Banded 5/20/08 - Starting Over...

SweetestHost · February 27, 2011

So, here's my story... I was banded 3 years ago and feel like I've just wasted the past 2 years battling my food addiction.

I am looking for help on how to start again...

When I was first banded, all was wonderful. The weight was melting off, I was working out, I felt amazing. The one thing that didn't happen for me was self-confidence. I woke up every day thinking, "Is today the day I'm going to mess this all up" or if I didn't show a loss on the scale, I would instantly feel like giving up!

I took a trip to visit my family in NY and go to my 20 yr high school reunion. I had a great time- but guess what? 2 weeks in NY made me gain 6lbs b/c I fell right back into my old habits. I love my family, but there's something there that just makes me want to eat ALL THE TIME!

When I returned home, I had my band filled a couple of times. In complete denial that I had fallen back into my old ways - I taught myself how to eat around my band.

After I gained about 20lbs, I started getting sick. I wasn't taking any Vitamins, not eating healthy. My band was so tight that I was throwing up 2-3 times a day. I started getting kidney infections & stones and am always always always tired...

Today, I've gained back 40 of the 80lbs I had lost and need to put a stop to it NOW!

I'm so disgusted with myself... What's crazier is that I'm still making payments for the surgery!!! UGH!

So here's where I'm at now...

I have spent the last 2 weeks crying, journaling, eating bad things--- I'm in a deep depression.

Yesterday, I still woke up depressed - but there was a different feeling. I decided to stop making bad choices & bad excuses for my eating.

I went into the kitchen and threw away about $100 worth of junk food/processed crap. I went to work, had eggs for Breakfast, steak for lunch. On the way home- I bought turkey, chicken, & salad and made a healthy delicious dinner for the family. I didn't snack, I didn't pick--- nothing.

My husband called on his way home from work- not knowing about my recent tirade in the kitchen and asked me what kind of cake should he bring home. I started crying uncontrollably & begged him Not to. He got it- for the 1st time in a long time- he got it! I told him, if you want to keep junk in the house, please buy stuff that I won't touch... (He's never had a weight problem in his life)

He didn't bring anything home but a hug and understanding!!!

When I went to bed I thought about eating- but asked myself, "Am I Hungry or Bored?"- decided it was nothing and went to sleep!

I woke up feeling a little happier with my decision to skip the Snacks and am doing the same thing today... I did work out 4x's this week- trying to get out of the funk I've been in. Maybe it's working?

I'm going to try taking it one bite at a time, then move up to one meal at a time, and eventually one day at a time...

All I'm asking for is some support. I need somewhere to go to keep me accountable.

The strange thing is that I can see myself getting thinner & actually enjoying a good workout. It's just getting there that's the problem.

What I know for a fact now is that:

1. Sugar (Carbs) & Salt are the enemy- they make me sick & fat

2. I can never drink enough Water

3. I have to work out -- every single day!

I'm not saying that those 3 things are true for everyone- it's just what I've learned about myself...

The other thing I need to work on is my mental health. Getting more confident in ME and dealing with some issues that tend to keep me down...

This website seemed like a step in the right direction-- I hope I'm in the right place. If I'm not- some guidence on where to turn would be awesome!

BG's Pops · February 27, 2011

Wow....someone who is feeling the same as I am! I am not alone! I am not sure what to tell you to do as I am also looking for the answer. But everything I have read in the past...says we just have to get back on the horse and ride it out. Good luck!

Peaches78 · February 28, 2011

I haven't been banded yet but from what I've read on this site you are not alone!

People "fall off the wagon" but the band is still there for you, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on that wagon...... YOU CAN DO IT!

I plan to come to this site for a lot of support both pre and post surgery and from what I've read from all of the posts on this site...... there are many people to help support you! Even if its just reading what others have written, it can be very helfpul.

Another site I've found that will be helpful to track my progress is www.lapband.com. I've registered there as well! They say its good to create small short term goals so that you can have something attainable to keep you going and it will build self-confidence too (which I definetly need!).

Congratuations on your choice to start over... you are making the right choice and its great that you have a husband that is understanding and supportive

My best wishes to you for success!

Faith

SweetestHost · February 28, 2011

Wow....someone who is feeling the same as I am! I am not alone! I am not sure what to tell you to do as I am also looking for the answer. But everything I have read in the past...says we just have to get back on the horse and ride it out. Good luck!

You're right, we're not alone- but sometimes it's hard not to feel that way... I'm going to honestly try- go back to what I learned in the beginning... I bought some emergency pre-made sugar free Jello today. I always forget what a good choice it is when you're craving sweets. No eating after 7pm is another big deal- I use to be so strict about that & I think it really helped. There were nights i didn't eat dinner because of it!

If you ever need to talk- I'll be here for you

SweetestHost · February 28, 2011

I haven't been banded yet but from what I've read on this site you are not alone!

People "fall off the wagon" but the band is still there for you, just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and get back on that wagon...... YOU CAN DO IT!

I plan to come to this site for a lot of support both pre and post surgery and from what I've read from all of the posts on this site...... there are many people to help support you! Even if its just reading what others have written, it can be very helfpul.

Another site I've found that will be helpful to track my progress is www.lapband.com. I've registered there as well! They say its good to create small short term goals so that you can have something attainable to keep you going and it will build self-confidence too (which I definetly need!).

Congratuations on your choice to start over... you are making the right choice and its great that you have a husband that is understanding and supportive

My best wishes to you for success!

Faith

Thank you for the suggestion on the other website- I'll have to visit it too... I joined this site before my surgery & it was helpful. I had a great support group & am hoping to find that again.

If you have any questions about the procedure or anything Faith- please do not hesitate to contact me...

I appreciate your support today!