To tell or not to tell, that is the question

[sonyw 0]

Feeling confident that this the right step for me. Scheduled to attend the Bariatric Specialist seminar in May and go from there. Work in a hospital and have seen several coworkers successfully lose weight, who told very few people of their surgery. Have friends that I eat lunch with, some of which are being successful with weight watchers who I suspect will think I'm taking drastic measures and instead think if I just "worked harder" I could lose weight and keep it off too. I've been overweight all my life. I've successfully lost up to 40 lbs with WW, but gained it all back. With Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, I realize that lapband is what I need as a tool to help me achieve my goals and live a longer, healthier life. I'd like to not tell anyone but immediate family, but when I need to be on a liquid diet for so many weeks, it's hard to figure how to have lunch with the crew without so many questions about my change in food intake. Any suggestions? How did those of you that chose to keep this decision private do it without people questioning your eating habits when you were on shakes etc?

[roziecakes 20]

Hey hey, this is my first post outside of the introductory post that I made... I'm really glad that someone brought this up. I have been mulling over the same thing, and have come to this conclusion: It's like any other private / semi-private part of my life. I think that it's a need to know basis. I have shared what I'm doing with my partner Greg, my parents, sister, and my best friends. Other folks know that I am going to be getting surgery, but I haven't told them what it's for, and I don't think that I need to. Other people I will probably just not say anything. Of course, if I'm asked I'm not going to lie, but I'm also not going to just broadcast it out to the whole world. I feel pretty okay with that. Hope that provides some insight.

[pamela3782 17]

I personally feel the more people that know about what I'm doing the easier it will be for me in the long run. Yes there may be that 30 seconds of awkwardness but there is no shame in changing your life for the better. The reason most people have strong negative reactions to this type of procedure is because they are not educated enough on the topic. You are always going to run into the person "that knows someone, that knows someone" that had a negative result.

I also believe that although peoples input may not always be extremely positive you ultimately have to make the decision on your own. BE PROUD AND OWN IT!!! Hiding emotions and feelings a lot of times is a reason for being overweight in the first place (emotional eaters) and as anyone on here can tell you, you have to make huge mental changes as well as physical. Maybe breaking down the privacy barrier will open you up to a whole new you. You will be surprised how many people will be there to support you if they are informed as well. You have to remember that the scale isn't the only thing telling you your losing weight and who doesn't like to hear that?

I wish you the best of luck on your journey and if you ever need to talk feel free to message me

~Pam

[stateofzen 46]

I have told my family, and two of my best friends (I work with them). No one else knows and I was very careful about who to tell- in fact, there is a group of 4 friends at work, and I chose not to tell one of them because of her eating disorder-- and so sometimes it is weird when we go out to eat and everyone but her knows, but we've managed it for almost 7 months so it is doable.

I was on a high protein/low carb diet before the surgery, which people knew about. It has helped me explain my weight loss post-surgery, and it also helped explain why I was doing a Protein shake for lunch instead of something solid. Now, I often just eat lunch in my office at my desk, so there is not a daily viewing of my eating habits But the low-carb thing explained a lot for people.

Also something that helped is that I did tell people I was having surgery, but I told them it was gallbladder surgery. So my other excuse was that my digestive system was sensitive while it figured out how to work without a gallbladder and I was just trying not to upset it while at work (gallbladder removal is pretty notorious for having associated diarrhea during recovery while things adjust).

This may seem like a lot of work, but it really wasn't. Most people never asked, and the people who did accepted it at face value and moved on.

Now I have everybody under the sun (especially a lot of my female college students, who are obsessed about weight anyway) asking me "how did you lose all that weight?" And I say, very honestly, that I've been working on it for a year now and I just changed my diet to mostly low carb and am eating a whole lot less than I used to.

It is up to you whether you can handle the scrutiny of everyone knowing. Some people do it very well. I just did not want to be the center of gossip at the college I work at, nor did I want to be anyone's poster-child for lapband surgery.

One more thing: If you choose to tell, and someone says it's the easy way out-- my answer to that is "so what?". Ignoring the fact that it is NOT easy, so freaking what if it is? It's a way out of morbid obesity and the related medical complications, period. Human beings invent things all the time simply to make life easier-- like cars, for goodness sake. There is no shame in using advanced technology to help you solve a serious problem.

[Dibley Dawn 84]

I haven't had the surgery yet. I am meeting with the surgeon, nutritionist, nurse, and my PCP next Tuesday. It's gonna be a loooong day at the Dr.'s offices

As far as telling people, I have told my husband and one other person. I haven't told any of my co-workers and I haven't told anyone in my family or other friends. I don't know if or when I will tell them, but it will definitely be AFTER the procedure. I know that many of them will try to talk me out of it and my mind is made up, end of conversation KWIM?

So, I might hijack that gallbladder explanation from the post above and just see what happens. I have over 200lbs to lose, so i know people will start to notice. I will cross that bridge if/when I get there I suppose.

[ElizabethNYC 1]

I personally made the choice to tell pretty much everyone so I'm sorry I won't be able to help you as much as I'd like. I wish you the best of luck with your journey though.

[JourneyGirl 10]

I, too, have told lots of people. I didn't discuss it with anyone but my best friend (she had the surgery) and my husband(and our kids) until almost surgery day. It was not my families business. I didn't want to feel I had to justify my decision.

Good luck in your journey. For those who may say that you (we) should try harder . . . this is harder work then I thought! But so very worth every ounce of energy that I put into it!!! So they can chew that!

If you don't want others to know just tell them you are doing slim fast or something. They don't need to know your business if you don't want them too!

