Tired of unwanted advice

[mattie7632 24]

That is awesome advice. A great Southern Belle knows just how to tell someone to kiss her a$$ without them even knowing it!

You sound like a really nice person --too nice. But I'm not saying you need to be rude, either. My Ma was "old South" and NO BODY pushed her around but she was so sweet about everything you never knew when you'd be "told off." Conversations with her on a topic that was NONE of Someone's business went like this:

Busybody: Oh, Mary, your weight is . . .

Ma: Daisy May, I do not want talk about my weight when we can talk about your trip to Timbuktu --and how are those boys of yours doing? Why I don't believe I have ever seen two nicer looking fellows. . .

In otherwords, no one REALLY wants to talk about YOUR LAPBAND --they just want to "get your attention" negative or positive --so give it to them. People really just want to talk about themselves. Next time you meet your family or friends, come armed with questions about them --their families, their trips. Stop talking about yourself. As a formerly depressed and fat person (100 pounds ago) I thought way too much about ME ME ME --now I try to follow Dr. Phils advice and make sure that every one I meet leaves feeling better about THEMSELVES than when they ran into me.

The best defense is a good offense. Take control of the conversation. When it get's close to your end zone (where you don't want them to be) punt a queston into their territory then listen to the answer.

Shelby

[lv2h8me 2]

I myself am worried about the unwanted advice, partly because my BMI is around 34, and some "don't think I need the band". I am still in the process of getting my band approved, but I have chosen only to tell my husband, and 2 close friends. Both of which have had the gastric bypass. They are supportive and understand why I'm choosing to do this. After one of my close friends had the bypass, and hearing all the "advice" they had for her, I decided I'd rather keep it to myself, or just share with the selected few.

[Humming Bird 275]

You sound like a really nice person --too nice. But I'm not saying you need to be rude, either. My Ma was "old South" and NO BODY pushed her around but she was so sweet about everything you never knew when you'd be "told off." Conversations with her on a topic that was NONE of Someone's business went like this:

Busybody: Oh, Mary, your weight is . . .

Ma: Daisy May, I do not want talk about my weight when we can talk about your trip to Timbuktu --and how are those boys of yours doing? Why I don't believe I have ever seen two nicer looking fellows. . .

In otherwords, no one REALLY wants to talk about YOUR LAPBAND --they just want to "get your attention" negative or positive --so give it to them. People really just want to talk about themselves. Next time you meet your family or friends, come armed with questions about them --their families, their trips. Stop talking about yourself. As a formerly depressed and fat person (100 pounds ago) I thought way too much about ME ME ME --now I try to follow Dr. Phils advice and make sure that every one I meet leaves feeling better about THEMSELVES than when they ran into me.

The best defense is a good offense. Take control of the conversation. When it get's close to your end zone (where you don't want them to be) punt a queston into their territory then listen to the answer.

Shelby

I LOVE this!!

[Dakloh 0]

I am new to the band, since Jan. What I am finding is that most people really do not understand it. Most do not know how it works or even what it looks like. I know I had to explain FILLS to my mom and several other people. I think most think that this will simply solve the problem and make sure the weight comes off. I don't think they know you still have to eat right and exercise and it doesn't fully solve the problem. It is not a fix it. Many do not even realize you may need an unfill. Lots of teaching to do for family and friends here, so they will not judge me harshly if I backslide here and there but keep going.

19 pounds as of today!!!

[emptyNest 4]

You sound like a really nice person --too nice. But I'm not saying you need to be rude, either. My Ma was "old South" and NO BODY pushed her around but she was so sweet about everything you never knew when you'd be "told off." Conversations with her on a topic that was NONE of Someone's business went like this:

Busybody: Oh, Mary, your weight is . . .

Ma: Daisy May, I do not want talk about my weight when we can talk about your trip to Timbuktu --and how are those boys of yours doing? Why I don't believe I have ever seen two nicer looking fellows. . .

In otherwords, no one REALLY wants to talk about YOUR LAPBAND --they just want to "get your attention" negative or positive --so give it to them. People really just want to talk about themselves. Next time you meet your family or friends, come armed with questions about them --their families, their trips. Stop talking about yourself. As a formerly depressed and fat person (100 pounds ago) I thought way too much about ME ME ME --now I try to follow Dr. Phils advice and make sure that every one I meet leaves feeling better about THEMSELVES than when they ran into me.

