Need a Little Encouragement

[Heavenlei 1]

Hello Fellow Bandsters,

I have a few close friends of mine who constantly tell me you shouldnt be getting this surgery. Or why would you want to put a foreign object in your body when you can do the work yourself. Or that there are so many risks involved. You know at times all you want is a word of encourgement. Someone who is routing you on. To tell you its okay. The negative remarks and comments are starting to sway my decision, should I be paying attention to all these people. I mean I know they are looking out for me but at the same time I would have thought they would support my decision. My surgery date is 3/11 and now in my head the decision isnt so set....

[crecia1975 4]

You need to sit down and think about what is best for YOU.

What do you want to do? Don't think about the reactions of other people, good or bad. You have to look inside yourself and decide if this will help you in your journey. If you feel doubt or worry maybe you need to reevaluate your decision. I thought about getting surgery for about two or three years before I did it. I'm glad I waited, because my head wasn't in the right place 2 or 3 years ago. I used to care about what others would think. Then one day I just didn't care what anyone else was thinking. I knew this is what I had to do to get healthy and to be happy. You may think about it and decide that surgery is not right for you and that's fine as long as you are making this decision and not someone else.

[Phranp 46]

Hello Fellow Bandsters,

I have a few close friends of mine who constantly tell me you shouldnt be getting this surgery. Or why would you want to put a foreign object in your body when you can do the work yourself. Or that there are so many risks involved. You know at times all you want is a word of encourgement. Someone who is routing you on. To tell you its okay. The negative remarks and comments are starting to sway my decision, should I be paying attention to all these people. I mean I know they are looking out for me but at the same time I would have thought they would support my decision. My surgery date is 3/11 and now in my head the decision isnt so set....

Often friends and family "look out" for us without having done ANY real research. So, if you have done your homework and you are satisfied that this is the surgery for you, that should be enough. This is YOUR life and YOUR health. How many times have you tried to lose the weight, lost some, and put that weight and possibly more back on? It's a vicious cycle. For me the lapband stopped the cycle.

You mentioned that they said there are "so many risks involved". Do you know how many risks were involved in the spinal surgery I had in 2004? I had TWO orthopedic surgeons -- one was a neuro-spinal specialist. Had I not been morbidly obese, I likely would not have needed the surgery. That surgery was a SERIOUS RISK -- one that was brought on by my weight. Think about the risks of being obese and what it does to you mentally, emotionally and physically. Are your friends thinking about that?

My former sis-in-law said something to me about having a "foreign object" in my body ... how is wasn't natural. I said "you mean, like hip replacement or an artificial heart or an organ transplant?". We didn't speak for a year. Why? Because I DARED to tell her that she didn't know what she was talking about. If you think that I gave her ONE thought after she got mad at me for standing up for MY life ... you would be wrong. I saw her the other day (we work in the same high rise bldg, and rarely run into each other -- we use different elevator lobbies to get to our respective floors). She was all smiles and compliments on my weight loss. I am not moved by others and what they think "I" should do for MY health. "I" take care of ME. BTW, my sis-in-law is even bigger than she was when she made the "foreign object" remark. I, on the other hand, have gone from a size 26 to a size 14. Nuf said!

Do your homework and decide what is right for you. This is YOUR LIFE.

All the best to you on your journey. We are here for you!

~Fran

[cheryl2586 3,053]

You are doing this for yourself not your family or friends. Although they want to help us sometimes over nurturing us is too much and is not good for us. Do what you need to do best for yourself

[54Shirley 105]

Do you think that you can do it yourself? If you no the truth, and it is that you would be better of with the surgery, no matter what anyone says ! Then you already no the answer.

Sometimes things are out of control, and they can't get back on track, and work ! ! That's when you need assistance. It doesn't matter how you do it, nut if you need the assistance to be healthy. No one has the right to tell you how to run your life or belittle you because there not in that shape, and just dream that it's all do able.

[peacequeen 434]

I have friends that would fear this surgery would change me. That maybe I wouldn't be "one of them" anymore once I lost all the weight. You might reassure them,,in some way, that you will still be the same person when your thin as when you were overweight. You might also ask them what risks do they know that you don't know about? I'd try educating them. Sometimes when you include a person in your journey, they may just need that attention of being part of it. This is just what I would do to ease my friends' minds. But in the end, I have to do what's best for me, regardless. Good luck to you!

[Catherine55 43]

No one who hasn't been through this can really understand how impossible it is to lose -- and keep off -- weight. And even friends who struggle with weight but are afraid to make a big change like this may be jeallous, or try to stop you from moving forward because of their own fears.

I was really worried before surgery that I might chicken out. So, I made a pro/con list (Here is a Link) and I looked at it every time I started questioning my decision. I even took it to the hospital with me on my surgery day, but I didn't need it. Thing is, when I wrote out my reasons for wanting the surgery vs the negatives, the decision was just so clear.

Now, I am three years out and I understand in retrospect that none of my cons were real worries for me. This has been a great process, and I absolutely love being at goal, enjoying shopping, being able to do physical activities -- heck, even being able to think about sitting in the middle seat on an airplane without undue stress!! If I can do it, you can do it.

Feel free to check out my blog if you want (maybe start from the beginning). Also, take a bunch of "before" photos now -- and take all of your measurements ASAP!! You will definitely want them later.

Best wishes for your success,

Catherine

[erink58 8]

Hi, You said you needed some encouragement. Well, I would be happy to oblige, I have received alot of invaluable help from these forums. People who try to discourage you probably know nothing about the lap band. I did not learn anything until I started my research. If you really care about your friends, give them some articles to read so they will understand the challenges you will be dealing with, To help myself stay motivated, I started a list of reasons I want the lap band. Every time I think of another reason, I add it to the list. I will pack this list when I go to the hospital for surgery. I am scared, but I know I will go through with it no matter what anyone else says, One fun thing on the list is the fact that for the first time in my life, I will be able to shop in the normal size section of a store. I am so used to going to the "WOMENS SECTION" (which means "fat clothes"). Can you imaging how fun that will be!!!! Keep thinking on the great stuff and ignore anyone who tries to bring you down,. Good Luck....Erin K.

