Relationship trouble?

[Little Teapot 1]

So, I haven't even been banded that long, and I've only lost 18 lbs, but I'm starting to worry about what my relationship will be like with my husband when I lose a significant amount of weight. I'm already becoming a more active person, and I've always been more outgoing than him. I'm worried he won't be able to keep up with me. I want to get out there and see/do everything, travel, and be adventurous. I just don't know what the future will hold. (We just had our five year anniversary and we don't have kids yet just to fill you in on our status).

So I guess my question is: Have any of you experienced relationship trouble as a result of your weightloss/lifestyle change?

[Jennifer Hathaway 12]

My relationship is better. We just had our 4 yr anniversary being together and we are getting engaged in the next month. (He told me because of the ring) but he wants the proposal to be a surprise. Anyway I am a much happier and healthier person now and it is really showing in our relationship. We have a 2 yo daughter and I can keep up with her and my 12 yo son so much better, so we are out of the house more. I am sure you will be okay.

[kaydin81 8]

I haven't been banded yet, but I have been through this thought before. When I lost 30 lbs, my whole attitude on life changed. I felt prettier, had more energy, volunteered more, worked out more, etc. I started losing "interest" in my husband because other men started noticing me and paid attention to me. It was the "new" feeling I got like when you start dating someone....you know, the butterflies. I almost made the worst decision of my life because of this, too. Even though all these things had changed the way I looked, felt, acted, etc...my husband didn't change. So I thought I deserved better, needed something to spruce up my life. One day it hit me. My husband was the one who supported me through my tough times, skinny and large. Stuck by me when I threw all my clothes on the floor and refused to go to a wedding because I was too fat. Encouraged me any way he could to help me lose the weight on my own. I didn't need a new guy. I had to find a way to rekindle what we had lost because of me and MY issues. I went to counseling to help get my attitude under control. To figure out why in the world I felt the need to move on when nothing was really wrong in the relationship, I just liked the new attention I was getting. Counseling really helped. That was 2 years ago. And even though I'm right back where I started (weight wise), my husband stands by me in my decision to have WLS. I could never repay him for how he's taken care of me, but I guarantee you, the grass isn't always as green as you think on the other side. Just a thought to keep in mine :-)

[Papillon Princess 13]

I don't think you have to do everything together. My parents are total opposites and only have one thing in common - their love for the family. Both of them go their own ways when it comes to hobbies and what they enjoy doing. Sometimes they will come together and do something the other one enjoys. But for the most part, it seems to work out great that they aren't always together. Find things that you can do on your own and make sure you discuss it with him. See if there are some things he might enjoy doing with you. If you are in love, it will work out. Counseling may be something to consider as well like the person above said.

So, I haven't even been banded that long, and I've only lost 18 lbs, but I'm starting to worry about what my relationship will be like with my husband when I lose a significant amount of weight. I'm already becoming a more active person, and I've always been more outgoing than him. I'm worried he won't be able to keep up with me. I want to get out there and see/do everything, travel, and be adventurous. I just don't know what the future will hold. (We just had our five year anniversary and we don't have kids yet just to fill you in on our status).

So I guess my question is: Have any of you experienced relationship trouble as a result of your weightloss/lifestyle change?

[Humming Bird 275]

It is so hard to respond to relationship stuff. So many things come in to play and we bansters here don't really know you.

Here's my two cents anyway...............

If you have a strong relationship pre-op, it has a better chance of staying strong.

In my case, I have been with my husband 25 years. We shacked up for 5 years and our 20th anniversary is this month.

Things have been strong with us from day one and he has seen me every size from 7 -24. We are still very much in love :wub: . The WLS may prolong our life together, but I didn't give it so much thought. I would say we are more active together since I can enjoy without the extra weight.

[NJGirl32 43]

My first marriage we were a lot like that-I was very outgoing and always doing something. He was more of a homebody and had very little social outlets and friends. It didn't work as we grew older. My current hubby is much more aligned to me-he is very outgoing and enjoys doing lots of things. Personally, I don't think you'll have a problem...maybe you'll even inspire him to want to do more! But if not, you can still do a lot of things independently or with a friend. If it seems to become a problem, maybe some counseling to help with the adjustment. Can your love withstand the weight loss? Yes, it should, it really should-in fact it should make you stronger. Good luck!

[1970MaleJaxFL 7]

Temptation. When you master your temptation to over eat, you lose weight and become more attractive to others. Then you face another kind of temptation because you have more options for mating/ dating. If you 'settled' when you get hitched to your spouse, that relationship may not withstand the situation when more options open up to you. On the other hand, if you married for the right reasons, your relationship will probably be fine.

[Chubbywithmuscles 20]

My wife was a size 8 when we met and I was like 440lbs.......we got married and in the last three years and a child later, she's a size 16 and even before the band I had lost about 50 pounds. Since the band she's resented me and blammed me for her gaining weight and saying that I'm abandoning her because I got the band and leaving her in the "fat zone". She won't go to the gym with me, walk with me, participate in recreational sports with me...nothing. The funny thing is she wouldn't do any of those with me before the band either, but now it's all my fault she's bigger..........

I say all that to say.....if your partner is trying to be with you and supports you....stay put......just my opinion......

[asksdf 5]

If both you and your partner were fat and inactive together, I have to imagine it won't go to well once you lose the weight. Everybody here has had that one moment where it all clicked, where we knew we had to make a life change. I mean yeah, when you're fat you know you need to lose weight, but we all know motivation is hard to come by.

You've found your motivation, your husband probably hasn't. And another thing we all know is how annoying it is when other people tell us we should lose weight and get more active....we end up doing the exact opposite. Hopefully you can keep that in mind once you drop the weight if your husband has a hard time adjusting.

Also, the same thing happens with 'fat friends'. I have one friend who is about 320-330lbs, and our main activity was hanging out at either of our houses, and going out to eat. Packing on the pounds together. Guess what? Now I barely see the guy. Turns out we don't have that much in common.