Irritated with People-how to deal with it

[MarcyLoo 12]

I've only been banded for less thn a month. I've started getting really irritated with my mom & my mother-in-law (my MIL in particular). Every single time I talk to her she asks how my "diet" is going or how my weight loss is going. I always explain that I am well healed from surgery, that I have lost 20 pounds and have STILL lost 20 pounds and that my band is STILL empty so I'm not expecting to lose much more until my fill (tomorrow). I'm already kinda down that things are moving this slow and that I'm almost always hungry, so to have her/them asking so often is driving me nuts. I know it will get better, but I don't want the focus of every stinking conversation to be my band or my weight loss or my diet progress.

anyone else have similar issues?

[nallygirl 4]

I've only been banded for less thn a month. I've started getting really irritated with my mom & my mother-in-law (my MIL in particular). Every single time I talk to her she asks how my "diet" is going or how my weight loss is going. I always explain that I am well healed from surgery, that I have lost 20 pounds and have STILL lost 20 pounds and that my band is STILL empty so I'm not expecting to lose much more until my fill (tomorrow). I'm already kinda down that things are moving this slow and that I'm almost always hungry, so to have her/them asking so often is driving me nuts. I know it will get better, but I don't want the focus of every stinking conversation to be my band or my weight loss or my diet progress.

anyone else have similar issues?

Hi Marcy, I'm right there with you! I've been banded since March 16th and I've lost 22 pounds but haven't lost in the past week. I won't get a fill until the 27th and with being so hungry all the time it is really getting hard. I only told a handful of people about my surgery. It seems though like they ask on a daily basis how I'm doing and I know they are just trying to be supportive but it really stresses me out! I already have to answer to myself and I don't want to feel like I have to answer to other people also. I'm not really sure how to deal with it either without making people feel bad for asking. I guess we just have to focus on ourselves and do the best we can! Good luck with everything!!

[Swan56 6]

I chose not to tell many people as well. I have a good friend who, every time we go eat somewhere, asks, "What are you getting?" I think she's asking because she wants to know what works (she has about 30-40 lbs she wants to lose) but it still places some pressure. Also, after my MIL found out she said, "Well I hope you don't do like so-and-so did. She didn't lose a bit and still eats at TON!" I didn't find that encouraging at all. Plus my in-laws (MIL mostly) have a tendency to talk about everyone's business with everyone else and that's just not how I chose to start this journey. I wish you luck dealing with your family. It can be very frustrating and unsettling.

[Llyra 3]

"Thank you so much for your concern; everything is going exactly as planned. Have you seen that new Angelina Jolie movie? What did you think of the special effects?"

or

"I'm doing fine, thank you. Are you going to plant a garden this year?"

or

"Everything is right on schedule; thank you for asking. What are you going to get Grandma for her birthday this year?"

Good manners and redirection are your friends.

[stateofzen 46]

"I'm really thankful that you care so much to ask, but I feel a lot of pressure when people ask me about all of this and I know you don't mean it that way, but it would really help me if we could talk about something else. Don't worry! I'll let you know what's going on when there is something to report!"

Have good manners, use I language, don't blame, but also don't beat around the bush. These are not strangers or acquaintances-- they are family members. It is ok to express your feelings in a clear way with family members.

[TheRealSouthernBelle 22]

I chose not to tell many people as well. I have a good friend who, every time we go eat somewhere, asks, "What are you getting?" I think she's asking because she wants to know what works (she has about 30-40 lbs she wants to lose) but it still places some pressure. Also, after my MIL found out she said, "Well I hope you don't do like so-and-so did. She didn't lose a bit and still eats at TON!" I didn't find that encouraging at all. Plus my in-laws (MIL mostly) have a tendency to talk about everyone's business with everyone else and that's just not how I chose to start this journey. I wish you luck dealing with your family. It can be very frustrating and unsettling.

Maybe the reason that the person your MIL is talking about isn't losing any weight because she still eats a ton. LOL! I wouldn't get discouraged at all. You know you are doing the right thing, that's all that matters.

[savingface 0]

I've only been banded for less thn a month. I've started getting really irritated with my mom & my mother-in-law (my MIL in particular). Every single time I talk to her she asks how my "diet" is going or how my weight loss is going. I always explain that I am well healed from surgery, that I have lost 20 pounds and have STILL lost 20 pounds and that my band is STILL empty so I'm not expecting to lose much more until my fill (tomorrow). I'm already kinda down that things are moving this slow and that I'm almost always hungry, so to have her/them asking so often is driving me nuts. I know it will get better, but I don't want the focus of every stinking conversation to be my band or my weight loss or my diet progress.

anyone else have similar issues?

