This is the weekend I'll tell hubby

[NJGirl32 43]

I am scheduled to have my surgery on May 25th-that's 20 days away

I haven't told anyone yet-except my BF via email and I didn't get any feedback/support at all from her. Thanks to all the wonderful and caring people on this forum I have decided that I really must tell my husband and there's no way I can go through this without telling him for so many reasons.

In my mind I know that it has to be this weekend that I tell him. I'll need him to take me to the hospiatal the day of the surgery and he'll have to plan for it work-wise.

I really think he will be totally shocked. I never mentioned wanting the lapband or even being unhappy about my weight. Hopefully, by Sunday or Monday I'll have something to post about how the conversation went. I hope he'll be supportive-I am thinking he will be.

I know this shouldn't be a big deal, but for me it is a really big deal. I feel like I am admitting that I am a failure in some way- that I can't lose weight on my own. I know that's not true-in fact this is a very brave thing to do. I gained 5 pound since my orginal appointment back in April - that only makes more more determined to make a change! I don't think I would be in the same state of mind without this forum. Thank you!

[ahassan 0]

do you think he will be supportive? i am just wondering. my husband wants me to lose weight (he does not have weight issues like me) and has said i should do the surgery, but as i progress with doing those things i need to make it happen and the date gets closer, he is not being very supportive and thinks i should not go through with it. i am ready to make this change though and want to do it...i am scheduled for it july 1.

[NJGirl32 43]

My husband has never mentioned one word about my weight gain since we got married 7 yrs. ago. We both have gained weight, but I have gained a lot more than him. I think he will either say "Don't do it-just do it on your own" or he'll say "are you really sure about this?" or he'll say nothing pro or con which will make me wonder

Most of our social life involves going out to dinner, parties, and social events so it will be a big change!

[MustangMama 2]

I say go for it and just be honest. Tell him you did not make this decision lightly, you have researched it for a long time and weighed the pros and cons and you know this is something you really want to do. Just lay it all out there. As for the dinner parties, you can still go you know- and this time you can wear a cute little cocktail dress!

...keep your chin up.

[Kami172000 16]

He might be alittle upset you waited this long to tell him but any good husband will get over it and be supportive. good luck

[gettinthelapbandtogether 1]

As a husband, I can say that if he loves you, he will support you 100%.

I am having surgery on Tuesday, and my wife has not been as supportive as she could have been, but she supports my decision 100%. With us it is complicated by the fact that she has a weight problem as well. I have to keep reminding myself that it is hard for someone to change and support when they are just as addicted to food as I am.

Your husband will appreciate the honesty; trust me. Don't be surprised if he is frustrated for hiding it so far, but try to include him in as much of it as you can from this time forward!

Best of luck! You are going to do great, and know that all the LapBanders out there are thinking about you!!

Ben

follow my lapband journey at

benworship.wordpress.com

[NJGirl32 43]

Thanks so much for everyone's encouraging words!

I really don't think he'll be upset that I waited this long to tell him. I will be very interested to see what his reply is. He might not say anything one way or another-I simply have no idea what his reaction will be.

[Shelley64 26]

I can't believe you haven't told him. Did he wonder when you were going to the doctor and all the appointments leading up to being approved?

When I brought it up to my husband, I said.....I'm seriously considering lapband surgery. Would you support my efforts? His main concerns is that it would be safe and he didn't have to worry about me dying. He knows how I've struggled with my weight but now the health things started popping up. I've had high cholesterol since I was 30 but at my mid 40's the high blood pressure kicked in and then my blood sugar was high. My main focus was to improve my health and it's paid off. I'm only 4 months out but my chol went from 286 to 226, my triglycerides went from 461 to 230 and my fasting blood sugar went from 176 to 134. That is a huge victory that I could have NEVER accomplished on my own. This is not the easy way out and don't let anyone tell you it is. It's still a daily battle but it gives you the control to make better decisions and stay on plan. I felt exactly like you....I'm cheating, I'm taking the easy way out, I'm a failure because I couldn't stick to diet and exercise plan long enough to get any real results. It's normal to feel this way so don't beat yourself up. You're making a decision to improve your life which will improve your life with your husband. I've only lost 25 lbs since 1/1/11 but I'm down from a size 20w pants to a 16w. My tops are down from a 2-3x to a 1x and my shoes are too big!!! ha ha...

