Posting Reality Check

[LargeMediumSmall 3]

I think this forum is a micro version of any group of like-minded people you'd find anywhere. If you walk into a room full of people, you'll find some who are nothing but positive, some who are nothing but negative, and most who "go with the flow." The personality types who are strongest will lead the conversation, and try to convince others in the room to think the way they do. It's human nature.

For me, the LBT forum has been a great resource, not necessarily because of just the good posts, but because of ALL the posts. Even those who are all doom and gloom, who SCREAM EVERYTHING IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS WITH SIXTEEN EXCLAMATION POINTS AFTER EVERY SENTENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It isn't because I agree with everything being said, but because I can take that post and step back, comparing it to how my own journey is going. I'm not going to experience the same things everyone else does. My band is my own, and my body's response to my band is also my own. I can learn from the experience of others, and not have to experience that problem to learn from it. I consider the general aspect of the post, whatever its topic is, and compare it to how my own journey is going. I may or may not reply to the post, if I think I have anything to contribute that may help talk that person down off the ledge a bit, or help to allay the fears of a newbie who is not sure just what the heck is going on. Time and experience brings perspective, and sometimes all people need to hear is a few calm words, so they can relax a bit.

Well said Dave_NW! I tend to sift through the posts as well. Help where I can, keep my mouth shut where I can't. I'm glad to see from the results of this post that there are indeed many others who think the same way. I guess I just needed this supportive reminder. I think I'll stick around.

My experience with the band is often that what I was told pre-banding is a bit (or a lot) different than what has materialized post-banding. The people I talked to pre-banding at my surgeon's office are medical staff, but none are band patients. They have theoretical experience, but no real-world experience. I immediately realized their comments have to be considered in that light. I made some friends here at LBT that I communicate with offline, whose experience I can compare notes with, but who are having their own journey with this. I found my own experience is very personal, so I turned the mirror inward, and I focus on what is working for me, and how to avoid the pitfalls I see others fall into. Things have worked out well for me, because I've been able to understand what is happening inside my own body, and I've been able to respond to my own situation.

I'm a generally positive person by nature, and I find I'm someone a lot of people come to for advice. (Not just about banding, but about a lot of things in life.) I try to be helpful, but usually turn the freaked-out person around to step out of their crisis of the moment, to step back, and think of things with a clearer head. Most of the time, people find their own answers, and they're appreciative that they had someone to consult.

In that room full of people I first mentioned, when I hear the totally negative person trying to recruit kindred spirits, I'll tend to keep my mouth shut, or I may offer a pointed comment to give others something else to consider. If someone asks my opinion I'll share it. But throughout I'll consider the source, and cut the negative person some slack. I've learned some people try to make themselves feel better by gathering a crowd who'll stand with them and cheer them on. The advantage I have is being able to set aside such comments, because I know the person is only being emotional about the topic because they're highly invested in the situation (especially as a bandster), and things are not going as they expected it would. Those same people tend to come back later much more relaxed, once the crisis has passed.

So for me, it's all about listening to my own experience and common sense, taking things I read here with a grain of salt, and considering the source. If someone is repeatedly negative just for the sake of being negative, I just stop reading their posts. Life is too short to try and educate those who won't learn. And when absolute push comes to shove, I try and follow the sign I saw on the wall above the desk of a former boss, who was a shoot-from-the-hip, damn-the-torpedoes, seriously contrary person of the highest degree. The sign said:

"When they're running you out of town, try to get in front of the crowd and make it look like a parade."

Dave

[LargeMediumSmall 3]

Ooops. Sorry Dave_NW I obviously don't know how to 'reply' properly.

I started this thread as a reminder to others and it became a great reminder to myself. Thanks everyone.

[CheckYes 46]

I have to agree with Dave and Reverie. I think it isn't anyone's place to try to explain the purpose of another person's post or reply. I don't think some of the so-called negative posts are intentionally meant to bring people down.

I remember the thread about the lawyers and, as a lawyer, I can tell you that people don't generally come to me with medical malpractice issues unless they intend to sue. The response you were referring to is correct - we are a society of lawsuits these days. Sure, it wasn't said in the most positive way but it is a good indication of what a juror might think at trial and every person discussing a potential case with a lawyer should know those things.

I just really think that trying to remind people to be positive, while a nice thought, really isn't your place. Especially on a public open forum. There are unhappy mean people everywhere - with computers - and lapbands!

