Breaking up with Bread

[Damn.Blonde 0]

So I will begin by saying that I am new here even though I have been reading this forum for months. I didn't want to join just to "jinx" myself so I waited.

This past week has been the biggest emotional roller coaster for me. I submited to insurance Monday morning and by Tuesday I viewed my insurance website to see I had been instantly denied for the surgery. I reached out to my Dr's office who said they would contact them to find out whats going on. I decided that I was going to the bank to see if I could get a loan for the surgery amount because no way did I just work this hard to be told no. After I was laughed at and made to feel like a completely worthless human being from the loan officer because "why would she give someone like me a $12000 loan when I don't own a home and my car is not paid off" ...Needless to say i went home and cried my eyes out in bed feeling completely defeated and hopeless....

So yesterday was my 24th birthday the entire day was rough...I cried alot and didn't really feel like the day was going to get better until 5:31pm...The Insurance case worker for my Drs called and explained that she was informed that today was my birthday and wanted to wish me a Happy Birthday (At this point I wanted to tell her to shove it and not call back). Then she asked if I had recieved some awesome birthday presents and offered another to me... She told me I was approved and the insurance had made a mistake. At this point I'm sure you can guess...Yup I cried AGAIN!

So now I wait till monday to Schedule my Surgery date which I am hoping is the week of June the 13th more specific I would really like the 16th but its not really my decision in the end....HOWEVER

Now that I have gone through the "Hot Mess" of emotions for the past 3 days I am starting to feel a new one... Aniexty

Here is my basic thought...I really love bread and I know the psych I've been going to says I will be able to work through all these emotions but I mean I really love bread ( My rear end throughly agrees as well)

I'm having so much anxiety about losing food. Is this normal? I know breaking up with food is part of the stages of grief for this surgery and I know I can do it...I just feel so sad about it..you know?

So I guess for this post I have 2 questions....

Is this normal to feel aniexty about losing a food?

AND

What food is hard for you to break up with?

[NewStart95987 35]

Hi Blonde,

I am literally in tears after reading your post. My process ended up taking a year so I know exactly how you felt. I was on my husbands insurance when I started calling about the band and was told by the cordinator to go ahead and start the process. A couple of appointments in, pre-op testing done, I start getting letters from the insurance saying that they were refusing to pay for my costs, they were in the thousands. I spoke to the coordinator again who told me that all was well and that they would review my case and get it approved. I continued my weigh ins with my surgeon and continued my journey. After another letter I called the insurance directly and explained. I got a call back saying anything like "this", anything weight related they would not cover. I was devastated, I couldn't get it done and ended up with MANY bills. The coordinator called and apologized when he found out, I appreciated this, but it didn't make up for the time off of work I missed and the bills I now owed. I'm 23 years old who has a good job but not so great of pay because of the economy. My husband works full time and attends school full time. We don't have extra money laying around. I found out I was denied and they would not touch me on the 4 year anniversary of my grandmother (who was obese)'s passing. I took it as a sign. I cried for five minutes, felt so sorry and decided to wait until January and start using my benefits through my work.

I went back in January with the new insurance and we tried again. I didn't hear anything and after 2 weeks of it being submitted I couldn't help myself. I called after having lunch with my husband on our anniversary. The insurance woman I spoke to had to transfer me to someone else and warned they may not be able to tell me anything. I'm transferred and hear "HELLO!". I was caught off guard and asked "Is.... this... the pre approval/authorization department"? She replied "Yeah".

I was so caught off guard, I explained I was looking for an answer if a decision had been made. Turns out they thought I already had it done. I was approved! I cried and my husband laughed at me, not understanding that it's been so emotional. I called my mother, she cried and my husband started making fun of us, lol.

