat yourself up. Remember that the first step of fixing a mistake is admitting it was a mistake in the first place, so you're on the right track; just keep moving ahead from there, even if the steps that you take are small. Just keep on moving forward.

There is nothing wrong with you for being a human being and having limits. No one is perfect!! I think that you know in your heart and mind what the right things to do are since I know that you're a smart cookie (at least knowing you from the board), where you're having trouble is following through and falling back into old patterns.

I know that it might be difficult, but try to break one old pattern a day. You might not be able to quit eating all that fast food cold turkey, but you could start by making a healthier choice when you do go to get fast food; like instead of a big burger for example, get a grilled chicken sandwich, and get one of the small ones (they're cheaper too!) A small hamburger at Jack in the Box is only 340 calories; and a pintos and cheese from Taco Bell is only 190 calories. I know I've eaten a couple of those on the run!

Do you have access to a nutritionist through your surgeon? If so, I suggest maybe having a consult with them, I have found that mine has had the BEST suggestions as to replacements for comfort foods, healthier ways to cook things, and suggestions for feeling satisfied on less.

As for your divorce. If your husband really is an abusive person, you are the better person for leaving, good for you! There are so many people who stay in abusive relationships (men and women) who never have the guts to do what you did and leave! You are AWESOME for doing that, and have set a great example for all victims of abuse by showing strength. Take some of that strength and give it a big push towards your health. I know that you can do it! If you have the ability to get that divorce, you have the ability to lose the weight because you are amazing!

I know that you are sad even though you know it's the right thing. One saying that I love is an old Sufi prayer; "Break my heart to make room for a limitless love." It means that sometimes you need to face sadness and really really hard decisions to make room for the greatest happiness possible in your life. It may hurt right now, but if you take those small steps and care for yourself as much as possible, you'll work through it and find true joy and health too!!

Best of luck, and hugs!!! Thank you for being brave and sharing your story! We're here for you.