Is it okay to vent here? Not to scare anyone....

[slm2007 7]

Okay, 20 years I've been yo-yo-ing with my weight...probably like everyone here. Three or four times, I've started and stopped the surgery process...originally going to do bypass but just couldn't bring myself to do it. Ahhhh, then along came the lap band...perfect, no reducting of my insides and not permanent so I felt safer about it.

Started the process and my last weigh in is at the end of February....

here comes my vent....

I get this email from my sister in law today.....I know they love me and I know they don't want anything to happen to me...I appreciate that so much, but she starts telling me about this news story she saw where four women have died from lap band surgery. Yes, people die from surgery every day...people die from getting their gall bladders out, but I needed that done. People die from getting hernias repaired, but she had that done twice. People die from getting wisdom teeth removed! She pulled the "your son needs you" card but she doesn't understand that my son is part of my motiviation to Get this done! I want to be here for him, I want to be healthy and I want him to not be embarrassed to be with his mom. I don't want to be his Fat Mom.

I understand her concern and even my mother gets on me about getting surgery...okay, how is your weight loss plan working for you mom? I get to the gym 3-4 days a week, not long because I have to do it on my lunch hour, but I try. I've been really really watching what I eat and I've lost almost 20 pounds...in six friggin months...that is not good motiviation to keep feeling like you are starving all the time. What is motivating me is to lose enough before surgery that I'm safer!

Anyhow, I just had to vent as to why do people have to use "you might die" against you....and when they use your child/husband/wife/family "needs you" card it makes it so much more difficult. I almost feel guilty now even considering this surgery. Am I wrong for doing this? Am I being selfish by risking surgery? Then I bounce back with I'm risking cancer, diabetes and heart failure by being fat! I'm just really frustrated now. Of course I haven't taken this decision lightly....one day I didn't wake up and say "poof" I'm going to get a lap band surgery performed.....whoo hooo. I've thought and thought and thought. yes, I'm scared absolutely, but I feel this is the best decision for me....in the long run?

Thanks for listening....I think I'm going to go sulk now....

[TKW 501]

Well... I'm guessing they are just concerned but "really"? You have to do what is best for you, the lap band has changed my life only for the better. I started out at 432 pounds! I had high colesterol (no longer) My blood sugars were pre-diabetic (no more), My blood pressure was high (now normal) and I still have 150 pounds to loose!!! I feel GREAT, I sleep like a baby, used to wake up several times a night. I am exercising and let me tell you... I started out walking 2 miles an hour on a treadmill for 20 minutes. It has been 7 months and I am walking 3.2 miles an hour for 45 minutes.... UP HILL!!! The first time I got on the eliptical machine I went 6 minutes and almost died. I can do 30 now... no problem. I just can't believe how great I feel and I still weigh ver 300 pounds... imagine another 100. I don't feel deprived of food, sometimes I eat things I shouldn't but I don't beat myself up. I try really hard to follow the plan, sometimes I slip but the next day I get back on the band wagon. Best thing I ever did. I had never had surgery before and was terrified to say the least. It went off without a hitch. Could something happen, yes but It can happen with any surgery. The best pre-op advice I could give you is to get educated. Learn about the band and life afterwards, go to the group meetings and the classes your health care facility offers and do what is best for you... and your children. They do need you... for a long long time. Getting healthy is the best way to be around for them. Best of luck to you on your journey.

[dFaults 1]

Stand your ground, provide them with the research that you've done on the band, the process, your surgeon. People only see and report the negative. We need a happy news channel! Good luck, don't sulk...it makes you look weak and not educated about your choice. Stand tall, be proud of the decision that you have made not only for yourself but for your son!

[slm2007 7]

Thank You.

[honk 780]

You're right your family is not seeing weight loss surgery as a reasonable calculated risk. People have open heart surgery and joint replacements because they need them. We don't tell them to think themselves well. The comment that your "son needs you" really angers me. My father died when I was 11. He had a heart attack at 54; no warnings. Out of nowhere I had a stroke at 39, 39! Are you more liketly to have a heart attack or stroke being overweight than you are having this surgery? Probably.

Because I'd had a stroke I was very concerned the surgery would cause another bloot clot. This surgery was not as bad as the gall bladder surgery I had (regular open kind) 20 years ago. And I am 20 years older!

Do I wish I had this surgery years ago? Absolutely. Perhaps I would'nt have had a stroke. You need to do this for YOU. They dont' get a vote. Period. I would have the surgery and not tell them if they are being this uncooperative.

