Unsolicited advice...Errr!

[ete77 0]

Why is that some people feel so compelled to dish out advice in regards to weight loss- especially those who don't personally struggle with it themselves?? I am not hiding the fact that I intend to have lap-band surgery and overall people have been positive and supportive so I can't complain. But there are those few....

Today a woman next to me at my hairdressers mentioned her mother and sister had gastric bypass and I chirped up and informed them that I'm having lap-band as soon and as fast as these pre-op months will go...(the alternative would be for me to NOT mention this and basically lie to everyone when weight starts coming off and that won't work for me.) Anyway, my new hairdresser (who is excellent at highlights!) looks at me and gawks. She then asks me why I would consider something so extreme and had I tried losing the weight naturally? WTH??? I smiled politely and told her "Yes, of course I have and I have yoyo'd for years and I'm actually quite excited about the surgery (Thank you very much!) but she continued... She went on to tell me every horror story she could think of (all 3 of which were gastric bypass stories which she was confusing with lap band) and I ended up explaining the process and that both surgeries were actually pretty common now and much safer than they were 20 years ago. etc. Anyway she was not happy until she had given me the name of her holistic doctor who she swears for 175 an hour can cure me of obesity. I love my highlights, but jeez! Anybody else deal with this??

Secondly, my sister (who is a size 1, models for a living, and who has never had any weight issues) insists that "only the strong survive" and that I "just need to ask the universe to give me the body that I want, to envision it" LMAO. She watches The Secret a little too much.

I would love to know how others on here deal with friendly and not so friendly unsolicited advice.

[Dave_NW 92]

When people start that sort of thing with me, I politely interrupt at the first opportunity and say, "Thanks so much for showing me your concern. But in my case, I'm not having that kind of surgery. The one I'm having is nothing as dramatic or dangerous as gastric bypass. And the best thing is that my doctor agrees with me that this is the right next step for me to get my life back under control. I'm very excited to have this surgery, and I can't wait to see where I am in six months. I intend to lose a lot of weight by then." And then I change the subject, or go into a discussion of shopping for new clothes, or whatever. Anything to distract the other person. If you're talking with your hairdresser, you can say, "So after I lose this excess weight I'll be ready for a brand new hairstyle. What do you think I should do?" And get her to be your ally, not an adversary.

Being a guy, I haven't had much resistance to my surgery. Everyone I work with has been great about it, probably because I haven't asked them for their opinion about it, and certainly not their consent. I tell them what I'm doing, and make it clear this was my choice. They usually agreed with me. And now, just a few months later, some of those same coworkers are actually hitting on me. (I had another one do that just today...) It's kind of a hoot, since I haven't had that happen in a long time.

Good luck!

Dave

[bellarn09 1]

People want to tell you horror stories about everything. When my husband bought a motorcycle, everyone wanted to tell me stories about accidents. When I made the decison to have lap band I told very few people. I didn't want to hear anything negative. I was well educated and made the best decision for me. I would avoid the cnversation with those people altogether. Talk about it with people that are as excited as you are!

[L12 13]

LOL, a couple of months ago I was hanging out with some friends and their family. Over dinner, my surgery came up, and my friend's mother (who has been obese for years) told me that with the band I should not be eating as much as I was. At that point, I weighed 130 lbs., had just completed a half marathon, and was still exercising a lot--reasons why my band is a bit loose. I informed her that I was in maintenance, and if I ate less than that AND kept burning as as many calories through exercise, I would keep losing weight, which is not what I was trying to do. That kind of stumped her, like she thought I should ALWAYS be trying to lose more. I've changed a great deal of what and how much I eat, but my lifestyle is different too; I can't be "on a diet" forever with my activity level unless I want to diet my way into nothingness.

[dariasjourney 0]

Hi I am ayear + post-op and doing well...I still feel your pain and still get stupid comments such as the ones you described...and envisioning wearing small sizes does not work...surgery does. When a work, I did not disclise my surgery to anyone and i THINK THAT it is propab;y the best way to handle. I donot freely divulg my little secret, but that is because I caught so much crap from people that said that I wqould be foolish to have surgery..do weight watvchers etc repeatidly...sometimes it is better not to dicuss these issues nless you really know the other person well and they are non-judgmenta, and undersatnd weight issues...

Why is that some people feel so compelled to dish out advice in regards to weight loss- especially those who don't personally struggle with it themselves?? I am not hiding the fact that I intend to have lap-band surgery and overall people have been positive and supportive so I can't complain. But there are those few....

Today a woman next to me at my hairdressers mentioned her mother and sister had gastric bypass and I chirped up and informed them that I'm having lap-band as soon and as fast as these pre-op months will go...(the alternative would be for me to NOT mention this and basically lie to everyone when weight starts coming off and that won't work for me.) Anyway, my new hairdresser (who is excellent at highlights!) looks at me and gawks. She then asks me why I would consider something so extreme and had I tried losing the weight naturally? WTH??? I smiled politely and told her "Yes, of course I have and I have yoyo'd for years and I'm actually quite excited about the surgery (Thank you very much!) but she continued... She went on to tell me every horror story she could think of (all 3 of which were gastric bypass stories which she was confusing with lap band) and I ended up explaining the process and that both surgeries were actually pretty common now and much safer than they were 20 years ago. etc. Anyway she was not happy until she had given me the name of her holistic doctor who she swears for 175 an hour can cure me of obesity. I love my highlights, but jeez! Anybody else deal with this??

