Anxiety & 2nd thoughts.

[dragonflies 7]

Hey everyone! I apologize in advance if my post sounds any bit confusing, but I am ranting and am so confused! I really need some feedback on this.. it's really important to me! My surgery is set for April,4 and this is my second time around trying to get lap band.

So, last night I was wide awake, nearly panicking after having an hour long discussion last night about health with one of my best friends. My friend is training to be a surgical tech right now - a newly turned "vegan" (another phase of hers) - and on her "going to the gym" spurt. Medical term wise, at the moment she thinks she pretty much knows everything. Health wise - her entire life has consisted of every different diet known to man & she's still overweight & always ends up falling off the bandwagon. She also has a tendency to feel high and mighty when she goes on her rampants about her current beliefs (and Lord knows they change frequently). Don't get me wrong.. I pray that she sticks with this and am super glad that she's being proactive about getting healthy! Anyways, given those two facts about her, she pretty much lectured me our whole conversation. Now, I am having second thoughts about getting lapband. AGAIN. She did this to me back in November. I felt guilty & got cold feet. I thought, why am I doing this? I can do this on my own & I halted the process. After that, I stopped talking to the girl as much. January rolls around and my mind is back to being focused on lap band.

Here I am now - date set for April 4 - fearing the rest of my life being banded.... and it's all for dumb reasons. Like for one - my skin! I am terrified of having a wrinkley, funky looking stomach, thighs and arms from losing weight too fast! I will be active with the lap band by incorporating mostly cardio, but to my understanding I will still be flappy, given that I do lose the weight. I don't have a husband I can just feel comfortable around in my skin for the rest of my life. I have a supporting boyfriend, but I do not see a long-term future with him. I can be a very insecure person sometimes and I feel like skin will hold me back. I know this is superficial and ridiculous, but I just can't help think of these things.

Another thing - giving up the foods I love. I am a carbohydrate girl! I love bread. I love beer. I can give up beer and will give up most breads if I have to. I love to eat, and so now I'm worried about this too!

I am worried about having this contraption in my body, wrapped around my stomach and a port traveling up to my skin. Having to maintain this band for the rest of my life.

I'm worried about scars even though I have a road map of stretch marks from pregnancies. I've never had any surgeries. I have had 2 babies naturally.

I have had sucess in the past couple of years by going to the gym and doing cardio for an hour and a half 4x per week and sticking to weight watchers. I was also using Phentermine at the time, which doesn't work for me anymore. I then injured my back and my weight has since ballooned, reaching the 300 mark just a couple of weeks ago. I believe I can do this without the band, but I can't find motivation anywhere.

I feel like I need this lap band to get healthy. I want to be healthy. I know having the surgery is not an easy, quick fix, but it will help me in sooo many ways. Except..... all of the above is giving me 2nd thoughts and I am getting anxiety now thinking about it. I was so excited. Now I want to cry.

Should I proceed with the surgery?

Please give me some advice. No sugar coating.

[MarcyLoo 12]

IMO you need to be sure before you have surgery. Is this what you really want? I can almost guarantee the rest of us on this board have had the same thoughts.

First, stop listenign to your friend. My hunch is she's tryign tot alk you out of it because she fears YOU will get healthy and she will not.

Next, for me....with skin issues and being absolutely sad about giving up carbs and carbonated beverages...this is the way I have made MY decision: what's worse, making those changes and having some saggy skin or developing diabetes, having a heart attack, not being able to fit in an airplane seat, not be able to play with my kids, or not living long enough to see my kids grow into men with families of their own?

I don't WANT to giv eup fast food, ordering enough food for 2-3 people and binging on it, etc...but i know to be ehalthier for myself and my family, it's a sacrifice I need to make, and am ready to make.

i hope that helps a little? Basically you just have to decide if now is the time you're ready to commit...and if not, that's ok too.

* hugs *

[hopeful11 0]

I'm getting ready for my surgery too and I made myself a deal not to openly discuss this idea with anyone other than immediate and directly close relatives. I've found that everyone has a different opinion about WLS and I didn't want anyone to cloud my mind one way or an other. I told only my parents, my life long best friend and my husband. My supervisors know at work simply b/c I wanted them to be prepared that I would need time off coming soon. But I wanted to be able to make a clear decision about what was right for me and for me alone. I'm glad I chose to do this...now I've taken time to really think and prepare myself mentally and I'm READY to change my life. The opinions of others will not impact my outlook or my mind frame right now...I wish you all the best...make the decision about what's right for your body and mind only. Afterall you know your body better than anyone else! )

[Rainydayz 3]

You said yourself that this friend goes through "phases" and thinks it's the greatest thing ever until the next phase comes along. She is still overweight? Sounds like all her expertise is not working out so well for her. Please don't let someone like this influence your decision. If she brings you down you may just need to avoid her again for a while. Do your research like you're doing, weigh the pros and cons and make your best decision.