Hi Marcy,

I purposely on started this journey with my husband because I did want the pressure and prying that your going through. When the time is right I figured I would share with others...kinda a need-to-know basis. I would stick to something simple...say maybe, I'm feeling great, things are progressing nicely, ect. then change the subject. Worst comes to worse...share what you said here. Good Luck !!

[MarcyLoo 12]

Oh and the other day I was at my moms house....having a cup of coffee after being awake for 2 days straight...at home I use fat free half and half and splenda. well all she had was nonfat milk or regular half and half, so I opted to treat myself to one cup of coffee with half and half. Totally my choice and IMO not sabbotaging my band/diet. We're all entitled to the occasional treat if we chose. anyhow she had the wrong screw-on lid & as I took it out of the fridge some spilled. She said to me rather rudely "why are you having half and half???" I gave her a pretty dirty look and said "because I'm having a cup of coffee."

Oy.

[patyann 14]

Tell her Fat Free usually means more sugar than the regular stuff so you are choosing the better of the two options.

[Swan56 6]

Maybe the reason that the person your MIL is talking about isn't losing any weight because she still eats a ton. LOL! I wouldn't get discouraged at all. You know you are doing the right thing, that's all that matters.

Thank you for the encouragment! I know she didn't mean it like that but her snotty comment just bothered me. And you're absolutely right, the band isn't working for "E" because she isn't using it as a tool. She thought it would just make her skinny LOL.

By the way, saw your stats on your signature - great job!

[bayareanan 24]

My son took me to have my surgery in Dallas where I lived. I moved back to our home town in ca where my other sons are.

My ex husbands brother stopped me on the street and asked howy weight loss was going. I was so ticked off. I know theyeant well but why shouldy ex brother in law that I haven't seen in 20yrs know?

The son who

Tooke to surgery was deployed to Kuwait the week following my surgery so I ble it on the ex. Very frustrating

[TheRealSouthernBelle 22]

Thank you for the encouragment! I know she didn't mean it like that but her snotty comment just bothered me. And you're absolutely right, the band isn't working for "E" because she isn't using it as a tool. She thought it would just make her skinny LOL.

By the way, saw your stats on your signature - great job!

Thanks! You are doing very well yourself!

[Cocoabean 430]

I like Llyra's response. "Doing fine, thanks. How was your week?" Or fire it right back, "going well, How is your (insert disease here)?" Or ask other borderline questions. "How are your bowel movements lately?" Our society is too accepting of talking about weight loss.

Or you can be honest and say this is going to be a long process, when I need support, I'll talk about it, otherwise, I'd like my band to just be a part of me and not a big focus. But I do appreciate your concern about me.

Sometimes people are trying to be supportive by asking, they just don't realize how annoying it can be. I don't WANT to spend my life talking about it. I want to spend my life enjoying the fact that I am not obsessed with food now. My food choices are not my main thought processes any longer. There is much more in life I enjoy now! Let's talk about that!

It used to be when I did a new diet plan, that it would be all I would talk about, oohh, I lost half a pound! Yay for me! Woot Woot! People expected it. After I was banded and I became confident that the weight was coming off, I lost interest in talking about it, too. And frankly, people got bored with it. The questions got fewer. Then when my weight stabilized, I very rarely hear about it now.

[girl55 5]

I like Llyra's response. "Doing fine, thanks. How was your week?" Or fire it right back, "going well, How is your (insert disease here)?" Or ask other borderline questions. "How are your bowel movements lately?" Our society is too accepting of talking about weight loss.

Or you can be honest and say this is going to be a long process, when I need support, I'll talk about it, otherwise, I'd like my band to just be a part of me and not a big focus. But I do appreciate your concern about me.

Sometimes people are trying to be supportive by asking, they just don't realize how annoying it can be. I don't WANT to spend my life talking about it. I want to spend my life enjoying the fact that I am not obsessed with food now. My food choices are not my main thought processes any longer. There is much more in life I enjoy now! Let's talk about that!

It used to be when I did a new diet plan, that it would be all I would talk about, oohh, I lost half a pound! Yay for me! Woot Woot! People expected it. After I was banded and I became confident that the weight was coming off, I lost interest in talking about it, too. And frankly, people got bored with it. The questions got fewer. Then when my weight stabilized, I very rarely hear about it now.

[girl55 5]

I know what you meat Cocoa. After you start losing steady weight, you just want to live it up. Not talk about your weight loss. I never told many people. My immediate family - hubby and children. I also told my principal - I work at a school. But she is very reliable and won't tell anyone else. Every once in a while she'll tell how good I look, but that's all - no questions asked. But my family especially my two daughters and hubby are very upbeat about my weight loss. I need that from them.