Feeling like a failure...need suggestions/friends/help!!

[CarrieRN2006 1]

I was banding in Oct of 2009. I immediately did an amazing job of losing. I started at 302 and was down to 270 but never went below. since then i have fluctuated from 270-282. i have found all of the tricks. I feel like I can not eat a meal without a drink, which is a HUGE problem. the feeling of having the food sitting on top of the band is not a feeling I like so i feel like this is never going to work for me. I told my husband (who is VERY supportive) that i do not want it anymore and just want to get all of the saline taken out. he told me not to give up that i just need to start doing what i am supposed to be doing (while being supportive, he just doesn't understand how hard that can be) I am looking for someone in a similar situation or that has overcome this situation. i recently purchased the biggest loser game for the xbox kinect and like it a lot and have lost 3lb since i got it.

I have been a member but never really blogged. looking for new friends and support.

i feel like a weight loss failure at this point because not only can i not do it without help but i am not doing it WITH surgery....my self esteem is at the end....Help!! thanks for listening...

[mattie7632 24]

When people say that getting the lapband is "taking the easy way out", this is what they don't understand. As you have figured out, we CAN cheat the band and once we learn all the tricks to getting around it, we most certainly can sabotage our success.

I've had a not so great couple of days myself. I have been eating what I know I can get by the band. Why? Same reason, the band is doing what it is contracted to do and when I eat my Protein and not chew right or eat too much, the feeling is not comfortable or I'm running to the bathroom as it's stuck!

It's easy for us to sit here on our computers and type what you should or shouldn't do, so I can't judge or tell you that. All I can tell you is that for me, so long as I make the right food choices, the band works and I lose weight. If I give in and do what I can to get around the band, I stop losing Best of Luck to you, you CAN do this just as soon as you make up your mind to !!!

[June May 2]

The reason I got the band is because I am a weight loss failure. I would always lose and regain the same 20 lbs. every year. That's why the band is so good. I feel like I haven't dieted in 3 years because it takes no will power for me. Is your band tight enough? If I eat too much or the wrong thing (like bread) I throw up and don't want to eat anymore. Unfortunately chocolate doesn't get stuck, so I'm not losing as much as I'd like to and might have to start cutting back on sugar. For me, doing what you're "supposed to do" is only short lived.

June

[CarrieRN2006 1]

I have absolutely sabotaged myself. there is no doubt about that. I try to think positively about the whole experience but when i look at how far I could be, its discouraging. Thank you mattie for the encouragement and good luck to you as well.

June-I wish i could say the same that when i throw up it makes me not want to eat. It just makes me want to eat because i didnt get any of the food in. Good luck with your journey. I read some of our topics and good luck with the Tummy Tuck. Also if you click on any one of our tickers, you can create one yourself.

I think what i need to do is just get over it, and start as if this is a NEW process for me.

[Melissannde 41]

I don't understand the "food sitting on top of the band" statement. food isn't supposed to stay in the upper stomach all that long. What eating is supposed to do is to stretch the upper portion just enough to stimulate a nerve that conveys to the brain that we're no longer hungry.

This might be helpful to you:

http://drsimpson.net/fills/Lap-band-eating/lap-band-not-restriction/lap-band-and-restriction.html

I wonder if maybe your band is a tad too tight? Best of luck to you.

[CarrieRN2006 1]

I don't understand the "food sitting on top of the band" statement. food isn't supposed to stay in the upper stomach all that long. What eating is supposed to do is to stretch the upper portion just enough to stimulate a nerve that conveys to the brain that we're no longer hungry.

This might be helpful to you:

http://drsimpson.net...estriction.html

I wonder if maybe your band is a tad too tight? Best of luck to you.

Thank you for that website. It did help to reeducate. You read so much information at first that sometimes details fail to be remembered.

[lisafitz 18]

I was banding in Oct of 2009. I immediately did an amazing job of losing. I started at 302 and was down to 270 but never went below. since then i have fluctuated from 270-282. i have found all of the tricks. I feel like I can not eat a meal without a drink, which is a HUGE problem. the feeling of having the food sitting on top of the band is not a feeling I like so i feel like this is never going to work for me. I told my husband (who is VERY supportive) that i do not want it anymore and just want to get all of the saline taken out. he told me not to give up that i just need to start doing what i am supposed to be doing (while being supportive, he just doesn't understand how hard that can be) I am looking for someone in a similar situation or that has overcome this situation. i recently purchased the biggest loser game for the xbox kinect and like it a lot and have lost 3lb since i got it.

I have been a member but never really blogged. looking for new friends and support.

i feel like a weight loss failure at this point because not only can i not do it without help but i am not doing it WITH surgery....my self esteem is at the end....Help!! thanks for listening...

