How did your relationship change?

[pamela3782 17]

So my surgery date is April 15th and my husband is not as supportive as I would have expected him to be. Our marriage has been on the rocks for years now and came pretty close to an end back in January. I was just wondering how your relationships have changed with your significant others after the surgery. I'm not ultimately looking for just positive stories, just honest ones if possible. I'm all about being upbeat and positive but I just really want raw honesty positive and negative alike. Thanks for your time

~Pam

[Humming Bird 275]

Honestly, my relationships with my husband and everyone else in my life have changed for the better because I am a happier person. If your marriage is already on the rocks, it could go either way after a big weightloss. Sometimes the scars in the bond of marriage are too great to repair. I wish you luck with both journeys in the future.

[LapNYC 3]

It hasn't changed much really. If anything I'm happier and he certainly appreciates the way that I look now. I guess it would all depend on what the issues on your relationship are. Your husband might not be supportive because he's angry about other things. I too wish you the best of luck with both. It sounds like things are rough as they are, so maybe a change (meaning the surgery) will be good.

[armywife1129 0]

A friend of mine her husband was unsupportive he was so use to her being overweight he felt threatened that she would find someone else after weight loss. After her surgery they were just fine though she has shown him that she doesn't want anyone else and he is happy with her results. My husband has been supportive since I first discussed getting the band with him. I'm insecure about how I look and he's looking forward to the day were I feel happy and good about myself because for song long I've hate everything about the excess weight. GL with everything wish you and your husband all the best

[lakegirl88 13]

I think I was so unhappy with myself that it did put a strain on my marrige. Like most couples we still have all the same issues IE money , teenager, hard work evrey day on and on. But I feel so much better about myself now that I am much happier in my marrige and life style. One of my main reason for getting the Lap Band, was to be able to participate more in my own life. I can now walk with my hubby and daughter and keep up and go ahead sometimes intead of sitting on the couch with a glass of wine I go to Zumba. I love that every day is a new NSV. I still have a long ways to go but I know I will make it in time. So I think it has made my relationship with my husband and daughter soooo much better. When the times get hard I can handle it so much better now. I have a new inner strength. This helps me deal and cope so much better than before. On that note I will say it aint easy LOL. Good luck on the 15th.

[PamR 0]

Love your name, hehe. :-) I too have a husband who is not as supportive as I would like. However, a lot of his insecurities stem from his past relationships where two of his ex's had gastric bypass. Now his first girlfriend has gastric bypass about 10 years ago and she didn't have the proper therapy beforehand and she had several issues afterwards where in a sense she went pretty crazy. Their relationship ended, she lost weight, got married and had four kids. His ex-fiance also had gastric bypass and she had a lot of complications and ended up losing weight and leaving him(and also got married right away afterwards). My husband has always been attracted to curvy women and has always thought they are beautiful. He is somewhat concerned that following my weight loss he will not look at me the same way, however that's a risk I am willing to take to better my health. I do feel that he says that only because he is scared of me losing the weight and feeling threatened, I honestly believe he will find me more attractive since he always comments on pictures of me when I was slimmer and says I was sexy. Even if when I say slimmer I mean 260! lol Considering that he had two girlfriends have WLS and leave him, he is VERY insecure about me losing weight. When I mentioned that I was considering Lap-Band he was extremely upset. He kept saying that I was going to leave him and he started to emotionally disconnect from me for awhile. After I explained my reasoning and why I wanted Lap-Band(I have diabetes and PCOS and hope to have children one day) he started to come around somewhat but I'd be lying if I said he changed his tuned. We had a heart to heart and he explained that he loves my personality and how compassionate I am and he is scared that I am going to change as I lose weight. I have a therapist I meet with who specializes in Bariatic Surgery and he went with me twice and put his feelings out there. It was really good for the both of us and he got to express his anxiety regarding my surgery.

I am currently one week post-op and I can tell you that we are doing ok, however it's tax season and my husband is a CPA and extremely stressed. I chose to have my surgery during tax season because I wanted him to be more focused on work, rather then my surgery so he didn't drive me insane. Hehe. I have done very well with recovery, however I have babied my husband quite a bit(making him dinner, doing laundry, packing his lunch for work, going to the grocery store, etc) even though I haven't been feeling in tip top shape. I wish he were more compassionate towards me and my healing process, however he has carried the groceries up for me and he has been walking with me every evening. He also has congratulated me on my weight loss so far and made sure to bring me flowers while I was doing my pre-op diet because I was so stressed and upset and also brought pretty flowers after surgery. My therapist told me that since he made it clear that he is not ready to support me 100% in this, that I cannot expect the support from him that I desire. I do appreciate that he is still as affectionate and loving towards me as he was before and hopefully as I lose weight he will understand that I have no intentions of leaving him. I married him because I love him and deep down he is one of the most sensitive and loving men I know. Regardless of how much I love and care about my husband, it was time for me to put myself first. Sometimes I think that this process will make us stronger, but you never know. I'm just taking everyday as it comes right now.

