Negativity Stinks

[mauraclegg 29]

Maybe it's just me, but there seems to be an excess of negativity on this forum lately. Personally I come in here for the support and commradarie that is offered, but if I was no banded yet I would be scared after reading the whining and complaining.

People say they didn't know about bring stuck or sliming or puking- well if u looked into it at all u would know

People complaining they aren't losing weight, but they are also not counting calories or watching what they eat AT ALL. even before you have a fill u have the ability to watch what u are eating and not gorge yourself.

If u hate ur band - FINE - but accept blame if u aren't working with ur band and don't blame everyone else

[CheckYes 46]

I find this post to be pretty negative in itself. Not everyone is able or ready to take responsibility for their actions as maybe you have been.

People come here for support. If no one was struggling then this site probably wouldn't exist! Since you are having success and seem to be handling the dietary and behavior changes well, why not spread the wealth by helping others rather than chastising those that are struggling?

I'm not struggling myself and because I'm doing ok, I try to help others who aren't so that when I need support it will return to me. It's rewarding. Why not take that approach?

[mauraclegg 29]

You are right it's pretty negative on my part, but that stems from listening to people whine. I understand that not everyone is ready, but if u are already banded AND still eating large amounts of junk don't blame the band, blame yourself

I have posted positive things, but have been avoiding the forum to avoid the negativity.

I was banded a year ago and have lost 85 lbs. It was relatively easy for me. I cut my calories and cut out most junk from my diet. I still don't exercise enough- but I blame no one but myself (not my bad back, not the nerve damage in my leg or my missing L4/L4 disc).

Do I wish everyone could love their band as I love mine- yup, sure do. But I also wish people would stop thinking their band is a magic wand that makes the pounds melt off and see it as the to it is. Is their magic to weight loss, no not magic but common sense and calorie counting help

[CheckYes 46]

I think part of the problem is that so many surgeons are not educating their patients properly about the band. It sometimes - truly - is not the patient's fault.

Lots of people aren't ready to claim the blame that lies within them for even becoming overweight! I, like you I think, believe that the greatest success comes when we do claim that blame and also empower ourselves to change it. It's not possible to force that change in people... It's taken me five years of therapy to get to where I am mentally - band or no band - but im here now!!

[Rachel412 116]

I am quire firmly in CheckYes's camp on this one. I count myself lucky that I was properly educated before surgery. Seems to me like many surgeons tell patients this is a magic bullet to weight loss- I would be disappointed and bitter and rude and MAD if I was told that and it wasn't true!

I agree that everyone should do their research before getting banded, but we're so hard-wired to trust anything a doctor says...

[mauraclegg 29]

I guess I was lucky all the way around, my surgeon and the support staff in the office didn't sugar coat things at all. I also did a lot of research on my own, so my eyes were wide open. It is not good if people are being misinformed -

[Melissannde 41]

I could've very easily been one of the misinformed and "why isn't this working for me" patients. My insurance approved me so fast that I didn't get much if any pre-op teaching and no one in the doctor's office caught that fact and I wasn't aware that certain classes were being skipped over either.

I'm lucky that I love the internet and love researching and learning. That's what "saved my bacon" so to speak. Not everyone has the time, the inclination nor the intellect to do the research I did, pre or post op.

It's ok to rant a little about people not understanding what's required.. just be careful that you don't say so much that you end up with foot in mouth disease. BTDT too many times myself. ::grin::

[roziecakes 20]

I think part of the problem is that so many surgeons are not educating their patients properly about the band. It sometimes - truly - is not the patient's fault.

YES! I agree! I did a couple of years of research going into this, and I am so grateful for my surgeon. Reading some of the things on here that people's surgeons tell them to do floors me sometimes.

In regards to negativity; I am really glad that people feel brave enough to come here and tell their 'tales of woe.' I think that otherwise they may not have a chance to hear a realistic or supportive answer.

Back to surgeons not educating folks; I think it's imperative that most bariatric patients go to a support group after surgery (of course not everyone needs that, but most do in my opinion), and that there are so many surgeons who don't even suggest this; which is why I think we see a lot of people coming here to 'whine and complain.'

I don't mind it that much thus far, but of course I haven't been on the forum that long, and I could see why it would become frustrating after a while.

