I AM AN ISLAND

[Bodacious Barbie 5]

I was one of the first people to join myspace years ago, and Facebook. For years my husband shunned social networking and now is a member of Facebook too and loves it. It just feels that whenever I do or decide to do something noone else I know has done, I am discouraged. i was one of the first to go to college in my family while being a single parent at the same time, the first in my age group to purchase a home, each time they didn't think I would do it, or that I could do it, so Its not surprising that getting banded would be any different. I just think sometimes It would be nice if I got support from my family and friends. Its always strangers that give me the support I need. Thank goodness for this site and other forums like bandsters blogs or I would get no positive feedback from others about getting banded. The African American community is a little hesitant on any surgery that isn't a life threatening emergency. But i'm a leader not a follower, so I'm sure if they see how successful it has been with me in the future, hopefully, maybe more will consider it. Because it is no secret that obesity and the illnesses caused in association with it are high within the African-American community. I just hate always feeling like an island in my real whenever I do something different. Does anyone else feel like alone regarding their lap band or decision to get it amongst their friends and family?

[Noturningback15 45]

I agree with weight loss surgery being a stigma within our community but who cares! I did this to live longer and feel better about myself. Where were all those people when the pounds were adding up? They didn't have too much advice or help then and now all of sudden they want to advice people on not having weight loss surgery...LOL! When we are at our goals and living a more fulfilled life then they will start to say things like "I'm glad you did this or that because you look so much better now" Well some of my family members that initially had problems with it are already saying things like that and I am not anywhere near goal. So, hold your head up high and do what's best for you! Good luck!

[54Shirley 105]

I'm not African American, but I know a leader when I hear one. You even said it yourself.

Be Glad you are Unique. Smart, Different, then the average person. You reach out and get what you want.

That comes with a price. It's like working for a Boss. You have your Leaders, and followers.

The reason you feel like a Island, is because you are in a league, that is all by itself !

That is a excellent thing, and you should be proud of yourself. Don't be Bummed out, because you have Talent !

Trust me,,,,, it takes one to know one...

Yes I have felt that way before, but only because I know I'm different. It's a good thing, so I don't let it get me down.

My race was very hard on me about WLS. but,, I said you have not walked in my shoes, and you don't even know me.

So what gives you the wright to Judge me. They backed of. So now I tell no one. People in General are Phony !

So why waist my time. You can see the Island in those last sentences, but they are true.

So I hold my head high, and just keep plugging along. If they don't like it. To H*ll with them.

Don't take a back seat, and be proud of yourself.

Shirley.

[Cindy C 150]

Good for both of you! Don't let your communities dictate how you live your lives. You have to do what's right for yourselves. I have this little "Jewish Mother" that, in one breath says "I'm so proud of you. You look so good and so healthy." Then she proceeds to tell me whats in the fridge and "You should eat, Bubelah, eat!" I just bite my tongue and tell her I'm not hungry. What I want to say is "D*** It, Ma, you did this to me once. You're not going to do it again!"

[NJGirl32 43]

Don't think of yourself as an island...think of yourself as a trailblazer!!

[54Shirley 105]

Good for both of you! Don't let your communities dictate how you live your lives. You have to do what's right for yourselves. I have this little "Jewish Mother" that, in one breath says "I'm so proud of you. You look so good and so healthy." Then she proceeds to tell me whats in the fridge and "You should eat, Bubelah, eat!" I just bite my tongue and tell her I'm not hungry. What I want to say is "D*** It, Ma, you did this to me once. You're not going to do it again!"

Hear, Hear! You tell them no matter who they are... It's your life.

[54Shirley 105]

Don't think of yourself as an island...think of yourself as a trailblazer!!

That works to !

[Bodacious Barbie 5]

Don't think of yourself as an island...think of yourself as a trailblazer!!

Thanks all! I really need to, it would help me pay them no mind much easier if I did. I caught hell (scrutinized terribly) for having another baby, by my husband of 18 years nonetheless at 42 yrs old. Having babies over 40 is also non-typical occurence amongst my peers. Like you guys said I just gotta do whats right for me, to heck what they think.