Secondly, my sister (who is a size 1, models for a living, and who has never had any weight issues) insists that "only the strong survive" and that I "just need to ask the universe to give me the body that I want, to envision it" LMAO. She watches The Secret a little too much.

I would love to know how others on here deal with friendly and not so friendly unsolicited advice.

[readytolosemomof5 0]

I think the hardest for me was that despite trying different medically supervised programs, diet, excercise, medication for who knows how long, my Primary Care Provider still did not support my decision to look into WLS. She refused to refer anybody, so I had to research on my own. It still amazes me that there are still so many doctors, PA's, and NP's out there that don't believe in WLS. Or maybe they just want to keep us fat and sick to make more money?

[jennifer1 180]

I too have choosen to tell very few people about my band. I wont get banded till May20th, but have already be contemplating how I will handle it when people start to question my weight loss. My scripted answer is going to be "portion control and exercise.", which is really the truth, they just dont have to know how i'm controlling my portions. People who have never struggled with weight loss just dont get it! I think in general people mean well, but yet still let insensitive comments fly out of there mouth. Along with not agreeing that I should do this some people just dont understand why i'm 36, not married with no kids. Life is not a cookie cutter and everyone is a snowflake(designer's original), so those who dont support me can "KICK ROCKS". I refuse to let a few negative people make me feel bad about a decision i have made for my health.

jennifer

Why is that some people feel so compelled to dish out advice in regards to weight loss- especially those who don't personally struggle with it themselves?? I am not hiding the fact that I intend to have lap-band surgery and overall people have been positive and supportive so I can't complain. But there are those few....

Today a woman next to me at my hairdressers mentioned her mother and sister had gastric bypass and I chirped up and informed them that I'm having lap-band as soon and as fast as these pre-op months will go...(the alternative would be for me to NOT mention this and basically lie to everyone when weight starts coming off and that won't work for me.) Anyway, my new hairdresser (who is excellent at highlights!) looks at me and gawks. She then asks me why I would consider something so extreme and had I tried losing the weight naturally? WTH??? I smiled politely and told her "Yes, of course I have and I have yoyo'd for years and I'm actually quite excited about the surgery (Thank you very much!) but she continued... She went on to tell me every horror story she could think of (all 3 of which were gastric bypass stories which she was confusing with lap band) and I ended up explaining the process and that both surgeries were actually pretty common now and much safer than they were 20 years ago. etc. Anyway she was not happy until she had given me the name of her holistic doctor who she swears for 175 an hour can cure me of obesity. I love my highlights, but jeez! Anybody else deal with this??

Secondly, my sister (who is a size 1, models for a living, and who has never had any weight issues) insists that "only the strong survive" and that I "just need to ask the universe to give me the body that I want, to envision it" LMAO. She watches The Secret a little too much.

I would love to know how others on here deal with friendly and not so friendly unsolicited advice.

[dariasjourney 0]

initiallyh my pcp id not agree with WLS, but after time and seeing that I was getting nowhere with diet alone, he caved and also saw pst-op my strides and he is so happy and h has actually changed his mind about lap band surgery, but not the bypass... I also told prople that saaw the weight loss as HIGH Protein LOW CARB DIET and EXCERSICE...nobody bugged me after that

I think the hardest for me was that despite trying different medically supervised programs, diet, excercise, medication for who knows how long, my Primary Care Provider still did not support my decision to look into WLS. She refused to refer anybody, so I had to research on my own. It still amazes me that there are still so many doctors, PA's, and NP's out there that don't believe in WLS. Or maybe they just want to keep us fat and sick to make more money?

[jmarruda 22]

Everyone has an opinion... I choose not to listen to most of them. When someone offers their advice, I listen, and then say "that's nice". And I do what I want anyways! Lol...

[MarcyLoo 12]

I chose to tell my MIL, who tol dme she wnted to tell one brotherinlaw which I ws fine with ... so the other night we went to her house for dinner. I brought homemade turkey chili, she made a salad, and her friend came over and made cornbread. I love her friend, but as soon as I walked in it started. "you look skinnier." I said thank you. So we proceed to the kitchen, where said friend started in about her friend who "did that" and is on Iron transfuions now and having such a horrible time with health. So this friend was told too, by MIL. So I explained that her friend had a different surgery than me, and I'm not at all likely to have health issues like that. Finally we sit down to dinner, my husband cross from em and a lady to each side. as I go to prepare my plate/bowl, I get BOMBARDED with questions.."what can you eat? how much can you eat? Well you know I'm never sure what you can eat." All while I'm juyst trying to enjoy my freaking dinner. So I explained that I can eat until I'm full, I can eat whatever I want so no one needs to "cook around my needs," and that some foods don't go down well and I know within a bite or two if I won't be able to eat something.

I R R I T A T I N G

[Dave_NW 92]

I get BOMBARDED with questions.."what can you eat? how much can you eat? Well you know I'm never sure what you can eat." All while I'm juyst trying to enjoy my freaking dinner.

I've had that, especially from well-meaning family and friends who don't know how to relate to me, now that I'm banded. I just tell everyone not to worry about me, not to cook special just for me, and that I'll find something on the table that works for me. After a couple of awkward attempts, most have relaxed around me. And when they see me eating this or that without any side effects, they get over their concern. It's not a problem anymore.

Dave

[jeepygurl 3]

My friends are great, except when we go out, "can you eat", "should we not do dinner this month"...my thought was you all eat to much anyway, and I am on a good path now, I exercise daily, I am careful about what I eat as I always have been but when in rome kind of thing......Anyway I tend to avoid things like that...makes me mad now....