[Rainydayz 3]

OK, I saw that news story too and read a few different accounts of it. From what I can gather the women that died were all done by one of 2 clinics in California that are operated by brothers and at least one of them has had several legal actions against him already. I may not be accurate on all the facts but it really sounds to me like these clinics were more interested in the money rather than taking care of their patients. The last one died in 2010 and it was found she had lacerations on her liver from the surgery, yet the clinic sent her home with pain killers and didn't tell her about them. Now they're blaming her death on heart failure.

So..... you just have to do your homework. Like any surgical procedure. Assure your family that you have researched your surgeon and the facility. Tell them that they are welcome to research them too and if they find anything bad about them to let you know. Also tell them that many, many more people die every year from obesity-related causes than have died from having the lapband. I don't know what the statistics are but surely strokes and heart attacks kill a heck of a lot more people than surgery.

Honestly I think there may be jealousy involved. What business is it of your SIL's what you do with your body? When she says your family needs you just say that's exactly why you're doing this and you're a big girl and can make your own decisions. Hang in there!

[heather14 0]

the risks associated with being obese are much greater than those with lap-band surgery. also, very few people are aware of the motivation for their criticisms. even when people say they have your best interest in mind, if they are criticizing you, chances are it's an issue with them coming out, usually an underlying resentment. people who are truly on your side use compassion and relate their experience rather than their judgement.

[mark hill 3]

Both brothers have lost their license and clinic was closed they had not been properly trained to do lap band just wanted money . ONLY get surgery from a board accredited DR.

[mattie7632 24]

Tell them this:

"Well I could risk dying from a remote complication of the band, or risk dying of heart disease or some other obesity related condition, which do you think I should choose since you are the expert?"

Maybe they'll get the hint then!

[Kimma34 5]

All I want to say is thank you for posting this! My mom gives me the death card daily about my plans for LBS in March! I've been feeling guilty but am ready to move on and do this for me and my family!!

-Kim

[mattie7632 24]

Tell me about it. I heard all about how it "didn't work" and everybody had a horror story or two.....Funny, now that I have the band and have lost 20 pounds, the formerly negative-nellies seem to have changed their tunes!! LOL. My motto: Don't listen to anybody except those closest to you, and then listen, but still make your own decision

All I want to say is thank you for posting this! My mom gives me the death card daily about my plans for LBS in March! I've been feeling guilty but am ready to move on and do this for me and my family!!

-Kim

[slm2007 7]

Feel so much better after reading these...thank you (again)......I know this is the right decision for me and it will help me be here healthy and happy for my son.....not sick, tired, achy, uncomfortable, full of medication and FAT........I should tell her that women also can die from giving birth but she took that risk three times!

[Dave_NW 92]

Anyhow, I just had to vent as to why do people have to use "you might die" against you....

And if you need WLS surgery and don't have it, what will they say when you DO die suddenly, tragically, and prematurely? Will they wring their hands and say, "Gosh. We always told her she needed to lose weight. But she never listened..."

Seriously: If you feel it's the best option for you, have the surgery. For every one or two people who develop serious post-op problems, even those who die from those complications, there are TENS OF THOUSANDS of people who have no trouble at all. Choose your surgeon carefully (there is no substitute for experience) and follow your intuition. Chances are very, VERY good you'll be just fine.

And then, after you've lost the weight, you can rub your family's noses in the fact that they didn't want you to do this good thing for yourself. My biggest regret about my surgery was that I didn't do it years ago.

Good luck!

[TylerAshton567 0]

Do what u think is right for u. I agree with everyone else on here and I pretty much told the ppl who tried talkin me out of doing the surgery is I don't care what they think because its not about them its about me and only me!!!!! Now a bunch of ppl on here say the only thing they regret is not doing the surgery earlier in life well I'm so glad I have done the surgery now at only being 21 yrs old!!!! So far I have no regrets!!!! I got to go shopping today and I'm only 2 wks post op and before surgery I wore a size 16 or 17 in pants and today I am wearing a size 13!!! Only 2 wks of dropping to a size 13 I'm so excited!!! Good luck and I know ur gonna be fine and one day soon your gonna look back and realize how much it was worth it to do it. Specially when your son graduates high school and u get to watch him walk across that stage and when he gets married and has babies of his own and ur there to experience it all!!!!

[JennEdge 2]

I received a very similar response when I told my aunt that I was getting a lap-band. She wanted to know why I was jumping to something so drastic so fast. I have been overweight my entire life, so I hardly consider that jumping. She then asked if I had tried Weight Watchers because it really works! I spend my childhood watching her, and she's a big woman, got to Weight Watchers...and she's still going. Obviously not a good walking advertisement for the program.