How I told my family

[sorcia1 2]

Hi all,

I was really nervous about telling my family about my decision to get the Lap Band. They are all out of town until shortly before I get my lap band, so I sent the following email. I hope this helps others in ideas of how to break it to loved ones (though you may do it in person, you could use this as a script). It must have worked as they responded that they are all on board!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear (loved ones)

I've made a really big decision in the last week: I'm going to get a Lap Band. I'm not sure how much you know about this so I'm including several links below.

I've been researching this for a few months now and have met with several surgeons who exclusively do bariatric surgery. I've picked one named Dr. (your surgeon).

THIS IS NOT GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY OR ANYTHING DRASTIC LIKE THAT! It is FDA approved for anyone with a BMI over 30, which is considered Obese. I am well into that category. It has been used for 10 years in the US and 20 years in Europe, and my surgeon has done several hundred of them.

I have to have blood work, x-rays, a psychiatric evaluation, and a few other tests done before we can move forward with setting a date, but I'm hoping it will be sometime in July.

You may wonder why I am doing this. Here's a partial list: (customize this list, of course)

1. My health is deteriorating rather quickly due to my weight. I am now (put your health problems here). I want to be around to see my grandkids!

2. I took (my son) to Legoland and after 1 hour my feet, knees and ankles were killing me. I was in pain most of the day and couldn't enjoy myself. This has been going on for a decade.

3. I spend 90% of my day thinking about my weight and how ugly I feel. This affects me in psychological and social ways that are hard to understand if you have never been obese.

4. After losing 50 lbs. the year before last, I have put 30 lbs back on in the last year, and will probably gain another 30 this year if I don't get this done. This despite working out 4-6 times a week.

5. This surgery is especially effective for over-eaters like me, who have problems with Portion Control (as opposed to grazing all day, having lots of Snacks, or binging on 1000's of calories at a time.)

6. My weight has been a constant struggle for 25 of my 39 years now. It's time for something to change once and for all.

7. While I could probably lose the weight myself, I'm clearly unable to KEEP it off, which is one of the benefits of the Lap Band. You keep it indefinitely, but is fully reversible if there are any problems.

8. The surgery is done laproscopically so it is very minimally invasive. It leaves 3-4 tiny incisions. However, it is still considered major surgery and I will have to take from 2-5 days off work until I recover. I may need some help from you guys as far as rides to the outpatient surgery center and back, or helping me during the first couple of days of recovery (getting my pain meds at the pharmacy, things like that).

After a lot of research, I have learned that this is not a quick fix, but merely a tool. I am expected to attend support groups, meet regularly with my nutritionist and physiologist (exercise expert), and eat very healthy as every calorie will count since I'll be taking in relatively few calories (between 1000-1200 a day). I will be on a high Protein, low carb diet that has been tailored for me by my nutritionist. I will also be expected to exercise 5+ times a week. People do fail with the lap band but it's because they don't do these things.

I want you to know I have seriously researched this and it's not something I'm jumping into. I have a plan…I will be eating 500-700 less calories a day than I burn just by sitting around. Add 500 calories burned 5-6 times a week by exercise, and I'll be losing about 2 lbs. per week.

This is not to say this is no big deal. There is a small chance of complications (for which I am buying insurance). None are life threatening or anything but could require another surgery. A few people out of 100,000s of surgeries have died doing it but this is very, very rare. A few could not handle the anesthesia. I have been under full anesthesia before so I am not worried about that. My surgeon also reassured me that because of my relatively young age and "lower" weight (compared to the 300 lbs. or bigger that he commonly treats) that I have a much smaller chance of complications, and will heal faster.

I will be on a very strict diet for 10 days before my surgery to get my liver shrunk as much as possible. I will be on an even stricter diet for a month after surgery. For example, liquids only the 1st week, pureed foods the second week, "mushy/blended" foods the 3rd week.

The lap band affects different people in different ways. I may get lucky and be able to eat any type of food I want, except in limited proportions. However, it is likely that there may be some foods that will be off limit to me indefinitely (lest I get sick). The most common foods that are not tolerated are bread, steak or other chewy meats, some pastas, and fibrous vegetables like celery or asparagus. So, if we are out eating and I'm being particularly picky in what I will eat you will know why.

I will be eating 4-5 meals a day. They will only be about ½ cup, or a few bites. So don't be surprised if a lot of my food goes home in a doggie bag!

There are a couple of unpleasant side effects which many people experience. If you don't chew your food thoroughly or eat too fast, it can get "stuck" and that can be anywhere from uncomfortable to painful. The same behavior can result in "productive burping", which is just a nice way to say you are vomiting up slimy stuff. I have been told this may happen, especially at first, but they will be very memorable experiences and I will work to rectify the bad behaviors for sure! I'm telling you these yucky details because I may need to get up and excuse myself to the ladies room while we are out having dinner. Note that regular, persistent vomiting and not being able to keep ANY food down is not considered normal and will be fixed by the surgeon by reducing the restriction of the lap band. This is done without surgery, but by taking saline out of the band through my new little "port".

