The Easy Way Out

[stateofzen 46]

I was reading a post from a fellow bandster who is having trouble with a "friend" who is jealous and lashing out about her weight loss. Of course, we all know the phrase people like to use when they are passing judgment:

You're taking the easy way out!

Well, let's put aside for the moment that being banded is hardly easy, nor does weight magically fall off. I would argue that it is, in fact, EASIER (or why else have your body cut open and a foreign object placed inside?).

Here's my question: So what? So what if it's easier? So what if it's easy? Why the heck is that bad? The band is a piece of technology that makes work easier (or, even makes it possible, period) than it was before. We, as humans, have invented millions upon millions of pieces of technology to make our lives and our work easier. It's what we do.

Driving a car or even riding a bike with gears is taking "the easy way out" when you have two legs and can walk. Yet I don't hear too many people willing to give up their gas guzzling, environment and natural resource draining cars so they can "do things the right way".

Look, people who have this attitude are not hard to read, they have a simple motivation that isn't at all about you and completely about them: They want to judge you for being fat (which equates to lazy), and feel superior for not being fat (or feel comfortable because they are also fat and you make that ok by your very presence).

It isn't about YOU. It isn't about your health, or your well-being, or your self-confidence. It's about how your changing size affects the individual and either their need to feel comfortable or their need to feel better than you as they sit in judgment. if it were about health, as people always claim when they stand loud and proud in their open prejudice against "disgusting" fat people, then they'd all be more than happy to have everyone banded, losing, and healthier by any means. Don't let them fool you that this is concern about you and your health. It isn't. It is about THEM.

So here's my answer. So what if I'm taking the "easy way out"? It's a way out, period. So bring on the easy.

[TKW 501]

EXACTLY! Thank you!

[hopetolose 192]

I dont get the easy way out. like you said... what part this is easy. I haven't banded yet, but still know that this is not going to be easy. I am going to have to work at it like with any other life change that I want to make. The only difference will be that I will have the band as a reminder that I need to eat smaller portions.

Im so glad that I never cared what other people think. The only people that I want to impress is my family and they can't wait to have me back to the way I use to be. All the other people can kiss my new little behind, when it gets little that is. hehe

[Noturningback15 45]

I agree and most of all they don't want you to feel proud of your accomplishments because you had help. They don't think you deserve any "you look good" or "congrats". People in general want you to stuggle in life period. It's been like that forever. You get mad props when you struggle and succeed but you get looked down on if you have some type of assistance. What they don't understand that this is a struggle everyday for some people "hince my 8 pound weight gain over the past couple of weeks"

[dlynn1635 1]

EASY WAY OUT???

[Rachael 4]

Well stated! I have felt "fat prejudice" before. I once had a co-worker who called me a "marshmallow." Wow, did that hurt. I have master's degree, two beautiful children, a wonderful husband, a nice home and get tired of people thinking that just because I am heavy means I am also lazy. Or weak or "soft." I hate asking for help--but this was one of those areas where I struggled my entire life. I didn't want to die young like my aunt did last year. I agonized over the decision to have surgery. I am glad I did it. I feel like I am doing something positive in my life. My true friends and family have all been so supportive! My primary care physician was also very supportive and told me that she would help me in any way possible.

You are so right. People are looking out for themselves. They see someone doing something positive, feel bad about their own lives and want to make themselves feel better by saying those negative things about you and wls. I think it stems from jealousy and being miserable themselves.

Rachael

[Rachael 4]

Well stated! I have felt "fat prejudice" before. I once had a co-worker who called me a "marshmallow." Wow, did that hurt. I have master's degree, two beautiful children, a wonderful husband, a nice home and get tired of people thinking that just because I am heavy means I am also lazy. Or weak or "soft." I hate asking for help--but this was one of those areas where I struggled my entire life. I didn't want to die young like my aunt did last year. I agonized over the decision to have surgery. I am glad I did it. I feel like I am doing something positive in my life. My true friends and family have all been so supportive! My primary care physician was also very supportive and told me that she would help me in any way possible.

You are so right. People are looking out for themselves. They see someone doing something positive, feel bad about their own lives and want to make themselves feel better by saying those negative things about you and wls. I think it stems from jealousy and being miserable themselves.

Rachael

[trish151 33]

That is why it is so great to have this forum to share our success with people who understand. The other day I went walking on the walking trail here in town. I was about a mile in a half in and moving as quick as I could when I came upon a woman and a man walking a dog. As I passed, the girl looked at the man and made this cheep smirky grin and said did you see that? The woman was dressed pretty nice and her hair and make-up were nearly perfect as well, unlike me, with my hair thrown up in a pony tail out trying to work part of my butt off. The comment hurt because I knew that she was making fun of me for being overweight out there on the trail. It's kind of the same experience when you go to the gym and all of the perfectly shaped people make you feel like you don't belong. When I got home, I was nearly in tears because that woman did not know about the journey I have been on or that I had surgery a little over a month ago to try and change what she saw only on the outside. When I got home, I told my husband what happened. I figured the woman must have been on a date with the way she was dressed and the man she was with must not have liked heavy women. The sad part was that she was not in the best shape herself, but making fun of me must have made her feel better about herself.

