Going completely public about their surgery?

[DaddyD 1]

I've been thinking recently about the issue of who to tell about the surgery (I'm scheduled for June 21).

I know there are a ton (probably most) of people here who just told one or two or a handful of people, if anyone at all. But I'm curious if there are people here who went beyond that but actually were wide open about what they were doing with anyone who asked, bringing it up themselves, even, and perhaps went to the point of publicly blogging about it and what-have-you.

A little back-story: My wife was banded about 6 years ago, not long after we met, and only told a handful of people such as her parents, brother, and a close friend or two (apparently her willingness share with me was a big point of "oh my God, I really trust this guy!" for her). There are several friends who, I'm sure, have some idea that she had some sort of bariatric surgery, and in general I think everyone has been quite supportive, or at least bitten their tongue. She had very very good results her first year, so I'm sure that was helpful in people at least not telling her it was a mistake. Her parents actually paid for it, so they knew and were supportive, and at worst her mom has just said a few awkward things in public like mothers do (oh God, wedding dress shopping was hilarious).

As for myself, I've been overweight since I was in about 4th grade. I'm only 5'6" but was at 320lbs when I started my 3-month pre-surgery program, so I qualify based on BMI alone. I've been lucky enough to have no other co-morbidities so far, such as diabetes or heart disease, other than high blood pressure, which is now under control. I have two small sons (almost 3 years old and 4 months old) and am determined to do this to not only save my life but to help ensure they have a father who is alive and is not limited by his weight and inevitable obesity-related declining health.

Anyhow, I've been thinking about going beyond the handful of people, and actually being very open about it to the point of almost "announcing", I guess you could say. Perhaps posting about it on Facebook and other web forums I frequent with an explanation of what is being done and why, and talking to the leader of our church worship team to ask that that amazing bunch of people can be praying for me (never mind have an honest excuse for why I won't be able to sing for a couple of weeks), and that sort of thing.

My reasons for wanting to do this basically break down to these:

1) I want to be honest. I don't want to lie and say I'm had a hernia or something just because I'm embarrassed to admit I need this surgery. Of course it's no one's business but my own, and I'm never going to judge someone for wanting to keep their band private, but for me it just doesn't feel like the right thing. I also feel like being honest about it would be a big step in confronting my relationship with food and admitting that it was an abusive one, in need of a drastic measure.

2) I want accountability. The way I see it, the more public knowledge it is amongst my friends and family it is, the more people I will have to face up to if I'm not using my tool properly. I know this will almost definitely mean more unsolicited advice and rude comments than you can shake a stick at, but hey, I'm a stay-at-home-dad, I get that all the time already.

3) I want more people to know more, accurate information about the lap-band. This is probably my biggest reason. Several years ago, I lost quite a bit of weight on Atkins -- about 85lbs total. In the end I did gain it all back (and more) because I stopped following it properly and stopped exercising the way I had been (mostly weekly judo classes). But before, during, and after, I was a HUGE advocate for Atkins (still am) and spent a lot of time among friend as the go-to guy for debunking myths about Atkins and low/controlled-carb diets. It killed me how many people misunderstood how it worked, why it worked, etc. With the band there is the same thing, times 10, with the added element of people thinking it's an "easy way out" or what have you. I really really really want to be able to help educate people about the band without needing to do so anonymously, or bite my tongue to avoid people finding out I have one. I figure the only way attitudes will change and the stigma go away is if the very people who are getting banded don't seem to be agreeing that it's something to be ashamed of doing.

Has anyone else here done this sort of thing and would be willing to share how it went? Are you glad you did, or do you perhaps regret it? What are some of the effects it had on your own journey, good or bad?

Do you think I'm crazy for even thinking of this?

[Cindy C 150]

OMG, you just described me to a tee!!! I told absolutely everybody who would listen since day one! Like you, I'm not gonna lie, I wanted accountability and most importantly, I wanted to help and educate others. I'm a big believer in giving back. The only person I didn't tell in advance was my elderly mother but that was for her benefit, not mine. I didn't want her to feel she had to hang around the hospital and I certainly didn't want her to worry about me undergoing surgery. She's always been a worry-wart and has plenty of health issues of her own (Parkinson's and early stages of dementia). When I got home from the hospital the day after surgery, the first thing I did was call her and tell her what I had done. She was hurt and pissed at first but quickly got over it. She has since become my biggest cheerleader! (Except for when she's trying to force feed me. Old habits die hard!)