Wendy

[Cocoabean 430]

It really is no one else's business, but when it comes to weight loss, there isn't the taboo about asking questions. Also keep in mind that after banding there may come a time that you will have issues when eating with a group and if they do not know, it causes even MORE questions. A lot will depend on your personality. If you don't mind evading or lying or omitting parts, then fine.

I am guilty of asking questions of someone I saw losing weight that I didn't know very well. Thought perhaps she had found the "magic bullet." She had gastric bypass. She is the one who got me thinking that WLS might work for me. If she had prevaricated and said I am watching my portions (which is true), I might not have followed the path I did and gotten a band -- and lost the weight -- and gotten my blood pressure and blood sugar under control.

I personally don't like to evade questions. I also didn't want to say I had my gallbladder out, because then what do I do if I DO need to have it out? Say I lost my appendix? Oh wait, had that out in 1996..hhmm...lost a toe? nah

Do a search on this topic, it has come up several times over. You'll get all sorts of ideas on how to handle it!

[cat lady 10]

I am planning to have the surgery in July.....just got approved and waiting for vacation time to do this. I have only told my husband and daughter. Will tell my immediate family members but that is it. I also do not want to explain and justify my reasons and I have thought long and hard about this procedure. My boss is a health nut.....exercises in the office every day and always tells me I have to lose weight or it will shorten my lifespan. I know this is true but don't want to hear it from him. He is in great shape in his 80's so I do not want to tell him. He will tell me just to exercise and cut down on what I eat and he will think this is not necessary. I know it is! I have lost and regained the same weight many times. I am still deciding what I will tell him. I need a week off of work. The gallbladder story sounds good.....only I'm afraid if I do need the gallbladder out in the future, what will I say then. I was thinking saying Hiatial Hernia repair or Appendix removal....but the same would apply if God forbid I need this type of surgery. Am I worrying too much about what to tell this exercise buff?????? Maybe I should just get the flu for a week....lol

[sonyw 0]

Thanks everyone. Your input is really helpful. I actually did tell a couple of my best friends today and was surprised at their support. I realize that I too found out about this procedure by asking some others how they have so successfully lost weight. When they shared their story, I began my research. So maybe, just going with the flow and not hiding this is not such a bad idea. Thanks for all the input. You all are great.

[okiekatt 40]

hello, just from my side of the fence, a few years ago I had a couple of friends that were loosing weight like crazy, looked awsome! told me they where doing weight watchers i was so impressed that i again tried ww for the 3rd time of course doing good the first few weeks then gaining it all back again just to feel like a failure AGAIN! but they where doing so good, sooooooo more money and time invested to fail again. i finally made the decission to get banded (april 13th) and keep no secret about it, then i find out that my friends never went one day to weight watchers, they both have had WLS, and come to find out many of my friends have also, you cant imagine how many times i have heard " ohhh yeah! so and so had had the band too! " but to my friends that liedto me, im still pissed at.. was so unfair to convience me that something that worked so great was bs and to not only make me feel like a failure but to my friends and family who where looking at me like wow they could do it whats your problem? not keeping this a secret (not good at it anyway) i have found everyone to be a great support!

[Dibley Dawn 84]

I think everyone's situation is probably different. I really don't have anyone to tell because several of my friends are staunchly anti-WLS. I know they would try to talk me out of it, so I just won't tell them until it's after the fact, or I've lost enough weight that they notice something is going on. You just have to make the decision that is right for you. If your friends/family etc would be understanding, then tell them. I am (with the exception of my husband and one friend) all alone in this. I guess that is why I am going to have to rely on strangers from this site and support groups to get through it. I envy people who have a support system because i know it's going to be a difficult journey....but I am mentally preparing to go it on my own if I have to.

best of luck in whatever decision you make.

[Beachy_Babs 5]

Hi there, I am having my surgery on May 4th and my entire family does not know. My husband is the only one who knows and has been very supportive of my decision. I chose not to tell my family because they are very judgmental of weight loss surgery. I will eventually tell them after I have seen success in my weight loss. No need for unnecessary stress before surgery. I know others will say "how can you not share this even with your parents?" well... My parents are traditional Asians. They have never been over 140 lbs therefore their train of thinking is narrow when it comes to struggling with weight. I don't need people judging me for making this decision. I will let the results tell them!!

[TerriF 9]

I am not telling anyone but my hubby and 2 co-workers. Didn't even want to tell one of them but it would be imposible to expect one to keep my confidence and all work in the same office.

I told them I didn't want anyone to know...am the Director of a cosmetology school and lordy the gossip!!! My boss and his wife know and hopefully my loose lipped boss and hubby won't spill the Beans.

Especially my hubby, I know he's just dying to tell his whole family...."I said let me get on the other side of this weight and then you can brag your heart out, but your still not blabbing how I did it" "If I want them to know I will tell them"

I am not telling my parents as I don't want them to worry, same with the siblings!!!

[ezlapIA 0]

Feeling confident that this the right step for me. Scheduled to attend the Bariatric Specialist seminar in May and go from there. Work in a hospital and have seen several coworkers successfully lose weight, who told very few people of their surgery. Have friends that I eat lunch with, some of which are being successful with weight watchers who I suspect will think I'm taking drastic measures and instead think if I just "worked harder" I could lose weight and keep it off too.

I wondered what I would do, also.....but the "cat was out of the bag" when coworkers heard me asking another coworker, who had a band done last year, what the process was.... since then I have told my manager, other coworkers, my doctor, my chiro, and finally, today, my daughter. Everyone has been very supportive...my doc said I was very healthy and an IDEAL candidate....

point: there will probably be much more support than you think. My "band" coworkers told me they were proud of me for "admitting you need help"....and I feel a lot more empowered now that I made the decision to go ahead with the band. All the best to YOU!