As far as the saggy skin, I would prefer that to being 100 lbs. or more overweight. I'm almost at 300 right now myself and am going forward with the Band as soon as my insurance will let me. I too fear the saggy skin but I figure that can be fixed with plastic surgery if it really creates a problem. At least no one gets diabetes and heart disease from saggy skin!

I too am a carb addict. I worry that I won't be able to change that after the Band. But I know I have to. It's the only way I will ever be healthy again. I want to learn how to eat healthfully and I'm hoping the band will help me with that. I plan to not keep it too tight that I can't eat meat and vegetables so I know that I will have to use a lot of self-discipline. I am ready to commit to that. I just want the extra help the band may give me.

I have spoken to my primary dr., attended the seminar, done a lot of reading and research and talked to real live people (not just on the web) that have had it done. For me I believe the pros outweigh the cons. If you have come to that conclusion then don't let flighty "friends" sway you. Good Luck!

[54Shirley 105]

First of all, you said you where going to be banded in November, It's now March. Have you gained weight since then? If your honest with yourself and the answer is yes, then a little assistance will not hurt you... How you do it is up to you, but the band is pretty good to have. There will probably be certain foods that you can't eat, and maybe you can> I think it depends on how tight you are. I can't eat bread at all, but,,, it is just a addiction "BELIEVE IT OR NOT !" After about a week you won't even miss it.. There will be some things that you won't miss, and some things that will be new to you that are actually good, n good for you... As far as the friend. She should practice what she speaks or don't ramble on. You know what is good for you. Now cold feet we, all get them. I have had worse surgery getting a tooth taken out. It broke, so he had a great time fishing, and I thought I was going to die in that chair.

This surgery was a lot less. It took 30 minutes to put the band on and finish. I really didn't have much pain for the band. They took out my Lymph nodes (GROIN) Now that was tender..

This is reversible!!!!! If you don't like it change it. Point is: it's not as bad as you think. I hope this helps some.

[54Shirley 105]

First of all, you said you where going to be banded in November, It's now March. Have you gained weight since then? If your honest with yourself and the answer is yes, then a little assistance will not hurt you... How you do it is up to you, but the band is pretty good to have. There will probably be certain foods that you can't eat, and maybe you can. I think it depends on how tight you are. I can't eat bread at all, but,,, it is just a addiction "BELIEVE IT OR NOT !" After about a week or so, you won't even miss it.. There will be some things that you won't miss, and some things that will be new to you that are actually good, n good for you... As far as the friend. She should practice what she speaks or don't ramble on. You know what is good for you. Now cold feet we, all get them. I have had worse surgery getting a tooth taken out. It broke, so he had a great time fishing, and I thought I was going to die in that chair.

This surgery was a lot less. It took 30 minutes to put the band on and finish. I really didn't have much pain for the band. They took out my Lymph nodes (GROIN) Now that was tender..

This is reversible!!!!! If you don't like it change it. Point is: it's not as bad as you think. I hope this helps some.

[dragonflies 7]

Thank you so much for the replies. The first time around I had completed dietary appointment #2 out of 3 that my insurance required. Since then, I restarted the whole process & have completed everything except for the surgery itself! I have been thinking about this all day & as of right now I am almost confident again that I want and need to do this. I really do regret telling this particular friend about my decision. I pretty much have kept semi-private about it. It's just hard for me to keep things like this to myself lol! I just need all the encouragement I can get. I'm going to have to avoid talking to her for awhile. Her lectures really put a damper on everything.

I can do this.

[Shanimal 6]

No one here is going to push you into undergoing a surgery that you're not sure of yourself. But we all felt the same way I'm sure. Yes, I felt that getting banded was the best decision I could make, but I had the exact same fears you did: How could I never eat Pasta again? How am I going to deal with saggy skin when I'm only 26? Will I find someone who will love my body? What about the scars? Etc, etc etc. But guess what? I realized that being healthy, not having to worry about diabetes or heart disease or joint pain or anxiety and having my LIFE back was absolutely worth it.

I love food and am not afraid to admit that I have a terrible addiction to it. Happy, sad, elated or depressed? food was the answer. I went to counseling and attended OA meetings. I came to terms with the fact that life has so many opportunities and if it means I might not be able to enjoy lasagna, so be it. When you accept "eat to live, not live to eat" it changes your perspective and you can come to terms with it.

Saggy skin? Yeah it's likely to happen. I've already started saving up for the plastic surgery and I have faith that I'll have a tight little figure when this is all said and done As far as finding someone: yes, it's something I ultimately want. But from my past experiences, I've noticed that men tend to flock to women with confidence. The more weight I lose, the more confident I feel. I have no doubts that even if I have some saggy skin on my arms and tummy I'll find a wonderful partner who will appreciate my body much more than anyone could appreciate my frame at close to 300 pounds.