I see some people spend a month and a half between seminar to surgery and it amazes me. I had my pre-op appointment yesterday and paid the $3,000 non-professional fee and will pay the surgical center their $3,000 later today. Even with insurance, It's costing WELL over $6K

I had a bit of anxiety while on my diet (lost 23 lbs and will NOT have to do a liquid diet because of this) about food and I think it's normal. I was so happy I was losing on my own that I didn't miss what I didn't have because I knew I would not do as well or may not lose at all. I am still worried about what I can and can't eat after but it's all a lifestyle. We get used to it once it's our routine. The un-known is scary! You're doing this to be healthier and yes you'll miss bread at first BUT you'll forget about it eventually. Will power plays a huge roll and just look at the soon to be GREAT success you'll have!

P.S. I LOVE Potatoes!!!! I enjoy bread as well

[vickyd 24]

A lot of us have spend the majority of our lives comforting ourselves with food. I can't speak for you but is it really bread that you are so upset about losing or the ability to comfort yourself with food in general? It is normal to feel some anxiety but in order to be successful you need to develop the skills that will help you cope without using food.

That said, I don't think you can say for certain right now that you have to give up bread. Yes, there are a lot of people who can't eat it because their bands don't tolerate it well, but there are also many of us who can eat it if we choose to. My band tolerates anything (with the exception of dry meat) so if I want to eat a piece of bread, I can do it as long as I take small bites and chew it well. Some people can't eat plain bread but can eat it toasted. The only way you will know for sure is by waiting to see what your band can and can't tolerate.

Before surgery, I was a carb addict...my favorite things were Pasta, pizza, chips, bread, etc. Then something crazy happened...during my pre-op diet, I noticed that I wasn't as ravenously hungry as I expected to be and started to wonder if the difference was due to the lack of carbs in my pre-op diet so I decided to try to maintain a low carb lifestyle after surgery. This has been a great decision for me because I am not hungry (and never really had major hunger issues after surgery) despite only having 1 fill during the 5 months since surgery and I don't feel the need to binge eat (which I did often before surgery). I thought that giving up those foods would be horrible but since I made the decision (not my nutritionist or my band) I think it made it easier for me to deal with.

Just my .02

[crecia1975 4]

Your feelings are perfectly normal. I was so freaked out by the thought of losing some foods, I actually gained about 25-30 lbs before I was approved for surgery (I had to do the 6 month waiting game before my paperwork could be submitted). I just kept thinking about so many things I would have to part with, so I ate like a fool. I was sad and nervous about "breaking up" with my favorite foods, but you know what? It's not that big of a deal. I couldn't eat bread for a while and I didn't really care. I am just focused on my body getting healthier and the scale moving down.

You may also be surprised by what you might be able to eat. I can eat just about anything. I just have to make sure chicken is not too dry and bread can't be too thick or doughy. I also have to watch out for potatoes. Sometimes they go down fine, but sometimes they feel like a brick in my chest. The band restriction fluctuates for me sometimes. I've only had 1 fill so I don't have a lot of restriction, but I like it that way. It allows me to eat a variety of foods.

I can't tell you not to feel anxious, because you will anyway. Just remember that your feelings are normal and you might have to "break up" with as many foods as you think. You will just have to break up with the portion sizes.

I wish you good luck with your surgery and the journey ahead. Please keep us posted.

[Maddy O 0]

This is why I LOVE these forums!

You're never alone with people here who have gone before you, and those who are going along with you...

I started the process yesterday, and will start my 6 month monitored diet June 7...I won't have the Lap Band until December, probably January, because many of the doctors take the last 2 weeks off in December for the holidays...

And I'm already feeling "break up" pangs for all the foods I love too much (my rear end also has fond affection for bread!). It's REALLY hard at the moment not to eat non-stop Pasta, rice, ice cream, bread machine bread, and who knows what all else...I feel like I need to eat it all now before I start the diet and before the Lap Band, because then I'll never be able to enjoy it ever again!!! I, too grew up with food as a solace, companion, friend, hobby, and comfort. Homemade noodles were my staple growing up...

