Second guessing myself!!

[babyk 1]

I think this is completely normal....I am a bit of a drama queen but the day of my surgery (after i was already hooked up to an IV) I wanted to run away! I went into a total panic and just wanted to go home! my very supportive family reminded me of all the time i have spent doing my research and all of the reasons i wanted to do this!!!! 5 min later I was being wheeled into the OR, put myself on the table, and the next thing i knew i woke up in recovery! Don't psych yourself out-it's normal!!!!

[sandy1 1]

Here I am less than a week away from being banded. Something I have worked really hard to get to. So, why am I second guessing this decision I thought I had already made. I am so confused right now. No one that understand to talk to about it. Is this normal to have second thought at the last minuite? What about all the "what if's?" Any advice is very much welcome. Are all these thoughts normal?

Yes I agree with everyone. completly normal. If fact i am in the same place as you. Worked so hard to get everything in place! Now I am starting to freak out a little. This really is scarry!!! But I will find the courage to get it done!!!! My date is April 20th!

[Mrs.Doxie 1]

Yes, yes, yes, and YES! It is completely normal!!!

I originally was going to be banded 4 years ago. I managed to 2nd guess myself out of surgery with the idea that I really CAN do this myself, I was gonna give it one more honest attempt, etc etc etc.

Well, there I was four years later and 25 pounds heavier. Yes, I did manage to lose some, but found it all and they brought friends for a party and never left.

This time around, everything just seemed to fall into place. I had a money scare with my medical reimbursement account right before surgey and thought I might have to cancel at the last minute, so that helped to keep me focused on somthing other than the actual surgery. I was nothing other than excited all the way up until right after they started the IV for surgery. At that point I had a panicked moment of...

"what the heck are you doing? Do you realize what the long-term implications are? Exactly why is it that you are VOLUNTEERING to go under the knife? Do you really understand that you will never be able to have the same relationship with food again?"

About that time they let my daughter come back to keep me company until they took me in. What a Godsend! She is a joker and has a wonderful sense of humor. We laughed about my new attire of hospital gown, hat, and support socks. She took pictures for her Facebook. She grossed out about the IV. She teased that she was going to have to hide her clothes from me (she is a size 6). She basically took my mind off of everything serious.

Now, I have to wonder what the heck I was thinking by waiting so long. I am 56 pounds down from the day I started my pre-op diet and have gone from a size 20W to a size 12. I can purchase clothing anywhere and not just at the "Big Girl Store". I can walk two 15 minute miles on the treadmill without huffing and puffing and can survive a 55 minute Water aerobic class. The weight is not "falling off of me" like others like to comment, but I am averaging 1-2 pounds each week once I got past the liquid diet.

I have to be honest and admit that I have been one of the lucky ones who has not needed a fill and not had any complications, but I sometimes wonder what my life would be like now if I had done it when I had originally planned. Then I remind myself that everything happens for a reason and God has His own plan.

Good luck with your surgery and everything that goes along with it!!!

[onemoretry1 0]

This is a great thread! I am just getting ready to start my 6 month supervised diet and I am second guessing myself, but after reading this, GOD willing I will have this surgery in 2012. I pray that all of you keep coming to the board to encourage those of us that are scared. You all are great!

[LOVELYGIRL 0]

Thank you so much for posting this. Thank you to everyone that replied , this makes me feel like i am not crazy and I

am not by myself. I am supposed to get banded June7, I con`t to go over and over and over again in my head is this

for me . I know it is and just keep reinsuring myself, but the convo up above really hit home for me. I am ready to do

this no second guessing anymore.

[krista02 1]

I am due to be banded on 4/18....you are NOT alone...here is my conversation with myself last night while drying my hair:

I'm looking at myself in the mirror.......

"are you sure you want to do this? This is going to be such a huge change to your life, are you sure you are ready for the 'after life'. Can you handle the pain, the changes? Are you ready to give up your lifestyle as it is. What about all the food you love? Why are you putting yourself through this. Everyone tells you that you can do it without the band. Maybe give it one more shot that way and not resort to surgery."

I say back to myself

"NO, jackass (that's what I call myself when I'm mad at my thoughts), you can't do it alone. You've lost the weight time and time again only to gain back more and more and more. You can lose it but you can't keep it off. Look how hard you have worked to get to this point. You had to dedicate yourself to changes. Why did you even start this if you aren't ready to do it. DO you want to look like this forever? Don't you want to be IN the pictures again instead of being the one who takes them all the time. Are you happy with how you are? Are you happy with who you are? Are you happy in general? Do you want to be healthy to play with your son and be around for your son? Do you want to make him proud to call you his mom? Why does food have such a meaning to you? What makes it so special? What is more important, a stupid hamburger or fitting into a rollercoaster seat so you can enjoy the amuzement park with your child. What is more important, stuffing yourself at Thanksgiving or having a healthy heart so you can see your child graduate high school, get married, raise his own children? Don't you just want to get out of the ugly fat clothes!"

I know what I must do and I'm going to do it. Yes, I'm scared, not of the surgery but my life after. But I know that I must do it for ME and I'm finally, finally ready to gain control. I need to do this to be healthy and HAPPY again. I think that part of the reason I love food so much is because it is my comfort because I'm fat and unhappy....the cycle, If I were happy with myself maybe i wouldn't need to the food to make me happy, and the food is making me fat which causes me to be unhappy! I'm tired of making jokes about myself so that others don't do it first....

You have to be ready, and if you have done the work then most likely are. It is scary and I probably bet almost everyone who has had any surgery second guesses it at some point (before and after), but a lot of them would do it all over again. I'm excited for my new healthy happy life to begin...it's going to be hard getting there but this life isn't working for me anymore and probably it isn't working for you if you are even considering the surgery. This is a huge decision.....and people who think we just decide one day to have surgery to have an "easy way out" have NO IDEA what goes inside of our hearts and heads and how much we struggle before (and after) surgery. This is huge....and you wouldn't have come this far if you weren't ready.

I had my surgery scheduled for May, and they had to reschedule it because the surgeon was going out of town. They moved it up to April 18th - a month earlier and I literally had a panic attack. I was sweating at the thought of getting it done sooner. I guess it was because I had less time to mentally prepare....although I've been preparing since July for this....I'm still scared and I second guess it all the time but I'm going through with it....start my liquid diet on Wednesday....

Good luck to you...good luck to all of us.

you are getting banded the same day i am so let me know how it goes for you and i will do the same and good luck