Having a hard time with the lie

[JinTx 19]

So i made the decision that only a few people were going to know about my band - husband, best friend and a few coworkers that have also been banded. I am not saying anything to others for several reasons.

So i have to stay overnight and its about 1.5 hrs away. I have 2 small kids ages 6 and 10. I will need someone to watch the kids while Dh either a. Spends the night with me or b. Comes to pick me up the next day. I haf the perfect plan to be banded on thurs then dh would leave around 1 pm go back and get the kids, stay with them and drop them off at school and then come back to get me. No one would have to watch the kiddos. We wouldnt have to lie. Come to find out my dr only does outpatients on thurs so i will have to be done on a fri. Ideally i would ask my parents, but i would have to lie about why bc i dont want them to know about the band. I may ask best friend but she just started a new job and i dont want her to request off work to help me. I really dont want to tell my parents about the band but i dont like having to lie about where i am while they have my kids. Anyone else been in this situation?

[fly4kidsrt 1]

We are in the same boat. Only my DH and a few of my friends know. The rest of my immediate family including parents and sister do not. I too have kids that are 7 and 9. I plan on telling them on Wed. that my friend will be getting them off to school on Thurs and picking them up at the end of the day. I have to stay overnight so, my hubby is planning on being home by dinner time to be with the boys and I will call them on the phone. I am planning on telling them that I am going to the hospital to get healthier. They have seen me drinking the shakes for the last 2 weeks so I think they know something is up. They also have commented that I am on this site alot. Depending on the time you need to be there it may affect your plans for the day. I have to be there at 5:30 am, so I definately needed someone to get them on the bus. Best of luck.

[kimky67 0]

Just curious as to why you aren't telling your family?

[JinTx 19]

Certain family members are very judgemental and i dont feel that i need to be the topic of everyone's conversation behind my back. In addition, both of my parents are very active, athletic, not over weight, and basically have no clue what its like to be 100 pounds overweight. Also, i have heard comments before about wls from my family members and they are not positive comments. I will most likely tell them one day, but not right now. My family tends to be very "gossipy" and i am sure i give them enough reasons to talk about me already. Lol.

[nborz 0]

Only my sis, husband, kids, 4 select friends (my bf and 3 others either banded or thinking about it) and Dad know I'm getting banded on April 1st. I've not told anyone else for various reasons. My mom is judgmental and freaks out easily. My in-laws are gossipy (and thin as a whip) and other than that, I just don't feel like getting scrutinized if I lose slowly or not at all (my greatest fear). My boss and coworkers only know I'm getting surgery. I'm sure they'll figure it out eventually. Since I've been on my pre-surgery diet for almost two weeks... maybe they'll think I'm just doing it "the old fashioned way" I feel beyond guilty about not telling Mom, since she was so proud of me this weekend for "sticking to my diet" and losing 9 lbs already. I'll probably just tell her after the fact. Dad won't say anything to her, I know that....

[stateofzen 46]

I told people I was having my gall bladder removed. So they knew I had surgery, but didn't know the real reason why. It also helped me post-surgery with explaining away my "weird" liquid diet

I stretched the truth-- I did have laproscopic gallbladder surgery-- 10 years ago. But with the digestion issues that causes, it was really believable to use it as the reason I was being super careful with my diet. I just told people who asked that things were "running right through me" so I was being careful.

Worked like a charm. I don't know if something like that would work for you since it's your parents you're trying to fool.

[Tia F 0]

I can understand the hesitation with sharing. I didn't want to tell my mom or sister for many of the reasons you all listed but when I did tell them, I was TOTALLY surprised at their reactions. They are way more supportive than I could have imagined. Of course it is your decision whether or not to disclose but I've adopted the mentality that I am doing this for me. Who cares what they say? I know it's easier said than done but you really have to think about what matters to you. You are your first priority and have no reason to feel ashamed for taking control of your life. You said it yourself, they have no idea what it is like to be 100 lbs overweight so there is no way they could ever relate. Do you plan on ever telling them or will you keep it to yourself forever?

Also, I have 2 sons ages 7 and 10 and I decided to tell them and I made sure to explain what was going on and why and to answered all of their questions. I even showed them one of the videos from www.weightlosssurgerychannel.com Check it out if you haven't already! Very informative,

[Cocoabean 430]

I like the gallbladder idea, if you haven't already gotten it removed.

Or could you be vague and just say you are having a medical procedure? As you will be in over a Friday night, can you tell them you and DH are are going out of town for something special, and need them to sit for you? Maybe you could even take Saturday night as well and stay close to the hospital at a hotel? (Not sure of finances, of course)

Is it possible for him to come pick you up on Saturday with the kids in tow? Not ideal, but then you'd not need a sitter for the pick up, only for Friday getting them either to or from school.

