Weird Comment by fellow Bandster

[hopetolose 192]

So when i was in for my first fill last week, I had a lady that had the procedure done the same day say a comment to me that I wasnt sure how to take.

My surgeon does the post op class for "how to understand fill process" on the 6 week mark and all the people that had the procedure done that day comes in to the class and then goes and has thier fill done right afterwards. There were 4 of us that was banded on 4/14. So I have met these people twice in the last month and 1/2. Both at classes. This one lady is kinda big and walks with a cane. But I could tell that she has done well and she seems to be moving around better than she did the last time I saw her.

Well we got to talking a little bit before the class and then again right after our fills were done as we sat next to each other while we were sipping on our waters. We talked about how the fills went and all that. Then she said "not to be mean, but why did you have the procedure done, you dont even look overweight"

I wasnt quite sure how to respond. I just said that I definately needed it done and that I was happy that I had done it. My bmi was 37, which makes me severely obese. I would say this lady is probably under morbid obese. I kinda switched the subject after that to something else.

Im just wondering if this is the norm on how people feel about someone that is not over 40 bmi having the procedure done. I hope I am not opening up a big can of worms asking this question. Either way, would not bother me because I am so glad that I did it. When she said it, I almost wanted to say "well why didnt you get the bypass done" But I didnt think that would be nice at all to say and I am not a person that would hurt someone just to hurt them. It is up to her what procedure she wanted to have done, just like it was up to me on having this procedure done. That was just a quick thing that went through my mind when I was trying to decide if I was offended or not by her comment.

Anyway, was just thinking about it and was curious if anyone has had a comment like this before.

[WEESIE 5]

Yes, I get this all the time. I have always gotten this while I have tried to lose weight over the last 25 years. I started this with a BMI just over 36. Initially my patient advocate even said she was concerned about me being approved. I have always had chicken legs and chicken arms. At times I choose to dress in such a way that my chicken (now normal sized) legs and arms are emphasized and my torso is minimized. I also had liposuction on the quadruple chin a few years ago for job stability. So yes, I do look smaller than I actually am. I also don't have a BMI over 40.

But...there are some people who don't question my decision

My PCP doctor who writes my three blood pressure medications each month.

My Rheumatologist who treats the fibromyalgia and arthritis

My Endocrinologist for my diabetes

My husband who sees the rolls on my five foot frame under the clothes.

My husband who pays the $300.00 copays on meds each month and hopes we never lose insurance and can't afford my scripts

My children and grandchildren who want me to attend graduations and weddings in the years to come.

Myself....I want to live longer, be happier, be healthier, have less pain, take less medications and feel better about myself.

So I might not have reached a BMI over 40. I was not as healthy as a lot of people with that magic BMI of 40 plus. Fortunately for me the criteria for surgery include "unhealthy" people with a BMI over 35.

[DrmBig4Evr 152]

Well said Weesie! When you take your height and weight and compare it to what we all should weigh, most of America is overweight. She may have just been comparing you to the average woman. Then again, as Weesie said very well, its your reasons personally and yourself that matters. Not her comments. Congrats!

[Jenn1214 120]

No offense to her, but that seems to be a rude question. It's not about "looking overweight", it's about our health and how we feel about ourselves. I had a lot of people tell me "Oh you don't need the lap band, you're not that heavy", but at 5'4" and 251 pounds it wasn't a question. Don't listen to her, you did what was right for you and that's the only thing that matters.

[hopetolose 192]

I know I did the right thing. It was just weird hearing it from someone that is suppose to be on my side because we are going thru the same thing. I did it so that I wouldnt get to a bmi of 40. Which is where I was heading if I did any more "diets".

I finally feel as if this will be the end of it all. I dont really feel like I am dieting. Im not hungry, so I dont eat that much and although Im not losing that fast, its going down without so much frustration as all the other diets gave me. I hope that makes sense. I know im still early in my process, but it just feels good right now;)

[hopetolose 192]

Weesie, your reasons are great. I know my reasons and dont question them. I didnt even go into with this lady. I just smiled and said "yeah, I needed it" and changed the subject.

All I know is, my back and feet are already feeling better and are only going to get better the more I lose. Yea me! Lol

[Dave_NW 92]

You may be reading more into things than she meant. It could be her understanding that people who get surgery are those who have a large amount of weight to lose, and in her eyes, you might look "too thin" to be a surgery candidate. As we all know, weight numbers can be deceiving - people often weigh more than they appear. So maybe she was trying to pay you a lefthanded compliment, because (in her estimation) you aren't in her obesity league.

I posted a few months ago about a woman at my work who casually referred to me as a "formerly fat person." In her eyes, I'm no longer fat. But in my own eyes, I still have a long way to go. But in retrospect, I can see her point. It struck me as weird at the time, but I can see how her perception of me is much more flattering than my own opinion of myself. Perception is everything.