[lisafitz 18]

Hi everyone I was banded Aug 5th 2008. Lost 86 lbs and looking pretty good. My port flipped and had a smaller one put in. Since I have had the new smaller one in , my fills are not the same. I can eat anything and I throw up sometimes and sometimes I don't. I don't get it. I can eat fish n veggies one day teh next I can't. It's weird. Then I went on a chocolate binge and now I am coming off this and then I went on an ice cream binge, I am done withthat and so upset with myself and I feel like crying. I gained back just a little over 20lbs and my clothes are tight. I haven't had this gross feeling ion so long. I am going for a fill in a few weeks and I haven't had one sonce August of 2010. So I guess it's time. But I can't do this on my own I am weak. I crave chocolate and ice cream, my weaknesses. I don't knwo what to do or how to get back on track. I haven't had a Protein shake or ate healthy in weeks, months really. I feel ugly and fat. I haven't been on here in a long time either. It's good to hear I am not alone Just writing this makes me feel better. I think I need to go to a group meeting or something. I am hoping the fill gets me started up, but I don't want to always depend on a fill. I wish I can just do this without the fill. I feel everyone's pain. I need help I need to get back on track....I need to find my way. Godd luck to you all

The reason I got the band is because I am a weight loss failure. I would always lose and regain the same 20 lbs. every year. That's why the band is so good. I feel like I haven't dieted in 3 years because it takes no will power for me. Is your band tight enough? If I eat too much or the wrong thing (like bread) I throw up and don't want to eat anymore. Unfortunately chocolate doesn't get stuck, so I'm not losing as much as I'd like to and might have to start cutting back on sugar. For me, doing what you're "supposed to do" is only short lived.

June

[fransbeenbanded 1]

hi there, i also had my band put in, in october of 09... the first 7 months were horrid. i totally regretted the whole thing. i even gained a few. but i had maybe lost only 20 pounds in that time.... then i june of 10, i got a pretty good fill... till then, i could eat anything anytime... so the june fill was a hit parade for me.. i started to lose on a regular basis... went back in september and didn't need a fill. i was now averaging about 10 pounds loss each visit.. then in january i got my last fill. was really tight. and the restriction is really high. the hubby is not happy. but it is working for me. can't eat anything before 10:30 am or so.... i go back to the doctor in june.. seems all my Vitamin and mineral levels are really low...

but all i am trying to get across is not to give up or get discouraged... everyone one of us has a different experience with the band. some people i know, lose everything they want in a year!!! and when i weigh, one day i am ok, the next few days, i may be a few pounds higher. then i am down again, then finally i will be below... but i would get so mad at the fluctuations.. i do notice that the days after i have a salty item, i am usually higher by a few pounds...

this is so not easy,, and the mental stuff is rough. people can be supportive but they really don't get it. my hubby is the best every and really means well. but he doesn't know the pain of food getting stuck to the point i can't talk. he doesn't get the stomach aches, or the tiredness when i can't eat too much.. but i am learning that when i weigh, to look at it openly and not get mad... i am down 100 pounds now. and i know i will always bounce in about a 5 pound range. that needs to be ok. but for some of us it takes longer to get results.this is the best place to get answers for what ails us... i have a few email pals that are perfect for venting and encouragement... never have too many friends that really understand how you feel, right? if anyone wants another friend,, email me anytime.. fran.snyder61@yahoo.com

would love to hear from you... good luck everyone and keep plugging along. it will happen....

[Amy* 5]

I don't understand the "food sitting on top of the band" statement. food isn't supposed to stay in the upper stomach all that long. What eating is supposed to do is to stretch the upper portion just enough to stimulate a nerve that conveys to the brain that we're no longer hungry.

This might be helpful to you:

http://drsimpson.net...estriction.html

I wonder if maybe your band is a tad too tight? Best of luck to you.

Thanks so much for that link, I was banded in Australia in 2006 and had revision surgery due to a slipped band in 2008. Before the revision I lost 35kg (77 pounds), but while waiting for the second surgery I had to have all of the Fluid out of the band and put on 10kg (22 pounds) and have since really struggled and never managed to lose that last bit of weight.

I came on this site regularly before and shortly after my first surgery but stopped visiting when I was regularly losing weight and happy with my results. After my recent struggles I thought I would come back and see if anyone else is feeling what I am.

After reading that link I have realised that I have become someone who is looking to feel full and not for the soft signs. So simple but I guess you just fall into bad habits and learn how to cheat your way around the band.

I'm now remotivated and I'm sure I can lose that last bit of weight, maybe not in time for this summer but definitely by winter!

Thanks again

[tryinghard44 0]

I was banding in Oct of 2009. I immediately did an amazing job of losing. I started at 302 and was down to 270 but never went below. since then i have fluctuated from 270-282. i have found all of the tricks. I feel like I can not eat a meal without a drink, which is a HUGE problem. the feeling of having the food sitting on top of the band is not a feeling I like so i feel like this is never going to work for me. I told my husband (who is VERY supportive) that i do not want it anymore and just want to get all of the saline taken out. he told me not to give up that i just need to start doing what i am supposed to be doing (while being supportive, he just doesn't understand how hard that can be) I am looking for someone in a similar situation or that has overcome this situation. i recently purchased the biggest loser game for the xbox kinect and like it a lot and have lost 3lb since i got it.

I have been a member but never really blogged. looking for new friends and support.

i feel like a weight loss failure at this point because not only can i not do it without help but i am not doing it WITH surgery....my self esteem is at the end....Help!! thanks for listening...