Check yes, you are totally inspiring that you've lost so much weight with no fills. That's amazing!

[CheckYes 46]

Thanks Rozie! Therapy + band = success!

[sandy1 1]

I find this post to be pretty negative in itself. Not everyone is able or ready to take responsibility for their actions as maybe you have been.

People come here for support. If no one was struggling then this site probably wouldn't exist! Since you are having success and seem to be handling the dietary and behavior changes well, why not spread the wealth by helping others rather than chastising those that are struggling?

I'm not struggling myself and because I'm doing ok, I try to help others who aren't so that when I need support it will return to me. It's rewarding. Why not take that approach?

What this poster said!!!

[grex6488 2]

It's ur body and ur responsibility but yeah the negativity does get old but everyone is in it to lose so just bite that tongue and move on. It's simple u don't follow the rules most of the time it's not gonna give u awesome results work out a little it will make u see results fast,on a good note I have never taken my kids for a walk but yesterday they all took their bikes and we had a hell of a time in the hot park but u know it felt great!!!

[mauraclegg 29]

While I can see how my post can be construed as negative it really wasn't meant to be. I was merely expressing frustration at how some people are complaining abt lack of weight loss, but not working with their band.

We all got banded because we were unsuccessful in our independent weight loss attempts and I think it is wonderful to have a forum to come to. My post was coming more from the direction of thinking about the yet unbanded and their reading the negativity

I am sorry that people are taking my post as negative. It is not how I meant for it to be taken.

I know we all get frustrated and don't have a perfect experience (I know I am FAR from perfect). So again I am sorry to anyone offended by my opinion

[Wheelchair 13]

OP... I don't think you should be apologizing for your viewpoints. If you're original intent was to vent about some people whining about no weight loss...without looking at their own bad habits... I think you did it well.

I am in total agreement with you on your original post. I'm not very big into sugar coating things or giving false hopes or promises.

Everyone has made it a point to say that this is a support group. But I think many take that as an opportunity to act like whining children. I can't judge this... but I will say that it sometimes deters other hopefuls from getting banded.

To me, whining and complaining should only happen AFTER the fact. This means a couple months of good diet tracking, exercise, and over-all behavior modifications. Then if you are still not averaging 1-2 lbs per week... it's time to ask questions.

What also gets me is that some people blame their surgeons about their lack of knowledge or pre-surgery information. This, to me, is unacceptable. Now I'm not on the side of the surgeon. I know for a FACT that there are less competent surgeons out there and those that are just motivated by cash.

But this does not make an excuse for anyone to blame their surgeon about their lack of weight loss. Being on the forum, I'm thinking it's not a stretch to assume that these people have access to the internet. How about doing some research? Researching all the pros and cons... all the possible side effects, ADEs, and/or failures, etc.

Most people want and demand informed consent on their part...but expect the physician and their surgical team to provide all of it. "Is that really too much to ask from your doctor?", you may ask. It's actually not. You would expect your surgeon to be able to tell you EVERYTHING about the process. But apparently there are surgeons who do not (or cannot). But either case... YOU should have researched about that surgical team beforehand... so for me..the fault lies in you (the misinformed patient).

Harsh? I know. But this isn't a blackjack table at the MGM. This is your life..your health. Why gamble? Do your research. Educate yourself. Then make an informed decision.

[mauraclegg 29]

Thank you Wheel!! You said it all much better than I did.

[elcee 3,341]

The very fact that people are complaining on this forum means that they DO have access to the internet!

I do think there is a lot of misinformation out there. People should do their own research before deciding to go ahead. So although the "whining "is bad it may also be good. If they read these posts prior to surgery then hopefully they will realise that the band is not a magic wand and that it requires effort on their part. What does concern me is that people often present the sleeve as the perfect , no fuss, no effort WLS. What they need to do is remember everything has its good points and its bad points. If they visit the sleeve board as well they will discover that it is not all a bed of roses over there. That people with sleeves also have issues, that they still need to exercise, make healthy choices etc.

The bottom line is that there is no miracle cure that enables you to sit on your butt and eat what you want when you want and lose weight. People have to take responsibility for their health and their weight loss journey. If they are not ready to do that then they are not ready for surgery and will probably end up being one of those people that is unhappy.