I hate, hate, hate having depression:(

[spoiltmom 44]

I've had it for so long now and it's never been controlled really well. Yes I take meds and they take the edge off but I'm still depressed.

In May my PCP decided I should see a psychiatrist because she thinks I'm actually bipolar. My appointment is in a few weeks.

In the meantime I've been depressed since I was 18. I'm 31 now. I don't even know what it's like to feel normal because I never have. I'm either really low or really high, I don't have in between states.

I'm excited about seeing the psychiatrist and I hope he can fix things but what if he does and I find that I'm not at all the person I used to be. Will things stay the same in my relationship? Oddly enough, I've been depressed for the same amount of time that I've been married. I have a great dh so I don't think that's caused my depression but I have no clue anymore because I"m so lost I don't know who I really am.

Okay I'm just rambling now but does this make sense to any of you? I just want to be happy and normal whatever that is:/

[windycitywids 5]

You aren't rambling so don't worry.

I am glad you are going to see a Psychiatrist as a GP isn't equipped enough for all of the different med options out there. My sister found out in her mid-forties that she is Bi-Polar and she is doing well now on meds. Just know that you are never alone with this disease and don't ever feel or let anyone else make you feel inferior. Taking meds for mental illness is like taking meds for high blood pressure, it's to help a medical condition. Good luck to you

[spoiltmom 44]

Thanks for the response. I still can't believe I've gone this long without knowing I may be bi polar but then again I bottle things up and never tell anyone how I really feel. I saw my GP back in May and just let it all out. That's when she was like oh you have all the signs, you really need a psychiatrist.

There's a long wait here for a psych even with health insurance but at least it's finally coming soon.