Scars? You'll also have them. Mine are still fresh, but I'm going to steal this comment from a friend of mine who has some unforgiving surgical scars. If anyone asks about them, I'm just going to say "Yeah I was involved in a pretty dicey knife fight when I was a gangsta." It's funny, and allows you to elaborate if you want to. Since the surgery is laproscopic, the scars really aren't anything to write home about.

[54Shirley 105]

Thank you so much for the replies. The first time around I had completed dietary appointment #2 out of 3 that my insurance required. Since then, I restarted the whole process & have completed everything except for the surgery itself! I have been thinking about this all day & as of right now I am almost confident again that I want and need to do this. I really do regret telling this particular friend about my decision. I pretty much have kept semi-private about it. It's just hard for me to keep things like this to myself lol! I just need all the encouragement I can get. I'm going to have to avoid talking to her for awhile. Her lectures really put a damper on everything.

I can do this.

Well that souns better... I'm sure you can do it !

Shirley.

[54Shirley 105]

By the way, you mentioned all the skin... Chances are that if you have Ins. it doesn't cover PLASTIC SURGERY.

When your Dr. says it is MEDICALLY NECESSARY ! Chances are you should be covered. You will have to check with your Ins. Co.. See if that is so, if it is? Do you have any out of pocket expenses, besides deductible, and co pays.

Hope it's all good, Shirley.

[pinknsassyemt 13]

IMO a little saggy skin is far better than diabetes or other possible health risks. I work in the medical field, previously in surgery, and now in Er/Trauma. I have been very open and honest with my choice of surgery, and have had zero negative feedback. Now what is said behind my back maybe a different story.

Has it crossed your mind that maybe this "friend" is jealous of your ability to have the surgery for one reason or another? Maybe her insurance doesn't cover it, or is your friendship primarily food based? I know a friend of mine who was facing surgery had a few friends get angry with her for having the surgery because every Friday was Mexican night when all the girls would go eat, the assumed if she had surgery she was going to stop hanging out with them. Just a thought...

Be strong, and do this for you.... if you are ready to get the tool and use it.. GET IT! Also, its reversible.. the GREAT thing of the band.. it doesn't have to be inside you FOREVER if you wish to change it...

Good Luck!

[cheryl2586 3,053]

Are your really willing to give up health for a freind and saggy skin. Listen of course you are not going to look perfect after losing weight but clothes can do amazing things to hide it. If you find someone that you are willing to spend the rest of your life with he will understand and help you not discourage you. I dont care if I have sagging skin when its over and done with. What I do care about is how good I feel and all the money I am saving on medication that I am no longer taking.

[stateofzen 46]

You've gotten great advice here, and I would just reiterate the point that the surgery will be here when you are ready for it-- so make sure you're ready and it's the right decision for you.

I think we've all been where you are, to varying degrees. I'll tell you, the thought of giving up Diet Dr. Pepper and beer forever seemed like a huge deal to me before surgery and I had a bit of a pity party over it. But it is seriously no big thing to me now. It was easier than I thought to give up both and I really don't miss it, especially when I consider all of the things I've gained in return. And I have gained a lot. I feel like I'm fully living my life now in ways I didn't even realize I was missing before. Just being able to comfortably move my body is amazing-- right now I am feeling some major abdominal soreness after belly dancing followed by yoga followed by Zumba-- but it feels awesome, especially compared to the real lower back pain and foot pain (plantar facitis) that I had before-- both of which are gone now after a 98 lb weight loss.

The skin saggy-ness isn't great, I'm not going to lie. I will be having plastic surgery next summer if I'm at my goal by then to fix my stomach. But let's really be honest here-- how is saggy skin any less physically appealing than a big old fat filled belly of skin? If any of us are going into this merely for vanity reasons then it's probably not the right time to have the surgery. Vanity is part of it-- yes-- but it probably shouldn't be the primary driving force or the results may be somewhat disappointing. That said, I look soooo much better at 195 than I did at 293. Not perfect by any means, but pretty darn good and my husband definitely agrees. I totally understand worrying about the "new person" as opposed to the already-loves-you person, but there are new men who will be just as unconcerned with some saggy skin as there are new men who were just fine with the obesity. It's scary, but it doesn't have to be the thing that holds you back if you don't let it.

As for being a successful dieter: Your story is the story of countless women who have been banded, and it's my story too. I am great at losing weight. I have been able to successfully exercise and diet my way down several times in my life. The thing I suck at, and the reason I got the band, is keeping the weight off. I had reached the point where I just gave up trying to lose weight-- what was the point if it just came back in no time and brought 20 more lbs along with it? The band is my "one last shot" and I got it because I truly wanted to have something that would help me really make a lifestyle change and stick with it forever, even when I was finished losing. We'll see if it works that way or not, but for me, that possibility was worth the try.

