Unexpected criticism from friends

[JINIFER 14]

I am at a loss for words right now. Just got off the phone with a very good friend of mine of 14 yrs and spent the entire time defending my decision to have surgery. This friend has known of my decision for several months and never objected to the idea. I am 2 weeks post op. I guess Im just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this situation and how did you deal with it?

[Cindy C 150]

People are always quick to criticize what they don't understand. Do your best to explain it to her (or him) but don't feel like you have to defend your decision. You are doing what you feel is best for YOUR health. Opinions usually change as the weight starts falling off. In the meantime, tell her you respect her opinion but you are doing what you feel is necessary for yourself and really don't want to hear any negativity...then change the subject!

[LarraineM 6]

I am at a loss for words right now. Just got off the phone with a very good friend of mine of 14 yrs and spent the entire time defending my decision to have surgery. This friend has known of my decision for several months and never objected to the idea. I am 2 weeks post op. I guess Im just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this situation and how did you deal with it?

She'll get over it ! Anyway you go girl and just keep moving forward with your life saving decision. When I decided to be banded I let the world know after the fact because its simply not their decision and I wanted no imput from the peanut gallery. I did't care who knew after my choice was made

[AMayo1 2]

I just has something similar happen to me. I told one of my best friends that I am thinking of having the surgery. I did not get the reaction I thought I would get. I hope she comes around. Just remember that you are doing it to get healthier...and by gettig healthier you will be around longer for you to be friends.

[Jack 855]

This can be a confusing and painful moment, when friends somehow determine their opinion about your medical condition and decision, should be the final verdict on what does or doesn't happen.

There's a ton of ways to deal with this kind of situation, depending on a world of variables.

It also depends on how blunt you want to be, and whether you want to bludgeon them (metaphorically of course) or simply thank them for their opinion "Now BUTT OUT" etc.

One colleague meant well in his relentless determination to advise me on matters none of his affair. Finally I had to say "Thanks for your concern. Your vote has been duly recorded. Now please respect MY vote, as that is the only one that counts."

And how to handle the endless clucking about a jillion unrelated unsimilar seemingly concerned friends? Those who haven't seen you on the way downDownDOWN will be amazed. I told most of that crew it was "due to clean living and righteous thoughts".

Creating a new ME is one of the unexpected tasks with which a Bandster Life blesses us. People that saw me at 350+++ for years were startled with the mini-Me sized from high school of the JFKennedy era.

We have to become comfortable with our New Selves. This kind of encounter is merely a training exercise.

[Woodslass 22]

This happened to me before surgery as well - from my sister, who is also severely obese. After my surgery was scheduled, she tried everything to change my mind, including trying and then recommending the latest diet fad, going to the gym with her regularly, and sending me emails with articles about how damaging the lap band could be. I finally just told her to knock it off, that I felt she was trying to sabotage me and was making me feel bad, and if she couldn't be supportive to stop calling me.

We didn't talk for a few days, and she didn't come over at all during my recovery, but she's come around now. She's still on her crazy diet fads, but cheers my weight loss. She brought over all the clothes she doesn't fit in anymore (she's now only 1 size smaller than I am) and was amazed that I could fit into them.

I think one of the real reasons she was so against it was that not just that she was jealous, but that she was really scared something would happen to me. Our mother died 7 years ago and since then I've been the "mom" to her and my other little sister. I think it brought up some bad memories of our mother dying and how alone we all felt. Now that she sees I'm fine and I'm happy and losing weight, she's more cheerful.

Give your friend some time to get used to it - hopefully she will come around later on when she sees you are okay.

[Dave_NW 92]

A lot of people tend to lump all bariatric surgeries together. To the uneducated, all such surgeries equal RNY-type radical surgery, and therefore (to them) must be avoided at all cost. I usually just explained the logic behind lap band surgery, how it's reversible, nothing gets cut up, and so forth. My friends who remained hesitant were told to "wait and see how I am in six months. If I have issues, we can talk about it then." I've had no issues, and have had tremendous weight loss, so every single nay-sayer has come along to my side of the fence. I've even had some ask me where to start their own journey down this road.

