ENOUGH ALREADY!

[howdybooth 4]

I discovered something this week......after 18 months, I'm finally sick of hearing how great I look. Here's what happened, just this week:

1) I posted my before and after pic on my Facebook page and received an email from a total stranger asking me how I lost weight and begging me to help her. I was shocked because I have my FB page blocked so you can see very little about me........I discovered later that she is a friend of a friend who showed her my pic;

2) I was on the elevator at work with one of our Sr. VPs discussing business when we stopped and someone got on. That woman ask me if I was Terri and when I said yes, she proceeded to go on and on about how great I looked, that she'd seen my before and after pic and what had I done - once again - someone else had shown her my pic - and this woman wasn't over weight, she had a family member that was and wanted to know what I had done so that she could share the info;

3) When I walked into a class I was about to teach, my boss said - here's Terri - isn't she beautiful.........all the trainees in this class were from out of town and I had only previously met 2.......so what, exactly were they to say? They had no idea why my manager was calling me "beautiful"! Very uncomfortable.

4) My manager and I had a disagreement on how to teach a class (my manager is from an older generation) and we couldn't convince the other that we were right. In the end, she said: you've done such a great job changing your outside - maybe it's time to work on your inside. I SUGGESTED she not go there.......

5) and finally - on 4 different occasions this week, someone came up to me, while eating lunch with my dear friend who struggles with about 50 extra pounds, to tell me how great I look. Each time I was more and more uncomfortable.......so I'd say a quick thank you and then try to ignore them in hopes that they would move along and not start asking a bunch of questions.

Anyone else feel the same? After all - we are still the same people on the inside - aren't we? Or am I wrong?

[willowcat 93]

I discovered something this week......after 18 months, I'm finally sick of hearing how great I look. Here's what happened, just this week:

1) I posted my before and after pic on my Facebook page and received an email from a total stranger asking me how I lost weight and begging me to help her. I was shocked because I have my FB page blocked so you can see very little about me........I discovered later that she is a friend of a friend who showed her my pic;

2) I was on the elevator at work with one of our Sr. VPs discussing business when we stopped and someone got on. That woman ask me if I was Terri and when I said yes, she proceeded to go on and on about how great I looked, that she'd seen my before and after pic and what had I done - once again - someone else had shown her my pic - and this woman wasn't over weight, she had a family member that was and wanted to know what I had done so that she could share the info;

3) When I walked into a class I was about to teach, my boss said - here's Terri - isn't she beautiful.........all the trainees in this class were from out of town and I had only previously met 2.......so what, exactly were they to say? They had no idea why my manager was calling me "beautiful"! Very uncomfortable.

4) My manager and I had a disagreement on how to teach a class (my manager is from an older generation) and we couldn't convince the other that we were right. In the end, she said: you've done such a great job changing your outside - maybe it's time to work on your inside. I SUGGESTED she not go there.......

5) and finally - on 4 different occasions this week, someone came up to me, while eating lunch with my dear friend who struggles with about 50 extra pounds, to tell me how great I look. Each time I was more and more uncomfortable.......so I'd say a quick thank you and then try to ignore them in hopes that they would move along and not start asking a bunch of questions.

Anyone else feel the same? After all - we are still the same people on the inside - aren't we? Or am I wrong?

With apologies to Dr, Martin Luther King, Jr for corrupting his incredible words: I have a dream, that today, one day, my three children will be judged by the quality of their character rather than by the size of their bodies. Everyone wants to be valued for who they truly are on the inside (that's one of the reasons I love the movie Shallow Hal--it wasn't just about the girl being fat; it was also about others who were beautiful people on the inside but with "unattractive" outsides--Hal saw them as beautiful too).

The people who've shared your photos and also the people at work can't help but look at your outsides and think it's a reflection of who you are--that's all they know; that's our whole society; that's human. Good for you, though, for drawing a line with your manager about her "work on your insides" comment (isn't it funny that the very thing that is someone's own problem is the very thing they see--or think they see--in others?! If SHE had been working on her insides, she would have known better than to say a thing like that to you).

