My One Year Bandanniversary...Long Story

onemoment · January 9, 2004

I have to start by saying this has been the hardest, easiest, fastest , wonderful, exciting most emotional year I think I have ever spent.

I think this year I have learned more about myself then I ever have (44 years and counting) .

I researched surgery years before I had my date. I quit smoking (30+years) so I would prove to myself this surgery was that important to me. Talked with doctors and counselors before I even went and saw the surgeon and started the process. Spoke hours and hours with my family and friends, some who were not happy with my decision and even won them over with all the knowledge I had and my determination. I thought I had all the answers.... NOT.

You can not have the answers until you have lived it.

I have spent the last year on this crazy rollercoaster. Up when I was losing and down when I was not. I think I became more obsessed with food then I was prior to the surgery. Before I never thought about foods I just ate. Then after surgery it was , what can I eat, when can I eat, what if I am traveling somewhere where can I stop, you name it I was thinking about the food. I learned that I have alot of my past to deal with. It can no longer be hidden away.

The fear of failure has taken me high on this ride. That and the fear of losing the band (something going wrong and the doctors having to remove it). Sometime the fear of just not knowing what was going on with me. You would not believe the number of times this board has saved my sanity, made me smile a time or two. I don't know if some people understand how much of a life line they are for some of us.

On my anniversary date I came to the understanding of why I had this surgery.

I put away my scale and made a promise to myself I would not think about how much I lost or something happens to my band then what or what can I eat. I got off the rollercoaster I had put myself on for the last year.

I had a wonderful holiday and have truly discovered what my band is for.

MY BAND IS A TOOL... not a miracle and I need to work with this tool.

My life has changed this past year. Family and friends have asked me would you do this again.

YES ! I sure would.

I can only explain it this way.

I was in total darkness and in this darkness you do not know where to turn because every where you look is just blackness.

Now I have a light, somewhere I can turn to. I have HOPE.

It might take me alittle longer for my light to get brighter but at least I know which way to go to reach it.

I wish for you all a very HAPPY and HEALTHY Year. Smile and live your life for you. And for all I wish that your light burns bright.

Alexandra · January 9, 2004

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings here, onemoment. Real-life reflections such as yours are so helpful and enlightening for the rest of us!

It sounds like you have come to a good place with your band, and I hope your success and understanding continue to grow. This is not an easy journey we're on, and it's so inspiring to hear how other people are doing and learning and achieving. Thank you!

claraluz · January 10, 2004

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and impressions. They were helpful to me. I, too, am finding that my band journey is largely a journey of self discovery.

nancy