[54Shirley 105]

Thanks all! I really need to, it would help me pay them no mind much easier if I did. I caught hell (scrutinized terribly) for having another baby, by my husband of 18 years nonetheless at 42 yrs old. Having babies over 40 is also non-typical occurence amongst my peers. Like you guys said I just gotta do whats right for me, to heck what they think.

You got it Band Sister.

[CheckYes 46]

I feel like you might care too much about what people think. You want to be recognized for your accomplishments but, sadly, it doesn't happen often enough. The only person you should be worrying about impressing is yourself.

You are fabulous and wonderful. All you need is to make sure YOU think so too!

[Phranp 46]

I am sorry that you have been made to feel like an island by family and friends. Sometimes you have to take what you can get, where you can get it. This forum provides a lot of support, a well spring of information, and it is a great place to vent.

That said, I have to say that as an African-American my experience has been just the opposite. Most of the people I know that have had WLS (mostly gastric bypass) are A-A and there's been no stigma attached to any of us. As for myself, my family and friends are super supportive. (With the exception of a former sis-in-law, but that's a story for another time) I was telling my best friend that my sister was my "biggest fan" and so proud of my weight loss and she said "hey, I'm your biggest fan". I was like "yes, you too, you are both my biggest fans" LOL My brother and his wife are full of compliments when they see me and make every attempt to accommodate my food needs when I go to their house for dinner. Even though I tell them just to cook as they normally do. Another friend that had gastric bypass about 9 years ago was absolutely thrilled when I had lapband surgery and her mom called me a few weeks ago to ask about the band because she is considering the surgery. Her granddaughter is considering it too and came to me for information. I always send them to this forum.

I guess my point is that from my perspective the A-A community is very accepting of lapband surgery. Heck I know A-As that have had breast enhancements, tummy tucks and even a nose job (that was due to a medical sugery that resulted in damage to her nose so ...). At the same time, I have no doubt that your (and the Noturningback's) experience is real and that in your circle this is the way lapband is viewed. I just would not view my experience (or yours) as the norm of the entire A-A community. We are a diverse group. As it happens I live in L.A. which may (or may not) be the reason that WLS surgery is accepted in the A-A community. But most of all I would hope that knowing that our community is so diverse, you will not feel so much like an island. Thanks to the internet and forums like this you will find many A-As that have a lot in common with you. You will also learn how much you have in common with other cultures, especially when it comes to the lapband. This is a good thing. We are all in this together and can help and support each other.

All the best to you on your journey.

~Fran

[Bodacious Barbie 5]

@Phranp I feel They are more open minded in LA about plastic surgery and anything to enhance your appearance. It's really great that you have so much support. @ CheckYes Though I'm strong willed and always do what's right for me no matter what they think, it's just hurts when the people who you love and support don't support you. Accept for my one cousin who supports me in everything I do. Thank God for her. I do these things to improve myself and my life, not to impress them, but nobody can tell me it doesn't feel better having the support of those closest to them. @Fran I have a diverse group of friends of all races in my real life, and have my entire life One of my best friends who I have the most in common with is Caucasian, so hope I didn't give off the wrong impression. I apologize if I generalized with my comments. I can't speak for all, just the A-As I know. I've always been my own biggest cheerleader, and I'll continue to be throughout this lapband process. Thanks all. Your opinions were all appreciated.

[54Shirley 105]

Do me a favor..... On the pre band page, you will find my Journal #s 1,2, and 3. This is my true story of myself.

Now do to a Dr.'s mistake (NOTHING MAJOR) it cost me almost all the weight.

So now,, I'll do it again !

I have a new Surgeon, who was his student, but moved into Northern, Michigan from Detroit. He's a nice guy. Anyway take a look at them in order, and let me know what you think.

Shirley.

