Rant: Dinner Party

[AlyGurl 3]

OH! WHY AM I CRYING MUM??? WHY!?!

You don’t think it’s because you invited everyone over to eat my FAVORITE food four days after an operation which means I can only have liquids for two weeks!?

You don’t think that MIGHT have something to do with it?

I mean I can see how you’d be confused… I MIGHT have been upset because you yelled at me across the dinner table for eating some dip off the back of a spoon because I COULDN’T GET IT UP A STRAW!

Here I was thinking you just MIGHT remember what this is like… What with you having TWO lap bands but I guess that was too much to ask….

Then when I excuse myself so I don’t break down at the dinner table, you follow me out and YELL at me so EVERYONE knows I’m crying; before DRAGGING me back into the room and exiling me to the couch… So I can just LISTEN TO and SMELL you eating the ‘delicious’ paella rather than having to SEE it.

Oh and now you come over and bring me some CANNED pumpkin Soup and ask if I NEED anything… You know what I need… FOR YOU TO NOT HAVE DINNER PARTIES WHEN I CANT EAT!!!!

Do I remember christmas dinner? YES, I do. You’d just had surgery to fix your slipped band (and cancelled our holiday to pay for it) and YES you did eat Soup while we had roast… BUT I DID EVERYTHING I PHYSICALLY COULD TO MAKE IT LOVELY FOR YOU!!! I decorated the entire table, I put on your favorite Christmas record, I got dad to make you soup from the lamb, I made a dessert you could eat, did your hair and make up so you felt nice, picked out a outfit that made you look good and made sure it was comfortable for you AND made sure that we included you in conversation and crackers and you sobbed and thanked me for making it so special!

THIS IS NOT LIKE THAT. This is you giving me CANNED SOUP in the corner while you enjoy you meal.

But like you said, I’m probably just trying to make it all about ME again….

[AlyGurl 3]

I'm sorry, I just needed to tell SOMEONE...

[bluekerry 3]

Wow! How demoralizing!!! I don't know who this person was but it looks likes sabotage to me. But I'm not a psychologist. It was also very cruel.

Find yourself a good support group and if you can afford it, a counselor. You need someone to talk to and support you.

Good Luck and let us know how things are going.

[kll724 3,055]

I am, also sorry Algurl;

I understand how hard it was for you. How thoughtless of your Mum. She, obviously, forgot about how nice you were to her when she had her surgery. Give yourself a break, and her. Lose the excess weight and smile; smiles don't show how much you are hurting inside. But, you can be the victor over the pain! Go for it, you are heading in the right direction, now. Good luck. Karen

[AlyGurl 3]

I know it wasn't malicious... Just thoughtless.

I do love her very much... I just wish she remembered how hard this is. Especially when I'm still in physical pain.

[Jenn1214 120]

I'm so sorry your mother isn't being supportive of you during this rough time. I guess it is easy for her to forget what it was like just after surgery and how miserable the recovery can be. Please talk to her and tell her how you feel, I would hate for you to keep this bottled up inside. Good luck with your recovery and I hope you're feeling better!

[54Shirley 105]

When I met with my surgeon, he explained that there will be people in your life that intentionally or unintentionally will set you up for a downfall.

My husband did that to me, because he lost his eating partner. After a few stuck episodes for me, and he seen what I had to go threw. He said no more!

I will not try to get you to eat the same things that I do.

He didn't mean to sabotage me all the way, he just wanted things to stay the way they were.

It took a little getting use to it, and my surgeon B*tched him out for it.

So he learned.

Maybe your Mother needs some time to learn... It might be o.k. for her to do, but not for you !

They need to learn.

You can wright me anytime, and I will be glad to talk to you, about what ever you want.

Just send me a message, or post it, and I will gladly get back to you.

It's over now! It's a new day. We take things 1 day at a time with the band.

Hope you have a good one, Shirley.

[RedheadGirl 2]

First off, GOOD JOB for venting about your feelings and posting it here so you can get someone to read it. :)

It sounds to me like your mum might be sabotaging you and it probably isn't on purpose or out of anger. Sometimes people do things in our lives to hinder our progress or make it more difficult and they don't realize how it affects us. Is your relationship with your mum a close one? Do you guys communicate well? If so I would consider talking with her about how you felt and just asking her to not say anything but just to listen to you without interuption for a few minutes so you can get your feelings out. Your feelings are valid and important and nobody else can tell you how you should feel or that your feelings are wrong.

If you can't talk with your mum, I would continue to do what you did and that is express your feelings and get them out whether here on the board or in a journal or to a friend. Don't let them stay in and fester and grow.

You are going to do great!

OH! WHY AM I CRYING MUM??? WHY!?!

You don't think it's because you invited everyone over to eat my FAVORITE food four days after an operation which means I can only have liquids for two weeks!?

You don't think that MIGHT have something to do with it?

I mean I can see how you'd be confused… I MIGHT have been upset because you yelled at me across the dinner table for eating some dip off the back of a spoon because I COULDN'T GET IT UP A STRAW!

Here I was thinking you just MIGHT remember what this is like… What with you having TWO lap bands but I guess that was too much to ask….

Then when I excuse myself so I don't break down at the dinner table, you follow me out and YELL at me so EVERYONE knows I'm crying; before DRAGGING me back into the room and exiling me to the couch… So I can just LISTEN TO and SMELL you eating the 'delicious' paella rather than having to SEE it.

Oh and now you come over and bring me some CANNED pumpkin Soup and ask if I NEED anything… You know what I need… FOR YOU TO NOT HAVE DINNER PARTIES WHEN I CANT EAT!!!!

Do I remember christmas dinner? YES, I do. You'd just had surgery to fix your slipped band (and cancelled our holiday to pay for it) and YES you did eat soup while we had roast… BUT I DID EVERYTHING I PHYSICALLY COULD TO MAKE IT LOVELY FOR YOU!!! I decorated the entire table, I put on your favorite Christmas record, I got dad to make you soup from the lamb, I made a dessert you could eat, did your hair and make up so you felt nice, picked out a outfit that made you look good and made sure it was comfortable for you AND made sure that we included you in conversation and crackers and you sobbed and thanked me for making it so special!

THIS IS NOT LIKE THAT. This is you giving me CANNED SOUP in the corner while you enjoy you meal.

But like you said, I'm probably just trying to make it all about ME again….

[NJGirl32 43]

Share that post with your MUM. Copy it and print it out. It was wrongto have a dinner party with your favorite foods-that's just torturous! Okay I understand she did the same at Christmas-but that was a choice SHE made. If she had the band and strugged with it why would she do this? Did she lose with the band?

Next time she plans a dinner party make other plans (go to a friend's house or go to a book store to browse, or to the movies...anything but sitting there in front of all the food!

Mums do love us and mean well, but they are not perfect. Let her know how you felt. Good luck with your journey.

[Kate rules 43]

I'm so sorry you had that experience. I would take the other posters suggestion and not go to future dinner parties until you are able to partake of the food served. You should probably have an honest conversation with your mum. Explain that while she may not have noticed or appreciated your efforts after her surgeries, you were thoughtful in how you treated her so she would not feel excluded. She may not care but it could hold up a mirror for her insensitive behavior. Hugs to you, btw.