I just want to take a moment to say that I am proud of all of us on here who made a decision to have this surgery. This morning I am down 28 lbs and I have taken time to Celebrate each one. No matter if you have only lost 1 lb or if you have even stepped backwards a bit and may have gained a few, Stand proud and don't shrink and feel bad about yourself because of comments other people make. At first I prayed that girl had to walk a mile in my shoes. My mom committed suicide a few years ago, my first husband divorced me over it. I had a brother who was in a car wreck and broke his neck. I had 2 grandfather's and a grandmother pass away. Both of my sister's were diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and just a few months ago, my high school sweetheart and my father's son was murdered. After I thought about it for a little while, I said, no, I hope no-one ever has to walk the path I have had to walk. I read stories on here all of the time where life has beat so many of us up. Please, Please, Please, Celebrate your band and your progress and your hope. This is our beauty for ashes. It's about time for a little blessing, even if we had to have a surgery. It may not be the easy way, but for me, it is an easier way and I believe it is about time. God bless all of us that we stand tall on our journey and don't shrink and give up or in to the voice of nay sayers who have no idea where we have been, or where we are going. We are all in the same boat....................our side is just rising a little higher in the Water. Woo Hoo, GO us!

[reverie 49]

I like this post; very well put!

[ElfiePoo 109]

I wouldn't call any WLS the easy way out. Personally, I find it easier without the band (now that I've discovered how to get rid of the hunger) because I'm not struggling with stuck episodes, intermittent band tightening and loosening, fills, unfills, etc.

However, I think your post is dead on. Even if it was easy...so what?!

[Juliat 6]

That is why it is so great to have this forum to share our success with people who understand. The other day I went walking on the walking trail here in town. I was about a mile in a half in and moving as quick as I could when I came upon a woman and a man walking a dog. As I passed, the girl looked at the man and made this cheep smirky grin and said did you see that? The woman was dressed pretty nice and her hair and make-up were nearly perfect as well, unlike me, with my hair thrown up in a pony tail out trying to work part of my butt off. The comment hurt because I knew that she was making fun of me for being overweight out there on the trail. It's kind of the same experience when you go to the gym and all of the perfectly shaped people make you feel like you don't belong. When I got home, I was nearly in tears because that woman did not know about the journey I have been on or that I had surgery a little over a month ago to try and change what she saw only on the outside. When I got home, I told my husband what happened. I figured the woman must have been on a date with the way she was dressed and the man she was with must not have liked heavy women. The sad part was that she was not in the best shape herself, but making fun of me must have made her feel better about herself.

I just want to take a moment to say that I am proud of all of us on here who made a decision to have this surgery. This morning I am down 28 lbs and I have taken time to Celebrate each one. No matter if you have only lost 1 lb or if you have even stepped backwards a bit and may have gained a few, Stand proud and don't shrink and feel bad about yourself because of comments other people make. At first I prayed that girl had to walk a mile in my shoes. My mom committed suicide a few years ago, my first husband divorced me over it. I had a brother who was in a car wreck and broke his neck. I had 2 grandfather's and a grandmother pass away. Both of my sister's were diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and just a few months ago, my high school sweetheart and my father's son was murdered. After I thought about it for a little while, I said, no, I hope no-one ever has to walk the path I have had to walk. I read stories on here all of the time where life has beat so many of us up. Please, Please, Please, Celebrate your band and your progress and your hope. This is our beauty for ashes. It's about time for a little blessing, even if we had to have a surgery. It may not be the easy way, but for me, it is an easier way and I believe it is about time. God bless all of us that we stand tall on our journey and don't shrink and give up or in to the voice of nay sayers who have no idea where we have been, or where we are going. We are all in the same boat....................our side is just rising a little higher in the Water. Woo Hoo, GO us!

People like this lady in your post never know about the people they make fun of. I believe in karma for sure and I know this lady will get hers in the end. I always think that when someone makes fun of me or does something hurtful to anyone else. There's no telling what made this woman do what she did but most likely she's probably has some serious issues of her own. People like this like to make themselves look better by making fun of someone else.

But, your post is so inspirational. You've been through so much and can submit such a wonderful post. Keep up your great work and keep strong

Julia

[JinTx 19]

Stateofzen, wow, thanks for the post !!

[JinTx 19]

Stateofzen, wow, thanks for the post !!

[Phranp 46]

Well said, Stateofzen!

I don't feel the "easy" part yet, but I know it's there because before the band I just couldn't keep the weight off. I have never worked harder in my life to lose weight -- or been happier to do it.

Thanks for your uplifting post!

Hooray for all of us that took the "easy way". LOL!

~fran

[MrsCabes 2]

I have mixed feelings about this - I "understand" why people ASSUME that it's the "easy way out". They think we just woke up one morning and said, "Oh, damn, I'm fat. I should get surgery so that I don't have to diet."

The truth is - I've been battling my weight since I've been 9. Dieting since the age of 12 - yo-yo-ing for years and years and dieting just wasn't helping anymore. But, do they know any of that? No. They just ASSUME that I'm a fat, lazy person with no motivation.

However, they don't know me and therefore, I don't CARE what they think of me. They can think it's the easy way out but guess what? I'll still be thin and healthy @ the end.