[Phranp 46]

@Phranp I feel They are more open minded in LA about plastic surgery and anything to enhance your appearance. It's really great that you have so much support. @ CheckYes Though I'm strong willed and always do what's right for me no matter what they think, it's just hurts when the people who you love and support don't support you. Accept for my one cousin who supports me in everything I do. Thank God for her. I do these things to improve myself and my life, not to impress them, but nobody can tell me it doesn't feel better having the support of those closest to them. @Fran I have a diverse group of friends of all races in my real life, and have my entire life One of my best friends who I have the most in common with is Caucasian, so hope I didn't give off the wrong impression. I apologize if I generalized with my comments. I can't speak for all, just the A-As I know. I've always been my own biggest cheerleader, and I'll continue to be throughout this lapband process. Thanks all. Your opinions were all appreciated.

You know, I may not like to admit it, but life in Cali can be very different from other states -- the farther east you go. I have family and friends in other states and yes, you are right Cali is different -- from politics, to style (or the lack there of sometimes LOL), to cults (that Harold Camping guy is located in the Bay Area), to the environment (businesses are running away screaming from all the regulations), etc. I also know that it is easy for us the think that "our" life in the A-A community is "typical" of the A-A community everywhere. And, no I did not get the impression that you do not have friends of other cultures. I was just trying to suggest that no matter what culture or whether they are relatives or not, sometimes they have to give us what our family members cannot, for whatever reason. Don't get me wrong, I get it that it would be nice to have the support of family, and I am sorry you don't have it -- yet. Hey, somebody has to be the "trailblazer" why not you? Once they see your great success with lapband they will be in awe! I am excited for you "my sistah" and look forward to hearing about your journey to better health and ... a longer list of clothing stores to shop in! LOL

It's 5:30 a.m. -- time to get out of here and get to the park. Have a fabulous day!

~Fran

[Noturningback15 45]

You are right we are a very diverse group of people and I guess I should have not said "our community" like the whole race feels that way but that can't be true because I would have not had the surgery if it was! I am from the south so I actually laughed out loud when I read you are in California! In my opinion plastic surgery, WLS or any kind of cosmetic surgery is more accepted in Cali no matter what race you are! I have many relatives from Cali and it's amazing to see how liberated they are about certain issues that are shunned on us Southerns.....I am glad that I did what's best for me no matter where I live! I have a lot of support now but it took a while for them to warm up to it and now like I said before they are all happy I did this.

I am sorry that you have been made to feel like an island by family and friends. Sometimes you have to take what you can get, where you can get it. This forum provides a lot of support, a well spring of information, and it is a great place to vent.

That said, I have to say that as an African-American my experience has been just the opposite. Most of the people I know that have had WLS (mostly gastric bypass) are A-A and there's been no stigma attached to any of us. As for myself, my family and friends are super supportive. (With the exception of a former sis-in-law, but that's a story for another time) I was telling my best friend that my sister was my "biggest fan" and so proud of my weight loss and she said "hey, I'm your biggest fan". I was like "yes, you too, you are both my biggest fans" LOL My brother and his wife are full of compliments when they see me and make every attempt to accommodate my food needs when I go to their house for dinner. Even though I tell them just to cook as they normally do. Another friend that had gastric bypass about 9 years ago was absolutely thrilled when I had lapband surgery and her mom called me a few weeks ago to ask about the band because she is considering the surgery. Her granddaughter is considering it too and came to me for information. I always send them to this forum.

I guess my point is that from my perspective the A-A community is very accepting of lapband surgery. Heck I know A-As that have had breast enhancements, tummy tucks and even a nose job (that was due to a medical sugery that resulted in damage to her nose so ...). At the same time, I have no doubt that your (and the Noturningback's) experience is real and that in your circle this is the way lapband is viewed. I just would not view my experience (or yours) as the norm of the entire A-A community. We are a diverse group. As it happens I live in L.A. which may (or may not) be the reason that WLS surgery is accepted in the A-A community. But most of all I would hope that knowing that our community is so diverse, you will not feel so much like an island. Thanks to the internet and forums like this you will find many A-As that have a lot in common with you. You will also learn how much you have in common with other cultures, especially when it comes to the lapband. This is a good thing. We are all in this together and can help and support each other.

All the best to you on your journey.

~Fran