Is it okay to vent here? Not to scare anyone....

[Sombra1718 55]

I think you are absolutely doing the right thing. I am getting this surgery because I know that if I don't my weight will eventually kill me. I think it is more dangerous to keep the weight than to get the surgery. And as for your sister telling you to think of your son...she should realize that is what you are doing...your quality of life and his will be better and again...it is more likely that you will die from something else weight related than the surgery itself.

[Jachut 487]

I copped this a lot, and the fact is, if you dont do something, you probably WILL die of an obesity related cause. It is a serious disease and this is a way to fix it. It is NO different to surgery for any other disease and arguably a lot more necessary than surgery to fix something like a hernia which is not currently causing problems. YOu fix the hernia because of the possibility of strangulation, well the possibilty of an obesity related health disaster is at least as likely if not more so.

[peacequeen 434]

I think what we're dealing with is because we are trying to not only improve our health but because we want to feel good about ourselves and look good too..people are going to compare WLS to cosmetic surgery. They think it's a selfish act on our part and that we don't need it and throw all these risks out to make us feel guilty. I really do believe that's the issue. Society looks at fat people as if we did it to ourself, that we are lazy. I think I would tell them, on top of the physical and mental health problems that being overweight has caused, the stress of not having family to give support is a big disappointment but..I'm going to do it anyway and they'd have to deal with it. This is a life or death decision and it's a shame they can't be there to help support you for wanting to live! I've only told a few people and I've told them my doctors have recommended it for me. I have a large list of health problems and I tell them I don't have a choice and so far, I've either gotten silence or support. Good luck sweetie, you have support here!

[June May 2]

I'm 52 years old and have lost the same 20 lbs every year for 34 years. You're doing the right thing. They will always find something to worry about. If not this surgery, then they'll possibly critique everything you eat and tell you to diet for your son's sake. I have 6 kids! Some biological, some adopted, and I have energy for them. I've lost 50 lbs. My blood pressure is good and I'm healthy. Tell your family it's important that they accept your desision and support you.

[jboo518 1]

Okay, 20 years I've been yo-yo-ing with my weight...probably like everyone here. Three or four times, I've started and stopped the surgery process...originally going to do bypass but just couldn't bring myself to do it. Ahhhh, then along came the lap band...perfect, no reducting of my insides and not permanent so I felt safer about it.

Started the process and my last weigh in is at the end of February....

here comes my vent....

I get this email from my sister in law today.....I know they love me and I know they don't want anything to happen to me...I appreciate that so much, but she starts telling me about this news story she saw where four women have died from lap band surgery. Yes, people die from surgery every day...people die from getting their gall bladders out, but I needed that done. People die from getting hernias repaired, but she had that done twice. People die from getting wisdom teeth removed! She pulled the "your son needs you" card but she doesn't understand that my son is part of my motiviation to Get this done! I want to be here for him, I want to be healthy and I want him to not be embarrassed to be with his mom. I don't want to be his Fat Mom.

I understand her concern and even my mother gets on me about getting surgery...okay, how is your weight loss plan working for you mom? I get to the gym 3-4 days a week, not long because I have to do it on my lunch hour, but I try. I've been really really watching what I eat and I've lost almost 20 pounds...in six friggin months...that is not good motiviation to keep feeling like you are starving all the time. What is motivating me is to lose enough before surgery that I'm safer!

Anyhow, I just had to vent as to why do people have to use "you might die" against you....and when they use your child/husband/wife/family "needs you" card it makes it so much more difficult. I almost feel guilty now even considering this surgery. Am I wrong for doing this? Am I being selfish by risking surgery? Then I bounce back with I'm risking cancer, diabetes and heart failure by being fat! I'm just really frustrated now. Of course I haven't taken this decision lightly....one day I didn't wake up and say "poof" I'm going to get a lap band surgery performed.....whoo hooo. I've thought and thought and thought. yes, I'm scared absolutely, but I feel this is the best decision for me....in the long run?

Thanks for listening....I think I'm going to go sulk now....

well I feel your frustration, and i too have my son as my motivation. I was actually concerned myself that I would die and leave him just because I want this done. But you have to remember that the life you are going to live with him after surgery will be far greater than the life without the surgery. And for the 4 ppl that died, i just researched deaths from lapband, and the only thing I could find was that same case. It was 4 ppl from the same doctor. So I think in that case its not the band that was unsafe, but the doctor performing it. I think we should have no worries about it!

[volleygirl1591 0]

Do what u think is right for u. I agree with everyone else on here and I pretty much told the ppl who tried talkin me out of doing the surgery is I don't care what they think because its not about them its about me and only me!!!!! Now a bunch of ppl on here say the only thing they regret is not doing the surgery earlier in life well I'm so glad I have done the surgery now at only being 21 yrs old!!!! So far I have no regrets!!!! I got to go shopping today and I'm only 2 wks post op and before surgery I wore a size 16 or 17 in pants and today I am wearing a size 13!!! Only 2 wks of dropping to a size 13 I'm so excited!!! Good luck and I know ur gonna be fine and one day soon your gonna look back and realize how much it was worth it to do it. Specially when your son graduates high school and u get to watch him walk across that stage and when he gets married and has babies of his own and ur there to experience it all!!!!

I loved reading this one in particular because I am just a little bit younger than you(19) and I feel like if i have it now it will turn my life into a longer lasting one.

[smilinggirl 1]

I totally understand your vent. Yes, you are intitled to vent!

I experienced this also with someone and I had to reply to stop with the negativity. I don't want to hear horror stories, I want someone to say "Good for you, you are finally doing something for yourself". For many years I catered to others, was concerned about what others thought. Even my career I have to put others first- that is the healthcare profession. I cannot afford to have another year of living worrying about others. I have taken the bull by the horns and have booked my surgery for next month and I am excited to start MY life!

Best of luck to you. Remember, it is fine to choose to do something for yourself! Your child WILL benefit from you being a healthier role model.

[Cocoabean 430]

I had a brilliant response all typed out the other day when the site crashed! Rats.

Anyway...see if I can re-create it. I think many people feel we don't deserve to be cured of our disease. People see it as elective surgery, and it is, in a way. I see any surgery as elective, some are just more urgent than others, but a person can say no to any treatment they don't want. People also see obesity as a disease we have caused and deserve. A treatment that involves making us look better, well--that ought not to be allowed!

But if you were to get knee replacement surgery from osteoarthritis, you'd have full support from everyone. I doubt you'd hear, "well, if you lost weight, you'd not need a new knee!" Knee replacement could be considered elective as well, last time I checked pain was not fatal.

As to the deaths that have made the news recently...yes, deaths do occur from surgery. It's a risk. As is getting in your car. Hopefully you have researched your surgeon. He or she comes highly recommended, and you've checked your state's medical board. If you do some searches on the doctors involved with the cases in the news, there are multiple complaints against them.