negative feedback

[broomt 1]

Things are moving very fast for me. I just made the decision to get the Lap Band a few weeks ago and have a preliminary surgery date May 26 (if my other doctors get the paperwork to surgeon in time). I have told very few people what I am doing because I really don't want to hear the lectures. I did, however tell my personal trainer who turned out to be a complete jacka$$ about the whole thing; telling me the surgeon was only interested in making money and not my health and that I am cheating and won't feel as good about myself. He really hurt my feelings and I wrote a long email to him today...

this is the email I sent

I just wanted to let you know that I am having the Lap Band Surgery as my cardiologist and primary doctor have recommended. I had hoped your attitude towards this recommendation would have been more supportive rather than negative. This is not an easy decision to make. I have been in a battle with my weight all of my life. To be offered this tool to help me end the battle of constant struggle is like a life line to me. The fact that it may help me end the gain/loss cycle I have been through the last few years outweighs any of the possible side effects for me. I do not see this as cheating as you say or an easy way out, it will still take work. This is only a tool. There will still be struggles and there will be ups and downs, but I welcome this chance to get my life and weight back under control.

I feel like I have worked out harder than I ever have; even outside the gym even though you don’t believe me, and I have seen very little results. I have altered my diet and I have given up so much for very little and I was at the point that I just wanted to give up. One of the biggest reason I stopped coming to the gym was because I knew you would not be supportive of my decision. I appreciate the confidence you seem to have in my ability to lose the weight on my own but the struggles have gone on for many years and my patience has grown thin...no pun intended. I realize it is your job to be a glass half full kind of person but please cease in future conversations or comments that negatively impact my doctor and my decision to have the surgery. It only aggravates and adds stress to an already serious matter.

I in no way doubt you as a trainer and would like to start training with you again after my surgery. I feel there is a better chance that I will see a change and I won’t feel like I am just throwing away my time and money. If you don’t want to continue on as my trainer under these conditions, I understand, but I would like to have you train me again after this is over.

******

I am even more upset now because he has made no attempt to respond. Is is normal to get this kind of negative feedback when you tell people you are having the procedure?

[cheryl2586 3,053]

You have to remember Gym rats have never a day in their life ever had to put up with what we have. He works out probably and hour or two every single day and sees that you should do the same to get his same results. We are not and never will be gym rats because if we were were would need surgery or people like him to help us. I say this: Your decision to have surgery is your first and foremost decision and it doesnt matter who really liked or likes it or will like it after it was done. I worked with a girl who was morbidly obese and tried every single diet losing 40 here gaining 60 there and told me to my face that it was not going to be easy and see how slow I was going to lose weight well I lost 70lbs within 6 monhts and have kept it off. Am I at goal weight no and Im not because I quit smoking and the weight loss just stopped however if I never get down to my goal weight that 70lbs was all I needed to live a life of health and not get up every single morning and take 10 medications and going to be take 10 more. I am back to my healthy self and thats all that matters and if he doesnt want to support you tell him to go find some skinny ass wink wink to work out with. I dont need a personal trainer I just need to do me and so do you. Dont let people steal your joy for what you want to do because when it comes down to it none of this was easy from the beginning or now trying to maintain and be happy where I am. Girlie give up the trainer and get a new you that you deserved to have

[sbilock 0]

that guy sounds like a complete Donkey. I have too heard some negative feedback from an instructor at school. She is a Medical Biller. When i told her i would be missing school for a few days and for what reason she kinda gave me a sour look (not mean or anything) and proceeded to tell me that she can't understand why some people get it. But instead of going into detail about it she said very nicely, "well as long as it is what you want...that's what matters most" and left it at that. I do think others are entitled to their own opinion but under certain circumstances it is just better to leave things alone. If your trainer can't support you emotionally then you should probably give your money to another trainer. GOOD LUCK and I hope you have some better experiences leading up to it.

[jennifer1 180]

I too have a personal trainer and I told him i was having surgery, but i havent told him what kind. I dont really forsee him speaking negatively to me about it though, and i love him as a trainer. He always has something new to do and in three months has never repeated a routine. I would speak to the gym manager about your concerns. I am a firm believer in not giving my money to someone who doesnt deserve it. I've switched gyms because I didnt want to feel uncomfortable when i got into it with a previous journey. The fact that you've made the choice to better your life I applaud you. I think your letter was very nice and professional. But i'd speak to a manager, and dont let him or anyone else deter you from you your goal. We are all routing for you here!

