What part of 'its a secret' is too hard to understand?

[emptyNest 4]

I told my husband I was having the surgery about a couple of months before the surgery date. I had kept it to myself for over 8 months, while I got the insurance approval, etc., but decided to tell him so he could get used to the idea before it happened. When I told him I was getting the surgery I told him that I didn't want other people to know. I did tell my parents and our kids, but I didn't think it was anyone else's business.

First he told his secretary, the biggest gossip in the county. His excuse there was that he had to explain why he would be out for the day. I let it go, even though I think he could have just said surgery and left it at that. Last night I heard him on the phone telling his mother that I wouldn't be over for Easter because I had a 'procedure' that put a band around my stomach to keep me from eating too much. WTF!!! When I confronted him he had the nerve to deny it! He said he told her 'procedure' not 'surgery'... like that made it all right...

I'm really furious... Now, if I'm successful with the band it will be because I had this 'band around my stomach that stopped me from eating too much' and if not, they'll think I'm such a pig I ate too much even with a band around my stomach...

He asked me what I wanted him to say when people asked him why I'm not eating much... Huh??? I just asked him: Who would do that? The truth is that it was easier, for him, to tell people I had the surgery than to have them think I just didn't want to go. What does that say about him, and especially about our relationship? I'm starting to understand the high divorce rates among WLS patients.

[jennifer1 180]

Wow, i'm sorry your husband is blabbing your business all over the place. Have you told him how much it bothers you that he does this? That is really a private matter. I'm not sure why he feels HE would have to explain your eating habits to others. I would tell him what answer you would like him to give if people question your weight loss. I personally plan on telling others Portion Control and exercise. nuff said!!!! LOL!

I told my husband I was having the surgery about a couple of months before the surgery date. I had kept it to myself for over 8 months, while I got the insurance approval, etc., but decided to tell him so he could get used to the idea before it happened. When I told him I was getting the surgery I told him that I didn't want other people to know. I did tell my parents and our kids, but I didn't think it was anyone else's business.

First he told his secretary, the biggest gossip in the county. His excuse there was that he had to explain why he would be out for the day. I let it go, even though I think he could have just said surgery and left it at that. Last night I heard him on the phone telling his mother that I wouldn't be over for Easter because I had a 'procedure' that put a band around my stomach to keep me from eating too much. WTF!!! When I confronted him he had the nerve to deny it! He said he told her 'procedure' not 'surgery'... like that made it all right...

I'm really furious... Now, if I'm successful with the band it will be because I had this 'band around my stomach that stopped me from eating too much' and if not, they'll think I'm such a pig I ate too much even with a band around my stomach...

He asked me what I wanted him to say when people asked him why I'm not eating much... Huh??? I just asked him: Who would do that? The truth is that it was easier, for him, to tell people I had the surgery than to have them think I just didn't want to go. What does that say about him, and especially about our relationship? I'm starting to understand the high divorce rates among WLS patients.

[NJGirl32 43]

Wow! That is so wrong.

I haven't told my DH yet and if he did that I would be really, REALLY mad. With that being said, some people are not good at keeping secrets. Part of me feels like it's my secret but why should everyone else in my life have to keep it-not sure about my thoughts. I want to tell my daughters (19 and 24 yrs. old) and I was going to say don't tell anyone - but again this is sort of asking a lot of them and I am not sure they could keep it to themselves so I don't know. I guess there are no easy anwers. He definitely should NOT have told his secretary - sometimes men just don't think! Has he been supportive of you other than this? That's the big question.

[Spot 20]

"The one person I should be able to trust is you, and you've blabbed my secret - an embarrassing secret about me to several people now. To top it all off, you had the audacity play stupid about what you have done"

Then think of something super humiliating you know about him and make some analogies out of it.

I'm sorry he has done that. I hope he can see the error of his ways and apologize. It's not like he can fix the damage he has done, but at least acknowledging it would be a start, right?

[emptyNest 4]

"The one person I should be able to trust is you, and you've blabbed my secret - an embarrassing secret about me to several people now. To top it all off, you had the audacity play stupid about what you have done"

Then think of something super humiliating you know about him and make some analogies out of it.

I'm sorry he has done that. I hope he can see the error of his ways and apologize. It's not like he can fix the damage he has done, but at least acknowledging it would be a start, right?

Thanks guys. Its nice having people I can vent to who understand.

I think its just thoughtlessness, and he has been very supportive in other ways. I'm probably just super-sensitive about his family knowing because they are all thin, so they have no idea what I have been through. Anyway, I'm skipping Easter with the in-laws, so at least I get 24 hours to myself out of the deal.

[CheckYes 46]

I totally get why you are angry - I would be too. It doesn't sound like he is a jerk or anything so I just wonder if maybe he has problems with what he might considering "lying" to people. He is involved in the situation and sounds like he was called upon to answer a question and rather than lying or being discreet he just told the truth. Don't be too hard on the guy. Just explain to him again and maybe give him some options to tell people so he doesn't get caught without an answer again. Maybe I just giving him the benefit of the doubt here!?!? You know him best, after all, to determine whether he should get the benefit or not.

I haven't told anyone but my mom and sister and I would be annoyed if they blabbed. I'd just question whether it was their intention to blab or if there was another reason.