I will have a little "port" in my belly somewhere. It's a little round circle and it can be seen sometimes if I was wearing a bikini. It is impossible to imagine myself in a bikini so you will probably never see it! I will also have a few little scars in various places around my tummy.

So there's lots more info I could tell you but I'll leave it to these links to teach you the basics:

Manufacturer's website:

http://www.lapband.com/en/home/

My surgeons site:

(Enter your surgeons web site)

My surgeon on Channel 3

)enter a video of your surgeon talking about the lap band, if available)

Dr. Oz Show, Part 1

http://www.doctoroz....nd-surgery-pt-1

Dr. Oz Show, Part 2

http://www.doctoroz....nd-surgery-pt-2

Biggest Web Forum for "Bandsters"

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/

[kittyforet 50]

GREAT email!!! I'm glad you got good responses.

Good luck!

[NJGirl32 43]

Awesome!! That email really says it all!

I wantto check out the Dr. Oz inks!

[anewwayoflife 0]

Hi all,

I was really nervous about telling my family about my decision to get the Lap Band. They are all out of town until shortly before I get my lap band, so I sent the following email. I hope this helps others in ideas of how to break it to loved ones (though you may do it in person, you could use this as a script). It must have worked as they responded that they are all on board!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear (loved ones)

I've made a really big decision in the last week: I'm going to get a Lap Band. I'm not sure how much you know about this so I'm including several links below.

I've been researching this for a few months now and have met with several surgeons who exclusively do bariatric surgery. I've picked one named Dr. (your surgeon).

THIS IS NOT GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY OR ANYTHING DRASTIC LIKE THAT! It is FDA approved for anyone with a BMI over 30, which is considered Obese. I am well into that category. It has been used for 10 years in the US and 20 years in Europe, and my surgeon has done several hundred of them.

I have to have blood work, x-rays, a psychiatric evaluation, and a few other tests done before we can move forward with setting a date, but I'm hoping it will be sometime in July.

You may wonder why I am doing this. Here's a partial list: (customize this list, of course)

1. My health is deteriorating rather quickly due to my weight. I am now (put your health problems here). I want to be around to see my grandkids!

2. I took (my son) to Legoland and after 1 hour my feet, knees and ankles were killing me. I was in pain most of the day and couldn't enjoy myself. This has been going on for a decade.

3. I spend 90% of my day thinking about my weight and how ugly I feel. This affects me in psychological and social ways that are hard to understand if you have never been obese.

4. After losing 50 lbs. the year before last, I have put 30 lbs back on in the last year, and will probably gain another 30 this year if I don't get this done. This despite working out 4-6 times a week.

5. This surgery is especially effective for over-eaters like me, who have problems with Portion Control (as opposed to grazing all day, having lots of Snacks, or binging on 1000's of calories at a time.)

6. My weight has been a constant struggle for 25 of my 39 years now. It's time for something to change once and for all.

7. While I could probably lose the weight myself, I'm clearly unable to KEEP it off, which is one of the benefits of the Lap Band. You keep it indefinitely, but is fully reversible if there are any problems.

8. The surgery is done laproscopically so it is very minimally invasive. It leaves 3-4 tiny incisions. However, it is still considered major surgery and I will have to take from 2-5 days off work until I recover. I may need some help from you guys as far as rides to the outpatient surgery center and back, or helping me during the first couple of days of recovery (getting my pain meds at the pharmacy, things like that).

After a lot of research, I have learned that this is not a quick fix, but merely a tool. I am expected to attend support groups, meet regularly with my nutritionist and physiologist (exercise expert), and eat very healthy as every calorie will count since I'll be taking in relatively few calories (between 1000-1200 a day). I will be on a high Protein, low carb diet that has been tailored for me by my nutritionist. I will also be expected to exercise 5+ times a week. People do fail with the lap band but it's because they don't do these things.

I want you to know I have seriously researched this and it's not something I'm jumping into. I have a plan…I will be eating 500-700 less calories a day than I burn just by sitting around. Add 500 calories burned 5-6 times a week by exercise, and I'll be losing about 2 lbs. per week.

This is not to say this is no big deal. There is a small chance of complications (for which I am buying insurance). None are life threatening or anything but could require another surgery. A few people out of 100,000s of surgeries have died doing it but this is very, very rare. A few could not handle the anesthesia. I have been under full anesthesia before so I am not worried about that. My surgeon also reassured me that because of my relatively young age and "lower" weight (compared to the 300 lbs. or bigger that he commonly treats) that I have a much smaller chance of complications, and will heal faster.

