pep talk and encouragement

[peprmentpati 8]

Hi! Haven’t made any personal posts in some time…

I’m one week shy of my bandiversary, 5/19/11. I went from 349 pounds down to 202.8 (-146.2). I arrived at my lowest in December and haven’t lost anymore. I have maintained or stayed between the same 5 pounds since that time.

My ultimate goal is to get to 165 and maintain and I know I’ll get there…

Here’s my dilemma…I’ve been bingeing on slider foods for the past few weeks and I put on 10 pounds!!! It’s always been really easy for me to gain or lose weight….

Since losing weight and for the most part, ceased from abusing food (until recently) I’ve had to deal with my problems like a normal person. If I don’t drown my issues with food then I have to feel/deal with them and they hurt L…I guess it’s new for me because I never dealt with these issues in the past, I just kept eating them away.

Being super obese made me invisible from the opposite sex and now that I’m visible – I’ve been putting myself out there…but with that comes a lot of self esteem issues…I think a lot of bad thoughts about myself if a guy doesn’t reciprocate feelings or attraction to me…this sucks but I’m trying to deal with it…

In the meantime I’m over here stuffing my face and getting depressed…

Please, if anyone understands and can over any words of encouragement I really need something to click for me…

Thanks….

Rebecca (feeling lost and alone)

[Meekie 5]

Hi Rebecca,

I know that it is so hard for you to see the new you. It is hard to recover from low self esteem because we are usually our worst critics. Please hang in there and don't get so down on yourself. If someone rejects you or do not reciprocate your affection and friendship, then be thankful that it is now and not later when you're even more emotionally involved. You must also ask yourself..."Am I in a place within myself where I can give someone an emotionally healthy me?" If you're not stable mentally, physically, and emotionally, then it's not fair for you to present a Rebecca that's not the true Rebecca. Now that you've taken this massive about of weight off (Congratulations, by the way), (all in less than a year!!!---You go girl! :bananajump:) you've got to re-learn how to be happy and content in another manner other than with food. it doesn't happen over night. I just ordered a bunch of size 12 clothes from JC Penney's and could wear them all (down from a size 22/24W)! I'm half of my old self. All I could see in the mirror was a fat girl that needed to lose more weight. My husband had to literally grab me by the shoulders and make me stop saying negative thoughts about my body. It is HARD!!!! But we must move forward and realize that many of our issues lie deeper than weight. We masked them with weight. Now, just like we took the bull by the horns and decided to conquer this weight, we've got to do the same thing with our self image, self esteem, emotions, and ability to handle life's pressures.

Do have a strong support group of friends? A network at your job? Family? Religious group? I know how lonely life can be. We've had this false sense that if we could only lose weight, all of our problems would disappear. We would no longer be uncomfortable around our normal weight friends. We would have no problems with opposite sex relationship. We would be able to be happy just from being 'skinny'. How wrong were we??? You're not the only one dealing with this. We have to be re-programmed. Sometimes we need a programmer to do this for us. Don't put all of your self worth in what a guy thinks about you. You're worth more than someone else's opinion. Focus on all of the beautiful and wonderful things that make you, you and don't look back at a person who cannot see them. The right person will see them and appreciate and value them. If someone doesn't see them, then they're not the right person.

You'll do fine. Keep up the AWESOME work!!!!

[howdybooth 4]

Rebecca - get consuling! Before my surgery - I had started seeing a psychologist. I had been seeing him for about 18 months when i decided to have lap band. We discussed my reasons for wanting the band and he supported me 100%, but he did warn me to be on the look out for further/deeper depression or thoughts of suicide. He said that there have been more and more studies being conducted with a link between bariatric surgery and depression/suicide. At first they thought it mostly occured with people having by-pass and thought it might have to do with absourbtion issues or production of seritonin, but later learned that it was also occuring the people that had the band.

So, please don't hesitate to talk to a professional about your problems. I decided on a psychologist only after my wonderful GP ran out of his knowledge of drugs to help me - he is a great doctor, but depression isn't his speciality.

I can tell you how proud you should be - and you should be and most likely are - but, what you can't change with weight lost is that inner core of who you've been for a very long time - no matter how much weight you have lost. See a specialist - they can better help you than anyone of us here on this site!

