nay-sayers?

ann0325 · February 18, 2011

Hi my name is Courtney, I'm new to the site and still in the process of getting all my paperwork in order for the lap band. Fingers crossed I will be able to get my surgery in April. My question for those out there is what do you say to people who don't support your decision and think you should just diet and exercise? I mean I know duh....if I could have lost the weight that way I would have but here I am thinking of getting the lap band in order to lose all this weight.

My husband defintely doesn't support my decision, he thinks if I just diet and exercise the weight will come off. I am scared how the non-support will affect me after the surgery. I have told some of my co-workers and most are on board with my decision and support me but some insist I don't know what I'm doing and it's dangerous and shouldn't have to go through all that to lose weight. I don't really feel like anyone would understand my decision. Anybody's opinion would for sure help me out!!

MaryanneT · February 18, 2011

Courtney -

This is really a tough journey if your husband is not supporting you. Has he voiced WHY he opposes the surgery? Is it that he's worried about long tern side effects? Is it the cost? Does he think it won't work? The objection that you should "just diet and exercise" is ridiculous. I would tell him that you will be losing weight by diet and exercise! The lap band will just be a part of the solution - a tool to help reinforce your willpower. Most people I've met who are discouraging people to have this procedure think it is some sort of magic bullet that will force you to lose weight by forcibly starving you. I would strongly suggest sittiing down and discussing the procedure with him to try and get him on board. Good luck!

donnalemaster · February 18, 2011

Hi, Courtney!

First, I am with Maryanne regarding your husband. . .what is it EXACTLY that he is opposing? Is he maybe afraid you might not make it through the surgery and fears losing you? There is something else there- it isn't just the 'diet and exercise' thing.

Secondly, you have taken your first step for support by joining here. Next, your Dr. should have supplied you with some support group locations and times- you need to get in there and join right away.

Thirdly, your Dr. should have made you sit through LOTS of education (seminars, web education, reading materials, etc) to make sure you FULLY understand what the lap-band is, the surgery, how it works, etc., etc. THIS is the type of information to be shared with those who are not supporting your choice. It is usually ignorance of the device that causes people to oppose it. I had quite a few 'enlightened' friends after I educated them and now they are considering having it done.

Education is power. Once you FULLY understand everything there is to know, you can help stave off nay sayers by educating them. Of course, there will be those die hards and you just have to 'live and let live' with them, but educate yourself so that you can educate them instead of feeling like you're defending your decision.

We are all here to support you, so if you ever need us, just let us know!!!!

Good luck to you, Courtney!

ann0325 · February 20, 2011

Thank you! Your support is so appreciated! My mom is one who thinks it's not going to help anything. It's frustrating but ultimately I understand it is my decision and journey. Thanks again and good luck to all of you!

PackersFan · February 27, 2011

Hi Courtney,

When I first started researching weight loss surgical procedures, my husband wasn't really on board. He was just so worried that he would lose me. I told him "If I don''t do something drastic, you're going to lose me anyway." So he attended a seminar with me and gained a much better understanding and decided that he would support my decision. Now that I've lost 50 pounds, I'm off all of my medicines (I was taking 8 pills a day) and my husband sees every day how much better I feel. Even my cardiologist is sold!

dramamommy · February 27, 2011

I totally understand, I know the response I would get from people if I shared that I am planning on the lapband. I have decided not to tell anyone except my hubby until I feel it is right to talk about. This has not been an easy decision for me, and I feel that it is right for me from the bottom of my heart. I have decided that it is personal and scary enough without other people adding to the pressure. I also did not want everyone in my life, watching to see if I lost weight or how fast or cause doubts when I am learning to live with the band. I am not a person who keeps secrets usually and I am usually an open book, but this time I feel strongly that this decision is MINE and it is personal and I will share my journey with others when I feel the time is right.

I admire your strength to stand firm in your decision supported or not, and I am quickly finding the other great thing is this board. SUPPORT at your finger tips!!

donnalemaster · February 28, 2011

I totally understand, I know the response I would get from people if I shared that I am planning on the lapband. I have decided not to tell anyone except my hubby until I feel it is right to talk about. This has not been an easy decision for me, and I feel that it is right for me from the bottom of my heart. I have decided that it is personal and scary enough without other people adding to the pressure. I also did not want everyone in my life, watching to see if I lost weight or how fast or cause doubts when I am learning to live with the band. I am not a person who keeps secrets usually and I am usually an open book, but this time I feel strongly that this decision is MINE and it is personal and I will share my journey with others when I feel the time is right.

I admire your strength to stand firm in your decision supported or not, and I am quickly finding the other great thing is this board. SUPPORT at your finger tips!!

Dramamommy,

I also found that when I would try to talk to people about getting the band, they always wanted to try to talk me out of it. They just don't understand when you've done everything and can't keep it off. Like you, I finally chose to keep it to myself, only my immediate family knew.

I have found that when I talk about it now (No one can argue against me getting it because I already have it), people have lots of questions and genuinely want to discuss it instead of trying to change my mind based on their own lack of education.

Don't second guess yourself, you've been educated on it and if you still think it is right for you, then that is your decision. You can share with people AFTER you have had it 'installed' .

I wish you the very, very best!

mattie7632 · February 28, 2011

"Why can't you just diet and exercise!" I'm pretty sure ALL of us here have had at least one negative Nellie tell us something like that.

You should just tell them this: "OMG! WOW! I NEVER thought of that before? THANK YOU so much!!! All these years and all this research and nobody ever told me that diet and exercise would help me lose weight?? THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU I can't wait to start!" Say it so sweetly it will confuse them then walk away. LOL