But then I realize that

1. It's because of bread and its snarky, starchy, friends that I currently feel like an overstuffed sausage with my skin feeling like a t-shirt that is 2 sizes too small;

2. Once I learn how to eat properly (meaning not until I'm so full I can't swallow another bite), I will occasionally be able to eat just about anything in MODERATION (even if it is only a bite or two); and

3. I'll miss bread and its minions MUCH less when I'm wearing clothes that actually have some styling to them (rather than the "giant Hefty trash bag" shape) and some actual shape to me (instead of the large "flesh dumpling" that I currently look like)...

Yeah, I'm going through the panic and fear moments, too. It'll probably get worse before it gets better, but it WILL get better. It's just always scary when you make a serious commitment that you know you need to honor for the rest of your life. I was like this before I got married, too...And goodness knows, the Lap Band IS one of those 'til death do you part-type of commitments...

So hang in there, Blonde. We're all with ya and behind ya!

[NJGirl32 43]

I will miss all the foods that I loved. We always went out to eat so I'll miss all that yummy food, BUT I don't want food to be at the center of my life anymore. I want other things to be more important like living healthy, being more socialable and confident to have a better sex life, to not avoid mirrors. There's so much more than food out there-there's a whole world!! Whereas food consumed probably 60% of my life I want to give it much less power..maybe 10%!

[wannawearabikini 9]

I feel your pain!! I love carbs!! And I love eating out!! It's like a mini vacation within my day where I don't have to cook or clean and I get waited on...it's so great!! I've been eating like crazy lately because I know my band is right around the corner and it will fix everything!!!

[Damn.Blonde 0]

I will miss all the foods that I loved. We always went out to eat so I'll miss all that yummy food, BUT I don't want food to be at the center of my life anymore. I want other things to be more important like living healthy, being more socialable and confident to have a better sex life, to not avoid mirrors. There's so much more than food out there-there's a whole world!! Whereas food consumed probably 60% of my life I want to give it much less power..maybe 10%!

Ok so I have to ask...Sex life wise...I know that for woman it is so much more emotional than physical but I'm really hoping it will not only help with feeling sexy but also making me want to have it more often not just because I feel better but because I want to keep up with my man.

Is there studies that prove losing weight will increase your sex drive? Beyond the mental issues we woman face?

For all of you that have replied with amazing support thank you so much! You ever know that you can and will be able to do something or let go but you still question losing it...that's where I am!

So I will continue to enjoy my bread for the next few weeks and hope that I can enjoy it again during my "second Life" just not as much!

[Winning 1]

Damn Blonde,

I'm having the exact same problem!!!

I know it may not feel like a big deal later... but I've been having an extended food funeral for about two weeks (this includes eating a whole - medium size- pizza in one sitting, on several occasions :/

I'm getting banded June 4th, and food has been such a big part of my life for so long! The idea of not being able to eat bread, sticky cinammon rolls, buttery pastry anymore, or in very limited quantites feels like a loss, or the end of an era! I'm sure I'll feel differently (and better about my health) later- and I know I can't keep living my life eating this way- but the thought of a big NO later on really makes me want to indulge while I still have the chance.

To everyone out there who had this kind of (sick) behaviour, did anything paticular help?

Thanks!

[Rachel412 116]

I have some good news about breaking up with bread. For me, the fewer carbs I eat, the less I WANT carbs. Really! I'm not just saying it. It's hard the first few days, but after a week of reducing your carbs you really will feel better- less in a fog, less likely to just jam something in your mouth because your body is screaming for more and more carbs.

I also know now that if I have a day where I eat more carbs again, it immediately starts the cravings snowballing and I also feel gross by the end of the day. Eating more carbs makes me feel yucky and grumpy, and that feeling makes me want to eat carbs, and on and on. So it's nice to be able to say "oh wait, this is not THE WORST DAY EVER, my whole problem is I ate xyz this morning."

[Jack 855]

Damn.Blonde :

great questions!!!

I was a bread freak my whole life too. Fortunately my Band changed my affliction. I am no longer obsessed with bread, and often go whole weeks without eating any! I don't miss it, nor Pasta & other such carboindulgent dishes.

