Jealousy over weight loss

[neenee717 37]

Ok, Its late and Im so P'd off right now. After the hard road ive had over the last year, and not even having restriction, I I was quite taken aback and hurt when a friend or who I thought was one decided to post my info about my surgery online.

I thought they were happy that Im losing weight and helping other people in their journey to be healthy. They are still very overweight and caught in cycle of excuses, YET I do not judge them or offer any advice because I know weight can be touchy.

I was told that I think im all that now in not so many words and I must have "forgot" where I started from. I was completely blind sided. The band is a help dont get me wrong, but Im not at restriction by a long shot and I work my but off everyday to make better choices and to be active.

Its ridiculous that someone close, that has seen how sick I became physically with my weight and had some serious heart attack, stroke scares because of my size wouldnt be happy for me. And whats so funny I am still considered obese for my height!

The psychologist told me this could happen and I thought no way, not to me! WRONG ANSWER! People think that when you get the band its magic. Its far from it and you STILL have to work at it.

Has anyone experienced changes in the attitudes of friends and family members because you are losing weight and are more confident about yourself?

Lessons I learned today:

1. Dont be mad when people show you who they really are. Consider it a gift.

2. Everybody that tell you they're happy for your weight loss and good you look, arent always telling the truth.

3. Stay focused and use this mess to push me to run even harder and reach my goals

[Jachut 487]

I havent had any truly bad experiences, but its been assumed in both hurtful and non hurtful ways that I'm a certain type of person because i"m not fat. I feel way more judged than I ever did before when I was fat. Like one day when I was in Body Pump - like anyone facing a huge mirror, I do look at myself whilst working out! I check my form, and yes, i admire the work I've done and what its resulted in. Not overtly, not over the top, but I dont stand and never look at the mirror! So I was a little taken aback to hear a nasty whisper at the end of the class from the woman who was behind me (and looking at herself too) about " up themselves bitches who hog the mirror" followed by snickers. Sheesh. I often get that "but YOU wouldnt need to worry" kind of remark in any diet/exercise/fashion discussions. I get really pressured and pushed into eating things I dont want to eat because apparently I can eat anything without getting fat and my fat companion feels guilty about her enormous muffin or massive milk shake and wants me to partake to make her feel better. Hello!, I am not fat because I dont eat/drink that stuff!. Then you get the eye roll or the tutting noise becuase you're being precious. That's the worst one I think - my girlfriends do it to me regularly at our monthly girls night - i eat a main, I stick with a glass of wine, I'm not interested in 3 courses, several drinks etc. They dont mean harm, but it makes people uncomfortable becuase it shows up their unhealthy behaviour.

but I have never experienced outright nastiness or jealousy from a friend or loved one (or anyone else either) and that would be very hurtful, but what can you do?

[neenee717 37]

True. It's just amazing that people would rather you stay the way you were so they won't feel uncomfortable. I'm not keeping company with misery anymore! Thanks for sharing.

[TracyNYC 4]

I guess the "in your face" is better than behind your back or the subtle sabotage. The backlash I get is more about my change in attitude. No longer the YES girl for the group. "You've changed"....YES DAMMIT I have: I turned 40, lost my mom, went to therapy and took control of my weight and health. You are damn right I changed. Can't stay where I was to make some one else happy. Diva, decide whether or not the relationship is worth saving or move on. We do enough negative talk to ourselves, that we don't need others helping.....Good Luck.

[neenee717 37]

Thanks Tracy. I'm gone press forward. They apologized this morning, but it falls on deaf ears. U hurt me becaus you don't like yourself, is not cool and u won't get the chance to do the crap again. I've been nothing but nice and like you I say heck yeah I've worked hard to look the way I do, after all the hell I've suffered, losing my grandmother and best friend months apart

[Dreamingof139 3]

So sorry to hear that you have had to deal with this. I am six months out and have told very few people and very slowly because I was afraid of the backlash. I already have one person in my life telling me that I took the easy way out, so I figure the less people I tell, the better.

I appreciated what you said about finding out who people really are to be a gift - great perspective!

[MrsCabes 2]

Personally, I haven't experienced this - and I'm sorry that you have.

However, we also need to be careful that we ARE staying true to ourselves - it's easy to, instead of becoming CONFIDENT, we become cocky. There is a fine line and people will pick up on it. My SIL had weight loss surgery and changed so much. She would probably argue that she didn't but - she has. (proof being that my BIL and SIL are getting divorced!)

[nu2ywg 4]

I am really sorry that your friend hurt you. It's just not fair but I'm sure you are right, it is out of jealousy. Good for you for using it as a learning experience and moving on. You sound like a very strong person to go through what you have and to come out on top.