He might be kinda caught off guard at first considering you already have a surgery date but my guess is he'll come around after he has time to consider the big picture. Your health is more important than anything! Any time you want to chat, just contact me. I started at about the same weight as you. My initial appt I was 232 but I had lost about 10 lbs so you're starting at about the same place as me. Keep your chin up!

Shelley

[NJGirl32 43]

'I'm seriously considering lapband surgery. Would you support my efforts?'

I really like that opening-I might just use it!

All my doctor appointments were up where I work (about an hour from my house). I have a flexible work schedule so it made appointments easy. I had an appointment on my day off and I simply said I was going to the doctors for a check up.

He going on a motorcycle run tomorrow and Sunday is Mather's day - I am thinking my best opportunity to bring this up might be tonight when we go out to dinner.

[cheryl2586 3,053]

I think you as a wife are not being honest one bit. You surgery is 20 days away and you havent told him as of yet. So if he gets pissed and doesnt want you to have it because you never told him then what are you going to do. You are going to go the day of surgery with an angry husband and I dont blame him if he is angry at you because you should have told him long before now. Its like sneaking around when your husband should be your best friend, your confidant. How can you go around feeling okay when all this time in a way you have been deceiving him. I dont know your husband but if he is upset with you you have no one to blame but yourself.

[NJGirl32 43]

Wow! That was pretty nasty and mean.

He won't be mad once I explain that I was so scared and nervous about telling him-he's a great guy. My orginal surgery date wasn't until the end of June so I thought I had time-but they had an opening and moved me up a month. It's not like I have been running around for the last 6 months withthis on my mind - My 1st doctor's appointment was in mid-April (I never had to attend the seminar) and from there it just snowballed very quickly.

[jennifer1 180]

WOW! well i'm not married so what i have to say may not mount to a hill of Beans...lol...i can understand you being after to tell your husband and i'm sure you didnt feel good about not being honest with him, i mean this is a huge life decision and adding that stress i'm sure didnt feel good. We're are not hear to judge you but support you and offer advice. I do think you need to tell him and just be prepared for whatever the outcome is. you know your husband better than any of us who have never met. him.. i pray you get the courage and find the right words to explain to your husband your decision. Best wishes!

Wow! That was pretty nasty and mean.

He won't be mad once I explain that I was so scared and nervous about telling him-he's a great guy. My orginal surgery date wasn't until the end of June so I thought I had time-but they had an opening and moved me up a month. It's not like I have been running around for the last 6 months withthis on my mind - My 1st doctor's appointment was in mid-April (I never had to attend the seminar) and from there it just snowballed very quickly.

[amjcal 5]

Girl you got this, you are going to do great when explaining this to you husband. My husband doesn't know that much about it so he has been watching shows on Hulu and I have sent him links so he can learn about the entire process and see the before and after pics... He has concerns, but his main concern is that I am happy, and has promised me if my boobs are saggy we will get them fixed!! LOL So I think you should set him so he can be educated about the process and explain to him this is what you want and your so excited to be a new and healthier you to improve your overall life with him. Just be positive and remember to bring it up at a good time... When he has your full attention, and once people see how great you look at social get togethers they will understand your new eating habits. Explain to your husband that his support means the world to you and you want him to be a big part of it, this will make him feel like he has a part in the decision.

Good Luck!!

[thsisme 14]

others have said it here already. You know your husband, remember he is human and might be mad or just plain hurt. I think once he understands that you do want him to be involved, he will come around. My husband to this day is not in favor of the surgery due to the fact that he thinks I am "just perfect the way that I am".... but when I sat down with him and told him that I was doing this for me, for my future and not what I think he wants and that I wanted him to do some research and be with me through out the process, he jumped on the band wagon and took everything in stride from interviewing the surgeon to staying with me through the hospital stay and helping me heal. To this day he goes to my support meetings, doctor's appointments and tells me everyday how sexy and gorgeous I am. Just today as I was trying on some new clothing that he bought for me, he told me that he still did not believe that I needed to have surgery, but not to get him wrong, cause he supports me in my decision and he hopes that I see that support everyday. I hope you and others have the support and love that I have and I wish you luck!

[Humming Bird 275]

LOL....I had to check your thread to see if you told the hubs yet. If he has a bad first reaction don't be upset. Let in sink in with him for a bit.