In all my own fretting and obsessing over such questions about my fixation on food, I had never considered resolution of such anxiety had such an obvious potential resolution.

Our tastes change.

And once I learned the difference between 'hunger' and 'non-hunger' satisfaction with and enjoyment of my new Bandster life style improved.

Cheers on your journey.

[Cocoabean 430]

Take it one day, or even one meal at a time. We are all different as to what we can tolerate. I can still eat bread, but not Bagels or doughnuts (which I don't really need anyway). My last bagel and doughnut were so bad that I don't even miss them! Breads I have to take small bites and be mindful when eating them, but I am otherwise OK.

Over time with your band you will learn what works and what doesn't. Each fill will bring new food challenges. It's a process of eliminating foods as you slowly gain restriction, it isn't like hitting a brick wall. At least it was for me. My surgeon goes slowly on fills.

So, listen to what others have said...you won't really miss them as you adjust to your new eating methods. Just go about your business of getting healthy!

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

Is this normal to feel aniexty about losing a food?

AND

What food is hard for you to break up with?

The weekend before I went on my pre op liquid I went on a foodcation.... seriously... my husband (without much of a a weight problem) and I took off last Thanksgiving weekend armed with a list of food I wanted to have before D Day and ate our way up and down the Gulf coast enjoying, adult beverages, seafood, chicken wings, nachos, Bagels, big breakfasts and gooey Desserts. It was a farewell of sorts to my relationship with everything good. Or so I thought!

Seems that I can actually eat most everything I ate pre band. However now I don't. Or if I do... say want a piece of bread I eat 1 bite.... instead of 2 rolls before my dinner arrives!

No... I didnt turn into a veggie lovin' guru yet as I still love my carbs but.... I cant say I have really missed any of those things because my success supresses the desire of what I thought tastes good. You have heard the saying Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.... well I am living proof that 85 lbs of weight loss feels better than ANYTHING I have ever eaten!

That said.... you will not miss it as much as you think you will. So go ahead...have a farewell food tour and 6 months from your band date you will be saying the same thing! Really!

As for my most missed food that my Dr forbids.... Diet Coke. Its been the hardest to give up. I actually drank the first one since 12/8/2010 last week. I poured it from the can... let it sit for 20 minutes to get the carbonation down and drank it ever so slowly....I didnt even finish the whole thing. But it was the best diet coke I have ever had and will suffice my craving for several months I am sure!

[Cocoabean 430]

snipped

As for my most missed food that my Dr forbids.... Diet Coke. Its been the hardest to give up. I actually drank the first one since 12/8/2010 last week. I poured it from the can... let it sit for 20 minutes to get the carbonation down and drank it ever so slowly....I didnt even finish the whole thing. But it was the best diet coke I have ever had and will suffice my craving for several months I am sure!

My surgeon says there is something in diet sodas that increases appetite...who wants that?? I wasn't a big diet coke drinker, but did have one with meals eaten out, which was often. I still order them sometimes but find they don't taste as good now and if I drink the bubbles, sometimes I get the hiccups! So, for me, they just aren't worth it! Beer on the other hand? I'll risk the hiccups...but then, I look like I am totally drunk, when it has happened on the first sip. Go figure!

[FLORIDAYS 3,040]

Beer on the other hand? I'll risk the hiccups...but then, I look like I am totally drunk, when it has happened on the first sip. Go figure!

I havent heard anything good about the benefits of diet soda. I just chose to ignore it and drink 4-5 per day in my former life. And I remember sitting in the office listening to my surgeon tell me no carbonation and that included diet coke and I was sure my life was over. LOL Of course now we know otherwise and somehow I managed to live on since last December.

I am not a beer drinker... never was. However my favorite adult beverage is mixed with Diet coke... so the temptation for a nice jamaican rum and diet coke is long gone. I found Citron Vodka and Water with a splash of cranberry is pretty tasty... but if I finish one I look a little too loopy for my own good. LOL