I've always been someone who didn't particularly give a rat's pa-toot about what anyone else thinks. I live my life the way I see fit. You know the saying...."those that matter don't mind...those that mind don't matter!" I say, good for you! Shout it from the rooftops and ignore the naysayers!

On a side note, I had a friend who was also morbidly obese. I said to her one time that I wanted to have lap band surgery and maybe we should do it together. Her exact words were; "Oh, I would never do anything like that!!" Then she went and had it done. She not only didn't tell anyone, she lied to everyone saying that her weight loss was strictly from diet and exercise. We found out by accident when another friend went to a seminar and she was the former patient there to speak. Needless to say, she lost alot of friends because of it! Lying is always a bad idea!

[JenB78 0]

Good Morning,

I had to respond to this because I am the girl who has told EVERYONE about my band, even people who probably dont care lol. I am the girl who blogs about it, and even mentions it in my online dating profile. That might be why I cant find any good ones, but thats a whole other topic! haha. Honestly, I never even considered keeping it private. I am 2 years post op. I honestly feel like it would have been difficult for me to keep it on the down low because of the way that I eat now. People that are close to me would have figured it out for sure. Also, telling everyone has kept me accountable to some point . I am a very open person, and being open about the band has allowed me to meet some amazing people who are considering the band to. I always say that I "witness" about my band to everyone that I can beucase I believe in it so much, so i have become the "go to girl" in my circle of friends for anyone who is considering weight loss surgery. I have been able to help so many people, and that makes me feel so good about it!!! I would say that only one person in my life has not been that supportive about it, and that is my boss. He was looking at it from a financial standpoint( I paid cash) and he thought I could lose the weight through other methods and I didnt need to spend all this money to do so. He has never been fat a day in his life, so his opinion didnt matter that much to me. If anyone else has been negative about it, i havent heard of it. I dont care what people think to be honest with you, because its my life. this was by far the best decision i ever have made for myself, and my only regret is that I didnt do it sooner. Good luck!!!!!!

jennifer

[NewStart95987 35]

Ditto, Ditto, Ditto! I have told my clients I would be out and told them why. Only one client asked me why I was getting it done and not losing the weight on my own because I had already lost 20 lbs on my own. I explained my reasons and that it wasn't meant for everyone. She was very slender so she never experienced the weight battle herself. When we were done talking, she understood. People may not agree but it's not their choice to make, they can be understanding though.

I think surgery gets such a bad reputation and people think that WLS patients take the "easy" way out when it is not the case at all. Like you, I love being able to educated others and hopefully inspire others to better themselves. Weight, Drugs, alcohol, etc, whatever you feel you need help with, you should do. You should never be ashamed to better yourself and this is what I have to do to become a more healthy individual. This is the road I took, it's NOT for everyone but this is what I wanted to do to better myself.

I have recieved so much support from family, friends and my clients that it just confirms that I am making the right decision.

[DaddyD 1]

I'm thinking at this point that if I don't "go wide," so to speak, it would be mainly out of respect for my wife and her desire to keep her surgery mostly private. I dunno. Not that I'd be discussing her own journey with the band, but I'd definitely want her permission, because her success and knowledge is definitely a big part of why I am such a believer. I guess we'll see!

[Julia_N 2]

I'm thinking at this point that if I don't "go wide," so to speak, it would be mainly out of respect for my wife and her desire to keep her surgery mostly private. I dunno. Not that I'd be discussing her own journey with the band, but I'd definitely want her permission, because her success and knowledge is definitely a big part of why I am such a believer. I guess we'll see!

I've told quite a few people about my surgery, but it depends on whether I want to talk about it all the time. Some people don't understand what it's like to be uncontrollably overweight, and I don't feel like giving them a big education when my weight isn't really an issue with this person. I want my life to be more than just my weight loss. I want my life to be about my work or my writing or my family. If someone asks how I lost the weight, I'll gladly tell them, but I don't need to lecture a bunch of skinny 17-year-olds at my daughter's birthday party why I'm not drinking soda. Good luck with your surgery!

[vickyd 24]

If you (and your wife) are comfortable with it then I say GO FOR IT!!! I haven't chosen to be open about my surgery but I am so thankful to the many people out there who blog about their journeys because I have learned so much from them.

[Thee-O 15]

I was very and remain very public about my surgery. Part of it accountability but also finally relived that after a year of running through the pre op that it was finally here and I wanted to shout it from the roof tops.

