Jealousy

[healthierme72 6]

I only told my family and select friends who knew I was struggling with diabetes. People who I knew who would support me and keep it to themselves. However, I do have friends that wouldn't understand because I really didn't share my medical history with them. I also have one friend that compares everything I do and before surgery when I use to diet she would watch and question everything I ate or did exercise. She is also overweight, but I feel she is envious of me even before surgery. I would buy a cute outfit some where. She would ask where I got and then go out and buy it. I cannot tell you how many times she we would go to a party, almost dressed like me!!! I know, psycho!!! If she knew I got lapband everyone in town would know because she can't even keep a secret with her own dirty laundry. She would be even worse if she knew I got lapband. She tries every fad diet and then a week later is off to fast food places 10 times a week. After having lapband I realize who my real friends are and realize they are the ones I have trusted with my health issues, their the ones that saw me struggle and cry when I thought I was going to be on insulin. My jealous friend, I avoid and keep a good distance apart. If she asks what I am doing or if anyone asks I tell them high Protein, low carb diet, and I am doing it to improve my diabetes. To me it's the truth, not all ppl need to know our medical history ....my advice is avoid the negative ppl and keep the positive ppl close. And be proud of yourself, because you are working hard to be healthy and this was not an easy way out. Your taking responsibility in your life. Good luck to you and keep positive! :-)

[SumthinsGottaGive 35]

I only told my family and select friends who knew I was struggling with diabetes. People who I knew who would support me and keep it to themselves. However, I do have friends that wouldn't understand because I really didn't share my medical history with them. I also have one friend that compares everything I do and before surgery when I use to diet she would watch and question everything I ate or did exercise. She is also overweight, but I feel she is envious of me even before surgery. I would buy a cute outfit some where. She would ask where I got and then go out and buy it. I cannot tell you how many times she we would go to a party, almost dressed like me!!! I know, psycho!!! If she knew I got lapband everyone in town would know because she can't even keep a secret with her own dirty laundry. She would be even worse if she knew I got lapband. She tries every fad diet and then a week later is off to fast food places 10 times a week. After having lapband I realize who my real friends are and realize they are the ones I have trusted with my health issues, their the ones that saw me struggle and cry when I thought I was going to be on insulin. My jealous friend, I avoid and keep a good distance apart. If she asks what I am doing or if anyone asks I tell them high Protein, low carb diet, and I am doing it to improve my diabetes. To me it's the truth, not all ppl need to know our medical history ....my advice is avoid the negative ppl and keep the positive ppl close. And be proud of yourself, because you are working hard to be healthy and this was not an easy way out. Your taking responsibility in your life. Good luck to you and keep positive! :-)

Wow! Creepy friend! LoL! Unfortunately...I know someone almost as bad as she is...I wouldn't consider her a friend though. We used to be friends, but after she crossed some "friend boundaries" I had to push her away and only deal w/her at arms length. I have not told her because I chose to not have the entire world know my business as well.

Thank you for sharing this! It is very encouraging and re-confirming.. I've only told my family and a handful of people outside of the family about my decision to have this done and have gotten nothing but support. When I start losing weight I'm thinking about saying something along the lines of what you are.. "low fat/carb/sugar diet." I don't have diabetes, but congratulations on getting that under control! I hope everything continues to work out for you!

All the best!

[AlyGurl 3]

Good post. I've been banded since beginning of May and have lost almost 40 lbs.

No one in my family or group of friends know that I have had the band, except for my husband.

I do not make it obvious in any way therefore no one has suspected anything.

However, my portion size has gone down by nearly 80% of what I used to eat. I have had comments from friends such as, "That's ALL you're going to eat? Quit lying to yourself. You know you want the food." And I just say, "Actually, no I don't. I'm satisfied with what I ate, trust me."

Before, I would hardly shop for myself clothes-wise. Now, I can't stop wanting to buy cute summer

dresses and my 18-year old cousin said, "Ugh, you think you're down 35 lbs and you could wear anything now. It's ONLY 35 lbs."

