Afraid of being able to eat.

[Nykee 13]

i decided to go get an unfil. And then go back and get a fill. And just kinda start the whole process over again. As I have been stuck for a few years now, in this rut, where I cant lose any weight, yet my band is really tight, I eat Cookies and drink chocolate milk so the calories and fat get thru.... and I choke on real food every day... and I have been afraid to get an unfil because I have lost 100 pounds and I dont want to gain any back.

So I decided to just TRY this, at least its SOMETHING... I figured if It doesnt work, i can always go back to being overfilled (in order to not gain weight)

So how long do I stay unfilled.. What if for just that ONE or TWO days, I realise how normal It is, how free it is and how I been living in misery all these years.. What it I come to my senses and I dont allow my self to be overfilled any more.. and what if that leads to weight gain, BUT I choose the weight gain over ever going back to living this way...

I kinda tell my brain right now, that Im just sick and there is no way out of it. Ya know, like an unfil is not possible and I just have a sickness I will have to live with... and well, thats what I do, I just live with it...

I HATE EATING FOOD. I LOVE NOT being able to eat food. I LOVE how I always turn down going out to eat, and I always so NO to all food that is offered me and i never eat in front of anyone. I LOVE how I am not a slave to fast food, and how I just dont care about pizza and Chinese food any more.

YEA I still feel like a slave to fruit juices, flavored milks and cookies and chips.. (BUT NOT CANDY!! I gave up ALL candy 10 months ago! I made it a rule one day and I never touched candy since, I used to eat it all day long, cuz even if the band is tight, it can usually go down) I wish I could make a rule about cookies now, and milk.. but I feel like I would starve, im already hungry constantly as it is.

So. I think I am gonna do it. I SURE HOPE the fear doesnt get the best of me.

I wish I could say the right thing right here.... BUT being honest, my goal is to get another nice tight restriction.

I DO NOT WANT TO BE ABLE TO EAT.

[kll724 3,055]

I don't know what to say. I have been unfilled for 3 weeks. It has not been the easiest to say the least. I was like you, not eating, only drinking smoothies to get my calories and Vitamins. I am now able to eat. I have learned to control what I put into my mouth. You have done a great job. I pray that you can continue to do it. My surgeon is making me wait for at least 1 month. I hope that the 1 month is enough! Bless, you. Karen

[reverie 49]

You'll have to learn control, honestly. Maybe see a counselor or therapist, something. Your relationship with food is far from normal and I really think you need to figure out why. Keeping a tight band may keep you from gaining weight, but you're also starving your body of the nutrients it needs to function properly. Yeah you're 100lbs lighter and not gaining, but good luck to your body internally.

Also, are you unaware of the serious risks of having a tight band for too long? Look into erosions and slips; this is why so many people turn against the band because so many people think keeping it tight is wisest. The band isn't a one-fix tool and you're trying to make it be such. I'd see a therapist to figure out what's causing this extreme love with food, honestly.

Have you ever considered you're stuck because you aren't eating enough nor enough of the good stuff? Not eating does NOT and will not cause weightloss, a calorie deficit does, however.

[TKW 501]

This is never going to work for you until you can eat real food. Healthy food. I'm sure you know that. You are on the right track... go in and get an unfill. Tell them exactly what you wrote here and I agree a therapist may be a good idea. 100 pounds lighter but you can not be healthy if you have been eating like this for the past couple of years. I know how hard it is and I think you know the answers. I wish you the VERY Best of Luck!!! Let us know how it goes for you.

And I appreciate your honesty. It helps you and all of us in the long run to hear honest, this is how it is, things like this. I am certain you are not the only one in this perdiciment. Good Luck to you!

[Mimilou2004 13]

Some really good advice here for you......I was living too tight for months because I liked being very small.....I exercised like I was eating and kept my wt down..but my life was horrible...I love eating out socially and it came down to bathroom trips every time I ate anything. Acid refux and constant stomach burning.....Never again...Now I am 4 months post op band revision and still balancing exercise with food and beverages intake. I am going for a tiny adjustment next week and if it leads to suffering again I will have that same quantity removed ASAP!!!

I agree you should be unfilled for at least 30 days and even gastroscoped to check your pouch and stomach.

I extend much sympathy for what your are going through and wish you the best of luck. If you post some more about your journey I will be reading them.

Mimi