Feeling like a failure...need suggestions/friends/help!!

[June May 2]

Wow, Petunia, that was a little harsh. The reason we get the surgery is because we did put our big girl panties on and worked hard at losing weight for years and years. It's after losing the weight and regaining it over and over again that we resort to surgery. After I was banded, I lost 50 lbs without trying. Now to keep it off and lose the last 50 I have to work at it. Hopefully it will go better this time. I understand feeling like a failure. I understand trying to work up the strength to start another weight loss campaign, and "which way am I going to try this time". I'm reading a book by Dr. Terry Simpson that may help. It's written specifically for lap band patients. For me I think if I could just cut back or cut out the sugar it would make a big difference. I know I don't eat enough to keep me from losing weight, it's just that good ol' chocolate and ice cream go down easily.

[CarrieRN2006 1]

Petunia-I appreciate your blunt honesty on this matter. there are a couple of things to say about it. First of all, you were not banded yet. If/when you are banded you will learn that it is MUCH easier said than done. The people that get banded do because they are having a difficult time losing weight. A lot of people (me included) have a warped perception of the band. It IS a TOOL not an easy way out. You need to make an ENTIRE life change which is what a lot of us have trouble with in the first place. The exercise and the dieting is still the main component. no one, including doctors come right out and tell you that. They tell you that you need to change it, they make it as important as it obviously is. Yes it will help you to not eat as much but at this point, if you eat slow enough and certain foods you can still eat the same amt at that you were previous to the band. I hope for your sake that it is as easy as you think it is because like you said, it is a procedure where you risk your life. Having the knowledge and following it are two totally different things. I am a nurse and definitely know what to be doing and what the risk are of going through my life the way I am. I am still young which is why i chose this route. I need the type of tough love that can be supportive as well. As far as "putting on my big girl pants" I agree with June May-we DID put them on which is why we chose to have this procedure in the first place. This forum is for SUPPORT which is why most of us come on here. While a lot of what you said was truthful it was not very SUPPORTIVE. I hope that everything works out the way you THINK it will but if it doesnt, you will need support and the people on here provide that. No one is perfect.

[Spot 20]

Whoops, I replied to the wrong thread. Don't ask me how that happens, lol.

Edited June 1, 2011 by Spot

[mattie7632 24]

Petunia you probably meant well, but you really need to be banded before you can understand the struggles that go along with this journey. Advice like "put your girl panties on" won't get received very well especially by a poster that is asking for support.

[twiggyinhiding 0]

i would just like to day ...i feel ya!!! i was banded in 2007....lost 97lbs right away... in 10 months... then one day... i stopped DIETING...yes DIETING.... i wasnt having any sugar...or carbs.... i was on atkins.... now that i've stopped....i've gained back 50lbs...... i have no will power and am in need of support..... anyone thinking this is easy is full of it....it all still boils down to.....eating less sugar and carbs and calories...excercising.... thats the trick... as far as another fill cant have one...its almost all removed..still have night coughs... and i have esophigial ulcers from throwing up so much....ugh ..... help....i hate to be a crybaby but i'm addicted to bad foods!!!!!!! the easy ones ..... still throw up very often...and only have .5 in my 10 cc band.... i cant blame the band thats for sure... i'm a failure and eat the wrong things

[deltadawn5683 0]

I'd just like to know how miss high and mighty Petunia knows just what to say to lose friends and make enemies! Does she practice? Is she searching these boards just so she can fire off cruel responses? Oh, and the next time you do let loose Petunia check your grammar so as to not underscore your lack of knowledge in all areas!!!

[June May 2]

Let's not be too hard on Petunia. She needs support too, just slipped and said something that set us all off. The bottom line is this lap band is not the cure I thought it was either. We still have to diet. I lost 50 lbs in the first year, but now I'm struggling to keep it off and can't even think of losing the last 30lbs.