[lakegirl88 13]

" Regardless of how much I love and care about my husband, it was time for me to put myself first. Sometimes I think that this process will make us stronger, but you never know. I'm just taking everyday as it comes right now.:

AMEN very nicley put Pam

[Lady Lap Band 71]

For me everything changed for the better because as I lost the weight I was so much more of a happy person!!

My husband wasn't not supportive but he definitely had his doubts prior to the surgery. He seems very supportive now because he knows it was the right decision for me.

[gingy 3]

I'm only 3 weeks post-op. My husband was very supportive and wanted me to do this. But now that I've had it done he has not handled it well. He said night before last that I have "caused a huge divide between us". His reasoning is because my emotions have been all over the place, but mostly I've been a little on the depressed side. I tried to explain that recovery, pain, doing all liquids, being hungry, not being able to eat, etc., etc., is what's making show signs of depression... he wasn't buying it. He says I always want something and then when I get it, I'm never happy. So yet again, I feel he's making this my fault, making me feel bad about my decision to have this done and not being supportive throughout the WHOLE process.... the good, the bad and the ugly.

Good luck to you! I've been dealing with this same man for 20+ years... so I can handle it. But I wish you all the best

Gingy

[beckyrlnd 2]

well, i had surgery in December. Everything was fine. My husband has spinal cord surgery one week after mine. i began losing weight and going through an emotional roller coaster. He and i have been in therapy since February. i unltimately wanted to end my marriage. it all came down to this. i was using food as a comfort when i got upset. i gave up smoking for my hsuband while we were dating. i gave up coca cola (red bottle) due to my kidneys. then gave up caffeine in preparation for the surgery and changed to sprite. then went completely off carbonated drinks. so after surgery i just could not go in the kitchen and stuff my face. so i began allowing my emotions and frustrations to show through. i had nothing to fall back on and my husband did not want to face my pinned up frustration i had for him. because i always fixed things and compromised. i cant do it anymore because i have nothing to comfort me except to vent and tell you what i think. my husband and i are still together due to a wonderful christian marriage counselor and prayer. we have had to work alot and hard to get my emotions back under control and for him to undertand i cant be quiet and deal with things anymore. i have more confidence. and i feel our marriage will become stronger with time. in a support group we discussed the divorce rate with this surgery. they say it is quite high. i know several in my circle of friends that have called it quits. i have faith that God will keep my husband and i together and help us mend our hurt feelings. we talk more now than before. This surgery is not a cure all. it will make you happier but you must also deal with other issues that you have suppressed because of food. because the majority of overweight people are foodies. we have to understand why we eat and when we have this surgery how are you going to cope with those same emotions and stress. because food is not a security option any more. Unless you want to blow all the money you have spent doing this out the window.

I dont know if I came close to anything you were looking for. I will say a prayer for you and hope all works out for you and your family and you all make transitions to a new life. God Bless!

[Mjv013 67]

My relationship changed for the better. He didn't change at all. I did all the changing. To my husband it doesnt matter what I look like or how much I've lost. He comments on how happy I am with me. He says he loved me no matter what I looked like and now I'm starting to believe him. Maybe therapy would work for you. However, only you can answer the question of staying or going. Good luck!!

[pamela3782 17]

Thank you all for your stories and input. I think it just helps to hear that I'm not the only one that goes through this. Congrats to all that have made the relationships work. Good luck to those making the changes you need to better yourselves. I think we are all really in that boat. I know I didn't mention it in my original post but I know one of the big things for him is his brothers wife left him after she lost the weight. I have heard from 3 of his family members and him "you're not going to pull a 'Sue' are you?" We had our problems way before I made any decisions to get this surgery. It's just hard to have little support and then hear that. Anyway thanks again!!!

~Pam

[sassy k's mommy 1]

My husband isn't very supportive on anything that I have ever done. I didn't even see my husband until I was almost a week postop. I stayed with my mother and father which is about 15 minutes from my house. Not to mention I had surgery on January 25 and my birthday was January 28. I even had our daughter who is four years old and he didn't care to evencome and see her.

We have been married for eleven years in May 2011. Our marriage has always been rocky since the beginning of our marriage.

I really don't know if any of this will help us. But I know that I am feeling better however, I don't know if my marriage will ever be a healthy one.

[lulu losingit 1]

Pamela, I am on the other side of the fence. I was (note the was) married to someone who had gastric bypass. He swore we would never be a statistic. About 4 years after his surgery and down 250 pounds he walked out. He wanted to see what he had missed in his younger years. But the man I married at 450# was not the man that walked out at 200#. Sometimes it does change people.

All sorts of things happen.

[jamelyn1979 1]

My marriage had gone through a rough patch a few years ago. When we went through counseling my husband mentioned how he was concerned with my current weight and my healthy. That always stuck in the back of my mind while we continued with our marriage struggles. Two years later, I decided to get lapband. He was extremely support - however about 50lbs into my weight loss, he told me he wanted to leave and couldn't deal with unhappy anymore. One of the major things that stuck out to me as he was talking was that he thought I would leave him after I lost weight. We have since talked things over more. I'm not sure what the outcome of our marriage will be, however, I know for myself, it was the best decision I ever made.