[slm2007 7]

I read this and it really made me stop and think. I'm a prebander and am not experiencing this but I'm experiencing what I consider to be "sabatoge-before-the-fact." My family is not that supportive, except for my one sister but I think the others are not supportive because they are also heavy and not succeeding (or even trying) to lose weight. They will complain and complain but no one is doing anything about it....I am. I sick of being fat and uncomfortable...20+ years is long enough. I also think that my husband is afraid for me to lose weight...I think he thinks I'll leave him (and if he doesn't straighten up, I just might but it won't be because I lost weight). I know losing weight will help me gain some confidence back and Yes, that will change me. Yes, I 'm going to be more confidence, yes, I'm going to be proud of the fact that I've worked to go from a 20 to a 10 (gosh, I can't wait) but WLS is not an easy fix. My parents are always telling me about so-and-so who had surgery and is just as big as they were before surgery. Sad for her, but it is not going to discourage me from becoming healthy and confident.....if you want to continue to hurt and be couch potatoes good for you, I hope it is working for you, but if what I'm doing is too much for you to deal with, then I just don't need to deal with you.

[Leifysmom 0]

Some people just think this is" the easy way." And discount the hard work that goes into this. I personally had a doctor i work withthe other day say to me "i just love to see you at our meeting, i have been watching you shrink." When i told her about my band, (she asked how I was doing it, and i don't mind telling people because i take it as an opportunity to educate), she totally changed her tune it felt like she was saying i cheated. Some people just don't get it. Sorry that it was close friends for you.

[neenee717 37]

Thanks for support. In context I will tell you, Because I have changed so much I started a fitness portion to church I attend because so many people wanted to know what I was doing. I lost about 30 or so lbs in my 6 month pre op waiting period. Im paying it forward. I work out with the people in the group send inspirational emails and make blog posts about various fitness topics. I use info that ive researched and also info that I get from nutritionist. I agree some people can get cocky and arrogant when they lose, BUT I also believe people can perceive it that way when you now have improved self esteem. I cried about it and my son caught me crying. My son is 11 and tells me how proud he is of me and he says, mom you stand taller, you smile alot more and he says mom slow down your walking so fast now :-). Those are the things that keep me going. The person that said the hurtful remarks would tell me every time they see me how great I look. BUt yesterday decided to say "how you gonna give people advice about being healthy and not doing fad diets when you had surgery, how soon you forget!" My response was I can never forget where I came from because Ive been fat my entire life, and many times have been ashamed.

I have more stamina, pep in my step, I look darn good in my clothes. Have I arrived? Heck NO! But im getting there and starting to love me more and more, as well as paying it forward to others without asking them for anything in return. If I can help you stop the train before it derails and you dont have to go through what ive been through and wasted tons of money and time then ive done my job

[Jess55 97]

Some peopl are just upset that you are losing weight and they're not. Sometimes you have no idea what people are thinking and then it sounds like they are giving you a compliment then it turns into something else. A girl at work had been saying to me for weeks that I need smaller scrubs, so I finally got some. And I'm like look got new scrubs and her response was, the shirts still to big. Now mind you it is not, the top barely fits down over my butt and is a little uncomfortable. Maybe it looks bigger because I am smaller on the top but my hips are bigger. But still what kind of thing was that to sat

[CheckYes 46]

I sometimes have to remind my family that although I have a band (with no fill yet) that it isn't just about how much I can eat - it is about what I choose to eat. I haven't chosen bread, rice or Pasta or anything sweet since the day of surgery. Not a single bite.

I do worry a bit that there might be some issues when I actually weigh less than them that there may be a bit of a struggle - however, I am hoping that I end up with my sister as a work out partner and have some healthy competition going!

I am so sorry you were hurt. I kind of have to wonder if that person would post online about you - how much of a friend they really are. Then again, I think your eyes have been opened and you will probably be pretty wary.

Best wishes to you.

[TKW 501]

I would inform them(or remind them) , point blank, what you've been through and remind them how unhealthy you were!!! WTH? And that "easy way out" phrase ticks me off!!! What is easy about it. It helps a lot, I honestly could not lose the weight I've lost without it, but it sure as hell has not been easy. I've changed my entire life to get healthy and along with that comes confindence and feeling good about yourself. Good for you! Keep up the good work! (sort of wondering about my sisters, they never even ask how I'm doing)

[lakegirl88 13]

Wow Neenee you are an inspiration. Forget that person that hurt you. You do not need that kind of negativity in your life. And yes this is super hard work. Hardest thing I have ever done.