The best defense is a good offense. Take control of the conversation. When it get's close to your end zone (where you don't want them to be) punt a queston into their territory then listen to the answer.

Shelby

PERFECT!! I was wondering what to tell the nosey ones...

[KINGSKID66 10]

Stay positive Pinkbutterfly and everyone else on here going through challenges with family and friends. I think you will find some people don't support you due to their own jealousy and insecurity concerning their own weight. Unfortunately when some people see a person making changes they don't think they can make it's easier to interfere than to support. Keep moving forward and let your progress speak for itself. Don't let naysayers stop you. If you do - they win! You've come too far to turn back now. Your energy has to be spent focusing on your new life and the direction you're going. Don't forget, you always have the support of us on the forum. Wishing you only the very best.

[Melissannde 41]

If I have one more person tell me I could have gone on a liquid diet and lost weight myself I'm going to scream. The past week I've had to hear from several family members and friends talk about how they think the banding was unnecessary. And how I coule have just kept exercising and lost the weight on my on.

My usual answer to that is "how many people KEEP it off with just diet & exercise"? Too few.

The redirection idea works very well. I've started using that when people start getting too close to my discomfort zones.

There's one lady at my gym who tells me ever so often that I should quit losing. She's not being catty.. I've known her for a long time and she's just not that way. I just smile and change the subject.

[Humming Bird 275]

There's one lady at my gym who tells me ever so often that I should quit losing. She's not being catty.. I've known her for a long time and she's just not that way. I just smile and change the subject.

I get these comments often as well. "You're done losing aren't you? You don't need to take off anymore. You're going to waste away." These are also people who are not being catty. Sometimes it is almost like a compliment. I think people just get so used to seeing us as much larger people that is is a shock to their brain after a large amount of weightloss. I am by no means too thin at a BMI of 24, but people are shocked to see that I am a much smaller person than they thought I would be at this stage. I remember a gal that I worked with when I first had the surgery. We were talking about the sizes of our scrubs. I was wearing a tight 2X and she wore medium. She said "You will never be in a medium, you're just not built that way." She was not saying it to be mean. She was just making a comment like I was just bigger boned or a large person anyway. Well, I wish we still worked together because I now wear size small scrubs and they are not tight at all.

[crzyfry 0]

I say forget them and realize that you are a beautiful person no matter what! In the end you only have 1 person to answer too yourself. It does not matter if you are fat and happy, skinny and happy, or in between and happy! All that matters is you are happy with yourself and can accept who you are.

I think a big problem in most overweight people is that we badger ourselves and worry way to much about what others think.

[Lady_Dragyn 2]

I have also chosen not to tell many people. My mom, my neice (who lives with me), my mom's best friend (and a very good friend of mine), and my 2 best friend's are the only ones who know. Well one of the supervisors at work and the work leave specialist only because they had to. And I told the supervisor that if anyone else found out I would let HR know lol....I don't need the other stuff mentioned in previous posts. I work in an office of "pretties". It's so discouraging and I definatley didn't need the side long glances if I chose to eat a pudding cup (sugar free of course) or something "less heathy" than vegtables. So anyway, thanks to everyone for the kinds words (I know they were directed toward pink, but they hit home for some of us others as well) and the support. I think I have found a place I'd like to frequent from time to time

Thanks!

[girl55 5]

I really enjoyed reading all of your stories of rejection and rejoicing. I too told only my immediate family. My bandaversary is March 16 and I've lost almost 60 lbs. I did finally tell a close friend, who has had weight problems for as long as myself. She wanted to know how I lost so much weight. So I told her because I knew it was something she would not share with anyone else. I would love to see her have the band done also. Don't know if she has considered it or not.

I prefer to keep it a private matter. No one outside needs to know. As you all have said, the band is a tool, and you still have to work at it. But since I started losing weight, I've become a better me. I find myself smiling all the time and greeting people with a new enthusiasm. That's what all of you newcomers have to look forward to. Your level of confidence continues to rise and you actually become a better person, and that what's people really like. So hang in there. Everyone does not have to know. Life's too short to worry about what others think. Good luck fellow bandsters!