People are people. You've got no controll over them--only over yourself and your reaction to them. Decide whether confronting your bosses about their inappropriate comments or ignoring their inappropriate comments feels right to you and act on that from a position of strength. Neither way is "right."

Eventually, though, I suspect that you may need to say to these people: "Thank you for your support as I've worked hard to lose so much weight, and now I need to ask that my weight--current and past--not be a topic of discussion at work. Thanks for understanding."

And as for FB, well, you learned the hard way that nothing on there is really "private" and only shared with contacts of your choosing. You might want to review your postings on FB--if you don't want the whole world (literally!) to have access to something on your profile, better to delete it.

[Dave_NW 92]

I think you're right to have had enough with comments like that. But it seems most are being expressed by inappropriate people in inappropriate places. The people may mean well, but the choosing of time and place needs to be adjusted.

And as for Facebook: I have a FB page, have lot of friends and family members as Friends and I have ZERO posted there about my surgery or the weight I've lost. I know the Internet is a neverending story, and I choose not to hang my weight loss laundry there. If I want to share pictures of myself, I email them directly to the person, with requests to not share the image, or express permission to share it. So far, everyone has respected my request.

At the end of the day, it sounds like your friends and coworkers are trying to congratulate you for a job well done. But it seems like they need to understand boundaries. Not sure at all how to handle such a situation...

Good luck!

Dave

[kll724 3,055]

I totally agree with Dave. I, also, have Facebook. If someone asks me about weight loss, it is in a message. And only 2 or 3 know. They are the same ones that have asked me, many have commented, but few know the true weight loss story. Only my true real life friends and family are aware of my surgery. I have asked and commented to one of them, who have the gastric bypass. She was one of my inspirations. Karen

[howdybooth 4]

But if someone asks you about your weight loss - don't you tell them the truth? I mean, you wouldn't tell them that you only diet and exercise, would you? That just always seemed unfair to me. I mean face it, the reason we all had surgery is because we could no longer lose by diet and exercise alone........or at least that's why I had it. I weighed the same for 25+ years and gained weight over the last 10 years (40-50).....or should I say, gain-lose, gain-lose, over the last 10 years, until I could no longer lose.....hence the band. I've always been honest, if someone asked, it just seemed this week that people had gotten pretty brazen when approaching me..... Maybe, I'm just having a bad week and will be better next week LOL!

I think I'll just learn to say thanks and if they are bold enough to ask how, I'll ask them to send me an email, and I'll be glad to explain.........

[Jess55 97]

I agree, I've never been good about taking compliments to begin with, so to have people saying how good I look(still have a wats to go) is hard. The other day I was at target, this woman came up to me who I'd never met before. She asked me if I went to Lucille Roberts, I said I used to but I do kickboxing now. She said I'd seen you at the gym before and that I look so good and how much weight I'd lost. Then she proceeded to hug me,. Talk about awkward.

[howdybooth 4]

I guess it's like beging pregnant - every one things it's ok to pat your belly! lol

[Papillon Princess 13]

I think it is a good idea for you to offer a private convo about the weight loss. As far as telling people about the weight loss...I say I'm watching what I eat and going to the gym! It's not a lie, the band is not something that is magically going to drop it off. We have to work with the band so it's nothing that I feel everyone needs to know. If they've truly struggled and need to discuss it, they can talk in private about it. I personally could care less if someone compliments all the time! Say thanks and move on instead of getting upset about it. In the world we live in people normally like for others to recognize their changes (a new haircut, new outfit, OR weight loss!). Nobody means it in a bad way, so say thanks and don't take it poorly. No need to even go into more details. There is no reason to explain anything to anybody unless YOU want to.