Things are moving very fast for me. I just made the decision to get the Lap Band a few weeks ago and have a preliminary surgery date May 26 (if my other doctors get the paperwork to surgeon in time). I have told very few people what I am doing because I really don't want to hear the lectures. I did, however tell my personal trainer who turned out to be a complete jacka$ about the whole thing; telling me the surgeon was only interested in making money and not my health and that I am cheating and won't feel as good about myself. He really hurt my feelings and I wrote a long email to him today...

this is the email I sent

I just wanted to let you know that I am having the Lap Band Surgery as my cardiologist and primary doctor have recommended. I had hoped your attitude towards this recommendation would have been more supportive rather than negative. This is not an easy decision to make. I have been in a battle with my weight all of my life. To be offered this tool to help me end the battle of constant struggle is like a life line to me. The fact that it may help me end the gain/loss cycle I have been through the last few years outweighs any of the possible side effects for me. I do not see this as cheating as you say or an easy way out, it will still take work. This is only a tool. There will still be struggles and there will be ups and downs, but I welcome this chance to get my life and weight back under control.

I feel like I have worked out harder than I ever have; even outside the gym even though you don't believe me, and I have seen very little results. I have altered my diet and I have given up so much for very little and I was at the point that I just wanted to give up. One of the biggest reason I stopped coming to the gym was because I knew you would not be supportive of my decision. I appreciate the confidence you seem to have in my ability to lose the weight on my own but the struggles have gone on for many years and my patience has grown thin...no pun intended. I realize it is your job to be a glass half full kind of person but please cease in future conversations or comments that negatively impact my doctor and my decision to have the surgery. It only aggravates and adds stress to an already serious matter.

I in no way doubt you as a trainer and would like to start training with you again after my surgery. I feel there is a better chance that I will see a change and I won't feel like I am just throwing away my time and money. If you don't want to continue on as my trainer under these conditions, I understand, but I would like to have you train me again after this is over.

******

I am even more upset now because he has made no attempt to respond. Is is normal to get this kind of negative feedback when you tell people you are having the procedure?

[JimmyGotSLEEVED 270]

I'll be honest with you your trainer stated that the surgeons are only interested in making, well trainers are doing the same exact thing. They are both selling you a new lifestyle change, difference is training is much harder work and the results you are looking for is not always promised. At least with surgery, you will have that assistance needed to complete the hard work necessary in the gym. Your trainer is only upset because he felt like he failed you in his own mind and I think that's a personal problem. Training is a business, sure your trainer may talk to you and get personal, but at the end of the day it's a business. Do what's right for YOU, don't worry about what others think because they don know how it feels to struggle with weight and hunger, period!

I'm proud you took the higher ground with your trainer, I say I he chooses not to respond to you email (which I found inspiring and respectable) that's his loss. Find a new trainer and start from scratch.

Good luck with your future surgery and have a speed recovery... Best wishes!

[buggy22_us 0]

You should be proud of the decision you have made for your health and not let some muscle head give you a hard time for it!

If we were all meant to look like them, the doctors would be out of business and so would they! You are doing it for all of the right

reasons... you & your life!! When you decided to look for a trainer they, I'm sure, were all too happy to want to "help" you out, but look

at the amount of $$ you were giving them! When in reality we can do just as good a job on our own and save the money instead

of giving it to someone else (or someone we think we want to look like)! I say talk to a manager and remember the routines you have

done with him! If you can do them on your own at home... then kudos to you! And congrats on the decision!!

[CheckYes 46]

You don't need this drama! Just write the guy off. You don't owe him any explanation.

[Elie936 1]

Omg dont worry! My best friend is a trainor, she was kindda supportive, but i have asked her a couple questions about exercice, she asked her boss about it, and he freaked out, he wanted to call me because " i was making the worst decision on my life"! He said id loose weight way too fast and id be so saggy:) lol

First of all, ppl mistake it for bypass! And really, ive tried all my life to loose, with personnal trainors and everything, im sorry i cant live in the gym like them and be as disciplined and eat dry chicken with boiled brocoli with my 10 egg whites for breakfast!!i wish i could, but i cant! I lost 62 pounds in 6 months, and have been banded 2 weeks, but still i dont see myself ever being that disciplined. To each their own, i found my way, and its working extremelly well.

Really dont bother, please! Change trainorS, no matter what you will always remember what he says, and you ll never be as proud about your success because he ll

always kindda make you feel like you took the "easy way out"!

[mrsclooney918 47]

Don't give this d-bag any more of your money or your time! Trainers are a dime a dozen and I am sure there are plenty out there that would be thrilled to have you as a client. Don't let this discourage for a single moment. Part of your success will be building a sound support system and this guy shouldn't be a part of it.

