What do I tell my kids....

[MOMIOF3CV 11]

What do I tell my kids about mommy having surgery? I have three under eight years old.

I do not want to tell my kids that I am having lapband. Or should I tell them?

They are staying at my parents house the night before and will go to school from there.

My mother thinks I should tell them something.

I dont see why it would hurt to not tell them.

[HStanley 0]

My 7 year old niece asked me what I was talking about the one day I was at my brother's house. She had overheard my sister in law and I talking about my surgery. Her mom told her I was having surgery on my tummy so the doctor could help me get healthy. That was good enough for her.

Good luck!

It might help to tell them since you will have activity and lifting restrictions after surgery.

[rhino 1]

While I didn't go into specifics with my little girl (will be 5 this week) I did tell her I was having surgery. At her age it was enough for her to know I was having surgery to help me feel better and think it helped her to understand why I can't lift her for a few weeks. My surgery was done in a hospital and the surgeon keeps all his patients over night so my little girl spent the night before with my mom. This allowed my wife and I to focus on getting to the hospital the morning of surgery without worrying about her. My mom then brought here to see me in my room later that day. My surgery was only a week ago but so far my little one has been great about being careful to not play rough with me.

Best wishes for your procedure and you will do great.

Regards,

Rhino

[MOMIOF3CV 11]

Thanks so much. I just did not think it was proper to tell my 8 yr old it was so mommy would lose weight, like my mother insisted on. MOTHERS...

Telling them it would be to help mommy feel better and healther is perfect. I have battled cholesterol for the last 20 yrs. I do not want to end up like my parents, heart attacks and poor health. I want to be here for my kids and hubby for many years to come.

Like many others...I am tired of being dependent on meds and battling against food. And never winning.

Soooo excited....8 more days. YAY!!!

[honk 780]

I think telling them that you need surgery to be healthier is a good answer. Also the eight year old is big enough to help you with things the first couple weeks when you can't lift things over 5 pounds. When I was a kid and my mother was sick she used to say "Nurse Nancy get me ......" (Anyone else have the "Nurse Nancy" book?) Your oldest can be a Nurse Nancy or John and bring you drinks or Jello.< /p>

[AquarianCrab 8]

I definitely think you should tell her something. Kids are very perceptive, and she will know something is not right with you. You'll be in pain for a few days, and won't be able to hide it. If she doesn't know anything about it, she's likely to get very scared which is unnecessary.

I agree the surgery to get healthier explanation is a good one. Add to it that you want to be sure to be there for her graduation, wedding, and her family. And I'm willing to bet you won't have to ask her for help - I'll bet she offers the help on her own.

I was more afraid telling my adult sons. While one was very supportive, the other initially was all over me to just diet and exercise. They tend to be much more judgmental when they're adults.

[Birinak 19]

What do I tell my kids about mommy having surgery? I have three under eight years old.

I do not want to tell my kids that I am having lapband. Or should I tell them?

They are staying at my parents house the night before and will go to school from there.

My mother thinks I should tell them something.

I dont see why it would hurt to not tell them.

I agree with others that you should tell them. They may eventually find out, and finding out that you kept such a major change in your life from them could really hurt them or make them feel that you don't take them seriously. But, it may not be good to focus on the weight aspect, as others mentioned. Children should hear that the priority for you are concepts such as health, nutrition, fitness. There's always the concern for their body-image and how your decision might reflect that if the focus is placed on losing weight. Although weight is an important factor for health, all of the above concepts naturally lead to healthy weights anyhow.

It's definitely a good thing to link your decision as one that will benefit the entire family, in the sense that you'll be a happier, healthier, more active, and fun mommy.

I would also say that children worry a lot. Maybe you should tell them directly after you have the surgery. Sit them down and explain in a way that respects their feelings and intellects. Also, that way they'll think you're all fixed before they even had to find out that you were "sick" with whatever weight-related ailments that you'd mention. You know? Like, if you go before hand and tell them: "mommy is sick with cholestrol, she might die of diabetes, so mommy has to be cut open," they might worry the whole time. If you leave it until directly after, they'll learn the truth about why you're sore and even be able to help you, but without worrying while you were under the knife.