Good luck!

[peprmentpati 8]

Hi Rebecca,

I know that it is so hard for you to see the new you. It is hard to recover from low self esteem because we are usually our worst critics. Please hang in there and don't get so down on yourself. If someone rejects you or do not reciprocate your affection and friendship, then be thankful that it is now and not later when you're even more emotionally involved. You must also ask yourself..."Am I in a place within myself where I can give someone an emotionally healthy me?" If you're not stable mentally, physically, and emotionally, then it's not fair for you to present a Rebecca that's not the true Rebecca. Now that you've taken this massive about of weight off (Congratulations, by the way), (all in less than a year!!!---You go girl! :bananajump:) you've got to re-learn how to be happy and content in another manner other than with food. it doesn't happen over night. I just ordered a bunch of size 12 clothes from JC Penney's and could wear them all (down from a size 22/24W)! I'm half of my old self. All I could see in the mirror was a fat girl that needed to lose more weight. My husband had to literally grab me by the shoulders and make me stop saying negative thoughts about my body. It is HARD!!!! But we must move forward and realize that many of our issues lie deeper than weight. We masked them with weight. Now, just like we took the bull by the horns and decided to conquer this weight, we've got to do the same thing with our self image, self esteem, emotions, and ability to handle life's pressures.

Do have a strong support group of friends? A network at your job? Family? Religious group? I know how lonely life can be. We've had this false sense that if we could only lose weight, all of our problems would disappear. We would no longer be uncomfortable around our normal weight friends. We would have no problems with opposite sex relationship. We would be able to be happy just from being 'skinny'. How wrong were we??? You're not the only one dealing with this. We have to be re-programmed. Sometimes we need a programmer to do this for us. Don't put all of your self worth in what a guy thinks about you. You're worth more than someone else's opinion. Focus on all of the beautiful and wonderful things that make you, you and don't look back at a person who cannot see them. The right person will see them and appreciate and value them. If someone doesn't see them, then they're not the right person.

You'll do fine. Keep up the AWESOME work!!!!

Hi Meekie!!!

Wow! I was blown away by your touching words...I truly know God sent you! Thank you! I need to work on myself more and really face these feelings and thoughts before I try to add more stress in my life. I've always "checked" out instead of dealing with pain that comes up...I really thought that the as the weight dissapeared so would the emotional issues. I know now that it doesn't...all it really did was distract me for a while. I do have support from friends, family, therapy, church...I know that it's time for me to face myself and really begin to heal.

Thank you again and God Bless you, angel*

Rebecca

[peprmentpati 8]

Rebecca - get consuling! Before my surgery - I had started seeing a psychologist. I had been seeing him for about 18 months when i decided to have lap band. We discussed my reasons for wanting the band and he supported me 100%, but he did warn me to be on the look out for further/deeper depression or thoughts of suicide. He said that there have been more and more studies being conducted with a link between bariatric surgery and depression/suicide. At first they thought it mostly occured with people having by-pass and thought it might have to do with absourbtion issues or production of seritonin, but later learned that it was also occuring the people that had the band.

So, please don't hesitate to talk to a professional about your problems. I decided on a psychologist only after my wonderful GP ran out of his knowledge of drugs to help me - he is a great doctor, but depression isn't his speciality.

I can tell you how proud you should be - and you should be and most likely are - but, what you can't change with weight lost is that inner core of who you've been for a very long time - no matter how much weight you have lost. See a specialist - they can better help you than anyone of us here on this site!

Good luck!

Thanks for you guidance. I made an appointment with my therapist and will find out about a psychiatrist too... I was shocked to read about band patients having the severe depression and suicidal ideations post-op...I thought it only affected gastric bypass patients. I've been having some very low low's lately. It seemed like the more I lost the more depressed I was becoming and the more I seemed to abuse myself mentally...yikes, I have so much to work on.

Thanks again sweetheart for taking time out for me...it's really helped put things in perspective..

God Bless

Rebecca

[howdybooth 4]

You go Rebecca - it's a long journey! But you can make it! Good luck and keep us posted! If you will, post on our personal page - that way we don't have to hunt you out! LOL