I know there's jealousy and people are getting used to my new lifestyle.

It's human nature to react like this so I don't fault anyone. I don't say much, but I know

those who are genuinely happy for me regardless if they know I had surgery or not.

It's the fact that I'm working out consistently, eating healthy and staying positive.

ONLY 35lbs?!?!?! ONLY!!??!!??lol

[ilovebirds317 0]

Hello,

I have encountered jealousy thru an entire lifetime, even at 300+ lbs! I am 3 yrs 3 weeks out, and its just as bad as ever! One of my biggest quirks is when some people say surgery is an 'easy way out' in which it is "Not". Some people ask weekly, or bi-weekly about my progress as to wait for that day that i 'slip up' meaning if I happen to gain a few pounds in which in a 3 yr period I have only gained and then lost about 10 pounds.

The best way I deal with all this is stop and say to myself "hmmm, isn't this something that I happen to be so special (etc) that the focus always seems to be on me and that they must live very boring, unfufilled lives!"

Its quite pathetic, don't you agree?

Hello Everyone!

I posted a comment on my page about how happy I've been and how much it's starting to get on people's nerves.. all the more because most of them don't know why I'm happy. One of the lovely young women on here commented on my status and said (and I'm paraphrasing here) how her friends get jealous and tell her she's losing too much weight.. too skinny, etc. I have not been banded just yet, but I found this interesting because I've been receiving so much support, I haven't thought about anyone being (or possibly being) jealous of me.

I was just curious as to some of the things you guys and gals have encountered, after having been banded, where people are jealous of you or have tried to discourage you? Some of the best ways you deal w/it? ..especially if it comes from family/friends.. I'm very close to mine and I don't know what I would do if they were jealous of me or tried to discourage me from going after this.

Any thoughts?

[SumthinsGottaGive 35]

ONLY 35lbs?!?!?! ONLY!!??!!??lol

LoL! Exactly! Every pound is a victory!

[SumthinsGottaGive 35]

Hello,

I have encountered jealousy thru an entire lifetime, even at 300+ lbs! I am 3 yrs 3 weeks out, and its just as bad as ever! One of my biggest quirks is when some people say surgery is an 'easy way out' in which it is "Not". Some people ask weekly, or bi-weekly about my progress as to wait for that day that i 'slip up' meaning if I happen to gain a few pounds in which in a 3 yr period I have only gained and then lost about 10 pounds.

The best way I deal with all this is stop and say to myself "hmmm, isn't this something that I happen to be so special (etc) that the focus always seems to be on me and that they must live very boring, unfufilled lives!"

Its quite pathetic, don't you agree?

I think Beachy_Baps hit the nail on the head when she said, "I know there's jealousy and people are getting used to my new lifestyle. It's human nature to react like this so I don't fault anyone." Your encounters definitely confirm that.. people can be very ignorant.. but that's where we have to be the bigger person in understanding where these feelings stem from. It's quite sad, because everyone should do what makes them happy (that's legal and doesn't involve hurting or killing anyone else. LoL!)

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences! All the best on your continued journey!

[TracyW2 137]

I have a friend who was banded a month before me and she hasnt lost anything for about a year now. She is jealous that i look better, weigh less and wear smaller clothes than she does. But whenever I try to get her to join me at the gym, I always get excuses. I really thought she would be one who I would have to join me in this journey. There is always going to be someone jealous of your success.

[SumthinsGottaGive 35]

I have a friend who was banded a month before me and she hasnt lost anything for about a year now. She is jealous that i look better, weigh less and wear smaller clothes than she does. But whenever I try to get her to join me at the gym, I always get excuses. I really thought she would be one who I would have to join me in this journey. There is always going to be someone jealous of your success.

Wow.. why someone wouldn't make the most of this tool is beyond me! It's there to give you that extra something you couldn't get from diet and exercise alone. I guess some people want something for nothing.

Congratulations on all your success!! 153lbs..that's amazing! I plan to take full advantage of this opportunity and hope to see results similar to many of the other success stories on this site!

