Am I losing it . . . my mind that is?

[123crod 170]

okay I am gonna be really honest here and talk about some problems have been experiencing. Background info on me; Banded almost 2 years really no problems. Last fill 1 year and 2 months ago. I have a 10cc AP Band and 3.8 cc in it. I have lost 84 lbs so far and would like to lose another at least 15 lbs. I try to work out every night at least 1 or 1½ hours. But in the past month, month ½. I have been experiencing bing eating almost on a daily basis. It lasts about ten minutes but a lot can be eaten in 10 minutes. Did I mention I work from my home and 3 days a week I watch my Grandbabies 4 year old and a 23 month old for about 4 hours or so while I work.

I also suffer from clincal depression and have probably my whole life but dignosed about 7 or 8 years. Meds seem to help pretty much but still have some depression and anxiey anyway. I also went through 3 years of therapy. But it was not about eating disorder.

I have never been a binge eater in my life. It happens usually once a day. I eat it, but do not vomit it up. It is like my mind just turns off and I will I do it, it seems unstoppable at the time. I am not eating large amounts of food but just lots of little bites of everything bad for you. I usually return to liquids for a couple of days and get back in control. I have not lost any more weight nor have I gained any. I exercise hard. I think if I got on the scale and it showed a weight gain or if my pants got tighter I would be able to stop. Every morning I wake up ready to go and sometime in the afternoon it happens I start out with a Greek Yogart and then I might have a chip or 2, some grapes, maybe eat a couple of small spoons of ice cream out of the containier.or a small package of Dora fruit Snacks and then maybe a orange which always get stuck and puts an end to it. I feel so horribile. My husband works at the chemical plants and has been working a lot of overtime, including the weekends hence I am alone at that time. This has got to stop I can not go on like this. I do not like how I feel thinner, I do not know how to feel . . . .it is as if I lost my idenity. I did like this once before without the band when I lost 100 pounds on my own I totally lost my mind had a break down. The identity issues was what I found out is my problem during therapy that and bad thought patterns. I either think of myself as Roberts mother, or Mauro's wife, Grandma, employee, child of God and nothing else. I do not know who I really am. I did not know I should also be me standing alone, but I just do not get it how do you figure that out? After I reread this I might not post it it but I hope someone will read this and say oh that sounds like me. My therapist does not deal with eating disorders she is suppose to find me one. Even if I am not gaining weight it is not healthly for me mentally or physically. Any ideas?

Cheri

[Humming Bird 275]

Cheri, It sounds to me like you need a fill. If your food stayed with you longer you would not feel the need to graze. As far as the identity stuff goes, you need to do some socializing outside of your family. A part time job outside the home, a sewing/quilting class, bible study group, home interior parties, something that gets you out with other people.

[cheryl2586 3,053]

I agree you need some socilaization sounds like you have issues with yourself because you are not out and about with other people which is very important. I would consider taking a class at the local college or something small to start to at least get you out of the house. It seems that right now your comfort is food which we all know is not good for us. Hope you find peace in yourself.

[123crod 170]

I totally agree with both of you. Thank you for answering my post. My anxiety keeps me at home alot. I do work a full time job but a couple of years ago I started working at home. I do graphic design for a printing company (23 years), so I am by myself a lot except when the grandkids are here. I am about ready to put a piece of grey heavy duty tape over my mouth.

I did so much better when I was going to a support group. But everybody that was going is not interested in the group anymore now that they have lost most of their weight. I need to find a new one. Plus I work out at home since I have the equipment. So I have done a good job of closing myself off.

Cheri

[54Shirley 105]

Sounds like you need to get out of the house to me. Also I can since a fill is needed. If you are working at home and taking care of this and that.

You are able to handle more, and more that comes your way right? I'll bet ya you can... Honey you need to get out, find another group like you said. Volunteer your time at different meetings, and explain to some people how this band really can work for them if they do things the way they need to.

It's a idea, you can think of others, but it's not a bad one.

Find a reason to get out of that house is what I am saying.

[trish151 33]

I have had the same thing. I worked as a reporter from home but I started having carb binge cravings after my mother died. I had some traumatic things happen that seamed to make my body go weird. I could work out hard for an hour and never sweat. After working with my doctor for 3 years we discovered that I had a problem converting my thyroid hormones and we finally got that all worked out. I thought the weight I gained would just fall off. It didn't and the carb cravings seemed to intensify. Every doctor I had ever been to tried putting me on antidepressants after I would tell them about some of the emotional trauma I had been through. I started really researching depression and knew I had some but thought the circumstances kind of warranted it. Long story short, I am not on any antidepressants but found out about an amino acid called tryptophan. I started taking it before my surgery and had amazing results with it. I was not depressed at all and it really helped with the carb cravings. I just didn't have them any more. I stopped taking them a weak prior to my surgery and have been ok until this week when I just started feeling a little blue. I opened one of the capsules yesterday and put it in juice and within 30 minutes I felt amazingly good again.

I would recomend that you do some research on it but I would not recommend that you take it if you are already on an SSRI. Tryptophan is the amino acid found in a lot of meat and it helps your body make serotonin. Even though it is found in meat, it is said to compete with other Proteins to get across the blood brain barrier so when I take mine, I take it first thing in the morning and then wait at least an hour before having other Protein. I have been amazed at how much it helps.