Tired of unwanted advice

[pinkbutterfly 0]

If I have one more person tell me I could have gone on a liquid diet and lost weight myself I'm going to scream. The past week I've had to hear from several family members and friends talk about how they think the banding was unnecessary. And how I coule have just kept exercising and lost the weight on my on.

Ok these are the same people who last year told me I was gaining too much weight and needed to do something for my health. They act like I got the band for cosmetics. I just shake my head. It's getting old. I got the band so I could be a better me to myself and my family. I'm tried of sitting on the side line and watching life pass me by. I want to run and play with my son. I want to ride the roller coaster with him and dance the night away on cruises with my husband. Instead of being asked off rides because the bar won't go down or passing out sleep in my cruise suite because I'm exhausted.

I just wish people would shut up and leave me alone. If you can' encourage people then keep your mouth closed. Then they hear how much I plan to loose and tell me oh that's too much. I'm like really. I would like my chart to stop saying morbid obese.

[cheryl2586 3,053]

I dont worry about what others say. My sister told me today if I get down to 150 I will look sick. Well I havent weighed 150 in 29 years before I had children and I didnt look sick then. People are just not going to be happy with ones decision to have the band so I say tough luck, its not you, its me and move on. People will never be happy if you are too thin or to heavy they will always have something to say but 150lbs sure looks good to me no matter what anyone thinks. I dont now or since surgery have looked unhealthy and dont plan on it ever.

[eko 1]

It is tough when the people that surround you are not supportive. You just have to ignor them and do what is right for you. Just remember that they are not you and are not experts on what is in your best interest. Take care of yourself and your family, and just let the rest, well, nuts to them, prove them wrong. You can do this!

[mattie7632 24]

Tell them all to go you know where!!.......and when you HAVE lost the weight--which you will--they will be singing a different tune. Guaranteed.

[B-52 7,113]

There are maybe 4-5 people in my life that know I have had the surgery. And that's immediate family. I have told no one! And don't intend to. My health insurance is not connected to my job, and I had time coming to me so I simply took a week off.

My hunch was, and I now believe I was right, that most people would not have a clue. Also I did not want people, after learning I had the procedure, to constantly be observing and grading my process. Why should they need to know?

I'm on a diet. I have a goal. How am I doing it? Don't eat so much and exercise!

Granted, I'm sure there will come a person who obviously could benefit from my experience, and I will share with them confidentially what I am going through.

But until then, I don't need to wear a sign on my back.

[Rsilversea 2]

I hear ya! That's why I haven't told my father (who is morbidly obese also). I couldn't stand to hear his "advice". I made the mistake of telling my cousin and he didn't seem too enthusiastic. He wished me luck but that was it. Only my husband's family knows and supports me.

[Humming Bird 275]

When and if you feel like putting in the effort, educate them about the band. If that is not helping, oh well, just keep your eye on the prize and enjoy your life. Celebrate every single pound lost and be happy for yourself. No matter what other people think, you already have the band. It doesn't matter if they think you could have done it any other way. The band is already there and that is how you choose to take the weight off.

[Kalipso2 25]

i hope for you it gets easier... for me, my family is constantly telling me i'm getting "too skinny". when i ask if they think i'm GETTING skinny or am i TOO skinny they always say i'm getting skinny.

my mom watches every single bite i put in my mouth. am i eating too fast? did i take too big of a bite? should i be eating that?

[JourneyGirl 10]

It really stinks to not have the support of your family and friends. It is hard when they don't have anything positive to offer. And in a time when you really need it. I know how hard it is but try to let it go in one ear and out the other. You know that you did this for a healthy you and for your family. Good for you for making the best choice for you!

Good luck and keep up the good work!