Last option that comes to mind, pull the kids out of school on Friday and bring them along, get a hotel near the hospital and have them nearby. With the price of gas these days, not having to drive back and forth can offset the price of the hotel. Of course, that would be a lot for your DH having to take care of them while worrying about you. Plus our local hospitals are not allowing youngsters inside due to swine flu fears. So, that might not be the best idea...but I am brainstorming here.

If you see your parents often, be aware that you are going to be moving ginergly for a week or so after the surgery. So, if they do watch the kids, don't be the one planning to go pick them up right from the hospital!

Best wishes to you!

[MarcyLoo 12]

I can tell you my story. I had decided to only tell Dh and a few people at work...we have three boys ages 3, 6, and 7. The surgery clinic is outpatient only and 40-50 minutes away. When I realized it wasn't fair to keep the kids out of school for the day (and Dh would have our 3 yo at home anyway) for me to do this I decided to tell my mother-in-law, who was THRILLED to hear my decision! She agreed to help get the kids to and from school to help out. My dad was due to have his knee replace the same ay as my surgery, so I opted to not tell my family. That an they also are very jugemental & have made negative comments about WLS (my mom in particular). Gossip runs rampant as well. So my dad's surgery got postponed, and I decide that since my parents would want to know I was going under general anesthesia, an no longer had to focus on my a's surgery that day, I would tell them. Their response was completely opposite of what I expected and they have only been supportive to an extreme. They've asked reasonable questions out of curiosity, told me they love me, are proud of me, they are even dieting along side me now. In the end I am SO GLAD I told them.

[hopetolose 192]

I have told DH and a couple of people from work. I am going to wait until afterwards to tell the rest of my family because they will all be concerned and bug me so I will just let them know after it is done.

The problem I am having is that I really dont want anyone to be there with me when I have it done. My husband and I will just bug each other because he will feel helpless and I will feel like I can do everything myself and shoo him away. When I am sick or something, I just want to be by myself and get over what ever I have. I think this will be the same thing.

I had to go to the emergency room about a month ago for phenoia (sp) and drove myself there and left specific instructions with my co-workers not to call my husband or mother. Uggg they both showed up within the hour. I told them I was fine and to leave. All they are going to do is watch me suffer and I don't want that. Drives me crazy.... Weird I know.

I wonder what the doctor will say when I tell him I am not going to have anyone there. Probably wont like it.

[newbandlady 3]

I made the decision to tell everyone I knew. My thinking was if something went wrong and god for bid I not make it I don't want my loved ones thinking "I didn't even know, why didn't she tell me?". I don't have a gossipy family though. They live a thousand miles from me. The only negative reaction I got was from my mom. But it was more out of worry. She said "Oh Candi, can't you just diet"? You can imagine how I felt about that question. I said "mom if it was that easy do you think I'd be paying $10,000 to have someone cut me open?". I then went on to reassure her that it was laproscopic and relatively safe and reverseable. Once she knew I didnt' even have to stay overnight she seemed ok with it. Now she just asks me ever couple of weeks "hows the weight loss thing going"? And thats that. I don't think the rest of my family even remembers.

[Kymba 1]

HI...I know exactly how you feel. Use your same plan, except on Saturday, have your husband bring the kids to come pick up their mommy. They will love that because they will be very anxious to see you. Your children will have school on Friday....hubby can stay with you until they need to be home from school, (maybe a friend from school can keep them after school for an hour or so) hubby can go home, be with the kids and assure them mommy is fine and that the three of them are going to get up and go bring mommy home on Saturday. It will work perfectly and you will not have to lie, and then you can tell your family if you choose to when you are ready.

So i made the decision that only a few people were going to know about my band - husband, best friend and a few coworkers that have also been banded. I am not saying anything to others for several reasons.

So i have to stay overnight and its about 1.5 hrs away. I have 2 small kids ages 6 and 10. I will need someone to watch the kids while Dh either a. Spends the night with me or b. Comes to pick me up the next day. I haf the perfect plan to be banded on thurs then dh would leave around 1 pm go back and get the kids, stay with them and drop them off at school and then come back to get me. No one would have to watch the kiddos. We wouldnt have to lie. Come to find out my dr only does outpatients on thurs so i will have to be done on a fri. Ideally i would ask my parents, but i would have to lie about why bc i dont want them to know about the band. I may ask best friend but she just started a new job and i dont want her to request off work to help me. I really dont want to tell my parents about the band but i dont like having to lie about where i am while they have my kids. Anyone else been in this situation?

[lauragshsu 6]

I didn't want to tell my husband's family for the same reason. They're all super skinny and have never experienced being overweight, let alone being morbidly obese. They would make snide comments about heavy people and even about me. My husband did, however, tell them, and much to my surprise, they were excited for me that I was getting it done. People may surprise you.