What is wrong with me!? Scared, depressed

[babyk 1]

Just need to vent: the short version: my dad passed away a year and a half ago and my boyfriend has been by my side through everything! He's amazing and I love him so much.

Over the past 2 years I have moved into a different house every 4 months. My boyfriend and I recently got our own place (4 months ago) and it's great! I love it...but, as silly as it sounds, the past 2 weeks I've just been super scared that something is going to happen and it makes me think about what life would be like without my boyfriend. It scares the crap out of me. Him and I have talked about this and he is so sweet, tells me he loves me, is here for me, and isn't going anywhere. I believe him and I trust him. So why the hell am I so caught up on what life would be like without him!?

None of this probably makes sense but any advice would be appreciated....

[Pammy S Lewis 2]

generally speaking, depression is ruminating about the past (mistakes, i should have done this instead, feeling angry or sad about decisions or relationships, etc etc). anxiety is fear of what might happen in the future. i spent years suffering from both and going back and forth between the two. it wasn't until i learned to live IN THE MOMENT right now that i was able to let go of it. you can't worry about what will happen in the future because we have absolutely no idea what will happen. you and your boyfriend may life a happy, full life together until you're 90! and then you would have wasted this time now worrying. focus on what is good now and be present now.

when i find that i'm not being present, i think of this story. i couple of years ago, i went to an event that i felt like was the most important thing in my life. i really wanted a lot of photos to remember it by and i ended up spending the whole time taking pictures. afterward, i realized that i didn't even remember anything about that day because i was not present and was focused on taking the stupid pictures! that's just my little reminder of myself to live in the now and appreciate it and not to worry about the future.

[Jenn1214 120]

My mother passed away 7 years ago. When it first happened I remember feeling so afraid of losing someone else that I cared about that I would sometimes panic if someone didn't answer the phone when I called and I wanted to drive over to their house and kick the door down to make sure they were ok! Even now I will sometimes wake up in a cold sweat and check to see if my fiance is still breathing in bed next to me. I also find myself worrying what my life would be like without him, but I try so hard not to do that because I end up causing myself so much anxiety.

I wish I had some advice for you but I am still struggling with this myself. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone.

[123crod 170]

You remember nobody is promised a tomorrow. But you can not live your life in fear i did that for too many years and it will take years off of your life. If you have anxiety get some med for it. there are some that can be take only when needed and others that build up in your body to keep that feeling away or to where it is not the you only feeling you get. I lost My daddy at the age of 10 and still mourn for him, then my mother-in-law, soon my father in law, my nephew shot himself in the head, then a year ago my only bother overdosed on prescription drugs. I do not handle handle death good at all. I am a Christian and believe in Heaven and hope to be there one day.

But I think you either have to trust God to always take care of you OR you need to get some counselng and learn ways for you to learn skills for coping when you get these feelings. I went to see a Christian Therapist for 3 years and still go back when I need to.One of the best thing I ever did

Cheri

[babyk 1]

I really appreciate everyone's responses! I am sorry it has taken me a little bit to get back to responding but I've been super busy! I have taken what all of you have said and taken in to consideration. I have been having a better few weeks, my weight loss could be helping. I feel like I am trying to look at things in a more positive way and realizing that I can not stress over things that I have no control over...