[pinkbutterfly 0]

Thanks everyone I really appreicate the support. I've been very down lately. I think being stuck in the house is really wearing me down. Tomorrow is my son's 7th bday so I'm getting out of the house. Over the last few days, I've doubted my decision, cried and had several piety parties. But the truth is, the band is here to stay. I'm looking forward to my success and getting off the side lines. I should be the start of my own life story. It's time I took my place. Thanks for reminding me of that

[Shanimal 6]

Wow! Reading this makes me feel so grateful that I have a supportive team behind me - in all aspects! My family has been especially awesome, but I guess it helps that this was my parent's way of reimbursing me for college tuition My family and even my workplace has been great as well. The best thing you can do when people are offering their "advice" is to lose the weight and be a happier and healthier person because of it! Good luck to you!

[Libbyjane1976 1]

I am definitely glad that everybody has been supportive of my decision. It would be tough about being surrounded by people who think they know better. Kudos to you for taking this step and getting the lapband to change your life. It has definitely changed mine!! I am 50 pounds away from my goal weight and cannot wait to get there! I am loving my life!

[Foxglove 8]

You sound like a really nice person --too nice. But I'm not saying you need to be rude, either. My Ma was "old South" and NO BODY pushed her around but she was so sweet about everything you never knew when you'd be "told off." Conversations with her on a topic that was NONE of Someone's business went like this:

Busybody: Oh, Mary, your weight is . . .

Ma: Daisy May, I do not want talk about my weight when we can talk about your trip to Timbuktu --and how are those boys of yours doing? Why I don't believe I have ever seen two nicer looking fellows. . .

In otherwords, no one REALLY wants to talk about YOUR LAPBAND --they just want to "get your attention" negative or positive --so give it to them. People really just want to talk about themselves. Next time you meet your family or friends, come armed with questions about them --their families, their trips. Stop talking about yourself. As a formerly depressed and fat person (100 pounds ago) I thought way too much about ME ME ME --now I try to follow Dr. Phils advice and make sure that every one I meet leaves feeling better about THEMSELVES than when they ran into me.

The best defense is a good offense. Take control of the conversation. When it get's close to your end zone (where you don't want them to be) punt a queston into their territory then listen to the answer.

Shelby

[NoMoBand 278]

Thanks everyone I really appreicate the support. I've been very down lately. I think being stuck in the house is really wearing me down. Tomorrow is my son's 7th bday so I'm getting out of the house. Over the last few days, I've doubted my decision, cried and had several piety parties. But the truth is, the band is here to stay. I'm looking forward to my success and getting off the side lines. I should be the start of my own life story. It's time I took my place. Thanks for reminding me of that

Hang in there! I also went through a brief period of depression. My support system is also limited due to too so many different opinions. Heres the deal. As you continue your weight loss and day by day you will start to feel awesome about yourself. Most of those people that criiticized you will see the results and start to have a different view of your weight loss surgery. Something to remember always is yes, you could have done the weight loss with diets, including a Protein Drink diet, however, after a while you would get comfortable again and start your eating habits again then regain what you lost then some more on top of that. The band helps you keep it off. In addition, you do not need to feel guilty when they tell you that this was the easy way out or that its the lazy way out or you didn't need the band. Being banded is hard work and not as easy as they think. You will find that as you continue you won't be able to eat certain foods and you still have to be careful that you eat the proper type of food, the way you eat and theres the exercising if you choose to. No, the lapband is not easy! It helps, but, the work is up to you. Give yourself another month or so and you'll see your attitude will change completely and the depression turns to encouragement and pride that you've done this for yourself, son and family. My first granddaughter was the driving encouragement to do this for myself. I want to be around for her and of course my family as long as I can. Hang in there, it does get better, I promise! jake

[FailureIsntAnOption 0]

It's been almost 2 years since I was banded and thankfully I haven't had to deal with anything like mentioned in this thread. I don't share my band worries, woes or my insecurities with anybody so maybe this is why. I'm really not interested in the opinions of anybody who has never walked in my shoes and didn't ask for any opinions when contemplating the surgery either. I think some people tend to let others get too involved in their personal matters then when they are told something they don't agree with or didn't solicit they get mad. Just my opinion!