[Wheelchair 13]

I actually agree with Petunia 100%. Life is tough and those that want to be babied along the way usually are left behind in the sidelines and wind up feeling like the OP.

Many of you are saying that Petunia doesn't have a say because she is not yet banded... but a lap band is not the cosmic end-all of life experience and hardship.

Some say that having a weight loss surgery is one of the greatest physical changed you've gone through... but for me.... it ranks near the bottom of the heap.

No matter what we look like, no matter how we got here or there.... there are several ground rules that all must abide by in order to be "successful". You say these ground rules are objective but then again, if you thought so, you wouldn't have had the surgery in the first place.

Even before the surgery, EVERYONE involved in the process informs you that this is merely a tool, a device that only catalyzes the results of the lifestyle and behavioral changes that WE dictate and execute. EVERYONE tells you this.

From day 1, we've all been told the SAME THINGS:

• this is just a tool
• you need to make behavioral changes
• don't drink before or after meals
• don't snack
• eat nutritious foods
• MOVE YOUR ASS

Just the fact that the OP has neglected even ONE of these ground rules sets a basis for our so-called 'tough love'.

Your self-esteem cannot be increased by what frosting others put on top of their words. Your self-esteem is not created by the decreasing numbers on your digital scale or the lack of fabric required to make your undergarments. If you depended on your lap-band to boost your self-esteem...then I believe you failed before you started.

That's the harsh truth.

The doctors, the Allergan PR, the bariatric coordinator at your hospital have all said the same thing. The LAGB may help increase your weight loss so that you become healthier and you eliminate or reduce the existence or at least the symptoms of your ailing co-morbidities. Nothing in the PR says that the lap band will increase your self-esteem. Please wake up.

I'm deliberately trying to be ruthless because that's how we all learn. The hard way. That's how I learned. But in the end, the point is that we follow the rules, we get our priorities in order, we become healthy, and we become happy. Electing to the do the surgery was a big step for you, no doubt. It took courage and determination. You've already made your decision... now you just have to follow along with the consequences of that decision. God-speed and good luck to you.

[CarrieRN2006 1]

By petunia not having the band yet, it is hard for her to say what kind of experience she IS going to have. she is looking from the outside in at this point and cant say well this is what is going to happen and this is what you have to do. There are a lot of foods that work for some but do not work for others. God made us all different and we are going to be different with this.

I understand where Petunia and wheelchair are coming from but the problem with this is we are all here for SUPPORT and it sets a lot of people off because those words, even if they are harsh reality, are not SUPPORTIVE. People come on this forum to get encouragement and support and POSITIVE thoughts. The way it comes off is NEGATIVE. No one wants a person to tell them they are dumb, fat, and stupid. We all need help and maybe negative is the way wheelchair and petunia like their support but most of us prefer friendship and positive support.

Obviously not everyone that has had this procedure has the same experience.

[mauraclegg 29]

I consider myself a banding success. I lost a touch over 80 lbs in less than a year. I am happy with my weight (pretty much), really I would love to see a size 2 fit me, but that is irrational. Here's the thing- I do not deny myself! I eat a little chocolate every day. If I want ice cream, I have a small bowl. I am the type of person that if I deny myself, I will eventually binge. My band is relatively tight- I eat a ton of tuna. I think the band works because we work with it. There are days I can eat some bread- most days I can't. I am also a popcorn addict- but have 2 cups works for me.

If your band isn't doing what it is supposed to- perhaps re-evaluate. It could be something minuscule. Maybe increase Water and protein; maybe have smaller portions or replace a snack with something like nuts.

The band works with us, but as people with food issues we are very capable of working against it.

[TKW 501]

I agree, too tight is almost worse than too loose. When I had my 4th fill I was super tight, I found myself at the Dairy Queen a lot because it went down good and I would justifiy it because "i had hardly ate anything" that day. I realized what I was doing and after 3 weeks got an unfill.

