How to tell my family and friends

[foralifeonlyimaginable 0]

Hello everyone I am brand new to Lap Band Talk but have noticed that all of these forums are very helpfull. I have struggled with my weight since i can remember. I have decided to to the surgery and finally make a change for myself. The only dilemma I am having is trying to figure out how to tell my family and friends. I have told my fiance and he is very supportive but when I mentioned it before to my mother her reaction was not what I was hoping for. A friend of my mothers had the surgery done and apparently there were complications which left her very ill and bed ridden for life. I am trying to figure out how to go about telling her. I'm not asking for her approval but seeing as how her opinion meens a lot to me I would feel 100% better about it knowing that she's on board. I know a lot of people say do it for you don't do it for anyone else and trust me that is something that took me a long time to understand but I have finally for the first time in my life have decided to do something for me and not for anyone else. But I truly want her supprt any advice would be greatly appreciated. Also not sure how or if I should tell my friends I honestly have no idea how they would react. Thank you

[Dave_NW 92]

Congratulations on your decision to improve your life. You won't regret the positive changes it'll make. My only regret for this surgery was that I didn't do it years ago.

When you do tell others, be sure they understand that you're talking about lap band, and not gastric bypass surgery. I find it very hard to believe anyone would be "bedridden for life" with a lap band, since it's removable and reversible. You'll find a lot of folks confuse the two surgeries, and they are very different from each other.

Continue to do your research, and educate yourself on the process of banding. The more you know, the more you can speak with authority to others about why you've chosen this surgery for yourself. At the end of the day, it's about you, and not about them. Those who are supporttive will accept your decision, and be "on your side." There will be some who will object regardless of what you say. In those cases, it's best to take a "wait and see" approach. Most folks come around when they see how well you're doing after surgery.

Remember also, that you don't need to tell the world you're having surgery. it's a personal decision about a personal subject. Everyone else will just have to accept the truth after the fact.

Wishing you the very best with your surgery. Good luck!

Dave

[Kalipso2 25]

i was the only overweight person in my family so i knew i was going to have a lot of explaining to do.

1. do as much research as you can so you can answer every question that they can possibly ask.

2. don't make it sound like you are asking for their approval... you don't need it.

3. be confident in YOUR decision.

4. have your fiance there for support. having him by your side will strengthen your decision.

i found that my friends have been very supportive. hopefully yours will be too. from what i've read from others, skinny friends are accepting but overweight friends get angry, jealous, envious, etc.

just remember... this is your journey and you deserve to be healthy AND happy!!

[kshallow 9]

I told two people, mom and husband. It was my way to protect myself. I was putting enough pressure on myself to succeed, I definately didn't want the pressure of anyone scrutinizing either my success or failure. Thankfully it's been a success and if people ask me about how I lost all the weight, I will gladly tell them I had lapband surgery.

[MrsHumphreys 1]

How exciting that you've decided to make this change! It's the best decision I've ever made, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

I came to the decision to have the surgery entirely on my own, because for me it was as personal a matter as it gets. Only after I went in for consultation did I finally tell my husband. He definitely had mixed feelings about it, but in the end supported me completely. The rest of my family, however, was a different story. I decided that I wasn't going to tell ANYONE until I was completely ready. I told my Mom first, and she was 100% excited and supportive. Then because I told her, I had to tell Dad, and that meant I had to tell my brother, too (yeah, news travels fast in my family, lol). Neither my dad or my brother understood, and neither of them were hot on the idea that I was taking a risk having surgery for something they viewed as a "willpower issue." Those were the only people I felt obligated to tell, and that's simply because of the close-knit family we are. Above and beyond them, with the exception of a handful of close friends, I didn't tell anyone what I had chosen .

Since the surgery I disclose to people here and there as it comes up. Still, it's nice that it's MY choice. Granted, my food choices might raise questions every now and then (I decline to go to sushi, or after a recent fill I drink a Protein shake instead of having the burger everyone else is having), but I can make up any excuse I can think of if I don't feel like explaining. To date (and probly until I die) I have NOOOOO desire to share this with my mother-in-law (the most judgemental person on the planet).

So just take it person-by-person, and remember... you don't have to tell ANYONE if you don't want to! You can just chalk up your stupendous HOT weight loss to reduced serving sizes, eating healthier, and exercise (because isn't that truly what we do anyways?!).

Good luck to you in your journey, and welcome!!

[foralifeonlyimaginable 0]

Thank you all so much for your advice it is very much appreciated. I'm very excited because I go for my consultation March 3rd!!! Once I talk to my mother I will let you all know how it went. Thanks again all of your words have inspired me even more to continue on my journey and have given me the courage to either keep my life changing choice to myself or tell only those that I want to. I am so excited I can't wait!

[nu2ywg 4]

I hope you have a great consultation and get lots of your questions answered.

I personally told only my husband and my dad (who lives far away and is not married to my mom anymore). My kids think I had a stomach flu when I was recovering and I haven't told my mom (who also lives far away) because she weighs about 85lbs and has no clue what it is to be overweight but doesn't mind giving me advice every time I turn around. I'm just now approaching the point where people are starting to notice my weight loss and I haven't decided yet what I'll say if anyone actually asks how I'm losing the weight. At this point I'm not at restriction so it's all been willpower so far so it wouldn't be a lie to say "less food, more exercise", lol.

Anyway, I think you should only tell the people you feel would be supportive and as others have said, say it in a way that is sharing info and not asking for advice. People will worry about you as they would for anyone having surgery but you can just accept that as an indication that they care. Let us know how it goes