female only Friendship Advice Please....

[MrsLadyHawk 5]

Okay Ladies, I need some input here. So I'll give you a run-down of the situation.

My friend is 17, and she's been dating this guy for maybe a year and a half now. He's 18, and a great guy. He treats her like a princess, even though she doesn't exactly return the favor towards him. They are getting married in June. Yeah. Married while they are still children.

They say they love each other, I totally get that and believe them. But we're still kids ourselves. And still developing mentally. She chose me as the Maid of Honor for the wedding (we've been best friends since we were 12), but I just can't bring myself to be happy for her when I know that they aren't ready for this kind of step. Neither of them have ever had a job, and he's going to be make a 3 hour commute every day for school. She's going to be living with him, his mom, and his grandma while attending beauty school.

They've only been engaged for less than a week, and she's already bought their glasses, wedding invitations, and picked out the wedding theme. All without consulting him on any of it. The fight that exploded over his apparent selfishness and her apparent lack of concern for his feelings was a prime example to me for why they simply aren't ready.

Please give me some advice. And if I'm in the wrong, then let me know, so that I won't keep trying to explain this to her. But I'm just at a loss of what to do...I understand it's her decision, and that there is a good chance that it will work out, but I just don't want to see her as a single mom in only a couple of years.

[Kalipso2 25]

i'm a lot older than you but i was in a similar situation where i did not like my best friend's boyfriend at ALL. we fought all the time because i didn't want to hear anything about him or their dates. it ruined our friendship.

they ended up getting engaged and getting married and having kids. i wasn't asked to be in the wedding but i would have said no. i was invited to the wedding but didn't attend or send a gift. i wasn't invited to anything baby related.

10 years later, they are still together and she and i reconnected on Facebook. we've gotten together a few times but its not the same... it will never be the same. i still don't like the guy and she's still married to him.

i guess what it comes down to is whether you can let your friendship go. if you tell her what you're feeling most likely she will stop talking to you. "Love is Blind" as they say.

the only advice i can give is to be there to support her if/when he breaks her heart!

[Tami_819 17]

A little story...16 yr old gal starts dating a 21 yr guy, he moves in with her family while she's a jr in high school much to the dismay of lots of people. Both work hard..her through school, him with his job, pay their own bills, etc. She plans on the air force after graduation, but instead her & the guy get engaged before her senior year & move out of her mom's home just after graduation, marry the following April....no air force but both with good jobs & a nice place. Is it hard for them? Sure, they are young. Five years later, she's enrolling in school to be a paralegal, he's got a great job. 2 more years and their first son comes along & it's touch & go for his first week in a NICU, 2 years later the next son comes. 4 more years, she's a gestational surrogate for a woman who can't carry her own child. 4 weeks before this child is born, they lose everything they own in a fire, but each other & their boys. They pick themselves up & keep going on. This April, 23 years after they started dating , they are married 21 years, going strong & love the life they have more than anything.

Was it wrong to get involved and married at such a young age for this woman? Her best friend since they were 5 asked her the same questions you are thinking and I told her that as long as she was always by my side, i could do anything, get through anything. She has been my rock in some of the toughest moments of my life because life hasn't gone the way i always expected it to go. Some dreams didn't happen, but that's where other doors opened and i wouldn't change one of them for anything because they got me where i am today.

There's a bond between best friends and you my dear are a great friend for wanting what's best for yours. And i'm sure it's scary because you don't want to be left behind either (not saying that's how you feel but just in case because it's a change for you too), talk to her, tell her you love her & want the best for her. Share your concern but tell her, if you truly mean it, that no matter what happens you will be there for her. Know though, that this has to be their decision, you can't do that for them. Only time will help them know if it's the right decision for them. Maybe things won't work out before the wedding & they'll see that OR maybe in 23 years, you are sitting there having a great time sharing all the memories of their love together.

Wishing you all the best.

[MrsLadyHawk 5]

Thank you both so much for your input!

Tami_819, thank you. You're right, I guess that I am a little bit worried about being left behind. She's going to be starting a whole new life, and I guess that I'm just worried that she won't need her single friends anymore. I suppose that I'm also just a little bit worried about HER breaking HIS heart. She's said multiple times that she just doesn't think that she will last long in marriage, because she gets bored easily with everything. Including guys.

But no matter what happens, I will definitely always be there for her. No. Matter. What.