I am a year post op and now "get" the "eat your protien first". I get my protien (3oz) in and a few veg and I'm full. No desire to eat more.

All the "rules" they give you, I find really do hold true. They are what make the band work. I sort of scoffed at them at first, but the longer I do this the more sense they make. Eat your protien FIRST, DO NOT drink with a meal. These little rules all help the band work.

Get back to the basics to get back on track! You can do it!!!!!

[June May 2]

Yes! So glad to find another popcorn addict! I have found it to clear out anything that gets stuck, and I can't go a day without it. I too, eat about 2 cups a day, have a little chocolate everyday and a little icecream every day. I snack mostly on almonds. I found having an egg in the morning helps me to feel fuller longer. I'm maintaining, but not losing any more. I can't stand the Protein Drink anymore and need to find something that has the Protein but tastes good. Any suggestions?

[stateofzen 46]

Are you a vegetarian, June May? I only ask because you could be from your description, and obviously my suggestion won't work for a vegetarian.

But. . . . meat, Beans, and cheese are good sources of Protein. I know, I know-- I'm stating the obvious! But, honestly, it sounds like you may want to lose more weight and that your goal is NOT maintenance. If so, obviously you realize you are doing too much non-nutritional snacking for a weight loss phase (buy yay for maintenance), and that daily diets of popcorn, chocolate, ice cream, and almonds are not going to help you lose even if you start with an egg in the morning.

Don't get me wrong here-- I absolutely believe in eating "bad for you stuff" in moderation if you can handle it without binging or going off track. But without any more info, I wonder if you are handling it very well or if it has taken you off track, for the moment? Only you can answer.

As for Petunia, I get why people got prickly at her response, but I absolutely reject the idea that someone who isn't banded or hasn't experienced something in life has nothing of value to add to the conversation. She's obviously in the thick of the education and preparation stage-- she has some very valuable bits of information in there, even if the tone rubbed the OP in the wrong way. I don't expect the OP to necessarily accept the advice, but the piling on of others is a bit much in my opinion.

Keep posting, Petunia!

[mauraclegg 29]

Yes! So glad to find another popcorn addict! I have found it to clear out anything that gets stuck, and I can't go a day without it. I too, eat about 2 cups a day, have a little chocolate everyday and a little icecream every day. I snack mostly on almonds. I found having an egg in the morning helps me to feel fuller longer. I'm maintaining, but not losing any more. I can't stand the Protein drink anymore and need to find something that has the Protein but tastes good. Any suggestions?

I was so surprised that popcorn makes it through my band - it has been my main snack since I was banded last year. I know that by upping your calories a bit (depending on how many you typically take in) can help jump star weight loss, and drinking tons of Water and boosting exercise. Personally, my scale hasn't moved - even with diet pills in months. That being said I was thinking of trying walnuts for a snack (and for the protein). My band is mighty tight and almonds may get me stuck. Yogurt has protein, not a ton, but it's there. I really don't know how people get up around 60-70 protein a day - I just can't get there. I am sure that has something to do with me not losing.. I eat lettuce and tomatoes without a problem and occasionally french style green Beans. I am limited more by my mind than by my band I think - but that is a good thing. I tell myself that the breads and fried things will get stuck so I don't eat 'em

I discussed my lack of losing with my doc last month, and he said by BMI is in a good range, my weight is pretty good and I have still lost some inches - soooo I don't really have good advice to kick start weight loss again, just the things I mentioned above that I have read/heard.

[June May 2]

I'm not a vegetarian. I do snack on cheese. I get my meat at dinner, but some meat gets stuck, so mostly I love to make and eat Soup. I assume I'm getting the nutritional value even if it's mostly the broth, while the rest of the family gets the meat.

As for the almonds getting stuck: I've found that cashews get stuck on me, but not the almonds. I haven't tried walnuts. Yes, if I remember to go for Protein and vegetables first, it helps me not to crave the popcorn and chocolate.

I love this group! Thank you,

June