So consider the source, and don't be offended. People who care about us want the best for us, and tend to express their opinion from an uneducated point of view. Given enough time, they'll come around. We just have to take the high road with them until they learn.

Good luck!

Dave

[cakegirl 12]

I had to tell someone that I wasn't interesed in continually defending my decision, so could we just talk about something else.

[KarinaWLSJourney 0]

I am at a loss for words right now. Just got off the phone with a very good friend of mine of 14 yrs and spent the entire time defending my decision to have surgery. This friend has known of my decision for several months and never objected to the idea. I am 2 weeks post op. I guess Im just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this situation and how did you deal with it?

Need help getting back on track or you need some support from someone that has had the lapband?? Go ahead and add me on Facebook and see my ongoing journey, I'm a lapbandster myself and i'm going throught this amaizing journey that I dont regret! follow me on www.facebook.com/kfrancolapband

[down in the dumps 5]

Just had this with one of my friends as well. She keeps telling me I should have gone to weight watchers!!!! Eh, as if I haven't gave them probably 5000 euro over the years to step on a scale and feel shite about my self!!!!also she keeps saying' you haven't lost anything yet'? My thing is she probably 1 size smaller than me and is very out going. There is four of us that go out on girly nite outs. 2 are majorly skinny and then there's the 2 of us. I think she's worried she's going to be the biggest soon! Honest I really think so and she will!! Not meaning any badness for her but come he'll or high Water I will lose thus weight but more important i will keep it off. It's hard when your friends are so negative especially when they can see how much your struggling, especially with no fills yet

[dfav3412 116]

or you could say thank you for your input...opinions are like butt cracks - everyone has one

[DawnH 9]

I am at a loss for words right now. Just got off the phone with a very good friend of mine of 14 yrs and spent the entire time defending my decision to have surgery. This friend has known of my decision for several months and never objected to the idea. I am 2 weeks post op. I guess Im just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this situation and how did you deal with it?

I hear ya! It is so frustrating when people are negative about it. My mother in law is telling me I am making a big mistake because her sister got really sick when she had her gastric bypass and I tried to explain it is totally different. She is the type that will be jealous when I am successful at it and she has had the weight battle all her adult life. The dentist a couple days ago was trying to talk me into cancelling my surgery and to try the zone diet.... really annoying but luckily there are other people who can support us. I think the negative people need to realize it is something that we are doing for ourselves and they don't live in our bodies so just to support our decisions and if they don't agree to just keep it to themselves. Good luck!

[Melhobb 3]

I have a friend that was not against my decision , but pretty much said "I am not going to be the only fat one." So it has become some competition and has given me a partner to workout with and lose weight with. She was pretty upset at first , not because I was having it done , just because she was jealous, but now she is glad I made the choice because it has kept both of us on track and we have both lost lots of weight. My sister on the other hand had a lot of negative things to say when I first made the choice to have the lap band. She is also very obese and I think she is just jealous because she does not have the courage to have any kind of surgery . She still sometimes makes snide comments, but I know they are just out of pure jealousy . I try to get her to work out and eat right , but she says I can only do it because I have had surgery (cheated) as she says. Truth is , it is just as hard with the lapband , the lapband is just a tool and yes it does help you not eat as much , but it can not determine a donut from a salad , those choices are up to me. What I am saying is when you decide to have the lapband , it is your choice and you have to be determined and not let what anyone says to you affect your choice. The surgery does not affect anyone but you, so the choice to have it should not affect them either. You may also have your friend do some research for herself because she could be just concerned for your well being. Good luck and go show all the na-sayers that you made a great choice!

[betheboo 40]

I had a friend who let me know she "did not approve" of my surgery... I just let her know that I felt like this was the best decision for me. Now that she sees the weight coming off she is coming,around.

[willowcat 93]

Be who you are and say what you feel...because that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind--Dr. Suess

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