[Doreenviv 2]

Hello, my daughter is a body builder ( so why am I fat? that's what I'd like to know). Well anyways, I wanted to get a PT but my daughter was telling me that a personal trainer never really will train you to your fullest like on Biggest Losers because if you lose alot of weight you will not need your PT anymore and they are the ones that will lose the money. So, as long as you are still heavy they have a job. If your PT really cared about YOUR health he would be cheering you on and offering his services after your surgery. Find another trainer.

Things are moving very fast for me. I just made the decision to get the Lap Band a few weeks ago and have a preliminary surgery date May 26 (if my other doctors get the paperwork to surgeon in time). I have told very few people what I am doing because I really don't want to hear the lectures. I did, however tell my personal trainer who turned out to be a complete jacka$$ about the whole thing; telling me the surgeon was only interested in making money and not my health and that I am cheating and won't feel as good about myself. He really hurt my feelings and I wrote a long email to him today...

this is the email I sent

I just wanted to let you know that I am having the Lap Band Surgery as my cardiologist and primary doctor have recommended. I had hoped your attitude towards this recommendation would have been more supportive rather than negative. This is not an easy decision to make. I have been in a battle with my weight all of my life. To be offered this tool to help me end the battle of constant struggle is like a life line to me. The fact that it may help me end the gain/loss cycle I have been through the last few years outweighs any of the possible side effects for me. I do not see this as cheating as you say or an easy way out, it will still take work. This is only a tool. There will still be struggles and there will be ups and downs, but I welcome this chance to get my life and weight back under control.

I feel like I have worked out harder than I ever have; even outside the gym even though you don't believe me, and I have seen very little results. I have altered my diet and I have given up so much for very little and I was at the point that I just wanted to give up. One of the biggest reason I stopped coming to the gym was because I knew you would not be supportive of my decision. I appreciate the confidence you seem to have in my ability to lose the weight on my own but the struggles have gone on for many years and my patience has grown thin...no pun intended. I realize it is your job to be a glass half full kind of person but please cease in future conversations or comments that negatively impact my doctor and my decision to have the surgery. It only aggravates and adds stress to an already serious matter.

I in no way doubt you as a trainer and would like to start training with you again after my surgery. I feel there is a better chance that I will see a change and I won't feel like I am just throwing away my time and money. If you don't want to continue on as my trainer under these conditions, I understand, but I would like to have you train me again after this is over.

******

I am even more upset now because he has made no attempt to respond. Is is normal to get this kind of negative feedback when you tell people you are having the procedure?

[Rachel412 116]

I had a trainer for a while and I loved her, but she was also very much against me having surgery. Like others have said, if these trainers have been "normal" size all their life, they just don't understand. Keep your chin up!

[Phranp 46]

Okayyyyy ... broomt, I don't understand why you would want to keep this person as your trainer after he hurt your feelings like that, unless of course when he said:

"telling me the surgeon was only interested in making money ..." so he is training you for free, right? I didn't think so.

or when he said:

" and not my health and that I am cheating"

cheating what/who? Diabetes? High blood pressure? Arthritis? sleep apnea? etc., etc., etc.

" and won't feel as good about myself."

Do you REALLY think you won't feel good about yourself when you are 100 lbs lighter? When you are buying clothes 10 sizes smaller? When you are finally keeping the weight off -- forever!!????!!

Your trainer sounds like a real prince --- NOT! Trust me, he is not the only crayon in the box ... get a new and supportive trainer.

You must be one of the kindest people on this earth. The email you wrote was so civil and kind. I'm menopausal, the me that "may" have been able to write an email similar to that ... she is LONG gone! LOL I would have ripped him a new one!! Sorry, my hormones are making me crazy!

All the best to you!

~Fran

[Shelley64 26]