I will be on a very strict diet for 10 days before my surgery to get my liver shrunk as much as possible. I will be on an even stricter diet for a month after surgery. For example, liquids only the 1st week, pureed foods the second week, "mushy/blended" foods the 3rd week.

The lap band affects different people in different ways. I may get lucky and be able to eat any type of food I want, except in limited proportions. However, it is likely that there may be some foods that will be off limit to me indefinitely (lest I get sick). The most common foods that are not tolerated are bread, steak or other chewy meats, some pastas, and fibrous vegetables like celery or asparagus. So, if we are out eating and I'm being particularly picky in what I will eat you will know why.

I will be eating 4-5 meals a day. They will only be about ½ cup, or a few bites. So don't be surprised if a lot of my food goes home in a doggie bag!

There are a couple of unpleasant side effects which many people experience. If you don't chew your food thoroughly or eat too fast, it can get "stuck" and that can be anywhere from uncomfortable to painful. The same behavior can result in "productive burping", which is just a nice way to say you are vomiting up slimy stuff. I have been told this may happen, especially at first, but they will be very memorable experiences and I will work to rectify the bad behaviors for sure! I'm telling you these yucky details because I may need to get up and excuse myself to the ladies room while we are out having dinner. Note that regular, persistent vomiting and not being able to keep ANY food down is not considered normal and will be fixed by the surgeon by reducing the restriction of the lap band. This is done without surgery, but by taking saline out of the band through my new little "port".

I will have a little "port" in my belly somewhere. It's a little round circle and it can be seen sometimes if I was wearing a bikini. It is impossible to imagine myself in a bikini so you will probably never see it! I will also have a few little scars in various places around my tummy.

So there's lots more info I could tell you but I'll leave it to these links to teach you the basics:

Manufacturer's website:

http://www.lapband.com/en/home/

My surgeons site:

(Enter your surgeons web site)

My surgeon on Channel 3

)enter a video of your surgeon talking about the lap band, if available)

Dr. Oz Show, Part 1

http://www.doctoroz....nd-surgery-pt-1

Dr. Oz Show, Part 2

http://www.doctoroz....nd-surgery-pt-2

Biggest Web Forum for "Bandsters"

http://www.lapbandtalk.com/

[nurse535 30]

That's a great letter - very well written and very informative. I really like your approach. I've been fortunate that my family, friends and co-workers have all been supportive of my decision (to my face at least lol). I do have one aunt who thinks I am doing the surgery so I can get a man, which makes me laugh.

[sorcia1 2]

Hi Nurse,

Honestly, what's wrong with wanting a loving relationship? I'm also single and frankly, my dating options (I do online dating) are seriously limited because most men don't want an obese woman, and the health and social problems that come along with it. That of course is not the main reason I am doing this (you can see in my letter above my reasons) but I'll be thrilled if a relationship with a happy, healthy guy is a bonus!

That's a great letter - very well written and very informative. I really like your approach. I've been fortunate that my family, friends and co-workers have all been supportive of my decision (to my face at least lol). I do have one aunt who thinks I am doing the surgery so I can get a man, which makes me laugh.

[nurse535 30]

Hi Nurse,

Honestly, what's wrong with wanting a loving relationship? I'm also single and frankly, my dating options (I do online dating) are seriously limited because most men don't want an obese woman, and the health and social problems that come along with it. That of course is not the main reason I am doing this (you can see in my letter above my reasons) but I'll be thrilled if a relationship with a happy, healthy guy is a bonus!

Oh, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting a loving relationship, it's just that I have 4 kids so it doesn't matter if I'm overweight or not, men aren't exactly lining up outside my door because they don't want the responsibility. But the reason it makes me laugh that my aunt says that is that it's so ridiculous that she'd think the ONLY reason I'd go through major surgery and take on the commitment of eating right and exercising would be to get a man! Sure, if the opportunity presented itself I'd be interested, but I'm doing this because *I* want to become healthier and feel good about me, not because I want some man to want me.

There may be people out there who do have the surgery primarily hoping to have a relationship afterwards, and I don't have any issue with that...just in my particular case, it's not even on my mind and it's kinda pathetic that my aunt who thinks she knows me so well really doesn't know me at all!

[sorcia1 2]

Yeah, I get that if she was insinuating that the was the only reason...best of luck to you!

[Papillon Princess 13]

That's a great letter! I hit a lot of those points when telling my friends and family. Mine was pretty much just "shutup until I finish, then you can ask questions...no objections until I'm done educating you though!". I had a few looks like "OMG...you're going to do what?" and faces slowly started to change as I explained more about it and how it worked. By the end, they were congratulating me on taking this step and backing me up 110%! I think it's important that they truly understand how it works and don't assume it's such a terrible thing or the easy way out.