Dave

[Jachut 487]

Oh goodness, opening a can of worms, lol. There have been all in brawls on here about this topic, with heavier people getting into those of us that had lower BMI's, suggesting that with a bit of willpower, we could have "done it ourselves". Well, my response to that is that if it were so frickin easy to lose weight when your BMI is 35, as mine was, then why the heck have these heavier people gotten even fatter than that. There are definitely people that feel they are more deserving, that they suffer more because they are heavier etc. In those cases, the question can be spiteful but its more about them than you.

Other times, people genunienly dont think a BMI under 40 is that heavy. It is actually obese but people are so used to seeing such huge people these days and hardly anyone of a truly normal weight that it seems 'normal'. Their question really does reflect that they dont understand that you are feeling he effects of obesity at that stage. By the same token, we've had huge arguments because some of us, me for one, cannot understand how anyone could be happy with losing down to a BMI of 28 or 30 and stopping there. To me, that's still rather fat, pretty fat actually. But that's because I havent been morbidly obese, its because I somehow was lucky and did lose right down to a BMI of 20, and I just have a different perspective on it. I'd be desperate if I put on weight back to a BMI of 25 again.

You do this to please YOU and that's all that matters. By and large I dont think people mean o be rude or nasty, they hjust see things from another perspective.

[phatgirl 2011 1]

I totally agree with Dave. As a "Morbidly Obese" individual looking at a weight scale only i would maybe "think" something like that depending on your height.. like I would "Kill" to be at your size and stay there. Maybe thats what she's thinking? hm. I don't know but she could have not even been looking at the health reasons. She doesn't know u, I feel she was giving u a left handed compliment like girl you look good and thick! nothing stated negatively. lol but then u never know with people sometimes.

[Jachut 487]

Exactly, your perspective is different and you'd not make a comment like that with a nasty motive, simply with a view to "boy, I wish I had your problem". People forget that they've been there and got fatter and that it does actually pose quite a health risk.

[hopetolose 192]

I am tall, 5'8", so I do carry my weight pretty well. most in my thunder thighs

I dont think she was trying to be mean, thats why I wrote wierd instead of negative on my post. I agree with Dave, I think she didnt really see me at obese. Its just like how I see my sister. She thinks sheneeds to lose weight, byt I would kill to be a 10-12.

Im sorry, I did open big can if worms. Would make good reality tv, morbid vs severely obese. Lol

I will not take her comment to heart and when I see her I will continue to support her as I hope she will with me. She seemed like a very nice lady and I wish her the best

[MarcyLoo 12]

I had a similar experience, but kinda on the flip side. I'm 5'2" ona good day and started this at 297 pounds. So, my BMI was well over 50. I consider myself REALLy fat. Am starting to have health issues from it. Well, we all know that story. But, my BMI wa sonc ein the 30's....and see where I got...

Anyway, I work at a major hospital with a lot of other women. Come to find out there's several who ar ebanded or who have had bypass. One night one of each grabbed me fromt he hall, took me to the staff lounge, and sat me down for what they actually called an INTERVENTION to opt out of lap band and into bypass. They basically suggested I was too fat for lapband and needed the more drastic bypass. It really hurt my feelings.

My reasons for going with the band I'm sure are so similar to everyone else on here. I know it'll be a struggle to get to goal. But, I want to take that on. I am taking that on. They may not have met their goal and one converted to bypass after her band...but I am me, I am really fat, and I CAN DO THIS.

As overweight people of all BMIs, and of all surgical procedures, we need to support each other. I'm hoping the other patient didn't mean anything bad and just chose to speak poorly. * hugs *

[hopetolose 192]

Im glad u are happy with your choice. And it is our choice, no matter what reasons we have. I wish all of us the best because we are all after the same thing and that is to live life the best we can and so what if we nwed a little (or alot)of help.

We can do this no matter what bmi we start out with. hugs to u as well;)

[LVGirl 4]

I am 5'7 and was 275 when I started this. My BMI was 41. I camouflage my weight well. I had hypertension and borderline diabetes. My anesthesiologist actually said to me the morning of surgery that he usually knows who his patients are but he had to check my chart to know I was his patient. I told him thank you, but he hadn't seen me naked yet :-)

[Rachael 4]

No offense to her, but that seems to be a rude question. It's not about "looking overweight", it's about our health and how we feel about ourselves. I had a lot of people tell me "Oh you don't need the lap band, you're not that heavy", but at 5'4" and 251 pounds it wasn't a question. Don't listen to her, you did what was right for you and that's the only thing that matters.

I have heard that too. I could hide some of my weight but I felt terrible and already had sleep apena at 33 years old. I feel better than I have in years and am only one-third of the way to my goal weight.

thanks,

Rachael