[tryinghard44 0]

I hope I am not to late in replying to your post. I was banded in July of 2008. Like you at first I did wonderful and went from 216 lbs to 159 pounds by Christmas of 2008. I hit my first plateau and then it has been all down hill. I maintained the 159 weight until May of 2009 then I got a stomach virus and had to have Fluid taken out of my band. Finding the right fill since then has been a nightmare. I gained about 10 pounds over the next 14 months and then the unthinkable happened to me. I was sidelined with an old back injury that flared up and put me flat on my back from August of 2010 until February of this year which included 2 back surgeries and a very serious infection resulting in IV antibiotics for 7 weeks. That said I gained all but 14 pounds of my weight back and have been depressed and without motivation to get motivated. I too have a supportive husband who says you can do it again, just stop eating what you shouldn't. Easier said than done as you seem to know. I too am looking for support and friendship from someone who understands how hard this is and can be when you lose faith and self esteem. I felt so much better when I had was losing the weight and didn't dread putting on clothes or going for a walk. I have often thought of having the band removed since I feel like I, not the band, have been a complete failure. Honestly, the band is a great "tool" when you have the right support and motivation to keep a positive attitude. I decided this morning when I woke up that I have to do something one way or the other so that I do not have to continually be miserable and feel like a failure. I got out the WII Fit and the Biggest Loser for WII and have decided that I need to find someone who is willing to get back on this journey with me that understands and will motivate me. I hope that you and I can help each other out in some way. I don't know if this reply will hinder or help. Just knowing there is someone out there who was banded a while ago like myself that has some of the same feelings has made me feel a bit better in that I am not alone.

Hang in there WE can do this!

tryinghard44

[pixistix 1]

I'm not sure about the details of your situation, but it did occur to me that if you're physically uncomfortable after eating, a small unfill might help. For me, I have found that I need to strike a balance between good restriction and still being able to eat. If I can hardly eat anything, I get so frustrated that I want to binge on ice cream (which WILL go down!).

Other than that, my get-back-on-track, back-to-basics regimen includes:

* Drinking a Protein shake for Breakfast (I have trouble with solid food in the morning)

* Having a small, healthy mid-morning and mid-afternoon snack

* Bringing a healthy lunch with me to work so I'm not tempted to go out to fast food (which is my kryptonite)

* Focusing on "superfoods" (From "SuperFoods Rx" by Steven G. Pratt). I couldn't possibly eat as much of this healthy stuff as he suggests each day, so I figure there's less room for junk.

* Eating at least 70 grams of Protein per day

* Drinking plenty of Water

* Taking a daily chewable adult multi Vitamin and Calcium supplement

* Exercise, especially strength training (this is a miracle worker for my mood and motivation, as well as weight loss). If you can't get to a gym, walk around the block, do sit-ups and wall push-ups at home.

* Journaling -- write about your feelings, maybe consider a support group or therapy. It could help.

Best of luck to you.

[CarrieRN2006 1]

hey everyone...i appreciate your comments. I hate being a failure. everyday it makes me feel like a terrible person because I feel like everyone around me is thinking...wow I thought she was banded and she didnt lose a thing. I know that I lost 30lbs and that is a biggest success than without the band, but I still feel terrible. Thank you for the support and since I posted this originally I have fallen off of getting on this website for support. I dont know why, I am on the computer all of the time. Since i lost that support, I am feeling awful because I fell BACK off track after losing 6lbs again. I know I have personal support from my friends and family but they didnt have this procedure done like all of us have. Trying to stay on track is a journey that we need to stick together to achieve! Thank you pixi for your suggestions they are def. something I am willing to try out to get back on track.

[Petunia_5 1]

Sounds like you need some tough love in your life...I have not been banded yet, I am in the process for getting approval so you can write what I have to say off as I just don't know but here goes...

No matter what the tool you use to loose weight, you have to follow the regimen. You had a serious surgery, that required anesthesia, people don't always wake up from anesthesia!!!! So you risked your life and had a lap band placed to HELP you loose weight. The band is not going to do the work for you.

Now several years later you are still struggling with the weight you want to loose. You need to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself you DESERVE to be happy, to feel happy, to be healthy, to feel healthy and to succeed. Take a walk and talk to yourself (in your head so folks don't think you need help) and really ask yourself what it is that you are trying to suppress with food. Clearly you have emotional issues that you refuse to face and instead choose to eat your feelings. We all do sister, you are not alone in this battle. Face the problems of your past and then let them go. THere is no sense in carrying around all this extra baggage.

Stop saying "why me" and making excuses for the last two years. Take control of your life, use the tools you have been given to become successful.

What is it that you want to do once your at your goal weight? How do you think you will feel once your at your goal weight? Have you thought about what is going to to happen once your at your goal weight?

Life is a journey, reaching a goal weight doesn't mean life is over or that you can finally start living your life. It means you have achieved a goal and now you can set another one.

I get it just as much as the rest of the people on this board get it, loosing weight is hard. If it were easy we wouldn't be here on this forum!

Put your big girl panties on and move forward. Live the life you want to live TODAY. Wether you are 500 pounds or 150 lbs you can choose to feel good about yourself.