But if someone asks you about your weight loss - don't you tell them the truth? I mean, you wouldn't tell them that you only diet and exercise, would you? That just always seemed unfair to me. I mean face it, the reason we all had surgery is because we could no longer lose by diet and exercise alone........or at least that's why I had it. I weighed the same for 25+ years and gained weight over the last 10 years (40-50).....or should I say, gain-lose, gain-lose, over the last 10 years, until I could no longer lose.....hence the band. I've always been honest, if someone asked, it just seemed this week that people had gotten pretty brazen when approaching me..... Maybe, I'm just having a bad week and will be better next week LOL!

I think I'll just learn to say thanks and if they are bold enough to ask how, I'll ask them to send me an email, and I'll be glad to explain.........

[kellyjoiii 19]

I too have had this problem. Only a select few know my situation...if someone asks, then i tell them, however, I also tell them that it is not GENERAL knowledge. I am kindof sick of hearing how great I look too. Do I feel wonderful? Yes. Do I look soooo much better? Yes. But enough already. I go to therapy every week, and this has come up (as recent as yesterday) because someone I know made the comment that I made her feel bad about her weight, when I got close to her numbers and then surpassed them. I truthfully apologized as I never meant to make anyone feel that way (Don't we all know what that is like?) Here is the thing, I am more confident about my looks and my demeanor, however, I HAVE NOT CHANGED because of my losses. I am the same person that I was at 250 lbs. My husband and I had this convo yesterday also. (It goes back to the old addage that "I eat because I am fat, and I am fat because I eat") I deal every day with emotional eating. It is something we all deal with. If you are feeling bad about your weight, do something about it...I did. (I'm sorry, I am just venting here over the situation I was put in last week) Whether people look at me and think I took "the easy way out" or not, it still requires effort. Shoot, the weight doesn't just fall off without making better choices. Erggggg!

[IndioGirl55 32]

I discovered something this week......after 18 months, I'm finally sick of hearing how great I look. Here's what happened, just this week:

1) I posted my before and after pic on my Facebook page and received an email from a total stranger asking me how I lost weight and begging me to help her. I was shocked because I have my FB page blocked so you can see very little about me........I discovered later that she is a friend of a friend who showed her my pic;

2) I was on the elevator at work with one of our Sr. VPs discussing business when we stopped and someone got on. That woman ask me if I was Terri and when I said yes, she proceeded to go on and on about how great I looked, that she'd seen my before and after pic and what had I done - once again - someone else had shown her my pic - and this woman wasn't over weight, she had a family member that was and wanted to know what I had done so that she could share the info;

3) When I walked into a class I was about to teach, my boss said - here's Terri - isn't she beautiful.........all the trainees in this class were from out of town and I had only previously met 2.......so what, exactly were they to say? They had no idea why my manager was calling me "beautiful"! Very uncomfortable.

4) My manager and I had a disagreement on how to teach a class (my manager is from an older generation) and we couldn't convince the other that we were right. In the end, she said: you've done such a great job changing your outside - maybe it's time to work on your inside. I SUGGESTED she not go there.......

5) and finally - on 4 different occasions this week, someone came up to me, while eating lunch with my dear friend who struggles with about 50 extra pounds, to tell me how great I look. Each time I was more and more uncomfortable.......so I'd say a quick thank you and then try to ignore them in hopes that they would move along and not start asking a bunch of questions.

Anyone else feel the same? After all - we are still the same people on the inside - aren't we? Or am I wrong?

Learn to accept complements - you worked hard - you deserve them.. I eat that stuff up - it helps keep me motivated - cuz I'm finally the person on the outside that I was on the inside.....

[sweetpea61956 6]

I guess I am different. I posted on fb I was having the surgery, I told all my co-workers, etc. I am proud of my decision to take control of my life. Yes I need help, but I am not ashamed to say I need the help. Yes the comments of some about how good I look sometimes bother me...one woman always calls me skinny..yeah like that is a fact 5'2" and 269 is a far cry from skinny. I won't ever be skinny, but I will not be obese or morbidly obese! I did this for my health and my desire to live as long as my grandmother...and at over 300 it wasn't going to happen.

I love compliments, but everyone I know, knows this is a struggle for me...I have determination and that is why I will succeed and the band gives me the tool to keep off the weight this time.

Good luck to all!