I think it was a great email. I personally have told very few people about my lap band surgery. Obviously my family and a close girlfiriend who lives in another state...That's it! No one at work knows because it's frankly none of their business. People who haven't struggled with a serious amount of weight simply don't have a clue what it's like to be addicted to food or be an over eater. It's like I can't imagine taking drugs, smoking or having a gambling addiction. It doesn't compute in my mind. Most people just think you just need to eat less and exercise more. Well, I've done that but I never got any results and I gave up and quit after a month or two. Trust me, weight loss surgery is NOT the easy way out. I've been banded almost 4 months and i've only lost 25 lbs and all but a few of that was from my pre-op diet. First you have to heal before you get a fill and then you have to play with that until you find the right combination. You've got to figure out what to eat, how much to eat, when to stop,......it's like learning a new job...seriously. I don't regret it for a second but it's a huge learning curve. I consider myself a pretty intelligent person, I know alot about nutrition, I did a ton of research, I know from my past diets and re-gains what works for me and what doesn't. I always said, if I could just eat less I know I could be successful. Well I'm eating less by far BUT I haven't lost that much weight as far as the scale goes. My inches and the look of my body has changed drastically but the scale isn't going down that much. You hit it on the head that this is a tool. A person could sabatoge themselves with the band just like we've all done on past diets. But, if your mind is in the right place and you see that this is a tool and you use it to it's full advantage, you really can't be unsuccessful. It's slow for most people unlike gastric bypass but I truly feel so much more control with what and how and when I eat that it's absolutely empowering. I still crave sweets and junk after dinner but I've never been starving, hands shaking hungry since I got the band and I'm not miserable between meals. The best success I've had is the change in my blood panel numbers. In 3 months my cholesterol went from 286 to 226, triglycerides went from 461 to 225 and my fasting blood sugar went from 176 to 134.....I could have NEVER achieved this without the band unless I spent 6-7 hours a day in the gym, starved and had no life. I'm 46 years old, I work full time, I've been married for 20 years, I've got 2 teenagers the are on the go and this gives me the freedom to eat like a normal person and enjoy my life. Now that I feel better and look a little better, I've got to step up the exercise so I can burn a couple hundred calories extra a day and get to my goal sooner. I do know one thing for sure ....I WILL BE ABLE TO MAINTAIN MY WEIGT LOSS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE!!!!

Thanks! Shelley

[dragonotd 0]

I use to be a physical trainer and gym rat working out five hours a day and trained with body builders and power lifters. After, I would scarf down half of a jumbo godfather's pizza by myself but I maintained a nice body. A great number of these people have bad relationships with food and crippling insecurities. I speak from experience. They binge and fail to reach their goals, push their bodies beyond their limits and most suffer with body image issues. They hate what they are afraid of becoming, you know the old saying 'there but for the grace of god go I'. Really how could you expect a different response from someone who struggles daily to keep their body in shape, obsessively, through diet and excercise. Find another trainer or join a Water aerobics class. Interview the trainers and be satisfied with their personalities. You are paying for a service look for someone who has your best interests at heart. Oh, If they watch themselves in the mirror and flex their muscles instead of focusing on you then get rid of them.

If you can don't go to a hard core or commercial gym - look for a trainer at a hospital owned or operated gym you will find a differnt class of trainers.

[Jenine 1]

Things are moving very fast for me. I just made the decision to get the Lap Band a few weeks ago and have a preliminary surgery date May 26 (if my other doctors get the paperwork to surgeon in time). I have told very few people what I am doing because I really don't want to hear the lectures. I did, however tell my personal trainer who turned out to be a complete jacka$ about the whole thing; telling me the surgeon was only interested in making money and not my health and that I am cheating and won't feel as good about myself. He really hurt my feelings and I wrote a long email to him today...

this is the email I sent

I just wanted to let you know that I am having the Lap Band Surgery as my cardiologist and primary doctor have recommended. I had hoped your attitude towards this recommendation would have been more supportive rather than negative. This is not an easy decision to make. I have been in a battle with my weight all of my life. To be offered this tool to help me end the battle of constant struggle is like a life line to me. The fact that it may help me end the gain/loss cycle I have been through the last few years outweighs any of the possible side effects for me. I do not see this as cheating as you say or an easy way out, it will still take work. This is only a tool. There will still be struggles and there will be ups and downs, but I welcome this chance to get my life and weight back under control.

I feel like I have worked out harder than I ever have; even outside the gym even though you don't believe me, and I have seen very little results. I have altered my diet and I have given up so much for very little and I was at the point that I just wanted to give up. One of the biggest reason I stopped coming to the gym was because I knew you would not be supportive of my decision. I appreciate the confidence you seem to have in my ability to lose the weight on my own but the struggles have gone on for many years and my patience has grown thin...no pun intended. I realize it is your job to be a glass half full kind of person but please cease in future conversations or comments that negatively impact my doctor and my decision to have the surgery. It only aggravates and adds stress to an already serious matter.

I in no way doubt you as a trainer and would like to start training with you again after my surgery. I feel there is a better chance that I will see a change and I won't feel like I am just throwing away my time and money. If you don't want to continue on as my trainer under these conditions, I understand, but I would like to have you train me again after this is over.

******

I am even more upset now because he has made no attempt to respond. Is is normal to get this kind of negative feedback when you tell people you are having the procedure?