With all of that said, if you still aren't ready by April-- that is ok. You don't have to rush into anything you're not sure about. For this surgery to be effective, it DOES require major life changes when it comes to food choices and it's hard to make the correct choices if your head isn't 100% in the game. So take more time to yourself to weigh the pros and cons (make a list- it will help) and maybe stop talking to this friend about it-- let her politely know you're not looking for outside opinions at this stage in the game. I'm sure whatever you decide will be the right choice for you.

[54Shirley 105]

You've gotten great advice here, and I would just reiterate the point that the surgery will be here when you are ready for it-- so make sure you're ready and it's the right decision for you.

I think we've all been where you are, to varying degrees. I'll tell you, the thought of giving up Diet Dr. Pepper and beer forever seemed like a huge deal to me before surgery and I had a bit of a pity party over it. But it is seriously no big thing to me now. It was easier than I thought to give up both and I really don't miss it, especially when I consider all of the things I've gained in return. And I have gained a lot. I feel like I'm fully living my life now in ways I didn't even realize I was missing before. Just being able to comfortably move my body is amazing-- right now I am feeling some major abdominal soreness after belly dancing followed by yoga followed by Zumba-- but it feels awesome, especially compared to the real lower back pain and foot pain (plantar facitis) that I had before-- both of which are gone now after a 98 lb weight loss.

The skin saggy-ness isn't great, I'm not going to lie. I will be having plastic surgery next summer if I'm at my goal by then to fix my stomach. But let's really be honest here-- how is saggy skin any less physically appealing than a big old fat filled belly of skin? If any of us are going into this merely for vanity reasons then it's probably not the right time to have the surgery. Vanity is part of it-- yes-- but it probably shouldn't be the primary driving force or the results may be somewhat disappointing. That said, I look soooo much better at 195 than I did at 293. Not perfect by any means, but pretty darn good and my husband definitely agrees. I totally understand worrying about the "new person" as opposed to the already-loves-you person, but there are new men who will be just as unconcerned with some saggy skin as there are new men who were just fine with the obesity. It's scary, but it doesn't have to be the thing that holds you back if you don't let it.

As for being a successful dieter: Your story is the story of countless women who have been banded, and it's my story too. I am great at losing weight. I have been able to successfully exercise and diet my way down several times in my life. The thing I suck at, and the reason I got the band, is keeping the weight off. I had reached the point where I just gave up trying to lose weight-- what was the point if it just came back in no time and brought 20 more lbs along with it? The band is my "one last shot" and I got it because I truly wanted to have something that would help me really make a lifestyle change and stick with it forever, even when I was finished losing. We'll see if it works that way or not, but for me, that possibility was worth the try.

With all of that said, if you still aren't ready by April-- that is ok. You don't have to rush into anything you're not sure about. For this surgery to be effective, it DOES require major life changes when it comes to food choices and it's hard to make the correct choices if your head isn't 100% in the game. So take more time to yourself to weigh the pros and cons (make a list- it will help) and maybe stop talking to this friend about it-- let her politely know you're not looking for outside opinions at this stage in the game. I'm sure whatever you decide will be the right choice for you.

Amen to what she said,,,, especially about keeping it of. I'm not going to get into details. You can see my turtle isn't moving at all yet ! but it will ! My story by now is on page 2 or 3.

It was entitled something like I WANT THIS DAMN PIECE OF JUNK TAKEN OUT looking for a surgeon in Saint Helen, Michigan.

Go ahead and read the whole thing. I lost weight too, but do to problems that were totally dumb. I went without being filled for 3 yrs.. Finally got Ins., and it was taken care of. I haven't felt this good in a long time. So go ahead and read my story.

I will be seeing this new surgeon on 04/13/2006. I know what I way know, and I will see what I way then. You can bet this Turtle will move ! ! !

Shirley.

[ElfiePoo 109]

Here's the deal...you've done the research and made the decision that the band is right for you. I'd go with that. I too worried about saggy skin...which I think was pretty stupid of me since what's saggy skin compared to being so fat I couldn't walk across the living room without being out of breath, diabetes, a shorter life span and most likely not being around to see my grandchildren. I also am a carb girl and wasn't sure I wanted to give that up. The reality is that, unless you have a metabolic disorder that has difficulty dealing with carbs, you probably don't have to. There are a number of people here who still eat carbs...just less of them. You'll have to find what works for you in that respect.

As for your 'friend'...the next time she starts on one of her expert lectures, I'd calmly look her up and down and say "so how's that working for you?" You can't talk the talk unless you walk the walk.

.