[Cocoabean 430]

We are only accountable to ourselves. It is how we respond to the negatives in life that show who we are. When I see a negative post, I try to find the positive side of it, or help the person see it in a different way. If a person says "I have only lost 30 lbs in 6 months. This sucks!" I like to break it down and remind them that that is 1 1/4 lbs per week. We expect 1-2 lbs per week. "I've been banded 3 days and want this out, it's too painful and I am not losing!".. Well, give yourself time to heal, make sure you are not having complications, use your pain meds, if needed. Weight loss comes in time when you have a band. It isn't immediate.

Many people come here to vent. I only know one other banded person IRL. If I want to rant and rave, I should be able to do so here. I'd hope no one would respond with get off this board, that kind of talk doesn't belong here!

But, I, personally, will not attack another poster. I might point out some other aspects they haven't considered (perhaps). Or, if I don't have anything good to say, I say nothing at all.

But then again, part of my professional life is facilitation.

[LargeMediumSmall 3]

Good point, Check Yes, it really isn't my place, in a public forum, to ask people to be positive.

If reminding the general public to be positive and asking them to keep negativity to themselves, or change perspective actually worked, murder, rape, racisim, and religious persecution would probably have already diminished or disappeared.

[vickyd 24]

Well said, Dave. You always have very good advice and I, for one, am glad you chime in on topics from time to time

I think this forum is a micro version of any group of like-minded people you'd find anywhere. If you walk into a room full of people, you'll find some who are nothing but positive, some who are nothing but negative, and most who "go with the flow." The personality types who are strongest will lead the conversation, and try to convince others in the room to think the way they do. It's human nature.

For me, the LBT forum has been a great resource, not necessarily because of just the good posts, but because of ALL the posts. Even those who are all doom and gloom, who SCREAM EVERYTHING IN ALL CAPITAL LETTERS WITH SIXTEEN EXCLAMATION POINTS AFTER EVERY SENTENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It isn't because I agree with everything being said, but because I can take that post and step back, comparing it to how my own journey is going. I'm not going to experience the same things everyone else does. My band is my own, and my body's response to my band is also my own. I can learn from the experience of others, and not have to experience that problem to learn from it. I consider the general aspect of the post, whatever its topic is, and compare it to how my own journey is going. I may or may not reply to the post, if I think I have anything to contribute that may help talk that person down off the ledge a bit, or help to allay the fears of a newbie who is not sure just what the heck is going on. Time and experience brings perspective, and sometimes all people need to hear is a few calm words, so they can relax a bit.

My experience with the band is often that what I was told pre-banding is a bit (or a lot) different than what has materialized post-banding. The people I talked to pre-banding at my surgeon's office are medical staff, but none are band patients. They have theoretical experience, but no real-world experience. I immediately realized their comments have to be considered in that light. I made some friends here at LBT that I communicate with offline, whose experience I can compare notes with, but who are having their own journey with this. I found my own experience is very personal, so I turned the mirror inward, and I focus on what is working for me, and how to avoid the pitfalls I see others fall into. Things have worked out well for me, because I've been able to understand what is happening inside my own body, and I've been able to respond to my own situation.

I'm a generally positive person by nature, and I find I'm someone a lot of people come to for advice. (Not just about banding, but about a lot of things in life.) I try to be helpful, but usually turn the freaked-out person around to step out of their crisis of the moment, to step back, and think of things with a clearer head. Most of the time, people find their own answers, and they're appreciative that they had someone to consult.

In that room full of people I first mentioned, when I hear the totally negative person trying to recruit kindred spirits, I'll tend to keep my mouth shut, or I may offer a pointed comment to give others something else to consider. If someone asks my opinion I'll share it. But throughout I'll consider the source, and cut the negative person some slack. I've learned some people try to make themselves feel better by gathering a crowd who'll stand with them and cheer them on. The advantage I have is being able to set aside such comments, because I know the person is only being emotional about the topic because they're highly invested in the situation (especially as a bandster), and things are not going as they expected it would. Those same people tend to come back later much more relaxed, once the crisis has passed.

So for me, it's all about listening to my own experience and common sense, taking things I read here with a grain of salt, and considering the source. If someone is repeatedly negative just for the sake of being negative, I just stop reading their posts. Life is too short to try and educate those who won't learn. And when absolute push comes to shove, I try and follow the sign I saw on the wall above the desk of a former boss, who was a shoot-from-the-hip, damn-the-torpedoes, seriously contrary person of the highest degree. The sign said:

"When they're running you out of town, try to get in front of the crowd and make it look like a parade."

Dave