Part of my life (I am a DJ in Los Angeles) is very public and it was liberating for me to get this out there and find so many support from friends and strangers alike. I recently went to some clubs and random people came to ask me how I was feeling after surgery. The support has been outstanding. I think people just want to see other people do well. And sometimes, they see more results than you do

[Humming Bird 275]

I have told everyone from day one. I would never go on the T.V. news or anything, but am very open about it. In almost 2 years I have only had one negative comment and that one was from a little old lady, so I just let it roll off.

I agree with not wanting to lie about how I dropped so much weight.

[dawn of dibley 6]

everyone has their reasons for doing what they do, and we each have to do the thing that is right for us. i'm so happy that you have a supportive community of friends and family that are there for you. i don't have that in my daily life, so i have chosen to keep it to myself as long as i can. when (and if) people start noticing that i'm losing weight, i will deal with it then, but i don't need any unwanted comments or accountability in this area. for me the added pressure of someone watching everything that goes into my mouth and questioning it would send me into a tailspin and cause me to hide food or eat slider foods. (i am an emotional/ bulk eater, so i have to guard against that.)

if people want to shout it to the rooftops, it's wonderful and i support it, but for those people like me who just want to sit in the shadows and do their thing without being scrutinized, then that's ok too. we are all on our own journeys and we all take the path that is right for us.

good luck to you on your journey

[SkinnyInside=) 5]

Personally for me telling everyone isnt even a option. ive told close friends and 2 family members but i really dont want to my weight to be the topic of conversation ALL THE TIME !! The very few people i did already are driving me crazy ! I haven't even had it yet and people are already asking " How much have you lost so far " ? and then they try to give you wrong information about the band like " You know if you eat that your just going to stretch out your stomach " ... sighs .. really ?

Its totally something to really think about. Eventually you are going to lose a mess of weight and you might not want it to be the ONLY thing people associate you with .

Thats just my 2 cents =)

[Rachel412 116]

I'm so glad that people feel comfortable telling everyone they know. I don't- already, with only family members knowing, I often see them watching me eat and saying things like "you have to eat like this the REST of your LIFE?" or constantly checking in with me to see how much I've lost. It's exhausting

[JenB78 0]

I agree with you all that at times its exhausting with everyone knowing. I feel like I am on display everywhere I go. People have heard about me, and want to talk to me about it. They want to know EVERYTHING i can eat and cannot eat. They even want to see scars lol. Try eating at one of these events. I feel like they might as well put me up on the big screen so everyone can see whats on my plate, and observe me eating LOL. Im exagerating a big, but people do talk to me about it alot. I dont really mind though because I am still so excited about it, 2 years later. If they didnt say anything, I would think wow, they cant tell that Ive lost 123 freaking pounds?? haha... Honestly, some people dont even recognize me, and THAT is a great feeling I undersatnd that telling everyone is not for everyone... and not everyone gets support like I have been given... but getting the band is awesome, even if its your little secret

[emjay 8]

Just go with your gut - no pun intended. Make sure your wife is on board and be considerate of her needs. I've been fairly open about having lap band, however, I don't feel the need to tell someone when I standing in line at a funeral home (I wasn't fully honest when asked about my weight loss there). Not appropriate conversation at the time. I am more open about it with people I feel closer to - but people that are just being nosey - I don't go into much explanation. Being from a small town is a different animal. Lots of people know you or think they do and seem quick to judge. If I feel someone is truly interested and I think the info would help them I elaborate. I've had some reactions that were less than pleasant or people that say things that are a bit spiteful, but in the end I blame it on their ignorance about the band and about what my life was like.

If you want to shout it from the rooftops - by all means go ahead. Just be prepared. If you put yourself out there - some people may judge you harshly and relationships with people may change. That's the part that is not fun.

Best of luck to you!

[Cindy C 150]

Just go with your gut - no pun intended. Make sure your wife is on board and be considerate of her needs. I've been fairly open about having lap band, however, I don't feel the need to tell someone when I standing in line at a funeral home (I wasn't fully honest when asked about my weight loss there). Not appropriate conversation at the time. I am more open about it with people I feel closer to - but people that are just being nosey - I don't go into much explanation. Being from a small town is a different animal. Lots of people know you or think they do and seem quick to judge. If I feel someone is truly interested and I think the info would help them I elaborate. I've had some reactions that were less than pleasant or people that say things that are a bit spiteful, but in the end I blame it on their ignorance about the band and about what my life was like.

If you want to shout it from the rooftops - by all means go ahead. Just be prepared. If you put yourself out there - some people may judge you harshly and relationships with people may change. That's the part that is not fun.

Best of luck to you!

I agree for the most part; however, any relationship that changes because of my lap band probably wasn't a relationship worth having anyway!