Thank you for sharing! All the best as you continue your journey!

[Cocoabean 430]

I don't see it as jealousy so much as guilt and deflection. A overweight friend, (possibly an eating buddy?) see you take positive steps to get healthy, it just points out that their habits are unhealthy and they have to face that fact. Rather than face it, they try to put you down for your efforts.

As to "the easy way out"...nah, it is a way out. But then again, I drive a car rather than riding a horse, or bicycle or walking. I use a dishwasher. I use a washing machine and dryer. Someone else grows my food and butchers my meat. I buy clothes at stores rather than weaving the fabric and making them. We take the easy way out all the time.

When I had appendicitis, no one thought I should not get it treated. My father had heart disease brought on by years of smoking. No one thought he should not get cardiac bypass surgery.

There is still a bias against the obese in our society. It is our fault we were the way we were and we should not have medical help to correct our condition.

When I was being told I was getting too skinny, I'd just say you think that because you are used to seeing me obese. If they wanted to continue the topic, I'd say I am at the top end of the healthy weight range for my height and my doctor is happy with my weight. Or if they were annoying me, I'd tell them my doc wants me to lose another 10 lbs. My doc will tell me when I am too skinny.

I heard an interesting interview on the radio a couple weeks ago. The doctor being interviewed is studying genetics and their effect on weight. She said that our height is 100% genetic. Our weight is about 70% determined by genetics. She said if someone told you they were going to exercise and work VERY hard to grow 2 inches taller we'd think they were insane. But that it is nearly the same with weight. We can somewhat influence it for a time, but that the body fights to return to what our DNA says it should be. Without medical intervention, we stand very little chance of lowering our BMI to a healthier level.

[Beachy_Babs 5]

Aly and GottaGive, LOL. Yeah, that's what I thought myself when I heard that. People can be so nasty !

[SumthinsGottaGive 35]

I don't see it as jealousy so much as guilt and deflection. A overweight friend, (possibly an eating buddy?) see you take positive steps to get healthy, it just points out that their habits are unhealthy and they have to face that fact. Rather than face it, they try to put you down for your efforts.

As to "the easy way out"...nah, it is a way out. But then again, I drive a car rather than riding a horse, or bicycle or walking. I use a dishwasher. I use a washing machine and dryer. Someone else grows my food and butchers my meat. I buy clothes at stores rather than weaving the fabric and making them. We take the easy way out all the time.

When I had appendicitis, no one thought I should not get it treated. My father had heart disease brought on by years of smoking. No one thought he should not get cardiac bypass surgery.

There is still a bias against the obese in our society. It is our fault we were the way we were and we should not have medical help to correct our condition.

When I was being told I was getting too skinny, I'd just say you think that because you are used to seeing me obese. If they wanted to continue the topic, I'd say I am at the top end of the healthy weight range for my height and my doctor is happy with my weight. Or if they were annoying me, I'd tell them my doc wants me to lose another 10 lbs. My doc will tell me when I am too skinny.

I heard an interesting interview on the radio a couple weeks ago. The doctor being interviewed is studying genetics and their effect on weight. She said that our height is 100% genetic. Our weight is about 70% determined by genetics. She said if someone told you they were going to exercise and work VERY hard to grow 2 inches taller we'd think they were insane. But that it is nearly the same with weight. We can somewhat influence it for a time, but that the body fights to return to what our DNA says it should be. Without medical intervention, we stand very little chance of lowering our BMI to a healthier level.

"As to "the easy way out"...nah, it is a way out. But then again, I drive a car rather than riding a horse, or bicycle or walking. I use a dishwasher. I use a washing machine and dryer. Someone else grows my food and butchers my meat. I buy clothes at stores rather than weaving the fabric and making them. We take the easy way out all the time."