[littledutchee 0]

Heavenlei, don't let those people pull you down! You have to do what YOU think is best. That is why I chose not to tell people (except for my husband, mom and a few other select people) about my surgery. I may tell them after the fact, but didn't want to do it before. I didn't want to hear their opinions! I am due to be banded on 3/10. I am excited, but also nervous. I secretly wonder if I am making the right decision, but then I think more about it and know I am! My weight has always been up and down. I am tired of it. I finally want the extra help I need to look the way I want! You can do it!!! Hang in there and keep your head high!! Good luck on the 11th!

Littledutchee

Hello Fellow Bandsters,

I have a few close friends of mine who constantly tell me you shouldnt be getting this surgery. Or why would you want to put a foreign object in your body when you can do the work yourself. Or that there are so many risks involved. You know at times all you want is a word of encourgement. Someone who is routing you on. To tell you its okay. The negative remarks and comments are starting to sway my decision, should I be paying attention to all these people. I mean I know they are looking out for me but at the same time I would have thought they would support my decision. My surgery date is 3/11 and now in my head the decision isnt so set....

[ElfiePoo 109]

Heavenlei,

Yes, there are risks involved...but there are just as many, if not more, risks involved in being obese and comments like "you can do the work yourself" just show how little they understand what you're doing because the band doesn't take away our responsibility to "do the work" ourselves. We still have to choose to put down the fork and choose the right foods...but the band helps by taking away the hunger. People who don't deal with constant hunger don't...and never will...get it.

In the end, you know why you've decided the band is right for you and that's the only person who really matters.

.

[54Shirley 105]

Heavenlei, don't let those people pull you down! You have to do what YOU think is best. That is why I chose not to tell people (except for my husband, mom and a few other select people) about my surgery. I may tell them after the fact, but didn't want to do it before. I didn't want to hear their opinions! I am due to be banded on 3/10. I am excited, but also nervous. I secretly wonder if I am making the right decision, but then I think more about it and know I am! My weight has always been up and down. I am tired of it. I finally want the extra help I need to look the way I want! You can do it!!! Hang in there and keep your head high!! Good luck on the 11th!

Littledutchee

This is a very good point ! ! ! When I got my band 10/31 06 I already lost 100lbs do to Water retention. Some people said you look great ! O.K.,, that was nice to hear. When they found out I had the Band... Can't you do it yourself !!!, Don't you have any willpower? I never heard anyone say I GIVE YOU CREDIT FOR DOING WHAT YOU BELIEVE IS WRIGHT! Unbelievable...

So now that I have to start all over again do to a surgeons possible goof up. "It's all fixed now, No big deal after all" Also I moved. So people don't know of my banding, and I learned to shut my mouth.. Because they don't understand. I don't want to hear that stuff again.

Shirley.

[KimK813 2]

When I decided to have LapBand, I was very nervous about telling my friends and family, but once I explained my reasons and how the lapband works, most people were very supportive. Those who weren't very supportive weren't very good friends anyway and I am happy living without them.

Good luck, everyone!

[DreamLife36 6]

Heavenlei, you seem to be a beautiful woman, and I know once you lose the weight you’ll be even more beautiful. Your friends and family care for you deeply, but when it all boils down, you are the one that has to live this life. I am in the beginning stages of the “lap band process”. I decided that I would only tell a few, trusted people about the surgery because people mean well but may not be wise.

No one is there with me when I don’t have enough energy to do my laundry, go to the park, or clean the house because of this fat body. Do you think they are coming over to lend me a hand? NO!

When I go to the Dr. and they tell me that I have an enlarged heart, High BP, and other crap going on because of this fat; is any of them helping me cook, going to the gym, or offering me encouragement? NO!!

When I look in the mirror and see these rolls of fat are they there with me? NO!

When I wake up 3-4 time a night because I have to pee (pre-diabetic) and I can’t breathe are they there? NO!

When I look into my daughters eyes and pray in my heart that I live long enough to see my grandchildren, no one feels that fear but me. So I have to do this for me.

Be encouraged Heavenlei, GOD has given you the wisdom to make the right decision.

[54Shirley 105]

Wow ! seems to me that we have some of the same medical problems. Especially the Water, with the problems it can be a pain I know it. The rolls of weight that can come from Water too. I know it well, Had the problem since the age of 4 months.

Family are all deceased except for Hubby, and 2 sons, 36,and 35.

If you feel you have to share the good news, that's up to you. But I to was told "don't do it, it's not their business" Well I yelled it from the Mountain top, and got kicked in the a** for it.

So now that we have moved, and it slowly comes off, for now my lips are locked. A lot of people up here in this small town, know of people who have had By-Pass, and they have either all failed or died. I know this because I took my neighbor to the Funeral Parlor last summer, where a old school friend withered away..... So if you have anything done you would be asking for problems, and they would just watch

you to see you fail or die.

That's not for me, so I will shut my mouth....

Hope you have a long Healthy Life with the Band.

Shirley.

[ElizabethNYC 1]

Honestly this is for YOU and no one else. I'm sure they might just be worried since it is major surgery or like someone said before if they also struggle with their weight it might be a hint of jealousy but this is for YOU and no one else. I've learned the hard way you can't please every one no matter how much you try. What I did for my friends and family is educate them as I was educating myself. I tell my parents everything my surgeon and her team tell me. Hope this helps!

Good luck tomorrow!!!