[MOMIOF3CV 11]

Thank you all for your advice. I will tell them but I just will not go into the whole weight loss issue.

I dont want to give them the wrong views.

They are smart and they will help.

Thank you all.

[kll724 3,055]

My daughter told her kids that the surgeon helps mommy not be as fluffy. Her son loves to cuddle her fluff. He is a little upset that she will get as unfluffy as grandma.

But, she is still l40 lbs over her goal. He went with us to our appointments the other day, and he saw that grandma still has some fluff under her shirts!. Karen

PS:Kids are more understanding than you think. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[amberakamom 13]

My kids are 5, 8, and 10. I told them exactly what was happening.

[MollyRN 28]

Ok - I have a completely different response. Mine are 7 and 10 - and they certainly knew I was fat, certainly knew I felt uncomfortable, certainly knew I did not coach soccer. What they, nor I didn't know was that I could take charge of my life and change this situation. And I have proven that to them.

Before the surgery, it was hard because I didn't want to scare them, but at the same time I wanted them to understand the gravity of my choice - of my final decision. I think I balanced it well. But since, they are my biggest supporters, it has had so many positive effects on them and their habits. I actually took them to their pediatrician to talk about the surgery and he was so great. He said, do you know how long mommy has been fighting her weight? For 15 years longer than you have been alive!!! And he talked about them making good choices now to avoid my dilemna. It was a really great discussion.

And now, honeslty, my 10 year old son always asks me if there is something on the menu I can eat. My daughter always asks me how the gym was. I mean, we're a team. I make sure they don't see me weigh myself obsessively and I really don't talk about numbers in front of them. I don't want them to focus on that - I want them to focus on being healthy WITHOUT surgery.

ANyway....a different tact.

[MOMIOF3CV 11]

Ok - I have a completely different response. Mine are 7 and 10 - and they certainly knew I was fat, certainly knew I felt uncomfortable, certainly knew I did not coach soccer. What they, nor I didn't know was that I could take charge of my life and change this situation. And I have proven that to them.

Before the surgery, it was hard because I didn't want to scare them, but at the same time I wanted them to understand the gravity of my choice - of my final decision. I think I balanced it well. But since, they are my biggest supporters, it has had so many positive effects on them and their habits. I actually took them to their pediatrician to talk about the surgery and he was so great. He said, do you know how long mommy has been fighting her weight? For 15 years longer than you have been alive!!! And he talked about them making good choices now to avoid my dilemna. It was a really great discussion.

And now, honeslty, my 10 year old son always asks me if there is something on the menu I can eat. My daughter always asks me how the gym was. I mean, we're a team. I make sure they don't see me weigh myself obsessively and I really don't talk about numbers in front of them. I don't want them to focus on that - I want them to focus on being healthy WITHOUT surgery.

ANyway....a different tact.

Thank you. That is exactly how I feel. I do not want them to focus on "fat", "weight surgery" and to be healthy.

I do not want them getting the wrong opinion. "Fat" is an ugly word in our house. They have learned that there really is not a nice way to use that word without hurting someones feelings.

I told my oldest last night that they were going to stay with their grandparents Wednesday night because mommy has a doctors appointment on Thursday morning very early.

I told her that the doctor was going to do surgery on mommy to make me feel better and more healthy.

She was unhappy that I was going in for another surgery. I had one last month for female probs. But she seem to be ok with it for the most part.

I am taking her to the pedi tomorrow and I plan on asking opinion on a more defined explanation.

Thanks so much.

[TexasNurseMom 5]

I told my kids because I thought thy could handle it. They are 7 and 9. My son was upset at first because he said he liked me "squishy". But after I explained to them both that I would be healthier, feel better and able to do more stuff with them, they understood. My daughter,9, who is very active already has even started riding her bike with me web I go exercise.