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! You are so right.. and it's funny how "selective and discriminatory" society can be about what they choose to see and what they choose to blind their eyes too, with regards to an "easy way out." What you posted about the Dr. on the radio..that is seriously profound! Almost reminds me of how White Blood Cells behave..trying to get things back in order that they believe are destroyed or "broken." I'm not saying it's 100% accurate, but it does make sense.

All the best!

[gcmy 5]

Great topic!

[dramastarr 9]

I just posted that my best friend is mad at me because I didn't tell her I had the surgery. I choose not to tell her because she always had something negative to say about her other friend who was banded. One day before she knew I was banded she stated" I don't see how people can get that and think it will change their lives." And she thinks that I would have told her about me having that same surgery that you down all the time. I guess she could be a tiny bit jealous, we were both big girls now I not so big anymore and don't have to buy all my clothes from the plus section. I just don't get why she is so mad, its not like I slept with her man, put her life in danger, stole something from her, or physically hurt her. I did something to myself and choose not to tell her until I was ready to. I mean if I got a tatoo would it be so tragic, or if I choose sleep around and not tell anybody that would be what I choose to do with me right?

[SumthinsGottaGive 35]

I just posted that my best friend is mad at me because I didn't tell her I had the surgery. I choose not to tell her because she always had something negative to say about her other friend who was banded. One day before she knew I was banded she stated" I don't see how people can get that and think it will change their lives." And she thinks that I would have told her about me having that same surgery that you down all the time. I guess she could be a tiny bit jealous, we were both big girls now I not so big anymore and don't have to buy all my clothes from the plus section. I just don't get why she is so mad, its not like I slept with her man, put her life in danger, stole something from her, or physically hurt her. I did something to myself and choose not to tell her until I was ready to. I mean if I got a tatoo would it be so tragic, or if I choose sleep around and not tell anybody that would be what I choose to do with me right?

Ok..here's my two cents.. I'm pretty much in the same boat w/you. I have not been banded yet..but am debating as to whether or not to tell my two best friends. I hadn't planned on telling anyone outside of the family..but I told 4 people outside that I knew would support me. I have no reason to think they wouldn't support me, but I'm not sure. Both of them are smaller...one has always been smaller and the other worked very hard to get smaller (though we're not exactly on speaking terms right now for something else).

I keep thinking about what they would say if I had the procedure done and hadn't told them before hand. Knowing them, they would want to be there and support me in it..so I'm thinking I'll probably end up telling them. However, in your situation, you have a friend that has pretty much made her stand on the topic pretty obvious. Should you have given her the benefit of doubt? I'm not so sure. This is a very sensitive time in your life..this journey is not an easy one..and you don't need it made any harder by undue stress and tension or hurtful discouraging remarks. I have intentionally only told people that I know would support me..because once I get started I'm going to need people I know are in my corner.

The toughest person to tell, for me, was my mother. She can be pretty *opinionated*.. and I thought about going through it without telling her as well..but I decided to give her the benefit of doubt because we're so close and I really want her support. So I chanced her knowing and not giving me that and it turned out great. She was very supportive and even found my surgeon for me. But I had to be so sure that this was something I was going to do that her reaction to my decision didn't sway me. Just so happens, it was a good reaction.. to something she, under normal circumstances and with anyone else but her daughter, would have probably been against. Some times it takes someone you really care about going down a road you may be against to open your eyes. Therefore, I can see your friends objection.. in her eyes it may look like you didn't give her a chance to be there for you. But through your eyes, she had already been very negative with regards to someone else and their procedure.. through both eyes I can see the logic... BUT .. if I were your friend, I think I would have to understand your reservations of not telling me. As negative and verbal as you say she's been about lap band, I don't know that I would have told her either.

My point is: it's over. You've already gone through the procedure and are well on your way. There's nothing you can do about not telling her now but apologize and hope that she sees why you didn't tell her. And if she's not a big enough person to see your side of things, then hopefully it's not something that will throw the friendship away. If she decides to throw it away over that, then perhaps she wasn't a true friend to begin with.

I hope everything works out hun! And ALL the best on your journey!

[SumthinsGottaGive 35]

Great topic!

Thank you!